The Bus Stop - Waiting to TTC (part 3)

[bebejones]

New thread ladies! :)

Old one here

Will go get the list.....

AC lol at being guests n this morning...

my temp is still pretty low, but has gone up slightly from 35.99 yesturday to 38.18 this morning... looking at my chart (TCOYF makes a point at looking at the whole chart) i will take my temp rise to be above 36.4 this month, although last month (when on the pill) it was normally much higher, (36.6 - 36.8)

at the moment im only on day 12 so not expecting any fertile signs yet.

TCOYF really makes you think about trying to get pregnant when you can get pregnant, and it basically shows you how for most of the month, you can confidently have un protected sex without the risk of getting pregnant so long as you can interpret your body...
I am really interested in this part too.

AC fingers crossed you wont still be here in 2014!!!

(and OH enjoyed reading a bit of my new book last night but he just wont accept that (IMO ) we dont need to use contraception at the moment, in order to not have a baby, (although he does trust me to tell him the truth and be honest...) although perhaps as im on my "fertile peak" after coming off pill he is right?)

AC - at 5 years! Hoping it won't be that long for you.
I think I know what I'm missing and want another one really badly, but DH knowing what we are missing is making him not want another one! Seems silly that the 3-4 rough weeks we had is what's putting him off when it's such a short space of time in the grand scheme of things!

Nannyl - My DH would never 'trust' that something wouldn't happen as some sort of fluke. (He would trust me but seems to think the Universe is out to get him!! )

I dont have TCOYF, should I get it?!

I have only read up to page 64 so far, but in all honesty i would recommend ALL women (either TTC or desperate to NOT get pregnant) read it.
i wish i had read it before actually!

Morning AC well done for catching up on everybody's news! I find it so hard to kwwp track of everybody at the moment as it's pretty busy at work and so I can never sit here and read and make notes on people!! No chance of doing it at home as we're still painting the flat and so I don't seem to have a spare moment to myself!!! MN is also my secret as far as DH is concerned. Think the knowledge that I was on here, nevermind a regular poster to a waiting to TTC thread would push him over the edge!!!

My "meeting" (makes it sound so clinical but as that is how DH works when making major decisions I guess it's my only way...... do you think I should call his secretary to schedule it in his diary !?!?!) is going to be at some point in the next 10 days and I will try and update you all once I've had it. DH will be taking the laptop away to do some work on his CV and other bits and peices and so I will try and sneak on NM when he is on the golf course!!

ACI am pleased that your DH has said that he does want children but the 5 year timespan is a little unfair on you. Particularly if you are already concerned about your age and fertility. I may be a bit outspoken here but he sounds as though he is being a little bit selfish and thinking of what suits him best and not considering the impact on your body. God our men are irritating at times !!!!!

Sending everybody mid week snack pack filled with yummy treats!

x

The main thing was getting him to commit to an end date. I'm not too worried about it being five years. The important thing is that he has agreed to have a family at some definite point in the future and not just in principle. The next step is to bargain him down from five years, which I imagine he thinks will never come(!) to something a bit less ridiculous more immediate.

I think you do have to have meetings with some men if you want to get them to give their full attention to an issue and arrive at a conclusion. It must make them feel important or something!

Bebe are you sure that that's all that's putting him off? Or will he just not discuss his reasons?

adding myself to the list:

Quod is waiting because DP's work is coming to a head in the spring/through next summer and everything will be extremely uncertain for a bit

FluffySparkles is waiting for DP to become DH and to get a couple of months of married life under her belt

mrswantstobeamum is waiting until October to finish her MA, get past a couple of stressful deadlines at work, and have one last romantic pre-TTC holiday with DH

AmandaCooper is waiting for her DH to come round to the idea

squirrel is waiting till she gets back from holiday and finishes her anti-malarials

JustShagging is not sure why she is waiting but suspects it is something to do with DH wanting to be in control DH's Fear of Fatherhood!

