Page 4 | Thing people do at Christmas that seem helpful to the Christmas Host but actually really aren’t?

Talkingtomyhouseplants · 2025-12-01T08:47:01+00:00

I’ll start - Bringing something to contribute to the day without checking with the host what is wanted/needed first. Results in additional unnecessary work for the host who has had to cover that item because they didn’t know it was going to be brought and food that doesn’t necessarily match the rest of the menu but people feel obliged to eat anyway - On a similar note, people asking what they should bring about 3 days before the big day - this is a BIL special - no thanks my big shop has already arrived and we’re all sorted now. - People who clear up in the kitchen but put things away in the wrong places rather than just leaving them dry, neatly, on the side. What else?

PrincessFairyWren · 01/12/2025 11:37

ihavespoken · 01/12/2025 11:16

Mine is like yours. Eg, not saying you are bringing anything (and in fact not needing to bring anything as the host has everything sorted) but turning up with a hundredweight of cheese and crackers that are never going to be eaten 😀

To be fair I have now got round this by asking the person to bring cheese and crackers this year, although it feels cheeky when I want to provide everything.

The first time I hosted for my in laws about 25 of them came. I was very specific about what I wanted everyone to bring. MIL just bought random stuff, doubled up on everything that I had preprepared and basically wasted all my labour and stuffed up the menu.

Second time I hosted I was very specific and put it in writing and texted everyone in the family. I did this based on the time they would arrive so that everything would be ready on time and the late arrivals were bringing dessert. She then called them all and swapped everyone's jobs around.

Third time I hosted I asked her for the list of what I was supposed to be making in my own kitchen. Worked a treat, and I just did what I was told. Why not tell me that up front. Glad I held my tongue though because she is lovely woman overall. But sheesh.

PorridgeAndSyrup · 01/12/2025 11:41

TheNightingalesStarling · 01/12/2025 08:53

When my children were little... either saying presents were from Santa or giving me things to put in their stockings (wrapped). I admit this may have been control freaky... but their stockings were carefully balanced as they would open things together, they had individual Santa wrapping paper... d I liked to keep the Santa bit separate to the Family bit as I had told them that Santa only brought one present and the stocking. (The wrapping paper was so I could have a bag of wrapped gifts that was easy to split into the stockings without need for labels)

That's an odd thing for your family to do! I've never seen anyone do that - why wouldn't they just say it's from themselves? That would annoy me too!

NewCushions · 01/12/2025 11:42

yes yes yes to the people who turn up with food without having discussed it first. DH's family all used to do this but thank GOD, MIL has learnt and bless her soul, is actually the most useul now as she'll have a chat with me in advance. On one memorable occassion, told me she wanted to buy the meat so just sent me some cash! We were both happy with this .

DH's habit of "tidying" up as we go.... and just dumping glasses and serving bowls on my (very limited) counter space so taht I'm now trying to make gravy around 3 champagne flutes, a crisp bowl and 3 mini bowls of dips.

I went to christmas one year where the host said she'd provide everything but everyone should provide their own drinks. No problem. We all turned up with suitably large amounts of wine on the asumption it will sort of get added to the table etc. One couple got very precious about THEIR (very expensive) bottle of red wine, refusing to allow anyone else to have so much as a sip.

Less "helpful" and more "just rude and irritating" are the ones who turn up completely empty handed. I have LONG accepted that no man in DH's family will ever ask if they can bring anything, or contribute in any meaningful way to Christmas and actually, it's fine. But I do find it a bit upsetting that it never crosses their mind to bring a bunch of flowers, a bottle of wine or frankly, a family sized packet of haribo to Christmas celebrations. I did laugh when his nephew brought his girlfriend for the first time - I got wine and a really sweet gift! haha.

PinkPepperPolka · 01/12/2025 11:42

For the last 20 years we have hosted Christmas here. I will cook for as many people who want to turn up. BUT, I will not tolerate people in my kitchen while I'm cooking. My partner is only allowed in if he is handing me a drink.

PinkPepperPolka · 01/12/2025 11:44

And after 20 years, I think my MIL has finally got the message that turning up with a whole load of extra food that needs refrigeration is NOT helpful.

