manipulative MIL

[nearlyemptynes]

So rant alert. I have cooked the christmas dinner for everyone for the last 27 years - except one when MIL did it. Every year which ever grandparent is coming christmas day buys the turkey(we have each set alternate years). Now MIL has rung this morning to see if i want any veg from the farm (she gets the turkey from the farm to prove how superior she is to my mum who gets it from Aldi). Now this may seem a helpful thing to offer to do. However, what it really means is , "i do not approve that you have bought premade cauliflowercheese and red cabbage from Marks and spencers, I think you should be making 12 vegetables from scratch". This is just one example of the things she will do over christmas. So come on am I the only one with a manipulative MIL? She will arrive with a turkey and trifle and act like she cooks the whole bloody dinner!

That doesn't sound very manipulative to me TBH. You seem to have a chip on your shoulder about your mum's contribution.

On the basis of the info given it sounds like she's just being helpful by asking if you need anything. A simple "no thank you" should suffice, then forget about it.

Free range turkeys from farms are typically better bred and have more flavour. They're also more expensive. If she's willing to fork out for a better quality bird, that's not such a bad thing either. When I can afford it I go for a farm turkey too. It's not snobby. Sounds like you just don't like your MIL - maybe there are genuine reasons (not these) - and you're looking for any excuse to have a go.

Hardly manipulation. Some MILs just can’t win .

This is so sad. Maybe your MIL likes to support her local farm and buy lovely fresh things from them- maybe she wants a turkey that is raised in better conditions and tastes better. Why do you assume she just wants to be a snob, rather than that she enjoys locally grown fresh homemade food?

I am a MIL, and do my best to be a good one- I would be so upset to know that my DIL saw my efforts to cook and provide delicious food as manipulation.

This makes me even more grateful for my own delighful DILs

Manipulative? No.

Helpful? Yes.

Jeez these are the threads I want to point to when people don’t understand gender disappointment over baby boys. They grow up and marry women for whom nothing you ever do will compare to her own sainted mother - even if that’s a half arsed trip to Aldi for cheapo battery farmed poultry.

Reading this, it sounds like you feel a bit insecure about your own mum and the tastes you were brought up with? Unless there’s extra context, your MIL buying a good quality turkey and offering to pick up some extra veg for you wouldn’t be viewed as manipulative. It sounds like perhaps you feel inadequate in some way about your ingredients or cooking and are framing that feeling of inadequacy as being intentional on her part.

Doesn’t seem like a slight to me? Think you are being a bit chippy tbh…

What has she done to manipulate you? It’s not clear from your post.

Your insecure op and feel inferior.
Maybe rhisnia to do with your MIL if their is a backstory or maybe it's a you issue.

I am with you. Everyone thought my evil mother was so wonderful as she played this type of stunt repeatedly.

You know her and the reasons behind what she says.

Your poor mother in law. Sounds like she can't do anything to help without it being twisted by an ungrateful and mean-spirited DIL.

‘This type of stunt’

Offering to pick up some veg for Christmas?

This one might be a you problem.

I think you fundamentally misunderstand what a 'stunt' is. Clue: it's not saying 'Just picking up the turkey, do you need any veg while I'm here?'

Team MIL here. Literally offering to help

'No thank you, thank you for offering', and then move on with your Day.

Agreed.

She might be manipulative, but the example you’ve given doesn’t show that. I imagine there’s a lot more to it, so that example is just something you’re reading in to because of how she’s acted before.

I’d be thrilled to bits! Let her crack on.

There is a difference between buying a farm turkey and lording it over everyone else that your turkey is far better than last years and how on earth can anyone buy a supermarket turkey etc. Or just handing over the turkey not mentioning where it’s from and being sensitive to the person who buys on the other year.
To be honest, if it were me and I knew the other grandparent couldn’t afford a farm turkey I would get mine from a supermarket too as I wouldn’t want anyone to feel awkward or be a show off. But that’s just being considerate.

Sounds like you are looking for offence where non is intended. Some Mils can’t win.

Oh shut the hell up lol we buy from a farm every year as do many many people lol you just dont like your mil do you lol

Oh you manipulative fool😂