30s TTC: Summertime, and the diffin's easy. White goods are jumping and the WOOFLing is high. MSDP in full swing.

[MountTheFairy]

The one before the BESHory Towers. Easy one for summer: I have dug up a fishing pond in the middle of the Palace, put a roof light over it, got some fishin' sticks and put some Gershwin on. Salad's providing Elderflower Fizz, served by newbs in topless bikinis. Could life be better?

Baybees are not tenacious. Future baybees plz to be supplied with crampons and secure body harness rope style attachment to placenta/slippery womb.

Am going to do weeding in jungle garden today as penance for self indulgence yesterday.

Am laughing at crampons, but too. No need for penance: nothing you've done or said has been self-indulgent, not one bit. You should be eating Green & Black's and being nice to yourself

Am I in danger of being spanked at all HeadMistress

In very real danger, missy. Don't make me get the cane. Now buck up and get this down you

Thank you laydeez for encoragement re. tube watercolours. You are, of course, all in the right. But, if I go for it I demand, DEMAND chocolate chestnut cake and lashings of elderflower fizz. And the noobs can take the top part off their gym gear.

LeadGirl sorry about droid. Though that does not mean we forgive you the bracket, so bend over. Aries can have the honours, I quite enjoyed my spank. I should definitely stop now.

StinkyPoo go for it: recount. May help me to relax knowing the shite you had to go through before me. Will make me feel like a troo BESH .

Mountingblock I think you are being muchos brave/ I don't know how to make chestnut cake, but I do a mean chestnut spread for morning toast if that is any good.

Is it too early for a Pimms?

It's never too early for Pimms.

Hooray for baby Igglet, many congratulations to the Iggy family.

Ooooh, please SaltyCracker. Well, I am not sure I am being particularly brave, what with all the BESHes that have already been froo it.

I have not been introduced to lovely Ms Piggy but a BESH baby is a pefect excuse reason for morning Pimms.

YAY! Welcome to the world lil' Igglina! BESHbabies are the best Hope Iggy is doing well

Salty, please be gentle with yourself. I can't imagine what hell you're going through, but don't beat yourself up for whatever you feel and whatever you need at the mo. Please to do the patented BESH Velcro Womb visualisation exercises to help mind relax a bit

About HSG: I had mine done at same time as me laparoscopy ('lap & dye'). I wouldn't recommend a general anaesthetic - I didn't feel human for at least 3 weeks after and was as weak as a kitten too. I also put on weight cos all I could do was lie around. Don't regret the lap, but a GA is not a minor thing.

Sorry was not around yesterday. Feeling v miz and weird about 1 yr of babyfail. Fighting off the 'it'll never happen for me' demons is taking up most of my time.

PS I liked The Time-Traveller's Wife and The Lovely Bones but wasn't so keen on Her Fearful Symmetry. Was well-written but didn't think the story quite worked. The film of The Lovely Bones is pure pants.

OOOOOH! Just got email - that alt-paper wants me to knock my daft blog entry into a proper long article and want to make it the 'stand-out' entry in the next edition Bad thing is, it's a free paper and I don't get paid. Good thing is, it's really prestigious and well-known where I live and writers for it have been picked up by national mags and papers. You gorra start somewhere!

EEEEK!

EEEEEEEEEP! Score, that iz properly properly properly good news. Congrats, gal! When does it have to be done by, and when will it go to print, and can we all put in orders for a copy?

Scorps is gunna be famous Scorps is gunna be famous.....

Clever lady.

hands round jugs of Pimms with extra sparklers in Scorps's one.

Yay, Scorps that's fab! Go get writing girl, and remember us when you're famous and important and all that.

Thank you, thank you. I promise not to let fame change me (that much)

Editor says he's going to let me know within a fortnight of the shape he wants it to take and I think I have most of Aug to do it by. Will be a Sept issue. I'll send you a copy if you want. PS You can read the v long blog in my B notes - you might have to trawl through for a bit, but you'll guess which one it is cos it has my work's name in the title! I think I might not be allowed to have the word 'cunt' in the article quite as often as I do in the blog, ahem.

