Irritated by parents already😩

[Bellyblueboy]

I am an awful person. My parents are staying for Christmas - only arrived today - and I am already irritated.

The constant passive aggressive questions - the long, boring stories about people I don’t know - the complete lack of interest in my life

All my Electrical appliances have been unplugged so the remote controls no longer work. I will have to crawl under the Christmas trees now to turn them back on (don’t know how my dad managed to get under there, he is 80!).

the TV is up so loud I can’t think. They brought the contents of their fridge with them - I had to put most of it in the bin!

my mum keeps asking me are we having (fill in some obscure food item she never mentioned before) then looking disappointed when I say I didn’t know she wanted it. I went to Tesco to try and find Turkish delight with no chocolate because apparently it just isn’t Christmas without it.

i am already so irritated I could scream. They are elderly. They can’t help it. But in fairness they have always been a bit annoying, they have just lost their filter.

I am trying to find it funny. But failing. Every time I move my dad asks me what I am doing. Where I am going. Aggghhhh

You have absolutely no idea about me. Don’t pretend that you do. Just for mumsnet effect!

@springtimemagic you are doubling down here intensely

why?

Why is it so important to you that no one ever expresses even mild irritation about their parents - especially when it is anonymously?

Why do you think abuse is so vanishingly rare that it need never be talked about?

Wasthis drummed into you as a child, or is it something you are drumming into your own children? Or both.

do you believe that parents are like Gods that should be worshipped and never questioned - abuse is made up by naughty children? Is that the echoes of a strict religious upbringing?

I love this. It made me laugh. Talk about good logic. The only other person I’ve ever heard use this phrase was my father who was a tyrant. Therefore = because you also use this phrase you are a tyrant too. Double down = you are that parent. Triple down = I feel sorry for your children. 🤣👌

@springtimemagic the thread has been useful for a group of us with similar experiences. You know nothing about us or our situations as we do not about you. What is apparent is you are determined to double down and dig in that we are somehow indebted to our parents. That is not how humans work. We get along, we have disagreements, we irritate each other at times. At no point does that = disrespect. It is simply people being people. Perhaps start a thread yourself about people like us and see how you fare.

Well at least these are intelligent questions.

I had no religious upbringing at all and I’m also irreligious.

There are certainly people out there who don’t deserve kindness from their children - real abusers.

There is just a general disrespect now for parents though that I feel is a huge social issue. In the OP’s case, it sounds like their parents are a bit eccentric (I’m wondering if the electrical appliance thing is an OCD behaviour or an anxiety response) and the language used in relation to the eating disorder is very unhelpful and I can see why that would be damaging. Besides that, it just sounds like 2 people with a parental relationship in a space together and frictions arise. That sounds about the size of it. People annoying each other.

So I think let’s not be disrespectful towards them for all the years they have given up things for their children to be a parent towards them. Yes they’re getting older - all all are. Yes are we get older we tend to become grumpier and less flexible - we will all likely become that way.

You are now just being incredibly rude and personal. Thankfully, there are decent people on this thread.

You haven't even realised you are replying to the OP here. 🤦‍♀️

My sil said - quite astutely I think - never to have one demographic dominating at a family event. Not whiny children or grumpy teens or boozing adults and especially not difficult elderly people!

My in-laws… aaaargh. Just remembering the time I busted a gut hosting Christmas with toddler and 2-month old baby. Added to which my dm had just died. Mil nobbled me in the kitchen and asked how long it had taken dm to die as another volunteer at the Citizens Advicd Bureau had been diagnosed with breast cancer. I went into the garden and silently screamed. And then at 2am fil thumped on our bedroom door saying that mil was cold and could fancy a hot bath. 20 years later and I don’t think my blood pressure has ever returned to normal!

She'll want the nice days back (which hasn't been for years by the sounds of it) not these ones.

Christmas is over. This thread probably needs to come to an end.

To all the ‘you’ll miss them’ posters. I am not of low intelligence. I understand mortality. I also only posted that I was mildly irritated by my parents and that they weren’t the most supportive when I was growing up, did some damage to my self esteem and were undoubtedly a big factor in an eating disorder.

Clearly I still have a relationship with them - hosted them for nearly a week over Christmas and visit them every week. They belittle me a lot and I have had a lot of counseling to manage the impact this has on my early career, relationships and food issues.

But never did I say I don’t love them or won’t miss them when they are gone.

its okay to have a grumble, to vent and to do the work to understand the impact your parents had on the adult you and try to undo some of the damage. This isn’t disrespectful. It’s growing up and taking ownership.

