Irritated by parents already😩

[Bellyblueboy]

I am an awful person. My parents are staying for Christmas - only arrived today - and I am already irritated.

The constant passive aggressive questions - the long, boring stories about people I don’t know - the complete lack of interest in my life

All my Electrical appliances have been unplugged so the remote controls no longer work. I will have to crawl under the Christmas trees now to turn them back on (don’t know how my dad managed to get under there, he is 80!).

the TV is up so loud I can’t think. They brought the contents of their fridge with them - I had to put most of it in the bin!

my mum keeps asking me are we having (fill in some obscure food item she never mentioned before) then looking disappointed when I say I didn’t know she wanted it. I went to Tesco to try and find Turkish delight with no chocolate because apparently it just isn’t Christmas without it.

i am already so irritated I could scream. They are elderly. They can’t help it. But in fairness they have always been a bit annoying, they have just lost their filter.

I am trying to find it funny. But failing. Every time I move my dad asks me what I am doing. Where I am going. Aggghhhh

You are doing great even if it feels completely overwhelming right now. Anyone would be upset by this. You asked for something reasonable more than once and you were ignored every time. Then the exact thing you were trying to prevent happens and instead of an apology you get eye rolling and a dismissive comment. That really hurts.

The cracked tile is awful especially when the floor is so new and you spent so much money on it. But I think what really stings is feeling like your space and your wishes were not respected.

You can care about the fact that he is getting older and still feel frustrated by the stubbornness. Both things can be true at the same time.

You have got through so much already. Nearly at the end now!

Sorry you've got some unpleasant replies but in reality you need to lighten up a little, maybe have a few G&Ts....you're very lucky your parents are still with you and healthy, many grandparents have passed away or have illnesses..see the funny side and in reality these are first world problems aren't they!! The irritation is within your control, you babe the freedom to choose how you react to certain things and if this really is the extent of irritation for you then youre doing OK!

Remember the saying "Don't sweat the small stuff?"

Chill!! Get a few margaritas down your neck and all will be right in the world!

That’s it. I have been told to lighten up and see the funny side of an eating disorder! I am out. This place is nuts!

I think maybe that pp has been at the prosecco, and perhaps is also lucky enough to have parents she likes and not have an eating disorder. Or has recently read a book by Mel Robbins and now thinks she's a therapist...

My 85 yo relative was sharing out wine to everyone. The bottle was a Christmas present from herself to me and my partner. She did the same with a tub of quality street sweets, which was also her present from herself to my kids. Neither item was wrapped up. We laughed so hard, Poor thing gets so confused. There were presents everywhere that had no tag on them so nobody knew who they were from and to whom. She had wrapped some of them but it was all such a muddle 🤣 love her to bits but irritating beyond belief especially if she’s in the kitchen meddling and putting the little boxes of cereal in the fridge , I could go on ….

Do you mean a grumpy old codger? A todger is slang for penis! A codger is a grumpy old man. 🤣

Don't take any notice. All the 'be grateful you still have your parents' posters really need to stop now. As I said, my parents died about 2 decades ago, and I still think people are entitled to moan about difficult parents.

It's such a passive aggressive and unkind thing to say... 'be grateful you have still got your parents.' It's basically trying to lay a guilt trip on - usually - a woman (who is having to tolerate a lot of shit from her parents, look after children, and completely 'do' Christmas single handedly,) purely because she is sick of putting up with terrible behaviour from her parents!

Probaby best to hide this thread now @Bellyblueboy Or ask for it to be deleted.

No, don't ask for it to be deleted! It's highly therapeutic!

Imagine if we commented on every post in which someone moans about their husband/child saying ‘you’re lucky you have one!’ This forum would be obsolete in no time, so everyone eff off we’re allowed to moan especially if one of them has broken something! Sheesh.

*MIL: it's Amy's turn to do the Christmas dinner round at Steve's caravan this year.
DH: Who's Amy, mum?

MIL: oh, you know Amy. She's Sheila at no.33'snddaughter. She was with John until last year. Steve's her new fella. Lives in a static, up near [town]
Us: *

OMG why do they do this? My mum is terrible for it. “Oh YOU know Jessica/Louise/Fran etc etc etc, she’s Jean from no 6’s sister’s postman’s mum’s dog, anyway she…”

No I do not fucking know her, nor do I care. It’s not like the story in interesting in itself either, it’s always really mundane. I wouldn’t do this to anyone but my mum has always done it, it’s not even age-related.

I don’t actually see my mum at Christmas which is good as I’d go completely insane with irritation. She’s difficult in many ways but OP yours sound really hard work!

Oh @Bellyblueboy If you want an alibi for reflooring your kitchen over the top of your 'D'Dads remains, just gimme a shout!

I have lost track of whether I updated on the 'sister not getting me a gift' thing on this thread, forgive if I am repeating myself - she showed up and ranted on at me that her boss didn't get her a gift, though he did get everyone else one, and how left out and shitty it made her feel.

