1001 Fallopian Nights: The BESH-Harem Opens for 30s TTCs & their silk pyjamas. Sherbert on tap. Baklava made by doe-eyed boys freely available. Kelims provided for SWI. Hookahs optional but welcome.

[Headbanger]

Scented silken tent opens its flaps* for business. Nubile veiled houris available for deep tissue sandalwood massage for that pre-droidal unease. Starlit pit tended by gleam-eyed sheiks proffering rum-soaked dates on golden platters. Goatskin rugs laid beneath hanging brass lamps for the un-PC BESH to frolic in furs. Intriguingly tarnished lantern housing benevolent Zita-Genie buried beneath piles of embroidered cushions. Don your curl-toed slippers & coin-fringed skirt, and I'll see you in the corner with a young Omar Sharif and ice cubes made from Tanqueray laced with desert honey and no you can't talk to him he's mine...

LorryLoo I get a bit irritable and fighty around ov time too. Can you read some saucey literature/ have a warm up on a rabbit before approaching the boyf? He'll be too weak to resist your rampant wiles after that. Will compile a costings spreadsheet for you before end of day.

SunLyraSun you really need a break, so get on that plane and have fun. It's time for someone else to help shoulder the burden for a bit. Best of luck for your gynae appointment. SaltySun have a lovely time too! I'll be watching you via a satellite positioned above your beach...

ScorpetteWithClottedCreamonTop good to have you back, and that you had a good time!

I was chatting to my mum last night trying to be vague about what fertility stuff we are doing and she suggested putting my bum in the air and legs up the wall after sex. Anyone got any brain bleach? I did point out we were a little bit beyond that sort of help...

Why does this happen stinky? As if its not difficult enough to get diffed we pick fights & start eyeing up the spare room around ov time! Gah!

Does your mum know all about TTC then stinky? I'm close to my mum but haven't managed to talk to her about it at all. I just seem to have got further & further into the fertility mallarkey & its now more difficult as I know she'll be hurt I didn't talk from the start. However, the family all say she's a kind white witch who knows everything & lately she's been talking a lot about "when I was pg with you.." So I'm sure she knows we're TTC. I swear I'd die a thousand deaths if mum started talking about legs in the air after sex

She only knows because I was so sick over Christmas when I was pregnant and obviously knew when I'd had the miscarriage. I thought I should let her know what's going on before we started anything with injectibles - in case they came to stay with us/we went to theirs and we had to keep all our meds in the fridge and they saw it. Also, there are risks involved in using injectibles (Ovarian Hyper Stimulation) so thought they should know what was going on in case I got ill or something.

I was really nervous about bringing it all up as my mum is notorious about not being able to keep her mouth shut about stuff, but I emphasised that a) She is not to tell anyone about it (and hopefully she will have learned from the pregnancy/misccariage not to talk about stuff and b) I will not be going into details about it.

I also said I would not welcome any questions about how it was going, or analysing whether I was drinking or not and so on. I was relieved to tell her, but she was asking some questions about it this weekend which made me feel a bit uncomfortable (like who the problems were with), and of course, the unsolicited sex advice, which I really do not want to hear. It's a really tough call Laurie. If she tells me to relax I may have to kill her. Do you talk to your friends about it in real life?

I have 1 RL friend who I talk to. She's worked in the medical profession, a mum of 3 & only last week was with her sister through C-section & cut the cord, so I count her as my fount of all knowledge! Again if I spoke to mum I'd have to lie re why RL matey knows. God, its just so damned complicated! I stoopidly thought I'd just get diffed & then we could tell the folks. It didn't happen that way, kind of fell into the fertility shiz & its never seemed the right time to talk to her about it.

Also as close as I am to my mum I follow my dad's side of the family for not being good at discussing personal stuff*, so I resort to an embarrassed 13 year old wailing "muuuuum!!" when she raises certain subjects.

*discussing - quite literally - the ins & outs on t'interweb do not count.

It's a big burden to carry around on your own Laurie. Most of my closest friends know what's going on with me, and I have to say it's saved my sanity on those really tough days, particularly when they've become pregnant and I've not been dealing with it very well.

