What would be the ^worst^ and most unsuitable Christmas present you could possibly receive?

[moondog]

For moi I think gift set of cheap oil 'infused' with some grass herbs along with some dried out spices and a crap mortar and pestle.

My MIL once bought me one of those boxes of cheap and nasty soap, you know the ones with six soaps in pink, lemon, white and they've all got a picture of a flower on the top of them; so they went straight to the charity shop in town the first day it opened after the Christmas break. MIL came to vist over new year, went down the town for a wander and came back with the same bloody box of soap, oh look I've found you another one now you've got two.

I was so tempted to take it back while she was there to see how many times she would buy it back for me.

For the last three years she's bought me a tea towel with a recipe on the front - I look forward to unwrapping that tea towel and then drying the Christmas washing up with it.

EachPeach I love my FIL a lot. Now I just open anything he gives me with due care and attention. No wild, carfree ripping of wrapping paper. You never know what might fall out in your lap.

A high necked square cut chunky beige fleece, a size too small.

I have large breasts. Did she want me to look like a camel?

mil once bought me a bag that turned into a handy waterproof. i didn't really understand why she thought i needed a bag that turned into a coat.

And, from the same person, a bottle green faux-suede wallet with Winnie The Pooh on.

No, some of you may have seen my vitriolic rants regarding a)Disney's reanimation of the corpse of poor old Winnie and b)the type of woman who has a penchant for seeing his image on their personal effects, but clearly this woman hadn't. So I smiled and thanked her and put it in the toy box the second she left.

It was expensive too, that was the worst of it.

oh, just remembered another classic from my mum. A few years back I got a meat thermometer as a Christmas present. She knows that my DP is a pescetarian (pescatarian? whatever, we don't eat meat at home). The only time I cook a roast is at her house, once a year, at Christmas.

It's still in the box.

My brother-in-law gave me this musical cake knife once. That was highly unsuitable.

Festively flavoured coffee is the other most inappropriate gift I can think of. WHY would you want your coffee to taste of cinnamon or hazelnuts?

When i was 13/14 I got a duvat and duvet cover as my main present. Was gutted!!

I know I wanted it as we had only had blankets upto that point - but not for christmas!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm still traumatised now.

An oil burner

An ornament which MIL thinks is stylish (bought from the shops at skegness Seafront)

A cuddly toy holding a love heart .

Anything from Elizabeth Duke.

Worst present would be another home-made hamper from MIL and her mother jointly. They sit there whilst I open the offending items one by one - novelty patterned napkins, musical cake knife, small china dogs.....this list goes on. And I have to pretend that each ill-thought out item is exactly what I wanted for Christmas. Hideous. The only nice thing was the basket.

And DH gave me a pan one year. He hasn't done that since, but still doesn't understand what he did wrong.

Message withdrawn

at you all

rofl - musical cake knife

Perfect for the mil - cheers!

I'm cheating now because this was in fact a birthday present.

First birthday with then DB (now DH), he turns up at my office with a plastic bag and hands it to me.

"Go on, open it now", he says excitedly. In front of my assistant, I pull out some (unwrapped) fluffy handcuffs and some chocolate bodypaint.

He thought he'd done really well, bless him.

My friends dh bought her an adjustable socket set

And a dictionary 'Because we havent got one'

Booboobedoo - can you explain yourself? Your brother (DB) turned up at your office and publicly presented you with fluffy handcuffs and chocolate body paint, so you married him?

Exactly, Upwind. You've got it in a nutshell. .

I think thats dear boyfriend if he then became DH

Mine was a giant rubber from my brother (I was about 30 at the time). The worst part was that he paid the postage which was about £7 because this horrendous present was so heavy. I left it in the stationary cupboard at work. As far as I know it is probably still there.

A jar of lime chutney and a jar of mango chutney. From a now (and not long after that) ex-boyfriend.

He insisted I open it infront of his family as 'it was something I'd really love'.

My brother bought me a space hopper a few years ago. I think he did it in a fit of nostalgia as we had one as kids and loved it but I don't think he realised that loving something at 6 does not make it a great present when you are 22! I was living in a tiny flat with no garden at the time too, I don't know where he thought I was going to bounce on it!
To be fair, for the birthday after that he bought me a smoothie maker which is one of my Best Presents Ever so he does get it right sometimes.

MIL one year bought DH a deluxe box of assorted nails.

She knows very well that he does no DIY whatsoever, so I suppose in a roundabout way it was a present for me.

Another "nooooo!" for stinky toiletries and artificial fragrances here.
Cheap candles.
Novelty sets
Boots have a lot to answer for!

Reindeer Poop chocolates

One of those vomit-orange toilet bags filled with bath cubes. It was called "Channelle" or something. I was gutted.

A tin of chick peas (to puff out the stocking)

I kid you not - an exboyfriend once took his stash of dodgy porn films into a sex shop and exchanged them for new films, and then presented these to me as an xmas present. our relationship had been on the skids for a while and ended very shortly after that. what a selfish wa**er (quite literally)... i can laugh about it now but it wasn't funny at the time. i need to add that enjoying that sort of stuff together was not part our relationship!!!