1001 Fallopian Nights: The BESH-Harem Opens for 30s TTCs & their silk pyjamas. Sherbert on tap. Baklava made by doe-eyed boys freely available. Kelims provided for SWI. Hookahs optional but welcome.

[Headbanger]

Scented silken tent opens its flaps* for business. Nubile veiled houris available for deep tissue sandalwood massage for that pre-droidal unease. Starlit pit tended by gleam-eyed sheiks proffering rum-soaked dates on golden platters. Goatskin rugs laid beneath hanging brass lamps for the un-PC BESH to frolic in furs. Intriguingly tarnished lantern housing benevolent Zita-Genie buried beneath piles of embroidered cushions. Don your curl-toed slippers & coin-fringed skirt, and I'll see you in the corner with a young Omar Sharif and ice cubes made from Tanqueray laced with desert honey and no you can't talk to him he's mine...

Morning all, glad to hear you all had such a rock n roll Saturday night :o We watched Cemetery Junction and then I went to bed at about 10.30. Whooo. Livin the dream. (but 1st day of my new SWITIDO regime )

Hope the talk goes well Lyra too late now but I second everything Scorps said. Speaking as a 2nd daughter it upset me no end to find out my parents have discussed my dads illness sooner and far more often with my older sis even tho she also has a very poorly MIL, and 2 kids (ei; loads of responsibilities) and I have none. I think they still think I am 8 yrs old, not 38. And yes, thats what catteries are there for. I hope Lyrapops is feeling ok today, the whole situation with locations sounds very complicated :(

Sun's out, so I am off for a mammoth weeding session.

Afternoon everyone, sorry for absence, but blimey, what a lot of chat there's been. I would also second (third?) Scorps advice, as an only child, I don't have these problems, but am always amazed in families with siblings how often unbalanced the support or other is.

Lyra think you really do need and deserve the break, you've been there loads and really supportive for your parents - let your sister take some of the strain for 2 weeks; get some sun and some fun!

'lo all. Scropy glad you got home - did the jam on the M5 hold you up much? I did reply to your text but I must have been out of signal so stoopid phone did not send. Really pleased you found some allies against the MIL from hell, always so good to know you are not the only one who thinks she is skanky and rude.

LyraLovely I am aghast that there is no-one in Manc who is able to re-insert PapaLyra's drain. I really can't believe they have to come all the way down sarf to get that done, tis fucking outrageous. I reckon you should definitely go on holiday, you need it and deserve it. Good luck with The Chat (and the bloody cat). Scropy made a v good point about your sis feeling hard done by in future

Ay Haggitas, what's up? Do I haaaave to read all 12 pages since I last posted or will a tongue down the throat of each one of you be enough? So, anything much happened in the last few days? Any progress on the MSDP? I've got not much to report apart from I think I oved soon after x-ray so probably good no SWI this month. Bleurgh. My childhood friend has a very pretty daughter and I am thinking it will be horrible if mine isn't as pretty. Kick up the crotch to all.

Poopants, I got your texts late last night. It was probably best you didn't come to the motorway for a snog as we had a mental row at Bristol services over chips (don't ask).

Yep, is good to know that not only do peeps agree that MIL is a weirdy-skank but that FIL is eye-poppingly traditional (ie sexist) and overly brusque, etc. Again, they're nice but... odd. Just seen my own folks this lunchtime - they are so soppy and funny and anarchic and interested in people :)

I hope Lyra's Big Chat goes well And yep, it's an absolute fucking disgrace that he has to travel all over to get his drain sorted.

Afternoon all. Glad you've all had as exciting a weekend as I have. Painting kitchen windows has truely been the highlight (sulk)
Lyra so sorry the drain issue is ongoing. You def. deserve a holiday! (sod the cat emoticon)
Scorps glad you survived the outlaws. They sound interesting!
Salad sounds like you had a shitty day the other day but glad the BESH loving pulled you through.

