1001 Fallopian Nights: The BESH-Harem Opens for 30s TTCs & their silk pyjamas. Sherbert on tap. Baklava made by doe-eyed boys freely available. Kelims provided for SWI. Hookahs optional but welcome.

[Headbanger]

Scented silken tent opens its flaps* for business. Nubile veiled houris available for deep tissue sandalwood massage for that pre-droidal unease. Starlit pit tended by gleam-eyed sheiks proffering rum-soaked dates on golden platters. Goatskin rugs laid beneath hanging brass lamps for the un-PC BESH to frolic in furs. Intriguingly tarnished lantern housing benevolent Zita-Genie buried beneath piles of embroidered cushions. Don your curl-toed slippers & coin-fringed skirt, and I'll see you in the corner with a young Omar Sharif and ice cubes made from Tanqueray laced with desert honey and no you can't talk to him he's mine...

Oh scorps . Tis a bastard, fo sho.

Not that I'm superstitious or owt, but you beautiful ladeez take care out there today. We need all the fecking help / good luck we can muster!

Scorps, if I had the power I would bestow instadiff with OMGTWINZ!!! on you. But all I can offer is allergy friendly cake and a snuggle.

Sorry to hear that Scorpy my dear. I'm also approaching 12 or 13th month of TTC. Just been a horrible year or disappointments.

Best of BESHie luck to Muse, Gin, Medee and Drom for their scans. I know you'll all be fine.

Oh Luellella'sSquidMother come here for a javelin sized acupuncture needle in the foot. You poor lover. I never got the magic insta diff before FC appointments either, tis trooly rubbish. No reason you won't though with your swotty hormone results and gleaming innards. Now have a big kiss from Aunty Stinky.

SaladExplosion I would have said it was ok to drive afterwards but yesterday I was glad it was only a ten minute drive home. I definitely felt something going on last night and my foot was killing me after it, and my wombular area felt all heavy and pulsating. Tis weird but good I think. I had three needles above my pubic bone (snigger) and it felt all tight and heavy.

Drom best of British luck my friend, deep breaths. The Odds are With You.

I've nearly taken the skin off poor Bangers stroking her for luck. She seemed to enjoy it though.

Morning all. Ta for the advice SlinkyTeazleWheat it is a 20 + minute drive home from the city centre so perhaps i"ll get the boy to hang around after work. Glad it feels like something is working, fingers x'ed.

How are you today scorps? Feeling for you, would gladly get to the back of the queue and give you my spot if it worked that way.

Yes yes 'tis true: I do not strongly resemble a primitive pumice stone fertility goddess circa 3000 BC for nothing

Score, I'm so sorry . It's just pissing unfair all round. I insist that your weight is several stone away from affecting your fertility - we only need to glance outta the window to see right auld heifers bearing a whole passel of brats (to quote from the best book of all time: Katherine by Anya Seton...but I digress!).

But. Main thing being, it's just shit, and I'm sorry.

Meanwhile in the Headbanger Household, the Magical CBFM donated by my PESHfriend veered wildly from 'Don't give it a thought, sistah, yo' womb be dry as bones' to 'EEK! PEAK FERTILITY! SHAG SHAG SHAG!' overnight. I have thus managed a morning shag, and tonight plan to seduce the OM the only way I know how (funny telly, interesting beers, fajitas, chocolate). Cannot remember the last time I got a seeing to twice in one day. What? WHAT? We've been together fourteen years, all right!

Pliz to explain what you mean by "twice in one day". Surely that is not possible?

Yo teh Besh!

scorps fucking ovaltine bastard bastard. You must come to London and be fed by Edie. She is my fertility talisman to the point where I may have to invite her to the birth.

Scan - all good news. About to post deets in Deli for those who are interested. Then off to Italy this afternoon.

(HB Katherine IS the greatest and most historically accurate book of all time and I salute you for recognising this)

Quickie yey for Drom and a bum squeeze.

Cripes HB Anya Seton, haven't thought about her in years, just had to put both my hands up claw like next to my ears, which is how my sis and I used to refer to Green Darkness when we were kids.

Also will be very impressed if you manage it twice in one day. I don't think that has happened to me since 1st year i met the boy and thats so long ago I cant remember if it actually ever really happened or is just something I assume we did in our intoxicated youth.

Hey drom what fab news. Then off to Italy. Not a bad lot eh?

Awww, Salad, that's SO sweet. Of course, I wouldn't ask any BESH to give u... GET TO THE BACK OF THE QUEUE, GO ON, G... sorry, where was I? Only joking - thought vvv much h'appreesheeaytud. You is well lovely, innit

VAG, please to never stop stalking me, subtly or not; I loves it (and you) :) How's your mighty bump? Or are you still Cleopatra, Queen of De Nile?

