Avast Behind! Full of salty seamen and buxom lasses, the Gin Palais is heading off in search of Pirate Booty! For those brave BESHly wenches in their 30’s, TTC since the Black Death.

[BarbiesBeaver]

Ahoy Gin Hags, behold the Hendrick?s Palais, the finest sea goin? vessel that ever left these God forsaken shores. Packed with comely wenches and salty seamen, I be lookin? for a BESHly crew to travel the seas in search of booty. Land lubbers lackin? a twisted disposition need not apply.

Let me shiver yer minges with tales of the fearsome Droid Monster, who raises his bloody head each month, and the dreaded 2WOOFL, where the vaguest signs can be espied from the top o? the Crow?s Nest.

Get ye to the Brig, yer scurvy dogs, where Roger the Cabin Boy will see to yer needs, or apply the Cat O? Nine tails to yer britches if ye should mutter the oaths of Babydust.

Drink up me hearties, yo ho(es).

Just told TNB (who is eating greasy fish and chips) about consumption of morning glory in honour of honeymoon - and the fucker doesn't remember it! Honestly, do I have to have ALL the sentimental in this family?

drom I read your post without reading back properly. And naturally assumed you were talking about a nice honeymoon-morning blowjob

'consumed his morning glory' FNAAR!!!!!!!!!

Rocket travelled down De Nile on a magnificent raft fashioned from piss-sticks till she could go no further. It was quite a sight to behold! Glad we were here to witness it

Re: weddings and cash - expecting or demanding money is bad, but I don't think anyone here would be like that. I always try to think of the most practical things and to me, it is surely better to give some money, even a little bit, towards something the couple really need, instead of buying them their 15th cafetiere or cut-glass decanter or whatever. I can see why some people would get the hump over feeling like they're being told what they can buy or give but surely it would be more offensive to waste your cash on summat unwanted when you can spend it on something truly wanted/needed? Everyone's going to give a gift at a wedding, so is ridiculous to be offended at discussing the matter. Surely it's ruder of you to let them waste their cash than to get proper value from it!

On this subject, would it be beyond the pale to nicely ask people at Xmas 'can we have John Lewis vouchers to buy stuff for the baby instead of being bombarded with teddies and baby toys'?

HB! 3 days late and only Ovaltine to show for it? I think you know what to do

She already did scorp....no nekkid dancing tho. Bollocks.

Pssst, Scorps. She already did one, BFN. Shhhh.

X-post. Sorry.

Scorps the asking for vouchers sounds entirely reasonable to me, especially if you explain it will help you buy car seat/buggy/cot/whatever. Far more useful than several dozen teddies.

And boo hiss to HB's BFN.

OK, so droid is due today based on usual LP (well, usual of last few months, it had been gradually increasing) so I've been on gusset watch all day, and no sign. I'd been doing pretty well at not WOOFLing and trying to follow HB's Zen example, but am now a bit .

I'm sure it's just my body messing with me, and droid will put in an appearance overnight, but I wish it would make its mind up.

John Lewis also do baby gift lists. I believe they call it a 'nursery list'. I am somewhat of the feeling that this is slightly taking the piss. I can't quite imagine how you'd tell people you had one. But, umm, it exists.

The thing that riles me about people who get outraged at gift lists and requests for money is that it is NOT COMPULSORY to buy from the list/give cash. If you want to go off list, go off list. I have done it when everything on the list is stupidly expensive or the couple have not been greedy enough and the only thing left on the list is teaspoons.

OcarinaWhereTheSunShines I am casually noting your casual NotWOOFLING and casually elbowing you in the kidneys and passing a casual piss stick. You know. Casual like.

Oh shit, I'm so sorry if I've tactless. I've only been getting about 4 hours sleep a night and it's giving me a memory like a sieve and a very short fuse (not that anyone would notice, ahem).

Why so sleepless Scorp? Is it the constant wee-ing? Gonna have to get used to that one am afraid - natures way of prepping you for the sleepless nights to come.

G'won, Ocarina. You know you want to.

I have insomnia anyway, but having to get up for a wee every hour and a half/2 hours just makes me completely awake again and then it takes me ages to drop off again... and then I need a wee! Arrrrgh! Am not going to moan on, as the pay-off is worth it.

Ohh just nipping in to knock occers to the ground bounce on her tum tum and hand her a fist full of wee sticks. No MN in work and away this weekend but hope to get back on at my folks house at some point.

C'mon the MAD!!!!!