I know lots of people reading this will understand what I mean - others won’t. and that’s okay.

Have a fabulous 2026

Are you deliberately being obtuse or are you just thick?

@Intrigued20 there are more and more thread derailers these days just like @springtimemagic . Zero contributions to the thread other than to be contrary. Quite why they bother is beyond me.

Ignore the baiters on here OP. They must be bored. You're clearly a very lovely person. Wishing you a very happy new year 🤩

Why do so many mums think they have the right to talk like shit to their daughters? They never talk like this to the precious Golden Boy sons. 🙄

Sorry you have to take this shit from your brother too.

It is clear from your posts that you lack emotional intelligence and empathy. Dismissing experiences you don't understand is damaging, toxic and causes further pain to people who have suffered emotional abuse or neglect. Thankfully most people on this thread have not done this.

“for all the years they have given up things for their children to be a parent towards them”

This bit made me smile. DPs sent my older siblings to boarding school. They frequently palmed me off on relatives and baby sitters so they could go on holiday, often over my birthday. I remember being in the boot of the car with a sleeping bag and a bucket, so mum didn’t have to stay in with me when I was ill. I remember them taking the scenic route home from a holiday, when I’d been up all night vomiting. I remember them insisting on long journeys with me sat in the back despite me being badly car sick, and her spraying perfume around despite it making my car sickness worse.

I have given them far more years of TLC than they gave me! I have worried about them and managed things for them for many more hours than they ever helped me.

So I will express my frustration with her, and her critical judgemental frankly nasty narcissistic ways if I want to. And no, I won’t miss her when she dies. I will be relieved and enjoy my first Christmas for many years. And if you are like her, then someone thinks the same about you. If you don’t like it, change. Mend your ways.

Ha! This is the opposite in our family. MIL absolutely chooses SIL as golden child. DH is the afterthought.

For me it’s the inane, constant and extremely boring stories and repetition from my Mum. She knows more about her neighbours than she does about me and my husband.
I changed job recently, she has no idea.

The stories get told 4-5 times while I sit there scrolling on my phone. She doesn’t even care that I’m just nodding and making the right noises while she yammers on about shite.
Its not an age old thing, she’s always been like this.

She complains endlessly that my brother doesn’t bother with her unless he wants something, in her opinion.
After years of her threatening to cut him out of her will- she’s spent all her money now. He didn’t give a hoot and that annoyed her.

I said this time, what does he want then?
She huffed and puffed but didn’t have an answer. He actually doesn’t want anything. He makes plenty of money of his own through hard work and canny saving.
So no Mum, it’s not money because you don’t have any since you spent it all like it was water and now rely on me to subsidise you.

Finally, carping in about immigration, UK politics, stuff she saw on GBN etc. We don’t even live in the UK!

I love my Mum very much even though she was a cold and uninterested parent when we were children , as was my Dad. While there was no abuse there was for sure a lack of love.

Merry bloody Christmas.

You really don’t get it do you?! 😳

She doesn’t want to get it.

I was MASSIVELY relieved when my Mother died..

My physically, emotionally abusive, alcoholic Mother, who I had spent years grieving the fact she would and could never be the Mother I actually wanted or needed (or deserved).

The mother who would hit me in the face as a small child, hold my head under the cold tap to stop me hysterically gulping and crying following being smashed in the head. Who would force me to stand on the bare quarry tiles in the back porch, barefoot, for what felt like hours, ever so often she'd come back and make me move a few tiles over so it was still cold. She could see into the porch from the kitchen so she'd sit there listening to Radio 4 and watching to ensure I was standing still.

The mother who would get blind drunk and tell me I was a disgusting lazy idle fat pig... who would turn up to collect me from school in the car - drunk as a skunk. Who would come into my room at night to wail on about how awful her life was and piss my bed and then wobble off to her own room leaving me to deal with her mess.

I could go on - it is evident you've NO idea how some peoples parents behave and treat them nor why someone might be relieved at their passing. I am pleased for you, but I owe my Mother the square root of fuck all.

Jesus fucking Christ … I’m so so sorry. This is just awful 😞
I hope you are at peace now 🥺💐

@springtimemagic please appreciate some of us did not have great experiences of parents in childhood but we kept going trying to please said parents.

Oh yep, she died when I was 27, it was like being released from a prison I didn't know I was in really! I was still sad, for many many reasons, but the overwhelming emotion was relief!

Hey we have all got through the festive period. As @Bellyblueboy the OP said. Let’s agree it has been useful but move on. On each of these threads we get great wisdom, solidarity and people with too much time on their hands who are contrary.