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Christmas

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Original poster

Wail ,don't flame me I already know [sob] [sob] [sob]

146 replies

Iamastupidperson · 09/12/2008 14:08

I have namechanged because I feel so stupid please bear with me while I try and explain.

My sister and DD [7] are very very close ,in the summer when xmas seemed ages away and nothing to worry about ,my sister was going on about how she and her DH found xmas so boring (they are having lots of problems TTC so probably feeling this time of year more) and how it wasn't the same without a lo there to open gifts . So my DD piped up that she would stay there xmas eve I was a bit but after a couple of glasses of wine and them all taking about how exciting it would be I sort of sgreed then forgot about it .
Last night dsis rang me to arrange when she would be picking dd up xmas eve [gulp] .
The arrangement is she spends xmas eve at sisters and meets us at my Mums at about 10am xmas day .

DD is so excited ,sister is so excited I am not I feel sick ,and after just reading some of the other thread on here I feel even worse.

How can I put my other DC to bed xmas eve and her not be there, and Dp has the massive hump with me because he wasn't there when I said yes .

I need to get out of it what do I do , dsis is also very forceful and I am not I am a pushover who runs round trying to please everyone .

OP posts:
thatsnotmymonster · 09/12/2008 16:18

Just read your last post. If your sis can't abide by some ground rules i.e. your dd must be in bed by (slot in reasonable time for xmas eve), can have stocking your sis has bought and presents from your sis, must be back at your house by 9am for Christmas brekkie and join in with rest of family. That would be reasonable.

PeachyBidsYouNadoligLlawen · 09/12/2008 16:18

I'd probably let her go

I'd throw a special eve lunch for her and make it clear- very very clear that it wil never happen again but i'd probably go for it and show her some charity as she has been through a rough time

I'd hate it but put on a smile for the others and make her go quite late too, when the others go to sleep probably.

And be very careful what you drink around her in future

PeachyBidsYouNadoligLlawen · 09/12/2008 16:20

Ah saw the email

get out clause then

email her and say you're terribly sorry but thats not OK for your dd, that it's a shame but you understand () that people get booed up over christmas

and tell your dd sil double booked

OhGetOverMyself · 09/12/2008 16:20

Your sis sounds a bit of a monica.

You have two options: cancel whole thing, because of drinks and midnight and so on,
(don't even mention the presents)

or let dd go there on Christmas night instead, so she gets her special sleepover and all that and you get the magic of Christmas eve thing.

PeachyBidsYouNadoligLlawen · 09/12/2008 16:21

'I'd invite the sister over early on Christmas morning for a nice family breakfast and stocking-fest. If she's still crestfallen, that's sad, but ultimately tough shit. '

yes, wot greeny said

goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh · 09/12/2008 16:22

awww - put Christmas is all about staying up late and doing stuff you wouldn't normally do - I would have LOVED (at 7yrs old) to have been able to do something like that (go out with my aunty and watch adults drinking and go to bed late).

musicposy · 09/12/2008 17:41

I wouldn't let her go. Flame me, tell me it's for the kids, I don't care, I could not, absolutely not, be without my two girls on Christmas morning and they are 12 and 9, older than your dd.

And take all the presents round to hers? What a bl**dy cheek! So you get to shell out for it all, wrap it all, have all the hassle, and she gets all the pleasure? And keep her out until midnight?

You have to be firm. Just say, no, no, no, you will be so depressed that without her at home nothing is going to happen. Have her over early for breakfast if she wants, but as for the rest, tough. Please be strong or you will set a precedent for every christmas to come. I disagree that it doesn't matter because you have 5. Having more children doesn't mean loving any of them less.

LilRedWG · 09/12/2008 17:44

Just say no. It was a drink imbibed decision and your DH is really against it. Invite her for breakfast. and suggest that she has her to stay a couple of days later. In fact, suggest NYE so that you can go out.

RubyrubytheRubynosedReindeer · 09/12/2008 17:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ByThePowerOfBaileys · 09/12/2008 20:14

changed my mind after your email from her

I would pop round to see her tomorrow to say that in light of them wanting the evening out it would be better for her to be at home. you never intended for Father Christams to deliver the pressies to her house.

No.. definately No.

Aitch · 09/12/2008 20:17

definitely no if she's expecting father christmas to head to her house. that's just a bit MAD, tbh.

breaghsmum · 09/12/2008 21:02

GOLD i assumed nothing of the sort. DSIS may well take photos, however, i know how awful i would feel taking photos of all but 1 of my children opening presents on xmas morning.

