Page 12 | Father in law never joins Christmas walks

comoatoupeira · 2025-12-25T19:30:24+00:00

Just that really. He never goes outside even with the stunning weather we’ve been having. I can see it annoys my MIL but she doesn’t say anything directly. The kids are confused, ‘why doesn’t grandpa come too?’ And I don’t know what to say. MIL just says he’s staying to do the potatoes or something, but he’s not. He’s fit and no health issues. Thinking I should get my 7 year old to be direct with him about it?

independentfriend · 26/12/2025 20:39

Also bear in mind that a walk that isn't just a walk and involves standing around while small children play is possibly more physically demanding than a standard walk where you're moving most of the time rather than standing.

MaraScottie · 26/12/2025 20:49

comoatoupeira · 25/12/2025 19:36

because if I say he doesn’t want to, it sounds like he doesn’t want to play with them. The walk is like family play time, running about, jumping over logs and so on. It’s family time and it’s really glaring that he’s not there.
they think it’s weird and they’re small kids. I haven’t put the idea in their heads.

Wow, that sounds painful. I would avoid all that shite too. Jumping over logs, FFS. Leave the poor man alone for a day.

RaraRachael · 26/12/2025 20:51

Why on earth is this an issue? My OH thinks going for a walk is pointless and would hate it so would never want to do it.
I would never pressurise him to do it.

mondaytosunday · 26/12/2025 21:19

My father never came to mass with us. I don’t recall ever questioning it but one of us must have. The answer was he didn’t believe in God, which I can imagine would raise lots of more questions, not least one of us saying we didn’t either so why did we have to go? But then again you didn’t question why adults did something, you just took it as so.
I don’t think it matters at all that your FIL doesn’t want to go for a walk. Your children’s feelings do not supersede his. In fact isn’t it the other way around? He doesn’t want to. End of. If your kids think that means he doesn’t want to play with them, put them straight. Surely they can understand that people have different feelings and priorities and desires? If not, teach them about the reality of individuals.

Original poster

comoatoupeira · 26/12/2025 21:29

SereneRaven · 26/12/2025 20:29

Geez, I feel bad for the OP...
So many MNers totally jumped down her throat with "why does it matter to you what he does?" "What do you care?" "So, let the man do what he wants"

You guys are freaking lazy and a horribly opinionated but then again, I mean she is asking for your opinion so, ask a question, get an answer, right.

I get it. Many of us have to do things we don't want to do when we don't want to do them because we have to. Or we feel that we have to, we either have to (like work / school) or feel that we have to (relationship/family /friendship issues and expectations) and an awful lot of people put their own wants and needs last.

Like, if you just finished cleaning the house, doing all the shopping, planning the dinner, doing all the prep work, you're absolutely exhausted, and all you want to do is take a nice warm bath, or put your feet up cozy and watch some dumb TV....
Then all the sudden some family obligation comes out like oh we have to go and visit so and so or oh we have to go and do a walk or all we have to do this or all we have to do that...
And you really really don't want to and you really really feel that you'd like some me time and you really really feel that you deserve a break but you also feel that you don't deserve to let the family down, and that you don't deserve the right to oppose, so you do it and then you resent it. I think a lot of people are feeling that. The resentfulness, so they say, "leave the man alone if he doesn't want to walk don't make them walk What do you care?!"

But I agree with her and a few other posters that said look, don't be so hypocritical. When the plans are being made to go for a family walk with the young children, and you say "yeah this is a great idea let's do it" And you claim to be an outdoorsy individual, but then when it's time to put on your shoes, he says no I'll just stay here instead. And no he's not staying behind so we can clean up and no he's not staying behind so we can wrap the presents and no he's not staying behind so we can do some other work so that other people who are enjoying a bit of a break taking a walk don't have the extra work when he comes back no he's just doing it because he doesn't want to. Sorry. Selfish.
When there are young children involved and you are trying to get them to go out for a nice walk on a beautiful day (And yes I would say blue clear skies on a gorgeous Christmas season day is gorgeous weather) And you're trying to instill the idea of doing things together as a family especially outdoor things that involve activity not just sitting around everybody doing their own thing staring at their devices... It would be nice if everyone made an effort. Little kids are only little once. Few years from now they're going to want to do something else probably video games or maybe hanging out with their friends, not going for a family walk. Will the grandfather be regretful that he didn't go for walks with them when he had the opportunity? Probably not probably won't even think about it. But, you only get this time once. You don't know what tomorrow is going to bring. So, get off your ass, go for a walk, and enjoy yourself.

