30s TTC: Summertime, and the diffin's easy. White goods are jumping and the WOOFLing is high. MSDP in full swing.

[MountTheFairy]

The one before the BESHory Towers. Easy one for summer: I have dug up a fishing pond in the middle of the Palace, put a roof light over it, got some fishin' sticks and put some Gershwin on. Salad's providing Elderflower Fizz, served by newbs in topless bikinis. Could life be better?

RieRie sorry about the droid my luvver. Have some leftover birthday cake and let me grope your arse stroke your hair, poor lovely.

Driod being an unholy ache in the front hole to be honest, MTF. Continuing its sinister bleeping. I hate this bit when I know damn well my body is doing what it ALWAYS does pre-droid (3 or 4 days of specks and Horlicks: NICE), and yet there's that hideous depressing flicker of hope. I wish the Rivers of Blood would get a fucking move on then I can make meself comfy in the pit and enjoy meself. SWINES

Congratumelations, Casserole! It's definitely doing the adoption thing. But yay! Hope the first 12 whizz past in a twinkle for ya.

Arsebiscuits 'Ead understand the frustration. Are you due on Saturday? 'Ere, have a grope and some mimosa Buck's JFizz.

Yar, Saturday going by average cycle length.

I am mindlessly eating Dairylea cheese slices.

CONGRATUMALATIONS, Stewpot!!! As everyone says, 'tis the adoption thing wot did it! Most women get through the adoption before they diff, but you had the power of the BESH yelling constantly at your womb to get its act together

The MSDP will leave no-one behind, inZitallah. And I am glad to her that RieRie's huz is going to diff her hard next time - remind me to book my tickets for the show before I go to the ILs

Talking of which, TYF wanting to only go Mon-Fro was trying to get out of nicely asking his Mum not to use all the harsh chemicals. He still hasn't contacted her. I ask her v nicely before every time we go but she ignores me, a pattern she adopts over everything but if TYF asks her about stuff, she listens Grrrrrrrrrrr.

Also, I'll be Oving whilst we are there and I already have a bladder infection (and can't take antibiotics) which is making me hate secks, so I don't want to also feel ill and be constantly sneezing/wheezing/coughing/choking/itching/wiping runny eyes whilst TTC cos of the toxic surroundings. I already know there ain't going to be a BFP at the end of this cycle! (Poll, ta muchly for your luff)

Bangers, massive arsebuckets to the droid You need to see someone about all the weird spotting. Needling has really helped mine. Not that that helps at the mo. C'mere

I also like the name Lyra. And the BESH Lyra

Score! Take this .

Poor you. I have a 48 hour time limit on the In-Laws. Nervous breakdown pretty much guaranteed if so much as 30 minutes over. My sympaffies poppet .

I might investimagate needling acksherly

Scorps TYF is lovely, but he needs to man up on this one! Can you write the email for him, so he just has to press send?

BangBangBang and Rillettes Am so sorry about droidage. Particularly spotting droidage of the annoying variety. Grrrrrrrrr.

Hello Drom, only just caught up with your fred on NICE. Gah, made me so fucking angry, what a bunch of fucking spoon-fed braindead eejits. I think I am feeling ever so slightly hormonal. I have The Rage.

Sorry about droid rusty rumblings my darling. Could you face The Needling? Fink it might help with the horlicks.

Scorps when you are at MILs will you be allowed out? Like perhaps to visit Taunton? or Brizzle?

Drom - that is exactly what I have done but he's bottled it over pressing send Last night I tried to press it over his shoulder and were were grappling over it! I've pointed out what he hadn't grasped - that he hates me moaning so much about it all, but doesn't understand that if he would stick up for me then I wouldn't feel so nervous and vulnerable about it all AND that when we're there, it's actually him I feel angriest at for letting me down by being so wimpy, but that as I'm the 'stranger' down there, it's him I cling to so displace my annoyance at him by moaning about his family. Ergo, he thinks I hate them (I don't). As I said, when I bring things up it's like I've never spoken but as soon as TYF does, she obeys. But he can't be assertive to anyone. If I was a cow I could treat him like shit and he'd never complain

And I would LOVE to ecape for a crafty BESHmeet but I can't drive and TYF won't be persuaded to drive anywhere more than an hour away when we're down there (it's up to 6 hours driving to get there, so I understand his not wanting to drive loads once there).

I realise I'm making him sound like an arse, when he's not. The email will get sent, but probably the night before we go, so it'll be too late for her to reclean whole house and I'll end up being ill AND looking like a moaning hypochondriac (which is how they already see me) as per usual. He always leaves everything too late

He is perfect apart from all this!

HB, many thanks for your emergency kit. Sadly, I can't eat honey (same effect as pure sugar on bloodstream). I'm going to have my hair cut in a bit, so will be orf this avo. Can't wait to be around skinny young trendsters

Scorps I know that TYF says that he likes you to come and see his family with him - but it all sounds so miserable, for him and you.