Brilliant Scorpie! I know HO would want me to say this: TOLD YOU SO

SheShootsSheScooooores woohoo! I'm a big believer in fate, so your old job ending was obviously the gateway to a whole new exciting career.

ClimbAboardFairyCakes the HSG: Take two Extra strong pain killers hour/half hour before going.

1. Go to X Ray dpt.
2. Get into comedy open arse gown sans pants. Comes in two sizes, child or Cirque de Soleil Big Top. Socks may be left on to improve effect.
3. Go into X Ray room. There were about 5 people in there? Climb up steps onto reclined padded table thingy.
4. Scooch bum to edge of table with knees bent and feet on little rests. No stirrups at mine. Assume the smear position.
5. Technician puts in speculum and then small catheter thingy. Couldn't feel much even though it took 5 goes.
6. Nice old nursey talks to you about random shit. Focus on her and try your best to relax.
7. Pinchy feeling putting in dye. They pull over X Ray machine which is a small flat thing over your belly. Inject in dye - felt a bit crampy and like pressure on uterus. I could see my bits on the tv screen.
8. Worst bit over in 5 seconds.
9. Remove contraptions and allowed to go home if you feel ok.

I took a pant liner with me which was good for the dye coming out and I bled a bit due to the poking about. They told me there and then everything looked fine, although this was confirmed at later follow up at clinic.

Honestly not that bad for me. I'm sure you will be ok.

Yeeeeeeeey! Go Score! Woop woop! Well done, gal!

Who wants to deny that the BESHes are the most talented, intellegent, succesfull and bonkers people out there? Huh, huh?

IWishIHadYourTalentForNickNames:

1. They gave me some pain killers to stick up me arse couple of hours before the procedure.
2. Will make sure to wear extra mangy socks.
3. Good morning kind sirs. How do you do.
4. Would you like to have a look at my Joe Mangel?
5. Please be gentle, young sir.
6. Hoping the nursey will have nice big buzwams, matron style.
7. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHH I AM GOING TO KILL THE SMELLY ONE!
8. Oh, is that it?
9. Get up. Faint. Matron nurse giving me mouth to mouth. Slaps her with a used panty liner.

Oh mountinggoat is all this just a big cover for snogging a matronly nursey type? Hmm?

I am pathetic - I just ran in from the garden because I saw a huge maneating spider. I wish I could get over that you know, is most annoying.

I try really hard not to be scared of spiders but I am, god bless their evil pulsating satanic black hearted wiry haired pincers.

I think getting Matron to provide her big plush cushiony buzzwams into your face might be the ideal distraction. Go gettum Tiger.

PS. I never had no pain relieving arse biscuits. WHERE'S MY SPECIAL HALLUCINOGENIC EUPHORIA ARSE BISCUITS!

PPS. obviously you are getting the De Luxe HSG, FairyMuff. I expect you will get a Chanel Silk Robe to put on, leather chaise longue to lie on and platinum speculum to go with your special arse biscuits.

If there are no spiders around, I am not scared of them at all. I am theoretically totally cool with spiders.

One scuttles towards me and I turn into screamy girly. I truly do hate it, is probably one of the things i would most like to change about myself.

That, and I'd like to be able to sing. Oh, and to not have slippery womb syndrome.

What COLOUR is the dye??

Quite why this interests me so I don't not know, but I cannot go on a second longer without knowing, pliz.

Afternoon all. I am so TIRED after a weekend of hauling people around at uni and a morning of massages this morning; got just one this afternoon though, so am sat with a cup of tea, my textbooks and, well, you folk.

Oh, and for those who asked.... the grand opening eventually occurred yesterday evening. And agsin this morning

ps stinkyfingers when I had all 4 wisdom teeth out under GA they sent me home with parcetamol - found out later talking to someone at the check up clinic that it should have been fucking codydramol. And it really really should have been, too, I was in so much pain. BASTARDS!

casserinaballerina !! Grand Opening. Genius. Yesterday AND today?

I'm impressed.