The Bus Stop - Waiting to TTC (part 3)

[bebejones]

New thread ladies! :)

Old one here

Will go get the list.....

hypnosis...... now there's an idea...

See I would say that having the skills and know-how to work with fabric is eminently useful!! Do you think you'd still enjoy designing/making things?

To echo what nannyl has said, when I looked online for a doula (doesn't want to have a baby remember!!) one who had a degree stood out even though it wasn't in a subject even vaguely related to childbirth, because I thought she'd be reliable, you know because a degree shows you are self motivated and can stick at something. I also thought she would have read a lot about the subject and would be well informed, because she obviously has research skills and is somewhat academic. So whatever you do a degree is good to have, even if it's just as an inspiration to your children.

Isn't it your profile that says you have craft stuff all over the house?!

Hypnosis might be the answer

I do still really enjoy doing design stuff. I have done some church textiles/embroidary for my mum recently, with more to do. Also have a half finished patchwork quilt for DD which I really need to get on with. Designed & made DD a dress a while ago. Also do the odd bit of Graphic design work for DHs company which I really enjoy. Just depends when I can fit it in around DD! Most of the time I have to satisfy my creative urges by doing finger painting with DD :o

xposts AC, yes I have craft stuff, everywhere have been 'sorting' it today & being ruthless! Need to clear the spare room so that DD can move in there! Although if we aren't having another baby I'm not quite sure why DH wanted me to do it?!

Hey is that our thread on the "most active" page?!

hey just trying to catch up with posts had a lovely day out and about with dd, went to a local farm, then for some lunch then to the park for a run around in the sun with my mum, then to buy a gold fish then home :) dd is still on the go tho think ive tired myself out more than her hehe

AC i wouldnt mind a friend asking
BEBE i feel the same way about my degree i did a degree in business and marketing at the university of liverpool feel it has been a complete waste :(

AC - prob was, but I missed it. It was on there for ages on Sat night when we were gossiping away :o

Jbells - that sounds like a busy day, but in a nice way! :) Isn't it funny how you always feel way more tired than them?! I'm exhausted most days trying to keep DD entertained!

i know bebe me to, thankfully only 45 mins till bath and bed, then a couple of hours peace on my own til dp gets home at 9

Oh no not a goldfish!

lol my mum decided to by a tank and fish for dd he looked lonely so i had to get it a friend

How many messages since Friday?!

bebe sorry to hear the Talk didn't go too well and that you are feeling down. I don't have any real advice other than to make sure you keep the lines of communication open and let your DH know how all this is making you feel. As for useless degrees, you can't beat English Literature. Plus everyone expects you to have read every book, play and poem ever written!

Amanda sorry that all this has been stressing you out. Have lots of your friends suddenly started to get pg by any chance? That happened when I was your age and it threw me into a real tailspin. In fact, it is all my friends getting pg with #2 that has done it again! It sounds like you need to give yourself a bit of a break from thinking about it all and then revisit it. I would certainly welcome any friends of mine that wanted to talk about it - but do bear in mind that all parents can be a bit prone to being competitive about how little sleep/sex/money they have now! When I found out I was pg with DS, although it was what I wanted, I swear I nearly had a breakdown at the enormity of it. I spent weeks thinking 'what have I done?' I still sometimes think that You still have time to think about it, you really do - you're nowhere near as ancient as me!

V. of holidays, especially in Marrakech. I was thinking about going there this year with DH and DS but we have decided to wait until DS is old enough to leave with the grandparents!

Had a lovely weekend at friend's wedding but utterly exhausting. Pleased to report that the Talk went pretty well though - DH said that he'd never known me so unhappy and I explained why. I then said 'I'm nearly 35' to which he said 'f**k, are you really?! Yes, we'd better get a shift on then!' We do really need to move house though so are going to start choosing an area with a view to moving at the start of next year. Although nothing's going to happen immediately, I feel better knowing it's part of our plans now!

Sorry that is long!

madam, thats really good news that talk went well with dh and that u can now start looking forward to getting plans in motion

Hello everybody........welcome jbels

I don't want you to be down bebe! The whole situation must be really tough, especially as you keep getting your hopes up then naughty OH changes his mind . IMO you are still very young and have loads of time to re-train or develop your career etc so try not to get too down about that. You will also bring lots of experience and ideas with you when the time comes. Stick to your guns though- he will surely come round to the idea come Dec.

amanda gosh you've had a lot on your mind....I think everybody (whether they admit it or not) has doubts about such hugh decisions as whether to have children- you'd be mad not to! It is really good news that you have started a dialogue with DH though! Things can only get better now everything is out in the open :)

JS and other cheese lovers- I have known the joy of a raclette also. I'm glad project Borrow a Baby went well and top marks for not bringing up TTC straight away, he might mention it himself then it will be his idea! Clever JS :)

Good stuff madame, glad that the wheels are in motion for you and OH.