Drom, good luck for the scan (unless it was first-thing, in which case, hope it went well). I'm still slightly hurt that you refused my offer to dress up as TNB and pretend to be your husband, but we had that little chat about boundaries and I'm starting to understand why it would probably be better if the real TNB accompanied you to these things Will there be a scan pic somewhere to feast our eyes on?

HB, am v glad you got some morning glory Hope the bulkloading of jizz is the magic ticket to diffsville for you. I think after your comments about multi-secks, most of us are swirling our minds back through the mists of time and remembering the heady days of shagging non-stop with our fellas, with a mixture of wistfulness and resignation on our faces... sigh.

And every time I look out of the window I really do see heifers (sadly nearly always under 25) bearing passels of brats. We really do need to move

Got some proper blood spotting now. Fucking fucky fucksticks. I've been all chilled and not menkulling nor nuffink, so all this 'relax and it'll happen stuff is bollix Further proof is this: I thought adopting babies was the way to make your system relax and give you an ironic insta-diff; perhaps Luella's arrival will give me more luck next cycle?

Curse me and my shitness at refreshing the page! Dromama, that is tiptop news! So glad that little Berwhale is stashed safely and healthily in your hump. Couldn't ask for better news to start your holiday off with Off to deli RIGHT now...

I mean it scorps the way I see it, you have always want a baybee (to the point of adopting some very challenging little ones) and are having trouble thru no fault of your own whereas i fannied about til it was nearly too late and now have the temerity to think I deserve one. So yes, just slip in here in front of me and no one will notice... but your lovely words have made me a bit emo so pls to apply some random violence (perhaps a quick chicken wing to the abdomen seeing as you are positioned so perfectly in front of me)

Drom! great news re scan!! have a lovely relaxed holiday basking in your wonderous fecundity. :)

Ha, i don't think i have EVER had more secs than I have this week to the point that i just bloody wish that follicle would erupt so i can give it a rest for a bit (even tho is has been lovely apart from one which was a it meh) That's pretty sad. :o

Oh Scorps that is shit, I'm so sorry. But you remember the month before I got diffed I thought I was going backwards too? I went from a 10DPO back to 8, and then the following month I won. Really hoping that is how it works.

Brilliant news for Drom! And Italy ....

Good work on the morning shag HB. I actually managed to share a bed with TG last night and I think he thought his luck was in. Is it really bad that after about 2 years of ttc, I never want to have sex again?

Scan pic hopefully on profile...

Oh LittleDrommerBoy, am positively glinty-eyed with glee. Congratumalations all over again, double the volume and at twice the speed!

(can't see your profile or pics though??)

XXXXXX

Yes. Kisses. WHAT OF IT?

Lovely news about scan CamelLites -will now go and stalk pictures. Have a splendacious time in Italy, you lucky beyatch thing.

Sex tice in one day - good gracious Pencil. Go easy or you'll make the rest of us feel inferior. The last time we* indulged in such horseplay, I ended up with galloping cystitis, the peak of which occurred on a gridlock on the M25. I had to clear out a punnet of plums and use it piss into and empty out of the window. I don't think anyone saw. Well I don't care if they did! Luckily it was the kind of plastic punnet which didn't have holes in.

Have read Katherine and I developed a crush on John of Gaunt - how weird is that? To fancy a fourteenth century knight . My dissertation "research" consisted of reading "historical" novels.

That's me and MrA* obv.

What's with the bold? Stooopid MN.

I have been in love with John of Gaunt for fifteen years and I will quite happily punch the lights out of any wench that dares interfere

May I just add that I haven't done it twice today YET - there are plans afoot, but plenty of time for it to go bent. Or soft as the case may be

Oh no Aries, that sounds hilariously awful. The only time I had cystitis I don't think it had a lot to do with multi-shagging. My Mum told me to pee in the bath. Works, as well - hurts less, and you can piss without going hot and cold and shivering and moaning. why are you looking at me like that? It's a perfectly sane thing to do!

Presumably the bath needs to have water in it? Or do you just crouch?

Cystitis used to be the bane of my life as a loved-up 20-something. Haven't had it for a while

I might have to reread Katherine and see what all the fuss is about. Mind you, have a pile from the library (inc one Georgette Hayer on recommendation from on here, was that you head?) which i think will take me months to wade thru and also need to read the last Millennium book when i get hold of it. Did anyone else think the end of the 2nd one was a bit ?

I've never had cystitis, thank god, not enuff secs obviously :o although once gave myself an 'irritated' bladder from over indulgence in, ahem, naughty substances (shh)