nannyL is waiting because months ago she decided she waned an October baby, so baby wouldnt be youngest in school year and because she wanted 2 children 1 school year apart with a 15 - 18m age gap AND didnt want a Xmas or Augast baby either... Now i dont care and just want a baby... BUT OH has decided my reasons were good at the time and therefore we will wait as planned

Bebe is waiting because her DH is an arse she needs to stop her medication & wait for her DH to be in the 'right place'

strawberrypie is waiting because she is starting a new job and needs to wait until she is eligible for maternity pay and also until she is back from skiing in January

WhyWait is waiting until 20th October (due MMR booster effect)!

pjd is waiting because I was promoted recently and want to do a full academic year in new post (I'm a teacher), so want an August baby at the earliest

minipie is waiting because she's not quite ready to give up the carefree child existence (including a couple more exotic hols), and her DH says he definitely isn't ready... and is still negotiating the exact TTC date.

ok so having read (a bit of) the thread since I was last on...

Amanda this is a bit controversial and I am probably going to get flamed for this, but one way I managed to get DH down from a "5 years plus" timescale to a "next couple of years" timescale is by pointing out that it's not just the risks of infertility that rise as I get older, it's also the risk of having a child with disabilities. This I think scares him more than the idea of infertility. I know of course this is a risk whenever we TTC, but I gather it is statistically somewhat greater the older I get (I am not totally sure of this, but DH doesn't know that...). That had a noticeable effect on DH, he is very risk averse and so was suddenly keen to ensure we get on with it sooner rather than later to reduce risk where possible...

You asked me a few posts ago about getting DH to talk to friends who are parents/TTC and how I managed it. Well tbh he hasn't really. Like you we have relatively few friends with children (yet). However I have been quite brazen about asking friends when they are planning to TTC - it seems quite a few of them are in the next year or two - and then relaying that back to DH. He is, I suspect, rather influenced by the "is everyone else is doing it, will I be normal" factor. We have also just been on hols with a baby (and its parents), one of the few we know. Not really something you can engineer though...

Just Shagging good luck with your meeting! My DH knows I go on MN (which scared him a fair bit) but not that I'm on a waiting to TTC thread (I think.. he knows my username now so may be checking up on me... Mr Minipie, if you're reading this, bugger off! ) In some ways I actually get the impression he's quite relieved that I have gone a bit broody ... since there were many years where I simply couldn't get interested in having children at all and I don't think he'd have wanted to never have them.

Bebe just wondering, have you and DH agreed how many children you want and if so would number 2 be your last? sorry if you've mentioned this and I've missed it!

nannyl not surprised your DH won't believe it's safe! my DH asks me regularly if I'm taking the pill properly since he's convinced if I miss even one I will get pregnant! I don't think most men even know about ovulation until they start TTC...

Oh and AC what a thing for your father to say!? Was he joking??

Minipie, I don't think that point is flammable, I think that wanting to minimise the possibility of health problems for your offspring is sensible, if you're in a position to do so.

AC if your DH is saying he'd like children within 5 years, ie before he's 35, then essentially he wants the same thing you do. The problem is that that your age difference (you're 33 and he's 30, is that right?) means that it isn't possible to accommodate both your ideals, so a compromise is required somewhere. (You can call me Judge Judy.)

I don't think mine would have been ready at 30 - in the past 3 years lots of his friends have had kids and his outlook has shifted quite massively over that time. You never know, your DH might quite rapidly shift his thinking somewhere before his own deadline! Of course, it doesn't give you any peace of mind to have to rely on that happening. It's the feeling of not having any control that's frustrating, isn't it?