Calliopespa · 01/12/2025 11:45

NewCushions · 01/12/2025 11:42

yes yes yes to the people who turn up with food without having discussed it first. DH's family all used to do this but thank GOD, MIL has learnt and bless her soul, is actually the most useul now as she'll have a chat with me in advance. On one memorable occassion, told me she wanted to buy the meat so just sent me some cash! We were both happy with this .

DH's habit of "tidying" up as we go.... and just dumping glasses and serving bowls on my (very limited) counter space so taht I'm now trying to make gravy around 3 champagne flutes, a crisp bowl and 3 mini bowls of dips.

I went to christmas one year where the host said she'd provide everything but everyone should provide their own drinks. No problem. We all turned up with suitably large amounts of wine on the asumption it will sort of get added to the table etc. One couple got very precious about THEIR (very expensive) bottle of red wine, refusing to allow anyone else to have so much as a sip.

Less "helpful" and more "just rude and irritating" are the ones who turn up completely empty handed. I have LONG accepted that no man in DH's family will ever ask if they can bring anything, or contribute in any meaningful way to Christmas and actually, it's fine. But I do find it a bit upsetting that it never crosses their mind to bring a bunch of flowers, a bottle of wine or frankly, a family sized packet of haribo to Christmas celebrations. I did laugh when his nephew brought his girlfriend for the first time - I got wine and a really sweet gift! haha.

One couple got very precious about THEIR (very expensive) bottle of red wine, refusing to allow anyone else to have so much as a sip.

So unbelievably rude...

665theneighborofthebeast · 01/12/2025 11:47

Some helpful bastard popping the dishwasher on..on an eco setting so its going to take 3+ hrs rather than 40 mins when its only 1/2 full and I have to start hand washing things to keep the workspace clear.

NewCushions · 01/12/2025 11:47

Calliopespa · 01/12/2025 11:45

One couple got very precious about THEIR (very expensive) bottle of red wine, refusing to allow anyone else to have so much as a sip.

So unbelievably rude...

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Yup. Needless to say, you won't be shocked to hear that they happily enjoyed the bubbles that someone else had brought earlier in the day.....

PorridgeAndSyrup · 01/12/2025 11:48

EmilyWeather · 01/12/2025 10:26

Arrrrgh the first time drives me insane! My MIL has form for this - not just at Christmas, any event we host she will turn up with masses of additional, very expensive food (think loads of premium steaks, a whole salmon, entire cheese board and multiple loaves of bread and a birthday cake for my kid when I've already baked one etc). I find it absolutely infuriating because I've obviously planned the menu for my own event, often doing special trips to farm shops or whatever, and now either the food I've planned and bought and cooked is redundant, or we just have insane amounts of excess and no space to cook it or store it. It makes me feel like she thinks we won't feed people properly?

I think it's actually kind of a control thing. But it's very hard to complain about it without looking like an ungrateful arsehole.

My grandmother has form for announcing to my mum on Christmas Eve that she's bought us a load of food for Christmas dinner, including bags and bags of veg, and an entire turkey. She does this even if we are not spending Christmas day with her (she sometimes spend Christmas with my aunt and uncle while we have Christmas with my dad's side). It's so insulting to my mum, as she takes it to imply that she wouldn't have had the foresight to buy her own turkey and veg on Christmas bloody eve. Like you, I am convinced it's a control thing, but you can't really complain to anyone else as they think you're just being ungrateful. But what the hell are you supposed to do with a whole extra turkey that won't even fit in the freezer??!

Kingsleadhat · 01/12/2025 11:48

I have OCD and find it really difficult when certain family members offer to peel veg and make fruit salad when they are pretty much strangers to soap and water

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 01/12/2025 11:52

I have a "Non Players Off The Green" rule ( if I'm busy cooking keep out of the kitchen ) .