IAMASTUPIDPERSON if your sister and hubby would be so unwilling to change their routine regarding dog etc, then i wouldnt feel bad at all about refusing to change yours regarding xmas. i also dont think you are being mean in anyway whatsoever to want all your children present with you on xmas eve and morning.

revjustaboutdrinksmulledwine · 09/12/2008 21:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CliffRichardSucksEggsInHell · 09/12/2008 22:14

Ok, you ask your sister round or you go round to hers (what's with sending emails when she's only 10mins away?) and say that the arrangement is that either dd goes Christmas Eve and returns at 10am Christmas Day - no staying up until midnight and some presents stay at yours for her to open.
OR she sees your dd Christmas Day along with everyone else.

Also, explain to your dd that you'd love her to go and stay with your sister, but that your sister is asking some difficult things, such as opening all her presents without mum and dad being there. Your dd would understand that and see what situation you are in.

Say to your sister that you are being very generous in allowing your dd to spend that precious time with her, esp considering that your dp hasn't agreed, and that she should appreciate that instead of trying to take your child from you at this special time.

breaghsmum · 09/12/2008 23:28

perfectly said cliff

mrsdisorganised · 09/12/2008 23:36

Agree with notnowbernard, say no! Xmas morning will come and DD will be excited and probably get over it quickly! IMO sister will just have to take a supportive step back...

lilolilbethlehem · 10/12/2008 00:00

I would have thought that Santa would be smart enough to know to leave just your DD's stocking fillers and your sister's gifts at her aunty's house. And if she is a really good girl and goes to bed early and makes sure her aunty gets her back to your house no later than 10 then Santa will leave all the rest at yours??

I'm not sure there is a perfect answer to the situation, I do feel for your sister who would dearly love her own child to share Christmas with (which is no doubt why you agreed to this in the first place) And although the thought of not having your DD at home on Christmas morning seems horrendous to you, I reckon it will be a magical experience for your DD (she'll feel like she gets 2 Christmases) and I bet she'll remember it for the rest of her life.

Perhaps give your other DCs some more substantial stocking fillers to keep them entertained til DD gets home?

I hope it all works out well for you whatever you decide, tough one xx

MrsMerryHenry · 10/12/2008 00:12

I think you should explain that you were wrong to make such a significant decision without consulting your DH, and that he's upset about it.

Then suggest a compromise, like that your DD spends late Xmas afternoon with DSIS and has a sleepover till Boxing Day. Suggest also (to your DH) that while your DD is away with your sis on Christmas night, you and he shag like rabbits. He's hardly going to complain about that, now, is he?

ZacharyQuack · 10/12/2008 01:09

Could you suggest New Year's Eve as an alternative?

dittany · 10/12/2008 01:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

skrimbo · 10/12/2008 01:38

Just thought I would chip in beforre I go to bed....

Make you apologies and say no. Not agreed with DH or the other children, they should all be together not one special arrangement for one of them (reasons to tell sis not me telling you, I am sure you know all this)

If sis won't change her arrangements usually to suit you then why should you change such major thing to suit her.

My BIL used to come round at the crack of dawn along with PIL or stay over and all sit on my bed while the kids opened their stockings. Perhaps you could suggest that if tshe wants she can come round at the crack of dawn to join you and all the children.

Original poster
Iamastupidperson · 10/12/2008 10:44

Thanks all ,I am still undecided what to do after listening to DD go on about how excited she is about having a christmas sleepover .

If she does go Santa will not be leaving gifts at aunties house.

Cliff The emails are sent when she is at work .

OP posts:
ChristmasDisco · 10/12/2008 10:48

If they're both so excited about a sleepover, why not let her sleepover on Christmas Day night? I have skimmed most of the thread so sorry if this has been suggested.

sticksantaupyourchimney · 10/12/2008 10:56

Let her go. She's a child but she's not property and at 7 she is old enough to feel that her opinion matters. She wants to go, after all.
THough I would agree you should put your foot down about the presents you have bought her.

DumbledoresGirl · 10/12/2008 11:05

If dd wants a Christmas sleepover, why not suggest to your sister that your dd goes and stays with her on Christmas night?

Wild horses would not drag my children from me on Christmas Eve (although we always spend it with the extended family, all under one roof, so I have no idea what it is like to not wake up with loads of people around).

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