I second Minipie's relaying technique. We should write a handbook at the end of all this.

hey just wanted to pop in and say hello had a very manic week this week, i will read everything properly when i get a spare 20 mins but untill then hope everybody is doing well, and there talks with dp's have gone well....JS mumsnet is something my DP doesnt know about either think it wud panic him even more about me wanting DC#2 lol

have a lovely nite everyone chat soon x

AC - It is good that he has actually committed to saying he does want children. Minipie makes a good point about disabilities. I agree with Quod that isn't flammable. No one would wish health problems on a child IYSWIM? I know Downs risk increases the older you get. Horrid thing to consider though :( I was also that your father said that to you, ie his child!! :(
I don't think the hellish time we had when DD is the only thing putting DH off. Although her Grandad does describe her as 'a force of nature', she is very strong willed & a bit of a handful! Think his biggest issues are finacial (because he is self employed...which won't change) and also the risk of me relapsing & him having to look after me & a toddler & a newborn, albeit temporarily...potentially...again, this won't change except for DD not being a toddler in a couple of years. Although it would actually be harder if he had to be taking her to school etc & looking after me & a newborn!

Minipie - DH always said he wanted 5 kids (he comes froma big family) I always said 2 maybe 3 (leaning more towards 3). I have said recently though that if I feel that 2 is enough I would stop after the next one...maybe! :o

Waves to Jbells!

There was something else I wanted to say but can't remember what it was ...might be back later if I can remember! :o

Hi everyone :)

hello bebe! Is there anyone you could ask to help you and your OH out for a while if you do suffer a relapse after DC 2? If you could get them onside it might help DH to feel less worried?

Hi everyone :)

hello bebe! Is there anyone you could ask to help you and your OH out for a while if you do suffer a relapse after DC 2? If you could get them onside it might help DH to feel less worried?

PS nannyl I have taken your advice and ordered TCOYF!

Hello, also just checking in quickly as this week is insane with work and only one week left on the dreaded dissertation!

I also love TCOYF and wish I had read it sooner so I would have understood my cycle properly from a younger age. The FAM makes a lot of sense to me both for TTC and birth control purposes. But I am still having trouble identifying any day-to-day change in my cervix! Also finding it difficult to get consistent temperature readings since my sleep schedule is erratic. Will keep trying...

I haven't read Zita West or the Fertility Diet, and now I'm a bit afraid to! Will someone in the know please tell the rest of us why we're not meant to have juice? Is there anything left that we can drink? Also, what is the benefit of being in a darkened room during AF?!?

Also, sorry slowshow as somehow I missed you in my last post. Welcome to the thread!

nannyl, very jeals of you already having your DC's room decorated!

Jbells, good luck sorting out the mortgage. That can be such a pain.

AC, sorry to hear about the five-year plan. At least he has finally committed to having children at some stage, though! Good luck wearing him down

Waves to everyone else! xx

I remembered what it was! :o

My DH doesn't know about this particular thread. He is very aware (in a mocking way ) of my MN habit! :o

Nannyl - I am also v jealous of your nursery being decorated...I want to move DD asap so I can re do the nursery!

Strawberry - my ILs leave very close to us & have been so good when I have been ill, taking me to hospital, looking after DD etc. They do also have DD occasionally if I need some 'space' or if we have things to do. I feel really bad for asking though & also found it really hard when she was little to let anyone else look after her when I was ill. (Which I know is really silly) I know they would help out as much as they can but I don't want to take advantage IYKWIM? I don't qualify for 'outside' help as I'm not permanently in need of help. But I really want to stay positive & hope that it won't happen. I fully intend to take all the precautions I can to at least try and prevent a relapse (as much as I can anyway, it's a bit unpredictable).

bebe I bet your MIL would be really happy to have another grandchild..........if she knew that one of the reasons for OH dragging his feet was the possibility of not being able to cope in the unlikely event of a problem.......maybe she would be happy to help your cause by offering her services and giving OH a bit more encouragement! He might feel a bit ganged up on though!

My DP knows about MN and this thread, he is fine about it but only really interested in the funny stuff like gusset bleaching or the arguments that pop up on other threads! And he thinks my nickname is silly :)

Strawberry - It all gets a bit complicated as 'MIL' is actually DHs step-mum (his mum doesn't live close & TBH I wouldn't trust her on her own with DD ) MIL has 8 other grandchildren from her own daughters so I always feel a bit bad asking her to help, even though she is lovely & DD adores her & she loves DD to bits!

