The Bus Stop - Waiting to TTC (part 3)

[bebejones]

New thread ladies! :)

Old one here

Will go get the list.....

hey guys

AC- i agree with your reasons not to go travelling, and i have now made the decision to still go travelling but when the kids r old enuf to look afta themselves, i shud be mid 40's by then so still young enuf to be very active and enjoy it

JS- i think your reasons r good ones and hopefully the list will work well with your DP :)

NANNYL- thanks im hoping the market here will be slow moving to and someone doesnt snatch up my dream home b4 we get our mortgage sorted :(

can someone explain to me how temp relates to your fertility etc, my chart says i shud be at my most fertile from the wkend to thurs i think took my temp this morning and its 36.6 is the whole taking temp thing reliable?

thanks squirral fingers crossed, im starting to lose hope now its bin over 2 weeks now with them being very unclear on wots going on

jbells i dont think you actual temp (ie 36.6 matters, its your temp in relation to your normal temp...

last month mine was normally about 36.6 - 36.7 with a few days higher and lower.

Am very excited as postman has just, this moment, delivered me Toni Weschler: Taking charge of your fertility, so i have some reading to do while sitting here waiting for the plumber!
(another ebay bargain for £3 delivered, it was described as used but it is immacualte, and i would say if they had described it as new i wouldnt have known any different )

so your suposed to take your temp every day of your cycle and when it is at its highest your suposed to be most fertile, hmmm not sure how reliable that would be, prob best just having lots of sex all the time hehehe, not that i ever have the energy to be bothered with that

yes, you are supposed to take temp at the same time each morning every day of your cycle, and when it goes up it means you are ovulating now (so you might have already missed a few key baby making days, but you do still have a day or so left to make a baby)

agree lots of sex all the time, means you dont have to worry about missing the days... although in these few months i am planning to hopefully use it, to know the days when i am not fertile anymore so cant get pregnant , and i really dont like condoms!!!

should have said "as I" (not "and I")

WOW lots to catch up on. I need to go and make some notes! Welcome newbies! Will be back later but for now have added myself to the list! :o

Quod is waiting because DP's work is coming to a head in the spring/through next summer and everything will be extremely uncertain for a bit

FluffySparkles is waiting for DP to become DH and to get a couple of months of married life under her belt

mrswantstobeamum is waiting until October to finish her MA, get past a couple of stressful deadlines at work, and have one last romantic pre-TTC holiday with DH

AmandaCooper is waiting for her DH to come round to the idea

squirrel is waiting till she gets back from holiday and finishes her anti-malarials

JustShagging is not sure why she is waiting but suspects it is something to do with DH wanting to be in control DH's Fear of Fatherhood!

nannyL is waiting because months ago she decided she waned an October baby, so baby wouldnt be youngest in school year and because she wanted 2 children 1 school year apart with a 15 - 18m age gap AND didnt want a Xmas or Augast baby either... Now i dont care and just want a baby... BUT OH has decided my reasons were good at the time and therefore we will wait as planned

Bebe is waiting because her DH is an arse she needs to stop her medication & wait for her DH to be in the 'right place'

haha bebe my reason is same as yours minus medication

Lol @ nanny's long reason!

Welcome fluffysparkles and slowshow! I will hopefully starting to TTC around the same time as you fluffy! Your honeymoon sounds fab :)

I also agree with your reasons JS, it is a pretty convincing argument! Stick to your guns!

bebe I think the points raised by others about your work situation are very valid- you are a part of the family, what is good for you is good for the family as a whole. You don't sound selfish to me- the opposite in fact!

AC if I were you I would feel a bit uneasy about spending lots on big trips and would possibly rather be saving for a deposit or maternity leave. I also agree with JS and squirrel about what if DH never wants DC?

Quod is waiting because DP's work is coming to a head in the spring/through next summer and everything will be extremely uncertain for a bit

FluffySparkles is waiting for DP to become DH and to get a couple of months of married life under her belt

mrswantstobeamum is waiting until October to finish her MA, get past a couple of stressful deadlines at work, and have one last romantic pre-TTC holiday with DH

AmandaCooper is waiting for her DH to come round to the idea

squirrel is waiting till she gets back from holiday and finishes her anti-malarials

JustShagging is not sure why she is waiting but suspects it is something to do with DH wanting to be in control DH's Fear of Fatherhood!

nannyL is waiting because months ago she decided she waned an October baby, so baby wouldnt be youngest in school year and because she wanted 2 children 1 school year apart with a 15 - 18m age gap AND didnt want a Xmas or Augast baby either... Now i dont care and just want a baby... BUT OH has decided my reasons were good at the time and therefore we will wait as planned

Bebe is waiting because her DH is an arse she needs to stop her medication & wait for her DH to be in the 'right place'

strawberrypie is waiting because she is starting a new job and needs to wait until she is eligible for maternity pay and also until she is back from skiing in January

Jbells once your temperature goes up it means you have ovulated, after you ovulate the egg lives unfertilised for about a day, which brings your window of opportunity for conception to an end for that cycle. Before you ovulate you should see cervical fluid with the consistency of egg white that you can stretch between your fingers. This is an indication that you are fertile. Sperm can hang around in that fluid for about four days, waiting for the egg.

