Holiday hell

[Foggymorning01]

So, my DH and two of our DC (aged 4 and 2) are visiting my MIL for Christmas. We currently live abroad so decided to come for a longer period - 16 days in total, to allow time for the MIL to bond properly with the grandkids, for my husband to see his friends, etc. It all looked lovely in my head and we generally have a great relationship and she’s been nothing than loving and welcoming all along.

BUT we’ve been here for 6 days now and I can feel this is turning into a bit of holiday from hell tbh!! The 2 year old is afraid of the dog, literally screams every time the dog enters the room, won’t eat her food if dog is in the kitchen, etc. MIL is distressed about it and keeps saying things like: you’ve upset the doggy with your screaming, I had to put the doggy in the other room, so basically guilt tripping a toddler. She’s also said multiple
times already that my child is doing it for attention, which annoys the hell out of me because she’s two ffs and genuinely petrified.

Tonight my husband was out with a friend and I had to do two bedtimes by myself after spending the whole day with kids. I went to put the younger one to bed first and MIL was playing with my other kid downstairs and they were just SO LOUD, like running around and laughing and talking so loudly. I finally came downstairs and said something like: oh, you were quite loud - and now I feel terrible about it cuz I think MIL got upset.

Not sure if I’m being terrible as she’s hosting us in her home, feeding us etc, but omg I don’t know how to make it until the end of the trip, I feel like I’m going to explode soon. Also the house is freezing and honestly I don’t know how we’re so foolish to think coming for 2 weeks was a great idea!

Why is your 2 year old screaming hysterically everytime the dog is near. Tbh this urgently needs nipping in the bud as it’s quite dangerous behaviour. Have they previously had a scare with a dog? Surely your MIL can babysit.put the kids to bed and both of you go out to see your DHs. Friends?

Op, that is a long time for for a stay but complaining about mil playing and having fun is a bit off. The screaming sounds stressful too. Could you go out for some dog walks to try and get your children used to the dog?

Could you rent a holiday let nearby? There are lots of websites for UK holiday lets that might have something nearby at short notice, then you can visit MIL in the daytime and leave her and the dog to themselves in the evenings.

I'm failing to see what your poor MIL has done wrong.

She's hosting you, feeding you, playing with her grandchildren and even shutting the poor dog out because your child is screaming at it (which I agree with her about, it does sounds like attention seeking behaviour).

She sounds like a saint.

They can burst and scald you if too hot. Of course you don't have to fill them with scalding water!

Oh poor MIL. I think 16 days is way too long even if everything went smoothly, but having someone in your home who screams everytime your dog is near for 16 days would be torture for me. You have been there 6 days and it sounds like there is no improvement so you really need to work on that or leave and go and stay somewhere else. It must be so stressful for the poor dog too who is used to a much quieter home and who is doing nothing wrong at all.

Could you break it up with a night or two in a hotel?

Agree about hot water bottles and a fleece gilet - think layers Uniqlo is good for warm stuff that doesn’t scream hiker.

I could not stay in someone else’s house for 16 days even if you gave me £1million!!

Yes, it does sound like holiday from hell.
For you, your MIL and your toddler.
What an idea.
Would you talk to your husband and perhaps leave earlier?

Poor dog! That seems like a really extreme reaction, especially it it’s still ongoing. I kind of feel sorry for MIL tbh. She was helping to entertain your other child while your DH was out for bedtime and just got a comment about the noise. Ironic given your toddler seems to be creating insane amounts of noise on a daily basis!

16 days is far too long, would drive anyone mad in someone else’s home, I’m sure your MIL feeling it too! Next time put your foot down to DH and say a week max. also stay in a Airbnb (next time a visit is being planned, say to MIL as not to upset the dog, is easier is stay in your own place, sugar coat it a bit). You can always stay over on Xmas eve and Xmas day to be polite

Also have you asked her if she can turn the heating on for a bit? Or is it a cold house even with heating? It’s freezing at the moment.

