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Original poster

Holiday hell

108 replies

Foggymorning01 · 17/12/2025 22:06

So, my DH and two of our DC (aged 4 and 2) are visiting my MIL for Christmas. We currently live abroad so decided to come for a longer period - 16 days in total, to allow time for the MIL to bond properly with the grandkids, for my husband to see his friends, etc. It all looked lovely in my head and we generally have a great relationship and she’s been nothing than loving and welcoming all along.

BUT we’ve been here for 6 days now and I can feel this is turning into a bit of holiday from hell tbh!! The 2 year old is afraid of the dog, literally screams every time the dog enters the room, won’t eat her food if dog is in the kitchen, etc. MIL is distressed about it and keeps saying things like: you’ve upset the doggy with your screaming, I had to put the doggy in the other room, so basically guilt tripping a toddler. She’s also said multiple
times already that my child is doing it for attention, which annoys the hell out of me because she’s two ffs and genuinely petrified.

Tonight my husband was out with a friend and I had to do two bedtimes by myself after spending the whole day with kids. I went to put the younger one to bed first and MIL was playing with my other kid downstairs and they were just SO LOUD, like running around and laughing and talking so loudly. I finally came downstairs and said something like: oh, you were quite loud - and now I feel terrible about it cuz I think MIL got upset.

Not sure if I’m being terrible as she’s hosting us in her home, feeding us etc, but omg I don’t know how to make it until the end of the trip, I feel like I’m going to explode soon. Also the house is freezing and honestly I don’t know how we’re so foolish to think coming for 2 weeks was a great idea!

OP posts:
Sexnotgendah · 17/12/2025 22:10

Say something nice to her to make up for that. Then tomorrow invest in hot water bottles. It’ll be worth it in the long run for the kids

DottieMoon · 17/12/2025 22:12

It’s always harder staying somewhere else for a long period of time with small children. At home you have your set up, routine etc.

Unless there’s anything else you’ve not included, I don’t see from what you’ve described as to why it would be a holiday from ‘hell’. Your MIL hasn’t done anything wrong .

If anything, it sounds like you're the difficult one and your MIL is going to end up feeling like she’s walking on eggshells in her own home.

Greyrock2828 · 17/12/2025 22:15

16 days - are you insane?!! I also live abroad, we only did 1 Christmas with MIL when DS was 2, we stayed for 10 days and it was hell.
Being in someone else's space, dealing with their rules and judgement, not being able to "relax" because it's not your home, kids out of routine, kids not sleeping in new place, someone elses traditions. Just don't do it to yourself, next time she can come to you or you visit outside of Christmas.

FinoBlanca · 17/12/2025 22:17

Are you going out and about, rather than all being in together? Walking in the park, trip to a cafe, a garden centre…anywhere but not everyone together, different adults, different kids.

Perhaps you & DH could take the kids away overnight, perhaps there is a zoo/castle/light trail/anything that you all want to visit.

Building in breaks make it easier when you are together.

We had similar times, staying with my parents.

ChristmasHug · 17/12/2025 22:19

The dog thing is an issue, the rest sounds minimal.

MIL sounds like she's trying, she's probably upset it's not going the way she hoped either.

Be nice, tell her how pleased you are the kids are bonding with her and how much you appreciate the steps she's taking to avoid the dog issue. Ask if she thinks it'd be better for you to find a hotel for a few night for a break.

PopcornKitten · 17/12/2025 22:20

Ouch, that’s too long. That’s a long time to spend in someone else’s home even if they are someone you love.
I think for future you will be staying nearby so you can all have your own space.
this time you’ll all just have to make the best of it. You’re aware of the issues so just try and make the situation bearable for you all.

Willowskyblue · 17/12/2025 22:21

Next time book an airbnb, for everyone’s sakes. Remember it’s a big upheaval for your MIL too to have a houseful. She’ll be knackered so maybe have a night or two away while you’re there.
16 days is too much for anyone. She’s probably saying to her friends that she can’t wait for it to be over too!

TheUsualChaos · 17/12/2025 22:24

Yeah that sounds intense. That's a long time to not have your own space. How much is DH seeing friends. I get he will want to make the most of it but it sounds like you need a break!

Onceaponceatime · 17/12/2025 22:30

Can you go away somewhere for a couple of days to give you and her some space? Hotels can be reasonable between Christmas and NYE. There might be deals for big attractions around too.

She isn’t really doing anything wrong- can you get advice from somewhere - Internet? about acclimatising little one to the dog?

Shitmonger · 17/12/2025 22:36

I was going to suggest moving your flights forward but if you’ve already been there 6 days I’m guessing you leave around the 27th? So moving it forward would miss the holidays (and cause an uproar)?

My next best option would be going away for a bit and coming back for the holidays. It will probably be expensive at such short notice but worth it to have a break.

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 17/12/2025 22:39

I would try and make some space by booking an Airbnb or something for a few days. Blame everything on the little one and the dog situation rather than anything else.