I think I sounded a bit preachy then AC I didn't mean to :(

I know you would much rather be cracking on with TTC and the grand holiday plans are not really your idea anyway!

I am reading Fertility and Conception by Zita West and am really disappointed with it. She has some very strange ideas for example she seems to think that everybody is allergic to wheat and that dairy products can block absorption of calcium! Also that tampons stop the natural blood flow from the body and go against Chinese beliefs!

sorry x-posted whywait- you found some of Zita's advice strange too!

Just a quick catch up, so much has gone on here today it's all a blur & I can't quite remember who said what?!

JBells - hope the mortgage gets sorted out soon. What a complete nightmare. Mortgage companies are a law unto themselves, especially at the moment. It's so trick to actually get a mortgage these days that if you get accepted they think they have you over a barrel & can muck you about & make you jump through hoops!

AC - Whilst the holidays sound lovely I can well imagine that it is incredibly frustrating for you making all these 'future' plans that don't involve a baby! Think, like others have said, you need to make DH decide if he does want children or not. I really feel for you since my DH is doing the same sort of thing re #2. (ie saying he isn't sure if he will ever want more children) I know it is different as I already have DD, but I know I want, at the very least, one more baby. Not knowing if DH wants more children puts me in an awkward place as how long can I keep hanging on not knowing? Maybe your DH needs a few more visits from cute and adorable godson to push him in the right direction!

Whywait - Never heard that about OJ but had heard that grapefruit juice was a no no I drank loads of it when PG as it was one of only 2 things I could keep down for months!!
How exciting that you might be able to TTC sooner than you thought!

Strawberry - LMAO at tampons going against Chinese beliefs!! :o

Not much to report here. Counting down the days til my friend has her baby & I have an excuse to buy newborn baby stuff! :o Have been making enquiries about some part time work (retail) to help ease some financial presure off DH. Also been making lots of stuff to (hopefully) sell! Got a long list of things to do! That's about it, I have a very dull life!

hello whywait

no bedroom furniture yet... its all still in Oh's warehouse...
its 4cm too long to fit in my car so needs to come up in bro in laws extra big vehical...

i have friends visiting this weekend, so dont really want a load of boxed (or dismantled) wardrobes hanging around, so i think today we decided that its a job for bank holiday Monday.
So long as its done by next weekend (when my parents come to stay) i dont mind.

I have
the baby making bible
zita west guide to fertility and conception

the fertility diet

and just today i have got taking charge of your fertility

I have to say I like zita west and baby making bible...
NOT a fan of fertility diet... (it makes me question how i am still alive having eaten (the extreamly healthy) that i normally eat...
BUT it does have a few interesting bits in it for example by regulating your cycle, by careful use of a pitch balck room on certain days of your cycle, and not such a dark room on others. (basically the stuff that isnt about diet in this book i like)

I only got TCOYF this morning... and am only on chapter 2 but already i think this is by far the best book. I think this will be my bible, and will be "the one" i recommend the most,but as i say i have only flicked, and NOT read through yet.

The others all seem to go off on tangents about chinese medicine, being warm, cold and other stuff which i consider to be jus slightly bizarre, but obviously they are important to the authors, and the authors seem to have success, with their whole apporach.

I plan to use TCOYF to help me decide they days when we dont need any barrier contraception, as neither of us like it, and i really really dislike it!

V exciting that you might be able to TTC before mid October

whywait I found 'What to expect before you are expecting' by Heidi Murkoff to be pretty good. Some americanisms but very down to earth and has lots of charts at the back if you decided you wanted to do that :)

Still finding it hard to keep up with this thread, so think I need to go away and make some proper notes, but meanwhile like bebe, I'll just add myself to the list.