TNB struggles with my fambly; we're an argumentative, opinionated bunch and like to have loud, um, "debates" at the dinner table. TNB is quiet, even with his own family, and he really hates the noisy, communicative, constant chatter that goes on in my house. I know he's not enjoying himself, which makes me stressed and mis because I adore my parents and don't get to see them very much, and then I get arsey and unpleasant with EVERYBODY concerned. So we've decided that it's easier if I go home on my own most of the time, unless it's a really special occasion.

You've said this isn't really an option for you, but given that you're miserable in TNB's parents' house and that he's aware of the misery but won't do anything to fix it, I wonder why you're going.

TNB TYF obv. Brain fail.

I do sort of agree there Drom. I find being with the OM's parents exasperating to the points of being driven into a rage. Their house is overheated and uncomfortable (owing to MIL's disabilities, and yes I know this makes me sound evil), so tiny there is no escape from anyone, the television's always on but so minute you cannot even distract yourself with it, the food is frozen, nothing is ever said to anyone apart from MIL's fractious fretting over whether the frozen dinners have been taken out early enough to be eaten, exactly the same phrases and stories of ailments are delivered over and over again etc. etc.. They are very dear sweet people but 24 hours in their house is enough to turn me into a monster - so I don't go very often. Better that the OM sees his parents when he should do and everyone's happy than that I always go and (like last Christmas ) lose my temper and storm out of the house because I'm afraid I'll tear someone's head off if I don't.

Your ishoos with your ILs are even harder to deal with, so yes - why put yourself through it?

Latter question for Scorpy obvs.

Because he is so selfless, so giving, so loving and all he wants is for me to be a true part of his family. He's so shy that only really has me and them and he gets v anxious about the thought that we might not get on. In their family, if something or someone annoys you or makes you ill even, you ignore it because to say something would be the height of rudeness! And they never express themselves, never talk about stuff, never complain either, so I understand totally how he simply does not know how to bring topics up and I appreciate that he will look like a troublemaker or even a 'bad son' just for asking something small like 'can you not spray everything with Mr Sheen whilst Scorps is here?'!

Also, all my grandparents got on v well and I want that for us and our future kids. It would help if they would actually visit US or want to meet my parents!

Ta for help and advice. Off to hairdressers now. Toodlepip! xx

Droid just arrived. I've been averaging 25 days recently, yesterday was CD31, so as you can imagine, I've been stealth-woofling like a bastard. All to no avail though, just another month where my body has found a new way to fuck with me .

Before anyone asks - yes definitely droid, proper droid, after 3 days of horlicksification.

Oh Lyra . I'm so sorry, hen. And know precisely the feeling. Big Fat Squeeze from me. x

Aw, fuck, Lyra. I didn't want to ask, but I thought you were probably doing stealth-menkul. Crap, crap, crap.

Vodkatini? Straight up, with a twist?

Oh Lyra I'm so sorry. I hate those extra long cycles which appear occasionally just to add fuel to the mentalism. Have a huge Iorek Byrnison sized hug from me. It's not fair. Seems like it's getting a bit busy down in the pit at the moment.

MountainDew IUI appointment was a bit of a mixed bag really. They can't start until September because of staff shortages so I've got to piss away another fucking cycle before we can get started. Getting my bag full of needles was pretty daunting too, it's brought it home to me how real all this is, and how much internetion is actually involved. I'm sure once I get cracking it will be ok, but I just want to get on with it.

TortoiseShow TMI ALERT: re. your chap's chap, I think it can effect sperm count if he can't clean underneath properly as infections can cause problems, or if the jizz is actually physically restricted. As long as it is able to get jizz into you you should stand as much chance as anyone else I would think. Getting a sperm test is really easy though and most places will let you produce it at home and then take it to the clinic if you have any concerns.

Thanks both

Mountie drop me a line if you wanna: beshlet at hotmail dot co dot uk.

Not if you don't, clearly!

intervention obviously, I've already done quite a lot of Internet-tion.

Thanks stinkypoo

Stinky I can imagine the startlingness of a bagful of needles. I feel a bit swimmy thinking of it. That you are plainly a creature of exceptional good sense, sound wit and fortitude will of course help, but 'tis an undertaking and no mistake.

Of course it would be absolutely in the spirit of the BESH that you get diffed the last month before IUI...Happy to slaughter a pigeon and shove a silver spoon in its entrails at full moon or something. What? That's magic isn't it? Why are you looking at me like that?

smellywurzel Good luck with the needles. Is SCARY but exciting.

Have you thought about acupuncture or any other magicks? Obv is all madness, but I have a sneaking suspicion it helped me...