I do love you guys (soppy sod alert), I honestly think that without the intimate detail sharing, fish slapping, general BESHness I might be insane by now. As it is I have retained a modicum of sanity. All power to the MSDP - we've still got some of the summer so come on!

Helloo all. Just spent 5 back breaking hours at the plot (its my own fault for ignoring the 'little and often' advice and going for the 'manic tidy up just before it turns into impenetrable jungle' tactic instead) I now am the proud owner of well over 10 kg of plums, just looking at them makes me want to cry. I would like to take the week off to pickle and preserve but instead am going to have to try and fit it all into the evenings. Am really kicking myself for not going yesterday as then I could have done it today I am sure I will feel better when I look at the bottles of ketchup and jars of jam cos I have nearly run out of last years.

orchs thanks, the BESHness does keep me sane but tbh I don't have any REAL problems, I just like a winge. I am just so happy to have found you (joins in with soppiness)

MTF wondered where you'd been. Is worth a read if you can be bothered, if only for Cervix Watch and Saltys new business idea. Maybe someone with a more succinct style than me could do cliff notes. What's happening with the mystery FC appoint? Or do you find out tomorrow?

Lyra i really really hope it has all worked out today so you can be SitLyraSit for 2 weeks.

Thanks slags hags. After all that, it went fine. Mum and dad agreed that if the shit hits the fan, sis (who is, of course, 'little' sis) will go down there and mum's friend will look after the bastard cat. They didn't even put up much of a fight.

I took a picnicky lunch with me, dad managed to eat a reasonable amount, we read the papers in the garden, and watched the footy later on. Twas nice. Am still not exactly looking forward to hol, but feel slightly better.

I will be working my arse off tomorrow, but will aim for at least one cheery post before my departure - possibly after post-hycosy gynae appointment on Tues .

I'm so glad it went well Lyra. Wretched to be expected to shoulder the whole burden. x

x

Just a quickie, as I'm trying to explain to Mr S that just putting a pile of clothes on the bed does NOT constitute packing...

glad it went well Lyralovely

Have a good week and a bit hags, pliz to not forget me

Lyra you deserve a break and your holiday plans sound fantastic! Glad all went well with parents and you had a nice day. Which day you said you were leaving? And, ehm, are you and Salts going on a secret carnal holiday? Going at the same time and all...

Bombastic dunno, I was greeted by a letter at home confirming the appointment I made and treating it like my first appointment at the FC . Don't really get it. I will ring them tomorrow. Thanks for asking though .

So, Scorio, how was the hygiene without all the spraying? Glad you found like-minded souls though. Does TYF enjoy being there?

Why, MountmeMountme d'you want to come too??

You're brilliant, you know that don't you? I can empathise on the cat thing because MrA is utterly fucking ridiculous about our cat also. Go on your hols, get lots of SFF done, reconnect, rejuvenate, relax, refresh and all those other re-words. You need to look after yourself as well as everyone else. xxx

Glad the chat went OK, Lyra, and hope your gynae appointment goes well.

salad - bugger the immediate plum action, that sounds stressful. Put the plums into kilner jars and add gin. Or freeze them, they still make decent jam when you unfreeze them. Or I can do swapsies for 12 yellow courgette/marrows?

Have a marvellous time salts

Glad all went well Lyra - hope you also have excellent and clearly well-deserved hols :)

Yay, LyraLyraPantsOnFyra Sounds like you handled it all really well and ended up having a nice time even. After all the horribleness of your poor Dad's illness and then the hycosy funtimes, you deserve a hol like no-one ever deserved a hol before

hahaha at scorpops idea of practical packing, that is BRILLIANT. your poor mum. :o (eh leave us 2nd sibs alone, we have our trials too)

ohh Lyra and salty sitting on a beach, kay aye ess ess aye en gee. Serious tho you both deserve a nice break so lap it up. Hope the gyni appoint goes ok L

spicepants dont worry, it's in hand. Freezer is too full but the boy is going to help out and then the rest will get jammed on Thursday when i skive work from home :D

Mountainclimb Hmm that does sound like I suspected and its gonna be some sort of computer fuck up. Keep us posted will ya.