Quod is waiting because DP's work is coming to a head in the spring/through next summer and everything will be extremely uncertain for a bit

FluffySparkles is waiting for DP to become DH and to get a couple of months of married life under her belt

mrswantstobeamum is waiting until October to finish her MA, get past a couple of stressful deadlines at work, and have one last romantic pre-TTC holiday with DH

AmandaCooper is waiting for her DH to come round to the idea

squirrel is waiting till she gets back from holiday and finishes her anti-malarials

JustShagging is not sure why she is waiting but suspects it is something to do with DH wanting to be in control DH's Fear of Fatherhood!

nannyL is waiting because months ago she decided she waned an October baby, so baby wouldnt be youngest in school year and because she wanted 2 children 1 school year apart with a 15 - 18m age gap AND didnt want a Xmas or Augast baby either... Now i dont care and just want a baby... BUT OH has decided my reasons were good at the time and therefore we will wait as planned

Bebe is waiting because her DH is an arse she needs to stop her medication & wait for her DH to be in the 'right place'

strawberrypie is waiting because she is starting a new job and needs to wait until she is eligible for maternity pay and also until she is back from skiing in January

WhyWait is waiting until 20th October (due MMR booster effect)!

pjd is waiting because I was promoted recently and want to do a full academic year in new post (I'm a teacher), so want an August baby at the earliest

DH responded well to idea of bringing ttc forward by a couple of months. We had originally decided we'd like a 3 year age gap, but now we're thinking a smaller gap might be better.

Right I've finally got hold of the laptop, so I can reply to everyone properly. I must sound well self-obsessed just banging on about my own situation, it's impossible to remember who has said what when you're reading it your phone on your way to work, so sorry guys.

I am so grateful for all your thoughts and advice over this issue, it's given me a lot to think about and it's really helpful - particularly to keep me from going on at DH. It's also nice to know others are in the same boat.

Quodlibet you and your DH obviously got a lot out of spending time with your friends who have children and talking to them about it. I don't know quite how to engineer this with our friends who have children, or even how to broach the subject. There's not many of them, and it's nigh on impossible to arrange an evening with a bottle of wine, which would be more conducive to such a discussion. It sounds like this weekend conversation just arose by chance?

Minipie you did pretty much the same thing - do you think it helped your DH at all?

Oh flipping heck - you just get started and your nosy OH comes along and ruins it. Honestly I never get a moment to myself. I'll have to continue later.

AC Hmmm - my instant response to that would be that I've been to a lot of weddings recently and have had lots of conversations whilst roaring drunk slightly tipsy. I have however found that once I've got the subject out in the open (and on a couple of occasions it's been someone else who's initiated the discussion), people have been really up for talking about it. There's a kind of social pressure that we think that we ought to keep these couple-y negotiations under wraps, but I've found lots of my RL friends (and thereby lots of DP's, as we hang out with lots of couples) are actually in various versions of the same boat, or have been, and are actually really glad to chat about it and we find it a real relief!

Do you have any mutual friends who are conceivably (ha!) in the same position? How would your DH react if it were known socially that you are talking about when/whether to have children? Mine was much less phased by that than I thought he would be. (TBH it helps that his friends seem to be delighted by the idea that we might start breeding!!) I must say I think it has been really good for him to have conversations about it with his male friends. It has felt like a bit of a watershed to get it all out in the open somewhat, for both of us.

Oh dear I can't easily engineer a wedding! I guess what it comes down to is that DH and I just don't know that many people who have children. DH's friends are all the same age as him and their girlfriends and wives are all in their twenties. Of my close friends only two have had DC, but this is not the norm within my peer group - I am the only person at work not to have one, and lots of people I know from school and uni have DC - they just aren't really good enough friends to talk about this with.

Having said that I often wonder if everyone isn't waiting for everyone else. I have to admit it would be much better if everyone went for it at the same time, otherwise it could take a huge toll on our social lives.

Nannyl I have ordered TCOYF from Amazon. Soon we will be the Waiting to ttc Fertility Gurus and we will be invited to appear as guests on This Morning and stuff. Didn't get it for such a bargain as you though, I've weilded the thing in Waterstones and I assumed the postage costs would be immense.

My temps are still up and down - down quite significantly this morning - and I've had no fertile signs at all. Have you had any more joy with yours?

Bebe I don't know that it would be very different if it was all over DC2. You know what you're missing far better than I do. I don't think my DM ever properly got over being denied her much wanted third child by my DF, when she reached the menopause she found it very difficult and, for a while, put some pressure on mr and my sister to have DC, even though we were much younger then and not in the right relationships etc.

My DF tells me that if he had his time over again he would not have DC at all, so I suppose neither of them were entirely happy with the compromise they reached.

Just Shagging I'm intrigued to know how your - I think it's only right to call it a meeting(!) went with your DH! We want a full debriefing with details of which arguments worked and which didn't.

DH has now committed to having a baby "within 5 years" - which interestingly takes us beyond the maximum age he previously said was too old for me to ttc. So at least it's not completely off the table. Can you imagine: me still here on this forum waiting in 2014, when all your DC are starting school! Heavens!

Anyway I've applied for a new job and I'm going to look round for other opportunities. I can't put my life on hold for the next five years - and I could do with a payrise if we're ever going to have any chance of satisfying DH's wanderlust.