Page 3 | Holiday hell

Motnight · 18/12/2025 13:13

TheBewleySisters · 18/12/2025 12:59

I actually feel sorry for the MIL.

Me too. And the dog!

Snoken · 18/12/2025 13:16

Motnight · 18/12/2025 13:13

Me too. And the dog!

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RIght? The poor dog gets screamed at for just exisiting in his own home.

AnotherForumUser · 18/12/2025 13:27

Your poor MIL. She's hosting, entertaining and feeding two adults and two children for 16 days. Your DH skips out to visit his pals and while you are putting one to bed she is playing with the other. But it's too noisy for you. And you whinged about it to her - in her house while she was helping you. Maybe daddy dearest should have been there as he'd be better trained to your expectations. I'm sure your 2 year old shrieking every time the dog is in the same room is noisy for your poor MIL. Oh but she's not allowed to feel put out by a graceless guest (you) who expects everything her way. And she is keeping the dog apart from your child as best she can. Is that not enough for you? what are YOU doing to ameliorate this situation? Are you trying to show your child that the dog isn't a scary monster or is it all on your MIL? I hope that you don't want her to kennel the dog (at this late stage few kennels will have boarding space).

TheDenimPoet · 18/12/2025 13:30

Re: the dog. It is absolutely not fair for it to have to be locked away in rooms for 16 days because your child is scared. If you didn't know she was scared of dogs before this visit, this would be the ideal excuse to either leave or find somewhere else to stay nearby. I remember being afraid of dogs as a child and I genuinely can still feel what it was like to be made to visit a house with a dog I was terrified of. It didn't last into adulthood. As soon as I was older (and bigger than them!) I was fine. But this situation isn't fair for anyone.

luckylavender · 18/12/2025 14:17

pilates · 18/12/2025 07:18

Have I missed something, what is wrong with hot water bottles?

It's the new Mumsnet obsession. Apparently, we are all going to burn to death.

Thatcannotberight · 18/12/2025 14:41

Horrible, bouncy, in your face dog? Or normal, wander round the house dog? I've always had dogs and my kids have never been scared of them. My friend's DD was scared of dogs in the distance, for no reason. Untrained dog, forgivable, nice dog, kid needs to get a grip. Sounds very stressful for MiL. And dog.

CraftyGin · 18/12/2025 14:51

How about you (or you and DH) take the dog for a walk without the children?

This will give the children time to relax in the house with their DGM. They will see that you don't have any problem with the dog, so nothing to be scared of.

If you don't crack the dog fear now, you will be setting them up for a fear of dogs for a long time.

KuanKaKu · 18/12/2025 14:54

Foggymorning01 · 17/12/2025 22:06

So, my DH and two of our DC (aged 4 and 2) are visiting my MIL for Christmas. We currently live abroad so decided to come for a longer period - 16 days in total, to allow time for the MIL to bond properly with the grandkids, for my husband to see his friends, etc. It all looked lovely in my head and we generally have a great relationship and she’s been nothing than loving and welcoming all along.

BUT we’ve been here for 6 days now and I can feel this is turning into a bit of holiday from hell tbh!! The 2 year old is afraid of the dog, literally screams every time the dog enters the room, won’t eat her food if dog is in the kitchen, etc. MIL is distressed about it and keeps saying things like: you’ve upset the doggy with your screaming, I had to put the doggy in the other room, so basically guilt tripping a toddler. She’s also said multiple
times already that my child is doing it for attention, which annoys the hell out of me because she’s two ffs and genuinely petrified.

Tonight my husband was out with a friend and I had to do two bedtimes by myself after spending the whole day with kids. I went to put the younger one to bed first and MIL was playing with my other kid downstairs and they were just SO LOUD, like running around and laughing and talking so loudly. I finally came downstairs and said something like: oh, you were quite loud - and now I feel terrible about it cuz I think MIL got upset.

Not sure if I’m being terrible as she’s hosting us in her home, feeding us etc, but omg I don’t know how to make it until the end of the trip, I feel like I’m going to explode soon. Also the house is freezing and honestly I don’t know how we’re so foolish to think coming for 2 weeks was a great idea!

Go and stay in a local hotel or Air B and B??

Judecb · 18/12/2025 17:41

I think you're just going to have to make the best of it and remember that you're primarily doing this so your kids will have a proper relationship with her. Could you and your husband have a night off while she babysits to break it up a bit?

Saharafordessert · 18/12/2025 17:51

Awwww poor mil, it sounds like she’s doing her best by feeding you all and helping with the children.
You need to address your child’s fear of dogs. Why is this? Has she had a bad experience? Unless the dog is out of control it’s not fair to shut him away, no wonder mil is upset about this. Use this time to help your child with it if you can.
I also don’t think that playing too loudly is a terrible thing!

Roobarbtwo · 18/12/2025 18:01

Judecb · 18/12/2025 17:41

I think you're just going to have to make the best of it and remember that you're primarily doing this so your kids will have a proper relationship with her. Could you and your husband have a night off while she babysits to break it up a bit?

I think the Mil is the one needing some time out. She's hosting and by the sounds of it paying for everything

Leo800 · 18/12/2025 18:01

Doesn’t sound like a holiday from hell. I don’t get it.