Thank you! This is what I mean.

i need a ghost writer.

OP posts:

ClipCloppingAllOverTheHouse · 26/12/2025 21:31

Leave the bloke alone. Not everyone wants to go out walking. I'm in my late 60s and don't want to, unless there's somewhere interesting to go or a particular event to see.

AintNoStroppinessNowHesInTheBoot · 26/12/2025 21:35

SereneRaven · 26/12/2025 20:29

Geez, I feel bad for the OP...
So many MNers totally jumped down her throat with "why does it matter to you what he does?" "What do you care?" "So, let the man do what he wants"

You guys are freaking lazy and a horribly opinionated but then again, I mean she is asking for your opinion so, ask a question, get an answer, right.

I get it. Many of us have to do things we don't want to do when we don't want to do them because we have to. Or we feel that we have to, we either have to (like work / school) or feel that we have to (relationship/family /friendship issues and expectations) and an awful lot of people put their own wants and needs last.

Like, if you just finished cleaning the house, doing all the shopping, planning the dinner, doing all the prep work, you're absolutely exhausted, and all you want to do is take a nice warm bath, or put your feet up cozy and watch some dumb TV....
Then all the sudden some family obligation comes out like oh we have to go and visit so and so or oh we have to go and do a walk or all we have to do this or all we have to do that...
And you really really don't want to and you really really feel that you'd like some me time and you really really feel that you deserve a break but you also feel that you don't deserve to let the family down, and that you don't deserve the right to oppose, so you do it and then you resent it. I think a lot of people are feeling that. The resentfulness, so they say, "leave the man alone if he doesn't want to walk don't make them walk What do you care?!"

But I agree with her and a few other posters that said look, don't be so hypocritical. When the plans are being made to go for a family walk with the young children, and you say "yeah this is a great idea let's do it" And you claim to be an outdoorsy individual, but then when it's time to put on your shoes, he says no I'll just stay here instead. And no he's not staying behind so we can clean up and no he's not staying behind so we can wrap the presents and no he's not staying behind so we can do some other work so that other people who are enjoying a bit of a break taking a walk don't have the extra work when he comes back no he's just doing it because he doesn't want to. Sorry. Selfish.
When there are young children involved and you are trying to get them to go out for a nice walk on a beautiful day (And yes I would say blue clear skies on a gorgeous Christmas season day is gorgeous weather) And you're trying to instill the idea of doing things together as a family especially outdoor things that involve activity not just sitting around everybody doing their own thing staring at their devices... It would be nice if everyone made an effort. Little kids are only little once. Few years from now they're going to want to do something else probably video games or maybe hanging out with their friends, not going for a family walk. Will the grandfather be regretful that he didn't go for walks with them when he had the opportunity? Probably not probably won't even think about it. But, you only get this time once. You don't know what tomorrow is going to bring. So, get off your ass, go for a walk, and enjoy yourself.

Hmmmm I "got off my ass" and went for a walk thank you. I'm not "freaking lazy".

I also object to being called "a horribly opinionated" by someone who just wrote out a page of text ranting about some older gent she has never met choosing not to go for a walk. For all you know he didn't go because he thinks op is a bit of a bellend and he didn't want to spend anymore time with him? Who can say?

whatwouldlilacerullodo · 26/12/2025 21:35

I suppose there's some background to it. Is he attentive to the people in his house? Does he do his share of cooking, serving the food, cleaning up? If yes, then it's not too bad. If not, then he's rude. Your kids will understand which is the case if you don't make excuses. When they ask why he didn't come, you say "I don't know".

PineappleAndGrapefruitLilt · 26/12/2025 21:35

BallerinaFall · 25/12/2025 19:31

WHY DOES IT EVEN MATTER?

This

ClipCloppingAllOverTheHouse · 26/12/2025 21:37

TittyGajillions · 25/12/2025 19:47

Are you a family of Labradors?

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A family of Labradors 😂😂😂

That's the best answer on here

Original poster

comoatoupeira · 26/12/2025 21:38

ClipCloppingAllOverTheHouse · 26/12/2025 21:37

A family of Labradors 😂😂😂

That's the best answer on here

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I also thought this was brilliant

OP posts:

Original poster

comoatoupeira · 26/12/2025 21:39

Just to defend @SereneRaven ’s post from pp, it was absolutely not a rant, but a beautifully written and well structured response that took multiple views into account!

