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Father in law never joins Christmas walks

384 replies

comoatoupeira · 25/12/2025 19:30

Just that really. He never goes outside even with the stunning weather we’ve been having. I can see it annoys my MIL but she doesn’t say anything directly. The kids are confused, ‘why doesn’t grandpa come too?’ And I don’t know what to say. MIL just says he’s staying to do the potatoes or something, but he’s not.
He’s fit and no health issues.
Thinking I should get my 7 year old to be direct with him about it?

OP posts:
PistachioTiramisu · 26/12/2025 19:52

Maybe the poor man's feet hurt - just like mine - I would give anything to be able to go on a proper walk with the doggie, but I can't because of the pain. Maybe he just isn't saying.

comoatoupeira · 26/12/2025 19:54

Thistimearound · 26/12/2025 19:50

I don’t see how the MIL can find it that odd - surely she’s known the man for like 40 years?! And yet every Christmas Day it surprises her?

I think she’s doing a bit of signalling to us that she wishes he would join, to show that she cares, or something. I guess they’ve talked about it and she’s peeved that he didn’t take it on board?

OP posts:
Beaverbridge · 26/12/2025 19:54

Don't blame him, I hate tramping about just for the sake of it. My daughter always asks me to walk when she visits because I live beside a canal. Comments are always your so lucky to have this so close. It's the creepiest place ever, loads of trees. Been reports of flashers hiding in bushes. Last place you'd want to walk!.

loislovesstewie · 26/12/2025 19:54

I'm probably the same age as FIL. I've reached the stage of life where I want to do more of what I really want to do and less of the stuff that's expected of me. Maybe he feels like that too?

comoatoupeira · 26/12/2025 19:55

SirChenjins · 26/12/2025 19:51

How exactly are they imposing that on you and your family?

I mean by saying “some people just want to chill!” … when what chilling means is obviously a personal thing.

OP posts:
MySilentLions · 26/12/2025 19:56

comoatoupeira · 26/12/2025 19:15

Thank you.

ONE poster has extrapolated her own useless father as if it’s the same as your FIL missing one walk, and that’s the poster you thank. Everyone else thinks you’re nuts. Fucks sake.

comoatoupeira · 26/12/2025 19:59

MySilentLions · 26/12/2025 19:56

ONE poster has extrapolated her own useless father as if it’s the same as your FIL missing one walk, and that’s the poster you thank. Everyone else thinks you’re nuts. Fucks sake.

It’s because no other poster wants to engage with anything to do with what I’m trying to say about showing up for people at christmas.
everyone just wants to be able to do what the f they want. So then live alone and talk to AI.

OP posts:
CaptainMyCaptain · 26/12/2025 20:01

Don't be ridiculous 🙄.

Jk987 · 26/12/2025 20:02

I get irrationally annoyed at exercise dodgers. I just can’t see why some people avoid it all costs. However you say he’s fit so I assume he does move about just not walking. What’s the problem if so?

vanillalattes · 26/12/2025 20:04

It’s because no other poster wants to engage with anything to do with what I’m trying to say about showing up for people at christmas.

He can show up for people without being forced out on a walk he won't enjoy.

comoatoupeira · 26/12/2025 20:07

vanillalattes · 26/12/2025 20:04

It’s because no other poster wants to engage with anything to do with what I’m trying to say about showing up for people at christmas.

He can show up for people without being forced out on a walk he won't enjoy.

Yes, I’ve agreed with that now.

i was just struck by how many people’s response to the issue was basically “just let people do what they want” which I think is really simplistic. And “it’s too cold” which I think is really revealing.

OP posts:
Aluna · 26/12/2025 20:10

CaptainMyCaptain · 26/12/2025 19:42

I love walking but am able to accept others don't. Or they do sometimes but not today.
Enforced jollity is anything but jolly.

Walking is not enforced jollity.

ScaryM0nster · 26/12/2025 20:11

I love a proper walk on a bright winter day.

I love being around family at Christmas.

I also absolutely can’t manage a full waking til bedtime day doing things as a large group.

Little niggles get bigger. I get grumpier.

Sometimes the best course of action for the overall success of tye day is to duck out of the bit that has the smallest impact.

vanillalattes · 26/12/2025 20:13

Aluna · 26/12/2025 20:10

Walking is not enforced jollity.

It is if you don't enjoy it.

AmyDuPlantier · 26/12/2025 20:14

Oh god the absolute hell of traipsing about with kids who need walked like puppies.

Thank fuck mine are older now. Please leave the man be. Jumping over logs FFS 🤣🤣🤣🤣

vanillalattes · 26/12/2025 20:15

comoatoupeira · 26/12/2025 20:07

Yes, I’ve agreed with that now.

i was just struck by how many people’s response to the issue was basically “just let people do what they want” which I think is really simplistic. And “it’s too cold” which I think is really revealing.

But why is it simplistic?

Your idea of Christmas fun is not more important than his. If the rest of you want to go for a walk, why does him staying home cause a problem?

I would be really pissed off if my family pressured me into doing something I didn't like "because it's Christmas". It's the opposite of Christmas spirit, imo.