You're going to explode? What for. She's hosting you - feeding you. For 16 nights. Take a couple of days out like someone suggested - a B and B. As someone else said ask your husband to be with the kids so you can go out for a while.

You're saving quite a lot of money by being hosted - so hopefully you could afford a night or two away to break up the stay

Tell her you're cold and ask her if you can turn the heating up

A long weekend would have been better, but it's too late now. Your DH should be stepping in more with his mother.

Your poor MIL must be shattered tired already.

Sixteen days??!!!! Insanity.

I can see this would be difficult for all of you . Next year either just a week, or book an AirB&B. Or you could invite them to yours ?

I dont think she was "guilt tripping " your toddler necessarily. Maybe she was trying to say " doggie is scared too" moving the dog is avoiding the issue.

If dog was all over your little and there was reason to be scared fair enough.

When I was little I had a fear of moustaches, so to resolve this.... my mum made my dad grow one . Mostly irrelevant but tis the season for sharing 😁

Yes, buy hot water bottles and a real woollen blanket for each bed from the op. shop.

Give MIL some space in her own home every day. Take a trip to playground or shops or park.
You will see it out. It is very kind of MIL to have you all for so long.
Explain nicely that calming down just before bed is what usually happens.
Encourage MIL and older child to have some really active times together in the middle of the day. Take MIL out for lunch sometimes with one child only while one of you stays home.

In future I would only plan to stay for three nights at a time.
Book a few overnight adventures close by and come back to MIL's afterwards.
Putting two of your own children to bed should not seem a burden. What is going on there? You need to communicate with MIL.

Staying at other people's houses is the absolute worst. I have to stay at my inlaws every 3rd weekend when my partner goes to see his daughter and it is beyond inconvenient, me and the kids have started only going every 2nd or 3rd visit because it is just too much, packing for everyone, sitting in a car for hours listening to the kids whinge, tip toeing around someone else house, not feeling like you can make your own food or really do anything.
Our house is child proofed and we're pretty laid back and let the kids be kids. Our oldest has ADHD and the inlaws basically live in a China shop where my kids arent allowed to touch or do anything. I spend half my life dreading going there and the other half decompressing from being there. I 100% think your house your rules but I dont want to spend my entire weekend hovering over my kids so I would rather not go. And recently I found out they have been complaining about it, so now I'd love to not go at all because how uncomfortable!

You spund like a right handful tbh. How is putting 2 kids to bed on your own for one night a big deal? You come to let MIL bond with kids. She bonds with eldest and you have to say snide comment? Wow. You just sound hard work and entitled. I might be wrong but you def dont sound chill to be around. A moral sponge. Good luck to them all

You are making a mountain out of a molehill. And you need to teach your child to not be afraid of dogs. What are you actually doing to help address this situation and help your child feel calmer around the dog? This is the perfect opportunity for your child to learn about dogs and not grow up with a dog phobia.

That is a long long long time for a house visit, for all of you. MIL being older is probably getting very tired just interacting with you all during the day, and doing basic cooking and housework for a suddenly much larger household.
The dog situation is very hard too, because it's no joke for your poor toddler living with a terrifying beastie, and MIL will be thinking that this is the dog's home and doesn't want to shut it in another room all the time.

If DH can be around more and if the 4 of you can go out together to give MIL and her doggie friend some peace, it might be easier.
I don't see why DH should not also mention that the temperature is lower than you are all used to and offer to pay for some extra heating. It's miserable being cold.
Good luck!

I actually feel sorry for the MIL.

Oh thats hard. DS was terrified of MiLs dog as a toddler. Dog was taller than him and very bouncy so not an unreasonable fear. MiL would keep the dog in another room for an hour max, get annoyed with DS and we'd leave shortly after.
If there is anywhere you can go for a few days that might give you all a break?

Did you not know your toddler was scared of dogs before you came? Or is this dog particularly scary?

If your toddler hasn't improved after 6 days then it doesn't sound sustainable for another 10.
Could you book a travelodge or something for the next week to give everyone a break?