OP posts:

AintNoStroppinessNowHesInTheBoot · 26/12/2025 21:44

comoatoupeira · 26/12/2025 21:39

Just to defend @SereneRaven ’s post from pp, it was absolutely not a rant, but a beautifully written and well structured response that took multiple views into account!

You are coming across as extremely bossy op.

I am going to hold your hand when I tell you this; I have my own opinion on that post and also on the situation with your fil.

You reiterating your opinion does not change mine.

No doubt your fil has his own opinions on what he does at Christmas too. Maybe you could respect other people's views a bit more instead of fawning over the few people who agree with you

ImTheLyricalDanceFlap · 26/12/2025 21:57

comoatoupeira · 25/12/2025 21:06

Ah you see for me this is the difference between being a teenager and an adult.
You do what you want the rest of the year, Christmas is for joining in.

i accept the walk thing though, and the context with kids around meaning people need a break.

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It’s the reverse for me.
As a teenager I had to join in regardless of whether I wanted to or not.
As an adult I can choose.
DH’s family love a huge family game of darts or pool and love to go to the football on Boxing Day none of which I find remotely enjoyable.
My family like to sing carols on Christmas Eve and watch the Muppets Christmas Carol, DH finds both unbearable so swerves.

Caricature · 26/12/2025 21:59

Jk987 · 26/12/2025 20:02

I get irrationally annoyed at exercise dodgers. I just can’t see why some people avoid it all costs. However you say he’s fit so I assume he does move about just not walking. What’s the problem if so?

Still haven't finished the thread, but I just knew the Great Christmas Walk would be like family play time, running about, jumping over logs and so on.

I grew up in the kind of family that has forced marches Family Walks every weekend. Our 25th December walk was what church is to the faithful: essential, determined and reverential. When some of the children were little, a modicum of log-related playtime was unavoidable but Dad and the older brothers would ignore it. Striding ever forward, they'd leave Mum and an older girl (me) to manage the toddlers' fascination with all things muddy, being very annoyed when we reached the destination 40 minutes later than scheduled.

Some people - especially fit men who walk for exercise - cannot bear the debasement of A Walk to mere Playtime! The man was wise to avoid the potential tensions inherent in striding miles ahead, trailing the almost visible vapours of irritation at the pointless waste of time and opportunity.

I mean, I may have read the FIL wrong, but you can tell it hit a nerve 😂🚶

Original poster

comoatoupeira · 26/12/2025 22:02

@Caricature thank you for this take! I hadn’t thought of that … plausible

OP posts:

Ruthdpl · 26/12/2025 22:03

I think Grandad is featured here😂

whatwouldlilacerullodo · 26/12/2025 22:10

Caricature · 26/12/2025 21:59

Still haven't finished the thread, but I just knew the Great Christmas Walk would be like family play time, running about, jumping over logs and so on.

I grew up in the kind of family that has forced marches Family Walks every weekend. Our 25th December walk was what church is to the faithful: essential, determined and reverential. When some of the children were little, a modicum of log-related playtime was unavoidable but Dad and the older brothers would ignore it. Striding ever forward, they'd leave Mum and an older girl (me) to manage the toddlers' fascination with all things muddy, being very annoyed when we reached the destination 40 minutes later than scheduled.

Some people - especially fit men who walk for exercise - cannot bear the debasement of A Walk to mere Playtime! The man was wise to avoid the potential tensions inherent in striding miles ahead, trailing the almost visible vapours of irritation at the pointless waste of time and opportunity.

I mean, I may have read the FIL wrong, but you can tell it hit a nerve 😂🚶

Show quote history

Isn't it a great picture of gender privilege? Have you thought that perhaps the women also hate log playtime but they do it because they are not 100% selfish and know someone has to do it?

Dontgochasingrainbows · 26/12/2025 22:21

whatwouldlilacerullodo · 26/12/2025 22:10

Isn't it a great picture of gender privilege? Have you thought that perhaps the women also hate log playtime but they do it because they are not 100% selfish and know someone has to do it?

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Don't be ridiculous. The parents can walk their kids. It isn't anyone else's responsibiity to entertain bored kids by going on forced walks.

sanityisamyth · 26/12/2025 22:24

AberEchtJetzt · 25/12/2025 21:26

This post is nuts.