FINE Salt&Air I will mount you! The insatiability...

But, but, I don't want to be the one who has to deal with packing, cleaning, whatnot, just because they do not know how to do it properly!

Saying that, I should not complain, the poor fella is really trying.

I hope so, Saladitis, better than wonky hormones, which is still a possibility...

MTF, I had zero health/allergies probs whilst down there, huzzah! Only prob has been that my right eye feels like I'e got some fluff stuck in it - except there's nothing there and it's been going on for over a week. WTF?>?! Is bloody agony.

PS I also think you're onto summat re: Lyra and Salty running off on hols together. That Greek island wouldn't be LESBOS, would it?

shush now mountie bit of PMA!!!!! still no point menkulling until there is something to menkul about. not that that ever stopped any of us. :D

right I'm off for a bath and to phone mum. not in that order me thinks.

Arse whips with a sandy towel for LyraIslandIcedTea and SeaBreeze and nipple tweaks to the rest of you.

Hello, hags. I haven't been around much but have been lurking.

Scropes maybe you scratched your retina a bit? Great news that your nearly mil was a bit less of a scutty beatch this time.

Lyra so sorry to hear your dad is so poorly. AND please don't think I have forgotten your piss sticks, I am just a complete shitbox at being organised. I do still have your address lurking at the bottom of my handbag and I will try to have them waiting for you when you get back from holiday (which you totally deserve).

No more work for me for over a year, yay

beshie! I was just thinking about you...glad all's good and yay to no more work.

scorps good to have you back...and still in one piece!

lyra bloody hell you and your family are really being put through it. Hope your dad feels loads better once the drain is finally sorted. Am really glad you talked to your folks about the holiday, it is definitely something you need and very much deserve. I hope things are sorted enough that you can leave without feeling too stressed. Agree with everyone that said looking after you is important too. X

salt not sure if you've gone yet but have a lovely lovely hol.

Hello everybody else!

Morning BESHettes.

scorps good to have you back in one pristine piece. Its nice to have a MIL bitch-mate, isn't it? My MIL is fine & for some reason loves me & SIL (she's a very girly lady & mother to 2 strapping lads). But she is uber selfish & mad as a box of frogs. But she's clean & tidy. Too tidy. She binned old photos of her children coz they were cluttering up her place. I screamed & took some off her.

lyra sorry you had to have The Talk, but glad it went well. I know you want to be with your dad & look after your parents but you have to look after yourself too. You'll be more help if you're slightly more relaxed. So pliz try to enjoy your hol. My mum felt similar when my Grandad was poorly, but my sister & I shoe-horned her & dad onto the plane & although she hated us* at the time she was glad for it afterwards.

*prolly not actual hate.

salty hope the San Tropez looks good. Have a fab hol. Muchos deserved.

Well, the boyf took me out for dinner Sat eve, along with friends of ours. But it doesn't count as a real social life, the guys were just sweetening us up as the football season started yesterday. Oh joy.

Reflexology went well. She made lots of notes about bumpy, tough bits on feet, as well as colour. Yikes! She said she could feel a slight hormone imbalance but could be coz of Clomid. Anyhoo, apparantly this session was really just to get to know my feet & future sessions would be where she gets to work on my ovaries. So I left there having signed up for a session of 6 paying £230 .

This lead me to thinking - you know there are stats that a child costs £x amount before they're 18? Are there stats about how much a child costs before they're conceived? I mean, reflexology, needles, piss sticks, chocolate to cheer up, excess toilet paper due to cigarette rummagings.

Dilemma of the day is how to get into SWI mode for this evening when I think the boyf is a massive twat after our annual row yesterday.

I would fishslap you all, but used all fish to slap the twat boyf yesterday. So come here & let me stick Bounties up your noses.