You have to balance that with receiving unsolicited advice, but mostly it's been helpful knowing I have my own little team cheering for you and wanting it to work for you. If you're not comfortable having RL people knowing what's going on then internet support is obviously just as good (better in some ways due to the anonymity it offers). I'm waving some little pom poms for you anyway. Here have a Blue Cointreau cocktail. It stains your tongue and teeth a fetching shade of greeny blue.

I told my mum Lozza and Stinks but then asked her not to mention it again. I only told her so she wouldn't shove sister's baby down my throat all the time, which she hasn't, to be fair. But she thinks it's dead easy to get pregnant, as she did four times (in her twenties), and she has no empathy for anything outside her immediate experience! There are a couple of others who know, who are of the "oh it'll happen when you least expect it" vein. And there's one old school chum I met up with a few months ago who is 35 and trying unsuccessfully, like me, and starting to think about investigations. I think it is good if you do have a couple of people in RL who know otherwise you'll feel terribly alone. And you're not! At the moment I'm starting to think the whole shebang isn't for me (again). I have these moments very regularly, as you know.

Can they tell all that from your feet?

Aries even after trying for ages when I eventually got my positive I had a huge wave of Ohmigodwhathavewedone panic. I think that's a pretty natural and completely sensible reaction to have.

aries I'm having one of my "do I really want this?" moments too.

Thanks aries & stinky for the advice. I may chat to mum about it & warn her never to mention it again. Although that kind of defeats the object, doesn't it?

Yep, apparently they can tell all sorts by your feet. I've only had reflexology once before when I slipped a disc & I swear it started me on the road to recovery. This time she picked up my asthma, even an achy shoulder, which I felt was a result of sleeping awkwardly & hadn't mentioned to anyone! Of course I may have just been wheezing & walking strange!

Me too. Varies between "OMG it'll never happen." to "OMG what if it DOES." I am starting to lament all the lost opportunities and chances I did not take while I was foot lose and fancy free. That's not a healthy thing, is it?

Mmm, greeny-blue teeth, fetching

Aries and Wizzle yup, panicking/absolute denial/not being able to remember why you embarked upon this quest in the first place when you aren't even sure it's what you want is perfectly normal. As is suddenly remembering just how big baybees' heads really are and losing the urge to SWI ever again, which I get from time to time (seriously, that cannot fit through there. Surely).

Telling people in RL is difficult, I've found. I only told two friends and that was because I was supposed to be shooting a wedding the day I MC'd and they kindly stood in for me - I haven't told my parents as it would have been first grandchild and I know it will really upset them which in turn will make me feel even worse about it.

Wizzle , plz add to your costings spreadsheet: saucy underwear, wine, drycleaning of quilt after post-SWI-arse-in-air stunt and long term medical costs of trying not to pee for 4 hours in order to get correct result on stupid sticks.

Scorps have you tried an anti-histamine eye drop for your itchy eye? Optichrom is good, I've found. Is behind counter at chemists.

Here comes my droid! Droid! Droid! Droid!

Only one more droid to go before the big guns come out - bring it on you rusty fucker!

I tell both my parents everything (although tell my Mum more, natch). Unfortunately, my Mum is bad for coming out with the old 'relax and it'll happen' chestnut. I once lost my temper with her saying it and shouted that I hoped that when she was a counsellor (is retired), she didn't use that line on older women seeing her over their anxiety about TTC. The 'oh shit!' expression on her face revealed that she had She empathises and cares so much about my woes, but just can't comprehend not only the taking-ages-to-diff thing (she was a 20-summat insta-differ both times) but the feeling of time running out due to age. I also told both my parents about why they did during the cryo ('So what they did, Dad, was apply the freezing probe to my cervix and... ') and the lap - does this make us a bit weird?

I think I'm getting to a stage now where I'm starting to get resigned to it not happening. Being out and about this summer surrounding by kids on their hols, etc., I found myself actually thinking like someone who knows they can never have their own children I think it's just my mind trying to protect me - there's only so much disappointment and sadness the mind can take for so long. I started crying a bit when in a museum with TYF and his brother because a little girl slipped her hand into mine and started to say 'I love you, Mummy' before she realised she had mistaken me for her real mum (we had the same dress on!). I had to pretend to be deeply moved by the exhibit we were looking at it - except it was about cunting squids! Think BIL now thinks I'm a lunatic (even more than he did previously). He'll probably now buy me cephalopod-based novelty gifts for every Xmas!