4 of us went to the park for a bit this afternoon, the other 4 stayed home. I can't imagine any of us bothered about each other's personal choice on whether to leave the house or not 🤣🤣

Not as nuts as posting the same post four times …

Dontgochasingrainbows · 26/12/2025 22:25

SereneRaven · 26/12/2025 20:29

Geez, I feel bad for the OP...
So many MNers totally jumped down her throat with "why does it matter to you what he does?" "What do you care?" "So, let the man do what he wants"

You guys are freaking lazy and a horribly opinionated but then again, I mean she is asking for your opinion so, ask a question, get an answer, right.

I get it. Many of us have to do things we don't want to do when we don't want to do them because we have to. Or we feel that we have to, we either have to (like work / school) or feel that we have to (relationship/family /friendship issues and expectations) and an awful lot of people put their own wants and needs last.

Like, if you just finished cleaning the house, doing all the shopping, planning the dinner, doing all the prep work, you're absolutely exhausted, and all you want to do is take a nice warm bath, or put your feet up cozy and watch some dumb TV....
Then all the sudden some family obligation comes out like oh we have to go and visit so and so or oh we have to go and do a walk or all we have to do this or all we have to do that...
And you really really don't want to and you really really feel that you'd like some me time and you really really feel that you deserve a break but you also feel that you don't deserve to let the family down, and that you don't deserve the right to oppose, so you do it and then you resent it. I think a lot of people are feeling that. The resentfulness, so they say, "leave the man alone if he doesn't want to walk don't make them walk What do you care?!"

But I agree with her and a few other posters that said look, don't be so hypocritical. When the plans are being made to go for a family walk with the young children, and you say "yeah this is a great idea let's do it" And you claim to be an outdoorsy individual, but then when it's time to put on your shoes, he says no I'll just stay here instead. And no he's not staying behind so we can clean up and no he's not staying behind so we can wrap the presents and no he's not staying behind so we can do some other work so that other people who are enjoying a bit of a break taking a walk don't have the extra work when he comes back no he's just doing it because he doesn't want to. Sorry. Selfish.
When there are young children involved and you are trying to get them to go out for a nice walk on a beautiful day (And yes I would say blue clear skies on a gorgeous Christmas season day is gorgeous weather) And you're trying to instill the idea of doing things together as a family especially outdoor things that involve activity not just sitting around everybody doing their own thing staring at their devices... It would be nice if everyone made an effort. Little kids are only little once. Few years from now they're going to want to do something else probably video games or maybe hanging out with their friends, not going for a family walk. Will the grandfather be regretful that he didn't go for walks with them when he had the opportunity? Probably not probably won't even think about it. But, you only get this time once. You don't know what tomorrow is going to bring. So, get off your ass, go for a walk, and enjoy yourself.

What a pile of claptrap.
My kids are teens now and I don't look back and yearn for their toddler days or as the OP would say 'jumping in muddy puddles'. I'm very glad those days are over.
I've never regretted not going for a walk.
Ever.

DiaryofaProvincialLady · 26/12/2025 22:41

Definitely call 101. And also get him checked for Dementia. And ADHD.

SirChenjins · 26/12/2025 22:42

Dontgochasingrainbows · 26/12/2025 22:25

What a pile of claptrap.
My kids are teens now and I don't look back and yearn for their toddler days or as the OP would say 'jumping in muddy puddles'. I'm very glad those days are over.
I've never regretted not going for a walk.
Ever.

Show quote history

Same. My adult DC couldn't tell you who came for walks 20/25 years ago and who didn't - it's just not important. They remember overall interactions with grandparents but not the individual walks through mud.

Agapornis · 26/12/2025 23:03

You sound like my mother who

couldn't possibly not Go For A Walk for a day, because not leaving the house = lazy.
couldn't possibly have more than 1 alcoholic drink a day.
couldn't possibly have breakfast, lunch and a big dinner = makes you fat.
big dinner = no snacks allowed with a late night beverage in front of the TV.
She can have 1 chocolate, 1 biscuit OR 1 cracker with cheese if a small dinner was had. Not all 3.

Obviously all of the above doesn't just apply to her but to everyone, and she will tell you you are Wrong, Lazy, Fat, or Greedy if you eat or drink more than her. I can't wait to be away from her and back home!

Original poster

comoatoupeira · 26/12/2025 23:07

Ok but if I identify a bit with this (not as extreme) but don’t want to be like this, how to change?

OP posts: