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Original poster

Irritated by parents already😩

583 replies

Bellyblueboy · 24/12/2025 00:11

I am an awful person. My parents are staying for Christmas - only arrived today - and I am already irritated.

The constant passive aggressive questions - the long, boring stories about people I don’t know - the complete lack of interest in my life

All my Electrical appliances have been unplugged so the remote controls no longer work. I will have to crawl under the Christmas trees now to turn them back on (don’t know how my dad managed to get under there, he is 80!).

the TV is up so loud I can’t think. They brought the contents of their fridge with them - I had to put most of it in the bin!

my mum keeps asking me are we having (fill in some obscure food item she never mentioned before) then looking disappointed when I say I didn’t know she wanted it. I went to Tesco to try and find Turkish delight with no chocolate because apparently it just isn’t Christmas without it.

i am already so irritated I could scream. They are elderly. They can’t help it. But in fairness they have always been a bit annoying, they have just lost their filter.

I am trying to find it funny. But failing. Every time I move my dad asks me what I am doing. Where I am going. Aggghhhh

OP posts:
Nucleus · 26/12/2025 11:23

MrsJeanLuc · 26/12/2025 09:36

I have to say I'm coming round to the view that some of this is of your own making.
Didn't you shut him down? How would you handle it at work if a colleague tried to talk over you on YOUR project / specialist subject? Can't you bring the same skills to bear here?

I would completely have lost my shit about the champagne bottle & the floor tiles - as someone else said that feels almost malicious.

Show quote history

Unless you have this type of parent, it is impossible to truly understand. How we approach colleagues and parents are not the same thing at all and to compare the two is ridiculous. There are emotions and love mixed up with parents that are never there with colleagues.

My father had similarly antiquarian notions of women in the workplace. There is simply no way to get such a man to back down, they are so convinced they are right, coming from an era before women were allowed to do any kind of job for anything other than a little pin money. Remember that in their day, a wife's earnings legally belonged to them etc. My father spouted at me that I should not have accepted a job, should not have even interviewed for it, knowing I was getting married in less than a year, as I would obviously be leaving the company. The rant included all sorts about letting the company down (a large multinational, not some small local company who might find it hard to replace me) and never considered me or what I might want. He repeated the same rant when I had my first child, obviously I would be quitting to raise that child. I was an eternal failure to him for not being a 1950s style wife and mother. I could go on, but it isn't about me. I provide this as an example of the type of man OP is dealing with.

Your post is bordering on victim blaming.

Allseeingallknowing · 26/12/2025 11:47

If my parents had messed about with my wardrobe, played about with light switches etc they would not be invited again! It’s appalling, inexcusable behaviour, however old and frail they are-and I’m old!

Righttofeelawkward · 26/12/2025 11:48

Just to say I feel your pain. I host Christmas but at my mothers home and tolerate quite hurtful and unkind comments from her and my brother… I do it at hers now because she has anxiety about leaving the house even though I live ten minutes away. I prep everything and take to hers to finish off including home made puddings. She isn’t particularly well but myself and my daughter do everything for her and with that there have been a number of sacrifices. Those that are criticising don’t understand!

CelestialCandyfloss · 26/12/2025 12:23

I understand this...I love my Dad to bits but he irritates the crap out of me sometimes 😂😩 I can deal for a few days and I go for lunch most Sundays with my daughter and because they live nearby, but I couldn't cope with any more than that

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 26/12/2025 14:21

I actually feel quite guilty, as my dad was on his best behaviour yesterday!

Dontcallmescarface · 26/12/2025 16:15

I do wish the "one day they won't be here so let it slide" posters would wind their necks in. I lost both parents in 2020. The last Christmas we spent together had me telling my mother that I was perfectly able to cook a Christmas dinner without the need for her constant fucking micro-managing (and yes, I did use those exact words). had I known it was to be the last 1 I ever cooked for her, I would still have said the exact same thing as she got on my very last nerve that day. I miss her, but I don't miss that side of her.

Renamed · 26/12/2025 16:48

CrazyGoatLady · 25/12/2025 22:53

I think maybe that pp has been at the prosecco, and perhaps is also lucky enough to have parents she likes and not have an eating disorder. Or has recently read a book by Mel Robbins and now thinks she's a therapist...

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I think that pp is a he actually, maybe someone’s dad, the type who likes to stuff wine in the wrong fridge

Magsbd · 26/12/2025 17:37

I don’t know where you find all these weird oap’s. I’m nearly 80 and nothing like that. Still function normally and like a Christmas get together. All my plugs are in all the time. I don’t interfere with my daughter’s plugs. My own parents were normal too and loved to relax in my house when I took over Christmas dinner.

Cariad10 · 26/12/2025 17:58

Can't believe you wouldn't have Turkish delight (no chocolate) at Christmas , your parents are right it isn't Christmas without it. Lisa do an amazing box in several flavours perfect for Christmas .lol

diddl · 26/12/2025 18:09

At the risk of being lambasted...

Why do you think that you would be lambasted?

You asked your dad not to do something & he deliberately did it to belittle you/prove you wrong.

He's an absolute disgrace to treat anyone that way.

PloddingAlong21 · 26/12/2025 19:46

Don’t see any issues in OP’s posts. Nobody is perfect and just because you have lost someone and see things through rose tinted glasses doesn’t mean that 1) everyone has the same experience or 2) you can’t love someone through their flaws.

My parents are literally THE BEST. They’d do anything for me and I love them dearly. I’m so lucky.

Also love they live down the road and not in my house and I wouldn’t ever had them living with me as they do so many things that wind me up. I think parents, even with adult children, think theirs ‘kids’ should act exactly like that even in their own homes, so inevitably their is often conflict….like them rearranging OPs kitchen or switching all her lights off. They do it at home and raised her that way so that’s that.