'Are you really?' made me laugh- you must look young! :)

Busy day on here today!!
Just bookmarking and will catch up properly later. Looks like a lot of talking has been going on with OHs over the weekend, glad to hear some have been productive, sorry that wasn't the case for you bebe

notasize10 sounds like a fantastic holiday you have lined up Was also going to suggest two packs back-to-back now as a way of finishing the last pack a week before your holiday.

bebe sorry to hear your hb is faffing around and being unsure. It is such a big decision for both people, but particularly hard if you are planning your career and life around it. I do think that any degree is useful though, even if it's just for the sake of having done a degree! I'm a big believer in education for the sake of it

madamefromage sounds positive from your dh :)

I don't have many friends with kids, but I think those that do really like it. So that is also reassuring!

Finally, after the postie messing me around, I came home to find the Tracy Hogg and Gina Ford books that you recommended last week! I'm a bit scared of reading them (makes it all a bit more real!) but I'll make a start later.

ahhh peace :)

strawberrypie - yes, that made me laugh too! We've been together for 10 years and I certainly wasn't at school when we met!

bebe the career thing is difficult, I think, however you play it. I work p/t and on the outside probably look like I have it all - nice industry, accidentally ended up in senior management. But I desperately want to do something else - but again, can't retrain until all DCs done and grown. And even if I did love the career I'm currently in, trying to balance it with a young child is frickin' hard. So that was part of my rationale to DH too to get on with things. I think so much of this is hard for men to understand - my DH hasn't had to compromise his career for a single minute because of having children. But, you will find what you want to do - maybe you should start a messy play franchise!

squirrel I found the Baby Whisperer a life-saver when DS was tiny - and I breastfed successfully too, in case anyone tries to tell you the two aren't compatible!

Ha ha @ "are you really?", Madame - that sounds really positive! I can't imagine what it would be like to get DH on board like that.

I'm surprised by how many women seem to play out the whole thing all over again with their partners when it comes to DC2. I'm already anticipating that one!

Operation borrow a baby did seem to work well. We've got my friend and my godson coming round on Sunday for a visit. Might be a chance to talk to her about the experience, but she has already told me that she and her DH were always planning to have DC and it was just a case of getting financially ready to do it. It's so easy for some people compared to others!

Hello, 'tis me..Pipoca. I read from time to time and I wanted to answer what Amanda wrote about wanting a baby or not.

You sound very similar to me. I knew I didn't want to be childless. I knew I wanted children "some day", but I had no urge whatsoever to actually have one. You know how people say they're broody, they want a baby etc, well I never felt that, never experienced that feeling (not til I felt it about ttc #2). But I knew I didn't want to be childless.

My mum kept saying I couldn't leave it forever, what if I waitied for the urge and then it was too late? And it REALLY used to drive me mad, as I felt she was saying I should have a child when I didn't really want one, in case I missed my chance.

We got married when I was 32 and decided to just go for it. We knew we wanted children some day, so why not now? We thought it might take ages, so why not get cracking. Once we'd made the decision, well to be honest, once we'd decided to get married...I felt myself more and more intrigued by the whole idea, started lurking on MN etc etc.

Started ttc and got pg the second month and totally freaked out really. Felt overwhelmed by the enormity of it all. I was pleased and excited but totally shitting my pants about it. I couldn't imagine myself with a baby. I really could not. I felt quite detached in some ways...it just seemed soooo huge a thing.

I used to really worry about how I'd cope without sleep, cos I like my sleep . But it's all been great. DS is really the best thing I've ever done with my life and now I totally understand the "wanting a baby" thing...but it took having a child to feel it.

I think if you imagine your life ten years from now and you see yourself with a kid or two then you wait until the time is as right as it can be and just let nature take its course. Not everyone feels the urge to have kids, but it doesn't necessarily mean not having them is the answer either IYSWIM.

AC- my dd was a complete surprise me and my dp had both sed we wanted kids in the future but we had only bin togetha 6 months when we got pregnant so was a bit of a shock, i personally think its very hard to find a perfect time there can always b a reason not to, sometimes its easier when its a surprise bcos u dont have all the shud we shudnt we, u just have the aaaahhhh quick lets save lets do this lets do that haha, the first unplanned pregnancy def went down better with dp than the 2nd lets try to plan one

taking the plunge, i was also very much like you, had no maternal instincts didnt even like babies if there was someone out with a baby or the dog i would swoon over the dog every time lol, i could never c myself without children further down the line but just had no broodyiness or longing for kids at all, really wanted a career and to live the high life etc, (how things hav changed lol) when i got pregnant i completely freaked and thought i would be a terrible mum as i had no maternal instincts wud cry to my dp and tell him i had no idea how to deal with a baby and i needed atleast 8 hours sleep a nite haha not anymore 13 months of no sleep sorted that one out, however once dd was born, im not going to say its been easy but its all been completely worth the change and i took to it really easily and even surprised myself and a few others that told me they never saw me having kids, and now im more broody than ever and would really like no2 so AC u r def not the only one to feel this way, u r bo no means crazy :o

Hi Pipoca how lovely to hear from you. So how are you finding it second time around?

My mum is exactly the same about me leaving it, apparently she gave poor DH some real grief about it at my sister's birthday party recently. DH told me this in our conversation last night. I think there's a lot of pressure from other people, which doesn't help.

It's nice to hear that everything worked out for you after having the same worries. I have my fingers crossed for you for #2.