Sympathise with the tiredness thing. Got crazy work stress at the mo, plus have been ill for over a week, plus mooch has a cough that kicks off at night....

None of this has affected my mood at all

I am a fucking Ray of fucking sunshine.

I also have a coldsore the size of china under my nose. Which is devastingly attractive...

Re paying for honeymoon/wedding lists etc...I can't understand what all those people are getting wound up about...but then I can't be arsed to actually read the fred. Like muse we have paid money into a website that split honeymoon up into bits...I thought it was quite sweet.

Aries how are you doing this morning?

How about you occy

Aaaaaaaaand while we're at it, where's lorry??

gin I had terrible coldsores when diffed. I felt tres sexy and glam.

Aries Asking for cash is the norm here, in fact the wedding I was at on sat required me to bung cash in an envelope. No idea what tthey'll buy as they have a house... Tbh I used to think it was money-grabbing - but I actually find it less offensive than a poncey list at some "aspirational" shop... and as I'm shit at presents it would save me giving you a fingered copy of Horse & Hound and a Mel & Kim LP.

Totally sympathise with the tiredness thing. Am SO sick of commuting for 2 hours every fucking day. And being filled with homicidal rage at other passengers' behaviour. Work has also been ridonkulously stressful since I go back from hols and shows no sign of chilling out. And poor TNB has been at work from 5.30 am to 10 pm most days this week.

Roll on Christmas, pliz, thankyou, yes, when I will be able to sleep and be fed by other humans.

Hello wooflers! More adventures in symptom-spotting today?

No need to POAFS. Droid. Told you wasn't diffed :( Quite why the bitch is a week later than last month and why I had cramps last weekend and no blood is anyone's guess.

And it's MrA's birthday. Happy happy joy joy.

The End

congrats to Rockets!!!!!!!! Now come on you, lot this is supposed to be MASS autumn diffment project!

Oh, so sorry RiesesPieces , have a consolatory chinese burn, and a weevilly hunk of sea biscuit to munch on with your rum below decks...as it's his birthday, we'll let Mr A accompany you down below.

Rilette Fucking bastard droidy bastard.

Drink? (Feck, girls, arse, that would be an ecumenical matter)

Oh rie I'm sorry. Pliz to excuse my ignorance, but its definitely your full droid, non? I was just hoping so, so hard for you. Wish MrA a happy birthday.

head sorry about your BFN too. I was quietly confident for you as well. In fact I dreamt that the 3 of us all announced diffments on same day. Why oh why does this have to be such a headfuck?

rocket I'm so, so delighted for you. Tis such a bitter sweet Palais.

Which leads me onto tales of mememe. Firstly, I'm fucking rubbish. I was trying so hard to be calm & not menkal on here as I think I've excelled myself this month. But here I go, singing like a canary....I'm going to POAS tomorrow morning.

The basic story - dramatics at CD25 when I thought droid had arrived. But it disappeared after 12 hours. Dramatics again Mon when I thought droid had arrived. I've just had brown smudges which I believe to be ovaltine all week. In my defence Ive NEVER done the spotting thing in all my years of droids, so at the hint of brown I just fully expect the Lady in Red to be 20 mins behind.

So, I've also been feeling very nauseous & buzzwams feel about 10 stone each. Again, this is never really a PMT sypmtom for me either. And teh rage. I shouted at my manager yesterday & had to stay away from my mum as I was uncharacteristically & unreasonably FURIOUS with her. Again, basic story - brother had work accident, ended up in burns unit, pretty serious but he's on a high as glad to be alive (electrical explosion). I asked mum to keep me informed, & by 6pm yesterday I still hadn't heard anything. I stomped to the house, thankfully she was out (picking brother up from hospital). Thank God, or I'd have flown at her. How bad is that? She has more things to worry about than ringing me. Anyhoo, brother home but still needs to go back & fore hospital & is facing skin grafts.

Shit, that was a little off track - apologies.

Right, back to original menkal. My last 2 cycles were 24 & 28 days; today is CD33. HOWEVER, 30+ day cycles are more my norm (thought looking at my diary this is the longest cycle this year).

The boyf wants to be there when I test, & I need time to just sit & stare into space when I've done it, whatever the result.

I'm scared. Actually very, very scared. Not sure if I'm more scared of a BFN or BFP.

But I've saved the worst news of all for ski. Sit down m'dear, I have a shocker. Ready? Rabaiotti's is closed. Being demolished. . We'll have to go to Cioni's on the clifftop instead