Not a Christmas Dinner thankfully but a special meal:
My Dear Dad took DD ( then a little girl) to the park to play on the swings ( DS was happy to stay home)
"Be back at 13.15 , I'll dish up at 13.30" I said.
They were 30 minutes late .
DD had already had food,and a clean nappy and was happily out with Grandad. So refused to get out of the swing. And he Totally gave in 😆. Didn't want to disappoint Baby Granddaughter. But his own daughter sitting there stirring gravy and watching roast potatoes........
Luckily I'd built in leaway time to let him get sorted , but we were this close to starting without him.

He'd also buy an entire dairy if there was a milk shortage and I'd buy " an couple of extra pints for the kids and your tea"
"I bought this" ( six pints of semi skim).
And yes you know people panic buy .........😃

Cuwins · 01/12/2025 11:53

takealettermsjones · 01/12/2025 09:27

Ohhh this is my kind of thread 🤣

I don't mind people bringing things unexpectedly but if they expect any of my oven space to heat it up, hahahaha. The microwave is free, go for your life. 🤣

(If they ask what to bring after the shopping has already been done, the answer is always booze. Then you can put yours away for new year!)

The messing with Santa thing - absolutely grinds my gears. When my eldest was little my MIL announced "Santa came to my house for you too!" and I whizzed in straight away with "no he didn't, silly MIL, Santa only comes where there's children!" afterwards I had to painstakingly explain how annoying confusing it would be to complicate things like that... she got it, eventually. 🤣

Do we have the same MIL! That’s the same conversation I have had with her for the last 3 years

GiantTeddyIsTired · 01/12/2025 11:56

HereintheloveofChristIstand · 01/12/2025 09:35

All of these are making my blood boil...
Don't bring anything that needs preparing. If I am hosting you bring wine, crisps, crackers, whatever. Don't put things way in the wrong cupboards. And if you live in the house, you should be helping, not messing about in the living room.

I send my eldest to run interference with the more annoying relatives (ie. the ones that would be in the kitchen 'helping'/talking when I'm trying to concentrate). He's very good at that.

That's the only exception - your family role might be 'host' or 'vegetable peeler' or 'table-setter' - I expect you to get on with it, make good choices, and not involve me ('meal-cooker'). If you are host, then actually, occasionally popping in to make sure I, too, have something nice to drink would be appropriate.

My least favourite things are when people are so set in their ways that they can't deal with young kids - my FIL was very po-faced about me letting my 5 year old get down from the table and play in the living room in-between dinner and dessert - but frankly, the kid was bored witless, and we all had a much better time if he got to play with his toys while the adults chatted, vs. forcing him to sit at the table. Which he was perfectly capable of doing when out in restaurants/for normal dinner - but it's Christmas, why on earth force it.

UnintentionalArcher · 01/12/2025 11:57

arethereanyleftatall · 01/12/2025 09:03

I remember a friend whose job it was to bring a cauliflower cheese, bringing a cauliflower, a block of cheese, milk, flour and butter and putting them on the side!

That’s hilarious! (To me, probably not to you at the time!)

Itschristmaas · 01/12/2025 11:57

Offering to do something and then making an absolute song and dance out of it, resulting in it becoming more work than the actual dinner itself - looking at you Mum 😆

Itschristmaas · 01/12/2025 11:59

UnintentionalArcher · 01/12/2025 11:57

That’s hilarious! (To me, probably not to you at the time!)

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This is kind of like my mum.

Brings a pavlova base and then ‘ooh i’ve to whip the cream and prepare the fruit etc etc ‘ Can you get me xyz, whilst you are wrestling with a turkey

InveterateWineDrinker · 01/12/2025 12:00

Calliopespa · 01/12/2025 11:17

It's true many of them are no oil painting! But if you look up Lucas de Almeida Marrão lampreia da ovos you can see what this dessert ideally looks like!

To be fair bread and butter pudding would look a mess if you hadn't grown up with it - as does crumble.

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When I first met my now wife, she complained like hell that the Portuguese (I am one) in general never put much effort into the visual appeal of food.

For my part, I prepared bacalhau com todos the first Christmas we were together. She found it odd that we'd eat cod on Christmas Eve, but must have assumed it would be something like fish and chips or cod Provençal. "Why does the house smell like a public toilet?" was not a great start to proceedings...