Solaire18381 · 17/12/2025 22:56

Yep as others have said, that seems an incredibly long stay!

I think I would say, "whilst we are here, we've been thinking of visiting X, we've always wanted to visit there but never had the time - you wouldn't mind if we went for a day or two, would you?" and use that to have a couple of nights' stay in a hotel, or wherever.

Even for your own sanity than anything else.

Franpie · 17/12/2025 22:58

16 days is waaaaaaay too long to be a guest in someone’s house. What on earth were you thinking?? 2 nights maximum! Otherwise you all piss each other off.

Get an Airbnb tomorrow!

Cautiouswalrus · 17/12/2025 23:00

Solaire18381 · 17/12/2025 22:56

Yep as others have said, that seems an incredibly long stay!

I think I would say, "whilst we are here, we've been thinking of visiting X, we've always wanted to visit there but never had the time - you wouldn't mind if we went for a day or two, would you?" and use that to have a couple of nights' stay in a hotel, or wherever.

Even for your own sanity than anything else.

Yes do this .

Eyeshadow · 17/12/2025 23:23

Geez!!! Can you not look into an Air BnB this is absolute madness.

Your MIL sounds lovely but I think even she’ll be pulling her hair out in a few days.

You can still spend every day with her.
My excuse would be that DHs friend knows someone and it’s empty etc and you don’t want the dog distressed.

For now, I would ask that DH sees his friends either on a day when you are going out for the day (zoo etc) and MIL can join you if she wants or once the DCs are in bed.

I think it’s not fair on him to ask that you are MILs without him trying to wrangle 2 kids and put them to bed in someone else’s unfamiliar home.

I really think the Airbnb sounds good though as then you can just do what you want in the evenings.

Treatssweets · 18/12/2025 00:16

If your child isn't used to dogs I would maybe try to address that as a fear could be damaging long term for them. Maybe help them see the dog in a positive light. Give it treats etc (if it's friendly) get a book about dogs etc. Talk about the dog to help them know it's okay. It's always a bit tricky when visiting family for long periods but I think you sound really nice and your MIL too so I'm sure it'll be okay. Good luck.

bleakmidwintering · 18/12/2025 02:35

Wow 16 days. You really did build up a fantasy in your head didn’t you? Only you didn’t factor in how tetchy you are about your own routines and environment. You’re either going to have to chill out or move out. The dog, you are maybe going to have to do some exposure and build it bit by bit.

SpicyMargarita1 · 18/12/2025 05:05

Aw, none of this is anyone’s fault. I imagine your MIL is feeling as miserable as you. Can you speak to her openly and say, I know this is all really stressful. What can we do to make it less so?

rookiemere · 18/12/2025 06:27

It’s really difficult to have young DCs and dogs who aren’t used to them in a confined space. We usually use a dog sitter now for extended family holidays rather than bringing rookiedog, as although he is very placid and good natured you can tell he is permanently stressed from not being allowed to relax properly as DCs naturally want to play with him.
Anyway you are there now, how about a day trip somewhere or even an overnight if there is somewhere not too far away. Breaks up the visit and gives everyone a time to breathe.

gerispringer · 18/12/2025 06:36

If the dog is well trained could you go for walks with said dog on a lead, get child more used to dog. You don’t want her to have hysterics every time any dog barks or is nearby. But agree, you should build in some days out so you are not in the house for extended periods.

FancyFireplaces · 18/12/2025 06:42

It sounds like you’re making a mountain out of a molehill. Your daughter being scared of the dog is an issue that you need to fix. Surely you can show a 4 year old how to make friends with a dog? (Assuming it’s not dangerous)

You complain that you had to out both kids to bed after spending all day with them like it’s the worst chore imaginable.

SatsumaDog · 18/12/2025 07:10

It doesn’t matter how lovely the hosts are, it’s always going to be a nightmare staying in someone else’s house for any period of time. Adding young children into the mix and yes, it can feel like hell op. You have my absolute sympathy. Your DH won’t feel it as acutely because this is his mother, so he will be able to relax in a way you can’t. My PIL are fabulous, but after a few days staying over Christmas, I’m ready to go home. It’s stressful.

You need to get out of the house as much as you can and also your DH needs to step up and allow you time to yourself. Go out without the kids, shopping, lunch or the cinema, even just a nice walk. You need it.

OldGothsFadeToGrey · 18/12/2025 07:13

Sexnotgendah · 17/12/2025 22:10

Say something nice to her to make up for that. Then tomorrow invest in hot water bottles. It’ll be worth it in the long run for the kids

Absolutely wouldn’t have a hot water bottle near my kids

ShawnaMacallister · 18/12/2025 07:16

16 days in someone else's house would test the strongest relationships. You need to find some ways to get space.

pilates · 18/12/2025 07:18

Have I missed something, what is wrong with hot water bottles?