Irritated by parents already😩

[Bellyblueboy]

I am an awful person. My parents are staying for Christmas - only arrived today - and I am already irritated.

The constant passive aggressive questions - the long, boring stories about people I don’t know - the complete lack of interest in my life

All my Electrical appliances have been unplugged so the remote controls no longer work. I will have to crawl under the Christmas trees now to turn them back on (don’t know how my dad managed to get under there, he is 80!).

the TV is up so loud I can’t think. They brought the contents of their fridge with them - I had to put most of it in the bin!

my mum keeps asking me are we having (fill in some obscure food item she never mentioned before) then looking disappointed when I say I didn’t know she wanted it. I went to Tesco to try and find Turkish delight with no chocolate because apparently it just isn’t Christmas without it.

i am already so irritated I could scream. They are elderly. They can’t help it. But in fairness they have always been a bit annoying, they have just lost their filter.

I am trying to find it funny. But failing. Every time I move my dad asks me what I am doing. Where I am going. Aggghhhh

Sorry I’m not seeing the issue here. The poster is hardly describing monstrous parents in any of their posts. I don’t feel I’m doubling down on anything. I’m certainly not goading.

Perhaps just being deliberately obtuse.

Parents don’t come with halos, they don’t get respect automatically. Parents get the respect they earn and their relationships reflect the effort they have made.

Many parents rightly enjoy respect and closeness from their DC. Others simply make that impossible because of their own personality. My DM has a loose grasp on reality and rewrites the past according to her current need. It’s impossible to have a genuine relationship with someone like that. The relationship we have is built on my forbearance, grace and tolerance rather than on anything she has earned or is entitled to.

OP you are a saint. Fortitude and patience be with you.

every sanctimonious commenting fuckwit can just fuck off to their hallmark cards perfect family. Or perhaps, just perhaps they are the annoying relative?!

This is the most ridiculously unempathetic post I've read in a while. You should be ashamed of yourself

Oh dear. I am the elderly parent. I hope we are not like these weird cranky parents. My husband never unplug anything. My daughter decides on the time we have xmas lunch. I help when she asks and help clear up. We haven't lost our marbles yet and don't appear to bore our offspring. In fact we have great fun. Chatting and joking. .this is what I thought. Now I can't decide if we are irritating our children and they can't wait for us to go. The posts I have read make me assume this is the case

You know nothing about parental abuse

Exactly this. Respect is earned.

Don't make this about you just because you share a characteristic (age) with some of the irritating parents people have described on here. If you aren't going round unplugging others' appliances, commenting on people's weight and shoving champagne bottles in an over full fridge when asked not to, then this post isn't about you.

Why would you assume that??

if you’re not doing irritating things then you’re unlikely to be irritating.

What a predictable, unoriginal and twatty response. Do you really think that you are the first poster to come up with this guilt-trippy nonsense? OP's parents were pretty shitty when she was a child and aren't any better now. They should thank their lucky stars that they are still invited for Christmas. I wouldn't invite a pair of arseholes like this, parents or no parents.

This has clearly struck a cord for you. Why do you think people find you irritating? No one here has said all elderly parents are irritating. It’s you that has made this thread about you.

You owe them your life.

I do. I couldn't even begin to count the number of times I've cursed them for that.

Not all parents are equal.

Still annoyed by their irritating ways but still miss them.

HTH

JFC! Are you so clueless and self-centred that you can't put yourself in someone else's shoes and accept that not everyone has kind and loving parents? I'm sure that there are lots of people who feel relieved at the death of their parents. Is it OK for people with abusive parents to feel relieved? What about people who've been sexually abused by a parent? Do they still need to mourn and pretend to be sad? Would you judge the surviving children of Rose West if they feel relief when she dies?

Honestly, people like you who are strangers to nuance and empathy shouldn't be allowed to post their utter shite, even if it technically doesn't breach Mumsnet posting guidelines.

Err no. When I had my children I saw just how toxic my childhood had been and swore never to be like my mother with my own children. I consciously did things very very differently. This type of post is nothing mire than guilt tripping people who may already be dealing with years and years of psychological damage. Not all families are “healthy”; many are not. And having a place to vent is incredibly important. If you have nothing helpful or positive to say, then please at least try to understand the impact of your words on others, and say nothing.

I hear you OP, I hope by now your peace has been restored.

To all the sanctimonious “you’ll miss them when they’re not here” twats….
Here’s some news - some of us won’t. Some of us have shit parents, who didn’t parent and don’t deserve our guilt but we are allowed to say that without guilt or retribution on an anonymous forum to make ourselves feel better because we are good people still trying to do our best by our shit parents despite their shittness (made up word … but I’ll go with it)

So shove your halos up your arses and carry on smiling sweetly when your house isn’t your own and being idyllic, doting children - you’ll have your place in heaven while the rest of us are dancing together in hell 💃

Oh god, this is a good thread, some of these tales are hilariously familiar

why do they all become like this? Am I to become
this person in 20 years?

Mum sits and says nothing with a face like a slapped arse.
(She doesn't have to come!)
Pils just talk about dead people, who's just died or about to die, mil about people she worked with in the 1950s/60s (none of whom we know, and have never met)
It's all rather forced and after a dozen years I'm not hosting next year 😬

My parents have become more and more miserable and morose. It’s depressing to have to be around them. They don’t go out, slag off all their neighbours, are martyrs to the garden and moan they have no money (they’re millionaires) they refuse to have hot water or the heating on. They look down on everyone and anyone especially those who dare to have an ‘indulgent’ lifestyle ie go on holiday or has a party.
They don’t have a life yet think they’re better than anyone else.
they never ask me anything. Doubt they know what I do for work. My mum won’t engage and is utterly selfish.

@Springtimehere You’ve never worked with access to medical records and seen the sheer amount of kids with safeguarding/child protection plans from parental abuse and neglect have you?

About 60-70% of kids ref to us have parental abuse and this is only what has been so bad authorities are aware. There’s going to be more we don’t know about.

Come on, that had to be a small percentage. 60-70% of what proportion? Let not make out that all kids have been abused because that cannot be true.

Ashamed of what? Filial piety?

@springtimemagic this thread and similar ones are simply a place for people to vent their actual feelings. Why keep questioning people? If the thread is one you disagree with move on. It has been a useful and at times funny thread.

The only other person I have ever heard use the phrase filial piety was my father, who was a complete tyrant. No one deserves reverence purely for having fathered someone. The fact that you use this phrase says an awful lot more about you than you realise. I feel for any children you may have. You are that parent.