Gettingbysomehow · 01/12/2025 12:00

People endlessly trying to force me to get involved with christmas when I am not a christian I'm another religion and have zero interest in it.
Including my own family.

RooomOnTheBrooom · 01/12/2025 12:01

People who you see throughout the year for meals… yet turn up for Christmas dinner with a sudden food dislike ( often worded as an allergy ) throwing you completely off, and then having to find something that will be acceptable😠

Looking at you DIL…

We see them regularly, and chat frequently and NO food issues mentioned, even during the “Christmas dinner will be turkey etc” conversation.

That was an “interesting” time for the poor bloody cook! (Me)

MogsChristmasBoiledEgg · 01/12/2025 12:01

NewCushions · 01/12/2025 11:42

yes yes yes to the people who turn up with food without having discussed it first. DH's family all used to do this but thank GOD, MIL has learnt and bless her soul, is actually the most useul now as she'll have a chat with me in advance. On one memorable occassion, told me she wanted to buy the meat so just sent me some cash! We were both happy with this .

DH's habit of "tidying" up as we go.... and just dumping glasses and serving bowls on my (very limited) counter space so taht I'm now trying to make gravy around 3 champagne flutes, a crisp bowl and 3 mini bowls of dips.

I went to christmas one year where the host said she'd provide everything but everyone should provide their own drinks. No problem. We all turned up with suitably large amounts of wine on the asumption it will sort of get added to the table etc. One couple got very precious about THEIR (very expensive) bottle of red wine, refusing to allow anyone else to have so much as a sip.

Less "helpful" and more "just rude and irritating" are the ones who turn up completely empty handed. I have LONG accepted that no man in DH's family will ever ask if they can bring anything, or contribute in any meaningful way to Christmas and actually, it's fine. But I do find it a bit upsetting that it never crosses their mind to bring a bunch of flowers, a bottle of wine or frankly, a family sized packet of haribo to Christmas celebrations. I did laugh when his nephew brought his girlfriend for the first time - I got wine and a really sweet gift! haha.

Yes, the helpful tidying also happens here. The ensuing kitchen Jenga with the good Christmas dishes is always a joy after several wines…

NomoneyNoprospects · 01/12/2025 12:03

Coming in and asking questions about how to turn the radiator up in their bedroom when you are 2 sodding minutes away from serving the Xmas lunch.

AuntieHistamine · 01/12/2025 12:04

My MIL gets the kids loads of presents. Like literally and entire sack each, says they are from Santa (delivered via her house) and then proceeds to talk really loudly in earshot of them about where she got them, why she chose that particular one while I glare at her to try and get her to shut up. My eldest is 8 and has already questioned why Santa would bring him presents to her house and why are they in the same wrapping paper as the ones she is giving us.

lros · 01/12/2025 12:04

arethereanyleftatall · 01/12/2025 09:03

I remember a friend whose job it was to bring a cauliflower cheese, bringing a cauliflower, a block of cheese, milk, flour and butter and putting them on the side!

This really made me lol 😂 I would never ever let them forget it!

BlackMess · 01/12/2025 12:06

LetMeGoogleThat · 01/12/2025 09:34

I've got a relative that insists on helping with the washing up, but they do it so grimly without changing any water or rinsing that I have to make a mental note and then rewash later.

Same! They insist on washing everything by hand despite the fact we have a dishwasher. I wouldn’t mind but they don’t wash up properly and it’s just grim!

Calliopespa · 01/12/2025 12:06

AuntieHistamine · 01/12/2025 12:04

My MIL gets the kids loads of presents. Like literally and entire sack each, says they are from Santa (delivered via her house) and then proceeds to talk really loudly in earshot of them about where she got them, why she chose that particular one while I glare at her to try and get her to shut up. My eldest is 8 and has already questioned why Santa would bring him presents to her house and why are they in the same wrapping paper as the ones she is giving us.

I think in this situation I'd probably warn dc in advance GM likes to "pretend" she is FC. Just keep it light not cross and they'll probably enjoy it!