My DH doesn't know my MN name, although he could probably work it out, it's not very original :o The less he knows the better!

Hello!

We are currently in the middle of assembling the wardrobes... AGH...
OH runs his own company and has a GIANT warehouse, and another company rents a bit of space, and OH (and his staff) deal with all that companies stuff (and they do solid wood furniture)... anyway they had a couple of very slightly damaged wardrobes (which have sat there for more than 3 years).. and because OH has in time become good mates, with the person who rents this bit of their warehouse, she has let us just have them

I had never looked at them or seen them or anything, (apart from a black and white picture on the box), but when i looked online and could not find a single wardrobe i liked, that would suit us, i decided to give up and say these would "do"....

anyway they are fab... really lovely solid pine and they are the type of furntire i would have chosen, so we are really lucky to have these as a freebie

DP also knows about this thread... in fact most mornings he asks about you all, lol.

mrs the darkened room is sleep in a dark room for the whole of your cycle except during the middle (say day 13 - 15)(i think i have remembered that correct), so when its not blacked out your body thinks its the moon, so it knows its the middle of your cycle, so it helps the hormones, and stuff released when it dark (or not dark) to sense that now is the middle of your cycle (or something like that) to help regulate your periods back.

I can't wait to get my copy of TCOYF now! Thought I had very slight EWCF earlier on so fingers crossed my temp will go up tomorrow. It can hardly go down, I should see a doctor if I get any colder!

Bebe I agree about your MIL it might be worth talking to her, if that is a concern your DH has.

Nannyl xpost again! How funny about your OH asking about us all! Tell him we said hi!

Good news about the wardrobe - how lucky was that!

Hello all,

I thought I'd come and join you; I'm new to MN and DH and I are thinking about TTC. I came off the pill in June and have just had first 'proper' period. I think we'll probably start TTC properly next year but before I went on the pill (8 or 9 years ago) my cycles were really irregular and having read the excellent TCOYF I know I might struggle to conceive.

The reason we're waiting is because I've had ongoing issues with depression/anxiety and I'm currently having CBT. I'm feeling pretty positive about it as have managed to control it without antidepressents this time (last time I ended up on cipramil for 2yrs). DH has his own ongoing issues too stemming from post-traumatic stress. God, we sound hopeless when I write it all down!

Anyway, a bit long-winded I know, really I just want to add myself to the list and say hello!

Hello Attenborough and welcome to the thread!

Oooh I'm so happy to have so many people on the thread, it's really brilliant to have all of you to talk to. This year is going to fly by!

Temp up loads!

just a little post to start the day---

question of the day is do u think men cope better with unplanned pregnancys than the on going issue of trying to get pregnant?

just so u all dont think i am asking to accidentally get pregnant lol my best friend told me the other week that her DP said to her when she wants a baby just to come off the pill and not tell him because if she talks about planning it to him even tho he wants kids he will just freak out, mayb men r just more freaked out at change than woman?

so just a lil food for thought :)

Good morning all

Welcome ot the thread attenboroughfan

ohhh, hosw exciting Amanda ... mine is exactly the same as yesturday, so im sitting here thinking did i actually take it this morning? (you know while half asleep, but i do think I did)

Jbells i think some men might cope better with unplanned as they dont have the chance to think about and contemplate it.
My OH would be fine if we got pg by mistake (But NOT if i made a "mistake" on purpose, he would be FURIOUS if he ever found out i did that)

I have more furniture to assemble today, and re-sort all of our clothes (joy), also a trip to the market, and a trip to the supermarket, (Its a good half hour drive, AGHHH, how i miss Hampshire) and need to plan the weekends food as my friends arrive tomorrow afternoon, so a busy day for me.

Actually yes I think DH probably would cope better with an unplanned, it's the thought of change that makes him anxious. Not saying that he wouldn't hit the roof at first but I think that's probably normal.

But in the long run I think he'd blame me if it worked out badly. It does need to be something that we have both signed up to.

I know what you mean about half asleep - I'm sure I put the wrong numbers down half the time!