Today she messaged me repeatedly asking me to call our Dad because 'he'd love to talk to you'. (Long story short, I am currently house bound and even if I weren't, his property is not wheelchair accessible).

I videoed called when she was back there with him - no, no he did not have a lovely chat with me... he waved the phone away after the briefest 'hello' and then after a few minutes of her and I chatting to try and include him, yelled at her to get off the phone as he was bored.

If anyone tells me I'll miss them when they're gone, they can get in the fucking sea with them!

Does make me appreciate DP, the dogs, my lovely friends and work colleagues though! All the people/animals I have chosen to have in my life are utterly awesome!

This would give me the rage! 😩 need a rug here if he’s going to do this.
DM has cracked two of ours by dropping things, she did offer to pay bless her. Accidents happen, but you asked yours not to do it for that reason.

PS Merry Christmas OP 🥂

You have the patience of a saint OP. Your dad is dictatorial and extremely rude and I'm not sure how you didn't lose your temper.

Your parents didn't give you a great childhood and they are extremely lucky that you are the kind and tolerant person that you are. He wouldn't cross my threshold again after that behaviour. You do need to get a bit angry sometimes though. This is your home and he is breaking and ruining things and not even apologising. Surely old school elderly parents should have some manners?

Why tell OP that you are sorry she got some unpleasnt replies, when your comment is as unpleasant as any of them? OP has explained that they were very far from being adequate, never mind good, parents when she was young and had an eating disorder.

Her dad sounds like a controlling narcissist tbh and their behaviour in OP's home is completely unacceptable.

OP is a fucking saint. I'd have gone no contact with these people years ago, never mind having them to stay and constantly biting her lip about their selfish and deliberately provocative behaviour.

Also, to join the thread after 19 pages of comments with the unbearably trite and predictable admonishment of the OP by telling her that she's miss her parents when they've gone (maybe she won't, I certainly wouldn't) after many similar posts have been shot down, is arrogant and self-regarding in the extreme.

Completely agree. Op new year id have a really good think about how much you want to interact with them going forward. And probably get some therapy to work through stuff, this isn’t you having a whinge about parents with some irritating foibles, they are treating you terribly and sound quite emotionally abusive and you are being really kind about it.

Also @JingleFred244

Agree with this quote. I also thought the idea of coping with your abusive parents by recommending someone with an eating disorder to risk developing an alcohol disorder was just a tad insensitive!

@Bellyblueboy you are a remarkable woman for continuing to work at the coal face of your parents. They are undeserving and unkind.

Do you recognise the dilemma that they present? That they can be both unpleasant, selfish people and also vulnerable and frail? That’s where I am trapped at the moment with DM.

It has helped me to recognise that tension, and to act accordingly. So I do all the loving daughter behaviour, but I don’t beat myself up for how I feel.

It is ok- it is positively helpful- to emotionally detach from people who damage you, even when they are your parents and you have decided to go through the motions of a good relationship.

DSis hasn’t worked this out and constantly expects her to be better. As a result there are constant arguments and failings out and both are miserable.

Oh just fuck off

Oh OP, you could sell the rights to this and it would be the funniest Christmas comedy ever invented.

So sorry you had such an awful time growing up and you are truly a daughter in a million to them now and when the time comes, you will look back on these memories and have a good old belly laugh - probably for days 🤣

Mine have both passed, coming up 9 and 6 years respectively and miss them so much but you are making memories for the future. Sending love ❤️

Just wanted to say, I’ve read all your posts on this thread and:
a) people having a go at you need to get a grip
b) thank you for making this thread, it’s been quite cathartic as my mum has been driving me nuts but she’s not as bad as your dad 😅 you are a saint for not turfing him after the floor tile incident. I lost it with my mum over a box of crackers (as in the biscuits) 🥲

I have to say I'm coming round to the view that some of this is of your own making.
Didn't you shut him down? How would you handle it at work if a colleague tried to talk over you on YOUR project / specialist subject? Can't you bring the same skills to bear here?

I would completely have lost my shit about the champagne bottle & the floor tiles - as someone else said that feels almost malicious.

Does it sound like OP has the resilience to do this right now? Just let the woman vent without kicking her while she’s down. A lot of us struggle to stand up to our parents.

Yes of course. My post was meant to be food for thought, not criticism.

I think I'm finding this thread a little triggering myself 😁

My parents are dead, this is just my second Christmas without them. They were brilliant people and I loved them hugely and at Christmas they irritated me. My grandparents (who were, to be fair, all awful) irritated my parents. I hereby grant OP, and anyone else for that matter, the freedom to go ahead and be irritated by their parents. It’s a great Christmas tradition!

Fair enough, but to season that food for thought a little, the dynamic is going to be sooooo different when it’s a parent rather than a work colleague.