AhBiscuits · 26/12/2025 20:16

My sister-in-law is obsessed with dragging everyone out on constant walks like we're dogs. One Christmas I was 35 weeks pregnant and endured the walks for days. The last one was an absolute hike, up steep cliffs, lasted hours. I could barely walk by the time we we got back. My waters broke that evening and DD arrived preterm. I'll always believe it was the walk that did it. I don't hesitate in telling her to fuck off, in so many words, now.

lifeonmars100 · 26/12/2025 20:18

Surely on Christmas day of all days he can do what he wants and not have to answer to anyone least of all a 7 year old.

Lovetoplan2 · 26/12/2025 20:19

Live and let live?

comoatoupeira · 26/12/2025 20:22

Lovetoplan2 · 26/12/2025 20:19

Live and let live?

Happy to close the thread with this.

merry Christmas

OP posts:
SirChenjins · 26/12/2025 20:23

comoatoupeira · 26/12/2025 19:55

I mean by saying “some people just want to chill!” … when what chilling means is obviously a personal thing.

That's not imposing anything on you - that's simply explaining that people like doing different things. Really, if you can't accept that and start to reframe your expectations of your guests then you're better off not hosting - it doesn't sound like you're very well suited to it.

lifeonmars100 · 26/12/2025 20:26

AngelinaFibres · 25/12/2025 23:05

It's because after Christmas, when you meet Gilly and Tom and Kit and Caro by the fresh fish counter in Waitrose, you need to have completed a the 'proper' things of the middle class Christmas. Presents before church, church ( one of your children must be wearing a velvet coat), lunch ( cooked from scratch, everyone simply adores sprouts/ oh the children eat everything, no fussy eaters here), more presents, hateful bastard walk followed by hateful bastard board games. If you don't do these things in this order YOU HAVE FAILED AND YOUR CHRISTMAS WASNT UP TO SNUFF .Everyone is secretly driven by this.

"hateful bastard walk" and "hateful bastard board games" 😂love it, that is just how I feel!

SereneRaven · 26/12/2025 20:29

Geez, I feel bad for the OP...
So many MNers totally jumped down her throat with "why does it matter to you what he does?" "What do you care?" "So, let the man do what he wants"

You guys are freaking lazy and a horribly opinionated but then again, I mean she is asking for your opinion so, ask a question, get an answer, right.

I get it. Many of us have to do things we don't want to do when we don't want to do them because we have to. Or we feel that we have to, we either have to (like work / school) or feel that we have to (relationship/family /friendship issues and expectations) and an awful lot of people put their own wants and needs last.

Like, if you just finished cleaning the house, doing all the shopping, planning the dinner, doing all the prep work, you're absolutely exhausted, and all you want to do is take a nice warm bath, or put your feet up cozy and watch some dumb TV....
Then all the sudden some family obligation comes out like oh we have to go and visit so and so or oh we have to go and do a walk or all we have to do this or all we have to do that...
And you really really don't want to and you really really feel that you'd like some me time and you really really feel that you deserve a break but you also feel that you don't deserve to let the family down, and that you don't deserve the right to oppose, so you do it and then you resent it. I think a lot of people are feeling that. The resentfulness, so they say, "leave the man alone if he doesn't want to walk don't make them walk What do you care?!"

But I agree with her and a few other posters that said look, don't be so hypocritical. When the plans are being made to go for a family walk with the young children, and you say "yeah this is a great idea let's do it" And you claim to be an outdoorsy individual, but then when it's time to put on your shoes, he says no I'll just stay here instead. And no he's not staying behind so we can clean up and no he's not staying behind so we can wrap the presents and no he's not staying behind so we can do some other work so that other people who are enjoying a bit of a break taking a walk don't have the extra work when he comes back no he's just doing it because he doesn't want to. Sorry. Selfish.
When there are young children involved and you are trying to get them to go out for a nice walk on a beautiful day (And yes I would say blue clear skies on a gorgeous Christmas season day is gorgeous weather) And you're trying to instill the idea of doing things together as a family especially outdoor things that involve activity not just sitting around everybody doing their own thing staring at their devices... It would be nice if everyone made an effort. Little kids are only little once. Few years from now they're going to want to do something else probably video games or maybe hanging out with their friends, not going for a family walk. Will the grandfather be regretful that he didn't go for walks with them when he had the opportunity? Probably not probably won't even think about it. But, you only get this time once. You don't know what tomorrow is going to bring. So, get off your ass, go for a walk, and enjoy yourself.

Cherrytree86 · 26/12/2025 20:32

You’re right, Op. all that food, he should be desperate to get up and walk and burn off some of those calories!! Not to mention playing with your kids outside and engaging in some precious family time!

I think you should defo get your child to ask him outright… really put him on the spot so he doesn’t get chance to think of any pathetic excuses. Perhaps you could rehearse the conversation with your son to make sure he is is direct enough and can really get a good answer out of him?

@comoatoupeira

CypressGrove · 26/12/2025 20:37

Why is this such an issue? Does your DH have a strained relationship with his father and he's hoping to bond on these annual walks that never happen? You don't mention your family - was there a Christmas walk years ago when those that stayed at home get slaughtered by an axe wielding Christmas day madman?

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