OP loves them as she’s said. Nobody is perfect and anyone who thinks they as a parent are perfect will be in for a shock when their own kids grow up too.

mounjaring · 26/12/2025 20:29

I'm honestly over the hosting business, there's escape for the constant whittering of MIL, she has to fill every pause or silence with inane nonsense or questions. She's not helpful, she's treating the teenagers like they are bairns and winding them up, to boot husband had an overnight stay when picking her up, and will have one on taking her back, meaning we have zero days as a nuclear family before we all head back to work.

FictionalCharacter · 26/12/2025 20:35

Your parents are terrible guests, interfere with things in your home, treated you badly when you were growing up, and your mum puts you down. You are absolutely not a bad person to not be thrilled with their company.

pollyglot · 26/12/2025 20:50

My father had similarly antiquarian notions of women in the workplace. There is simply no way to get such a man to back down, they are so convinced they are right, coming from an era before women were allowed to do any kind of job for anything other than a little pin money. Remember that in their day, a wife's earnings legally belonged to them etc.

Ermm... WTAF? Women have spared the legal conceit that their earnings belonged to their husband for over 140 years. Since 1882, in fact. Women have been allowed/forced to work forever, other than for pin money. Wealthy women whose working would have shamed their fathers/husbands, naturally, were exempted. What sort of background did you come from?

croydon15 · 26/12/2025 21:02

Bellyblueboy · 25/12/2025 17:36

At the risk of being lambasted - I asked my dad four times not to put the champagne in the food fridge - there isn’t enough room and the bottles fall out into the floor

he rolled his eyes every time. Bottle just fell out of fridge and cracked a floor tile. He was not even apologize! I know I know, he is getting on. But I also know he has a stubborn streak and the only reason he took the bottles out of the wine fridge and stuffed them into the over full food fridge was because I asked him not to. Makes no sense.

I could cry - flooring is down a year and was expensive. His response was I should have got Lino!

two more days!

You must be a saint. I could forget all the annoying previous things but the floor tile would be the last straw and l would have lost it ask him if he would like to reimburse you for the cost of the flooring.

suburburban · 26/12/2025 21:08

pollyglot · 26/12/2025 20:50

My father had similarly antiquarian notions of women in the workplace. There is simply no way to get such a man to back down, they are so convinced they are right, coming from an era before women were allowed to do any kind of job for anything other than a little pin money. Remember that in their day, a wife's earnings legally belonged to them etc.

Ermm... WTAF? Women have spared the legal conceit that their earnings belonged to their husband for over 140 years. Since 1882, in fact. Women have been allowed/forced to work forever, other than for pin money. Wealthy women whose working would have shamed their fathers/husbands, naturally, were exempted. What sort of background did you come from?

Yes exactly

my dgm had a responsible job and definitely ruled the roost

Nucleus · 26/12/2025 21:26

pollyglot · 26/12/2025 20:50

My father had similarly antiquarian notions of women in the workplace. There is simply no way to get such a man to back down, they are so convinced they are right, coming from an era before women were allowed to do any kind of job for anything other than a little pin money. Remember that in their day, a wife's earnings legally belonged to them etc.

Ermm... WTAF? Women have spared the legal conceit that their earnings belonged to their husband for over 140 years. Since 1882, in fact. Women have been allowed/forced to work forever, other than for pin money. Wealthy women whose working would have shamed their fathers/husbands, naturally, were exempted. What sort of background did you come from?

Look up the Marriage Bar for my point about giving up work on marriage. Given that women were not legally allowed their own bank account until the 1970s without a male guarantor, even if a woman did earn, her husband could still have absolute control over where her money went.

I came from a middle class background. My father very firmly held onto notions that should have long since disappeared but he remained convinced were still legal, partly as a result of his own parenting. He has only been dead a year, he will not be the last relic of his era.

Kittyloulou · 27/12/2025 07:22

My elderly in laws live 15 minutes away. The most we can tolerate over Christmas is an hour on Christmas Eve. Far too many reasons to go into. We are not heartless. Evil lurks within. Pure evil. The siblings agree and do the same. One hour. I would advise shorter visits in future. Anything more than 24 hours is far too long. Why are they staying for such a long time?

TheShyPeachKoala · 27/12/2025 07:52

croydon15 · 26/12/2025 21:02

You must be a saint. I could forget all the annoying previous things but the floor tile would be the last straw and l would have lost it ask him if he would like to reimburse you for the cost of the flooring.

Show quote history

Me too.

Trishyb10 · 27/12/2025 08:22

You have no idea how difficult,taxing,stressful it is until you got to look after them full time,24/7.. my lifes been turned upside down for 2 years and counting.. so give a thought to how much worse it could be if they had a terminal illness or dementia and thank your lucky stars……

RingInTheNew · 27/12/2025 08:44

Having read all of these posts this morning OP, I think you are far from being an awful person and I bet your parents wouldn’t look at their own behaviour and have any misgivings about how they behave towards you. I think you have the patience of a saint and I’m not sure I would be able to host my parents for a week if they were like that. All credit to you for holding your tongue on no doubt multiple occasions!

TrickyD · 27/12/2025 09:31

Could you claim for repairing the floor on your home insurance, ‘accidental damage’ and ask FIL to cover any excess?

TrickyD · 27/12/2025 09:38

Sorry, I meant Dad not FIL.

cucumberpeach · 27/12/2025 12:24

You sound remarkably tolerant OP - more than I would be. Rude behaviour is rude behaviour, it doesn't matter what age they are. No one should have to put up with that.

Sexentric · 27/12/2025 12:43

Why isnitbthqt so many people do get more difficult as they get older? We wouldn't tolerate kids or teens acting like this so why do the elderly get a free pass just because theyre old?