Why won't husband DO anything??

[PistachioTiramisu]

OK - it's now 10 days until Christmas. I have most things sorted, such as decorations, food, presents, etc. Since mid-November I have been prompting DH to find out from his (adult) children what they and the grandchildren would like for their Christmas presents. He had done absolutely nothing at all in this respect, or anything else towards preparations for that matter! I have reminded him and reminded him to do something, but he just won't. I don't want them to be disappointed on Christmas Day, but on the other hand I don't see why I should sort out stuff for HIS children. What would you do?

Do nothing. Leave it to him

I have a similar situation with DH and his family that live in Australia. This year I told him months before Christmas it was his responsibly this year to buy and post presents to them because I was fed up of asking what to get them and then being rushed to sort it out myself along side every other present we have to buy. He has missed the post deadline so no one is getting cards now. Presents he has sorted the kids and sent to his brother to wrap but hasn't done the adults. I'm not reminding him for the 100th time.

Why wouldn't he do anything?
I'm going to leave out the useless, lazy pig stuff and say - because he isn't motivated to.
Nothing to do with you!
You have done your bit.

My dad's partner buys me Christmas presents and sends a card I wish she would not.

When he was single, my dad did it and I preferred that. If he prefers to get me nothing then I'd rather have nothing. She's a lovely woman and she means well, but she does oppressively insert herself into our relationship in this way and I know she thinks she is in the right. I tried to say it to her once when she sent me my dad's condolences when I was widowed, but she just got really upset so I gave up.

I don't say anything. I just wish she would not. I'd like to have my own relationship with my father, and a different relationship with her.

You’re not a mug OP. Unfortunately gift and Christmas prep is seen as women’s work, and it’s us that feels the panic and guilt when our partners don’t do it. Your husband won’t change if you keep buying the gifts.
I’ve done the same this year with my dhs nieces/ nephews - I have no idea if he has even thought about buying them a gift after being warned I will not be doing it again. as I’ve always been the gift buyer in previous years (with no appreciation shown let alone reciprocation from any of his family) I’m sure the blame will fall on me when there are no gifts. I’ve even bought a box of Christmas cards and book of stamps and put them on his desk - they remain unopened - just a few days to go before those second class stamps won’t get there in time 🙊🙈😆 edited to correct second hand stamps to second class 😆

Tbh I do everything Christmas Eve. Shopping is pleasantly quiet and I have a basic list or I go with not a clue what to get and get inspiration looking around the shops

A lot of things like concert or theatre tickets I get on line the night before.

Atm my living room floor does not exist and am about to have bathroom walls plastered and awaiting delivery of wall hung toilet. Old toilet will be ripped out and new one fitted in the next 10 days

There is plenty of time

There is your answer, you have always sorted it out so he is expecting the Christmas elves to bring presents for everyone again.

Yes you have been a mug in the past and are likely to get the full blame this year. But if you take the hit it is less likely to happen in the future. This is your gamble this year, in a proper emergency he can buy online vouchers for Lego and such like.

Stick to your guns you’ve told him you’re not prepared to do it this year and you’ve reminded him. If the kids or grandkids are disappointed let him deal with it. It’s on him not you. I’m one of those people who does the shopping in our family and I enjoy it but if my husband had agreed to do it and he didn’t I’d let him deal with the fallout

Well, now you’re seeing what happens.Get a handle of your emotions, take a step back and ride out what you set out to do - see what happens.

This ^

You're at fault here for always having done what's needed

Teach husband by NOT doing it this year ....and he'll learn for the future

Yes you are a mug. Stop being one now !

Feeling your pain. I'm convinced men think the fairies make Christmas happen.

If he suddenly realises on Christmas Eve that he’s going to have to go on a dash to Waterstones and buy everyone a book each … does it really matter ( what a certain member of our family always does).?

Leave him to it. I don’t get involved with buying for my husbands side, I used to always get the cards but they always thought it was him doing it, and they never bothered to send me cards so I now just don’t get involved. Makes for an easier life.

It's fine if you don't do Christmas stuff till nearer the time, but 10 days isn't 'ages' and I think you probably know that. You're much cooler than everyone else though!

OP as for 'why wont husband do anything'- because he's useless and you've enabled him for years.

It's not your problem. You mentioned it to him. He knows it's Xmas next week and he has kids. If he can't get organised his kids will call him out.

Put a rocket up his arse!! You can't do nothing as innocent people will miss out, be he needs a bloody good talking to.

We’ll I’d be stepping in. My step children are as important to me as my own. I jog my husband on all sorts of things.

Don’t do anything.

And if there’s nothing on Xmas day for the kids….he can run down to the cash machine or make an online transfer to their accounts.

Nothing. I am with you. My husband does little also. He did help with decorations but has done no Christmas present shopping except hopefully for me(he usually does it last minute). I have asked for food suggestions and so far he hasn’t volunteered anything so I am literally just buying stuff for our Christmas dinner and Boxing Day buffet and not considered him at all. Our children and grandchildren are both of ours though so I have bought their presents.

In your situation I would tell him very clearly that you are leaving them to him this year. That is what I did with my DHs family in the end. Just said he had to sort out their presents. Mil gave me grief one year as I bought my mum annd dad, sister annd brother lovely presents and nothing for her or BIL and I directed her to her son and said it was her fault for raising such a lazy man as he had not bought them anything and as I had done everything else I was leaving his side of the family to him. He never forgot after that. Now he only has to think about me and to be fair he always does get me something.

He has already been reminded multiple times by OP. She doesn’t want to be accused of ‘nagging’ now does she?

Soooo, he has children and grandchildren… you took him on, you take the offspring on too, why wouldn't you?
ask him for the money and order whatever even if its just chocolate hampers online, or a gift voucher and chocs, thats it, simple… stress behind you,and make sure you tske enough money to treat yourself for doing it 😘

I could have written this. He qdidq mention yesterday that he's seen my wish list but that's as far as it goes!

No because he's a lazy sod.
Not often I say it because there's no need.
I've been on here about 5years and I'm male.
Oh and I love shopping👍😁

“Let him”

have a look at Mel Robbins’s let them theory. Absolute game changer for the way you think about the division of tasks.

No do not do it. State clearly now that it is his responsibility to sort this area of Xmas (which is very small...). Give a reminder next week if you are minded so to do, then there can be no doubt that any failure is down to him. I suspect he will do it but very last minute.com.