Oh scorps that's so bittersweet about that little girl. Sorry, but did grin at the exhibit of squids.

You saying its your mind trying to protect you has just hit me right in the face like Mallets Mallet. I reckon that's EXACTLY what my mind is doing. That & the fact I've said for so long that I don't want children as my stock answer when people are rude enough to ask, I've almost 100% convinced myself.

The boyf & I were watching TV yesterday where story line included someone being upset their friend was pregnant when she wasn't. Woman was crying & moaning. The boyf laughed & asked if I was going to be like that soon. I reckon I deserve a bloody Oscar for my acting skills.

On the positive side, I gotta remind you all of our own BESHes menkuling like that just before they got diffed: the whole "Of course it will never happen to me..." malarchy. I can think of at least two recent examples of differs who were in grim acceptance of own infertility before diffage .

Ah but my droid checking in begs to differ Fairy. So who else is still WOOFLing and do you have any interesting symptoms we need to know about?

I've taken the week off for writingly purposes. I have thus far managed two sentences, a tray of flapjack, a lolly, and some Alan Partridge on YouTube.

Re. parental sharing: my Mum phoned soon after the GP sent us for tests because of the bleeding/spotting etc.. Her first question was, "But surely you wouldn't go for IVF?". Which was a) absurd given that I was just being MOT'd, and b) rather worrying for the future, should it come to that: my parents would be against IVF for religious reasons. My mother is a wise, sweet, gentle woman, and I rely on her for comfort and consolation, but the time might come (touch wood it won't of course: I'm an optimistic soul) when I have to be a touch selective on what I tell her...

Karate chops all round.

Well, I did not say it will happen NOW, I am just saying that feeling of doom is not a reliable indicator of the said doom, PongyWeasle. Not 2WOOLFing, not even SWIng this month, but please do share dets, including why you think droid approacheth.

My commiserations EdieBrickell. Didn't akshooly know IVF was against religious stuffs, but now that I think of it, it does make sense.

Well I'm SWI (not acksherly right now). I'm on CD15 (possibly 14, droid arrived middle of the day so not 100% certain what to call CD1). Assuming this is CD15 we SWI on CDs 9, 11 & 13 so far. I also had baybee promising reflexology on CD13. Should SWI tonight but a) I'm tired & b) I have a sore throat, c) I have a severe case of can't-be-arsed & d) the boyf is still a twat.

I must also add that I'm bound to get diffed during I'm-angry-and-not-talking-to-you-you-twat sex, & therefore will have no nice conception thoughts. Each time I think of time babylaurie was conceived I will also think the boyf is a twat .

Wah, I'm cluster posting. Don't think I've done this before........

Seeing as its quiet here in here think I'll indulge in a bit of cervix-rummaging. I'll just eat this Twirl first.

Laurie I think both of my pregnancies resulted from perfunctory sex that I had to bitch and guilt TG into, which ended with me using the rabbit to finish meself off. And of course followed by sticking my arse in the air. Obviously not stories to tell the children but perfectly suited to telling whole t'interweb...

You could always rummage with the twirl, just for a bit of variation?

Hahaha. Just had sweet, sweet revenge on the boyf. We're both pretty rubbish in the mornings, he's worse than me. So I kindly pack both of our lunches for work. Just got my salad out (I know, bit late) & I'd packed myself a spoon to eat it . However this means I've given the boyf a fork to eat his soup

And Ed when you say you have managed a tray of flapjack, did you mean you made a tray of flapjack or ate a tray of flapjack?

Fanks for sharing poll - will dust off me rabbit for later.

Now, to rummage with Twirl - surely that's a waste of good chocolate?

A gay mate once advised that if us girlies didn't like the taste of man-juice to put some chocolate buttons under the foreskin, they melt a bit et voila! chocolate flavoured man-juice. This was said pre Giant chocolate button days.

Seeing as we're sharing.............