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Original poster

Why won't husband DO anything??

108 replies

PistachioTiramisu · 15/12/2025 09:12

OK - it's now 10 days until Christmas. I have most things sorted, such as decorations, food, presents, etc. Since mid-November I have been prompting DH to find out from his (adult) children what they and the grandchildren would like for their Christmas presents. He had done absolutely nothing at all in this respect, or anything else towards preparations for that matter! I have reminded him and reminded him to do something, but he just won't. I don't want them to be disappointed on Christmas Day, but on the other hand I don't see why I should sort out stuff for HIS children. What would you do?

OP posts:
oldestmumaintheworld · 15/12/2025 09:13

A big fat nothing. Not your relatives, not your problem.

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 15/12/2025 09:13

Do absolutely nothing.. Or you will be regarded as Chief Christmas Fixer for evermore...

MeridaBrave · 15/12/2025 09:14

Do nothing. It’s his problem

BarefootInSnow · 15/12/2025 09:14

Step back. If his children are disappointed that's on him.

If you really really wanted you could buy each of them something small like chocolates, drink set and be sure to point out they're from you and only you.

Brefugee · 15/12/2025 09:15

PistachioTiramisu · 15/12/2025 09:12

OK - it's now 10 days until Christmas. I have most things sorted, such as decorations, food, presents, etc. Since mid-November I have been prompting DH to find out from his (adult) children what they and the grandchildren would like for their Christmas presents. He had done absolutely nothing at all in this respect, or anything else towards preparations for that matter! I have reminded him and reminded him to do something, but he just won't. I don't want them to be disappointed on Christmas Day, but on the other hand I don't see why I should sort out stuff for HIS children. What would you do?

just leave it. You have told him. Christmas is at the same time every year, it is not a surprise to your 'D'H.

If anyone is disappointed? shrug and move on

Namechangetheyarewatching · 15/12/2025 09:16

Don't do it, you've asked him so leave it like that.

When I got together with my husband, 7 years ago we had 3 grown up children each, he has lots of grandchildren, I have one, he has extended family, I have none.

I told him he was responsible for birthdays and Christmas for his side of the family and I would sort mine.

I'm not his mother and that it was his job.

If he forgets then that's on him, I've told his children that it his responsibility, so if he doesn't step up it on him.

LadyKenya · 15/12/2025 09:16

The Adult children getting presents, would be the last thing on my mind.

ComfortFoodCafe · 15/12/2025 09:17

Don’t do anything, if they complain you tell them their dad was supposed to have got their presents and to ask him.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 15/12/2025 09:19

ComfortFoodCafe · 15/12/2025 09:17

Don’t do anything, if they complain you tell them their dad was supposed to have got their presents and to ask him.

I'd do this, but I'd tell them in advance that he's in charge, so they can set their expectations accordingly (and those of their children).

Mauro711 · 15/12/2025 09:26

You need to follow your H's lead and do nothing at all. They aren't even your children.

MaplePumpkin · 15/12/2025 09:36

Also here to say do nothing. His children, his problem. Don’t overthink it.

Anonymouseposter · 15/12/2025 09:37

Warn him. Tell him that if he doesn’t find out today what they want you’ll be leaving it with him to sort out and if the kids are disappointed it will be on him. Then follow through with it.

BingBongMerrilyWithPie · 15/12/2025 09:39

Leave it. The shops will still be selling things up to Christmas Eve. He's got plenty of time.

ETA this is on the understanding that it is his job to buy their presents, not yours. If that is not your set up then as PP said give him a short deadline to do it, or it becomes his responsibility to buy the things too.

Needmorelego · 15/12/2025 09:42

If you generally have a decent relationship with the (step)grandchildren and you are going to see them over Christmas I would get them gifts.
Get something fairly generic that's age appropriate and sign the label just from you.
However if you aren't going to be seeing them over Christmas then just leave it.

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 15/12/2025 09:43

Last time I checked, no element of present buying or meal prep requires a vagina. Assuming he’s a fully functioning adult male, he can sort this out himself.

ChristmasinBrighton · 15/12/2025 09:44

Leave him to it. If you have any casual contact with his DSC before Christmas, say I hope you have told dad what you want for Christmas, he’s doing his own shopping.

Rainbow1901 · 15/12/2025 09:47

I have this issue with DH after a family rift. It used to be me that did everything regarding his family now I've made it clear to him that he's responsible for sorting his family - I want nothing to do with it. If he does nothing - they can have a pop at him and leave me out of it.

Engelah · 15/12/2025 09:48

Honestly just leave it as he may be doing a Christmas Eve dash. That’s on him if he wants to do it that way.

When are you seeing them?

Presumably their grandmother and her partner if she has one will have not been so useless and they will not have ‘nothing’

There is no point opting out of it if you are going to carry the mental burden anyway. This is all on him.

reabies · 15/12/2025 09:51

I start prepping for Christmas in about September and DH is very much an 'Oh it's Mid-December I should start getting Christmas sorted' kind of person. It drives me nuts. This year I have said I am not getting involved in any gifting for his parents or BIL/SIL because I have sorted all my shit out and I'm enjoying December thanks. If nothing happens for them then so be it.

Leave your DH to sort it his way, if he doesn't then it's not on you.

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 15/12/2025 09:58

I think given today is last day to order from most websites, I’d remind him of this fact, that if his plan for his children and grandchildren’s gifts involve delivery, he has until about 5pm today to place an order and no, you won’t be running round to fix this. That you understand he can’t be bothered but think the grandchildren at least should get something.

Then let him fail.

FirTreeHeaven · 15/12/2025 09:59

He sounds bloody useless.

Poppins17 · 15/12/2025 10:00

I do all the present buying and wrapping, which includes DH’a two adult children and two teenage grandchildren.

DH has no clue what we have bought them, we have a budget for everyone (both sides of the family) and I buy gifts to that budget and wrap them and we hand them out at a pre-Christmas family meal.

I think you should speak to your DH and either agree the above or agree he will do it going forward and then at least you have set your stalls out for every year going forward.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 15/12/2025 10:14

Because it's still ages till Christmas?

My Christmas prep so far has involved buying a tree yesterday and putting it up.

Tonight I might write a couple of Christmas cards.

Wednesday the car is in for an MOT so I'll head into town and buy most of my presents, the rest I'll get on Amazon towards the end of this week.

Then I'll do all the food shopping on the weekend. Job done.

I never get people who start all the prep in November. It just ruins the Christmassy feel when you have to start thinking about it too early.

Original poster
PistachioTiramisu · 15/12/2025 10:29

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 15/12/2025 10:14

Because it's still ages till Christmas?

My Christmas prep so far has involved buying a tree yesterday and putting it up.

Tonight I might write a couple of Christmas cards.

Wednesday the car is in for an MOT so I'll head into town and buy most of my presents, the rest I'll get on Amazon towards the end of this week.

Then I'll do all the food shopping on the weekend. Job done.

I never get people who start all the prep in November. It just ruins the Christmassy feel when you have to start thinking about it too early.

I do appreciate there are 10 days to go - it's just that I am one of those people who like things 'done and dusted' in good time as I hate panicking to get things done in a short time!

OP posts:
Daisy12Maisie · 15/12/2025 10:35

Just leave it to him. You have tried.

Im not at work this week. I’ve offered to go and get some bits for my partners family and he has said no he will do it.
I am a forward planner but him and his family do everything last minute. He has an 18 year old daughter and I said why doesn’t he take her out Thursday evening to choose something (she works weekends) he just didn’t commit so who knows when he will be able to go shopping for her.

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