ForLoveNotMoney · 18/12/2025 18:12

Sounds like your MIL can’t win OP. (Awaits the MIL’s thread) 🤭🫣

Venturini · 18/12/2025 18:14

Travelling and staying with other people with small kids is an absolute nightmare (for all involved frankly) and I have always avoided it, especially at Christmas. At most will stay in an airbnb nearby but generally we ask/invite family to visit us instead (also staying nearby so everyone has some much needed space).

RavenRoise · 18/12/2025 18:29

Just wanted to touch on the situation with the dog.
Thats extremely difficult when a dog is a massive part of her life and its the dogs home too. Unless the dog has done anything wrong to the child or is known to be vicious etc, it would be an idea to get the child used to dogs, I feel an irrational fear for no reason isnt healthy for a child.

chunkyBoo · 18/12/2025 18:48

Oh god, I’d book into a hotel with the family and just say it’s less stressful for everyone that way

Caterpillar1 · 18/12/2025 18:53

We have travelled to my MIL's house in India yearly since our oldest was 10 months. First 2-3 years it was hell. Dirty hands, diarrhoea, unknown rash, mosquitoes and horrible screaming on the plane, on the filthy train, juggling the bottles, the nappies etc. Looking back at this, I'm amazed how we made this. They are bigger kids now and things have got better, but I'm still worried what they will eat, will they get sick, etc. Then, I've started getting sick in the last couple of years, from the fried food mainly, so I need to be super-vigilant, too. It's hard, and the journey is exhausting. After 10 years of this, I'm slowly starting to be fed-up, also, because it's so expensive to get there, and it's not really a holiday. Most of the time while there after like 2-3 days, when I know all the gossip from MIL and SIL, I'm bored, reading a book, sitting inside or on the porch, cooking and eating food I don't really like anymore, doing laundry, etc. The house is also quite filthy, but that's the reality of life there, the dust from the road, and MIL has got a lot of clutter in the house that she refuses to get rid of.
So I just wanted to say, you have my sympathy, OP, I get it... (sigh...)

Skcollob · 18/12/2025 19:25

Not that you've asked but I think YABU. It's a big ask to host someone for that long, I'd absolutely hate hate hate it, yes you made a big mistake arranging to stay for that long but you know that.

She does sound like she's being a bit of a nob about the dog though and the heating thing is always awkward because quite often people live with different temp houses. Grab some cosy stuff for you and the kids ie hot water bottles.

It'll kinda kill the vibe entirely if you just decide to leave for a hotel but maybe ask DH if he can ask his mum if she is feeling a bit encroached in and if she is, offer to leave earlier.

TheMagicDeckchair · 18/12/2025 19:40

What did you plan to do for the 16 days? It’s a long time to spend with family, especially living with them. It sounds really stressful.

Do you have transport? Could you book a few days away before Christmas Eve/day near somewhere a bit touristy in a holiday let and have a bit of break, returning to MILs for Christmas? Or find somewhere nearby, visit MIL in the day/go for walks/days out and then retreat there at bedtime?

We had a few days away to visit family and stayed in an apart hotel, it worked really well and felt like a holiday too.

Snowtoast · 18/12/2025 19:42

It’s not great for your toddler to leave them in a house with an animal they are frightened of for 16 days. That’s not going to help them crack a phobia, it’s going to entrench it. Put your children first and leave.

Talkingtomyhouseplants · 18/12/2025 20:02

All the dog comments are a bit weird - of course her grandchild should be more important than the dog and I don’t really see why it’s such a big deal for her to keep it away 🙄

No one ever got over a fear by just being expected to deal with it and the OP hasn’t said what kind of dog it is - if it’s bouncy or massive then of course the child is scared.

ClaredeBear · 18/12/2025 20:10

Aside from trying to leave sooner, or filling up your days with activities, I wonder if taking your little one and the dog to the park might help? It sounds like a phobia waiting to happen so it would be good to resolve this now.

pictoosh · 18/12/2025 20:19

That your toddler is scared of the dog and screams when she sees it couldn't have been predicted but it's a contentious issue for both sides. That's a shame.
Obviously it's difficult.
Agh...I don't know what to say.

16 days is a long time to be a guest and it's a long time to have a guest.

Sympathy.

LucyMonth · 18/12/2025 20:24

As someone who worked in animal rescue for decades and has seen many a case of a dog “biting out of nowhere”, kids as young as 2 should never be eating with a dog in the room. It’s asking for trouble.

& sorry anyone who disagrees because their dogs is sooooo well behaved and isn’t food motivated…I’ve seen it countless times.

pteromum · 18/12/2025 20:30

The dog clearly needs more detail.

I am a farmers wife, we have a lot of dogs. My youngest is scared, does scream. It’s the head height thing I suspect.

so she goes nowhere near them as a pack ever.

we have two in the house, spaniels, she doesn’t seem to see those as dogs.

if we meet dogs out and about she will climb up me but knows not to scream.

then gentle steps. Kids love helping. Love it. Presumably it’s a friendly dog. So she helps granny make the food. Comes for walks and has a little hold of the lead. fluffy is such a nice dog isn’t she. Blah blah.

If the dog is not a nice dog I assumed you would have known this before now.

I don’t think anything you say is that bad. granny is trying, it is what it is.

look for ways to make it easier.