Thing people do at Christmas that seem helpful to the Christmas Host but actually really aren’t?

[Talkingtomyhouseplants]

I’ll start

• Bringing something to contribute to the day without checking with the host what is wanted/needed first. Results in additional unnecessary work for the host who has had to cover that item because they didn’t know it was going to be brought and food that doesn’t necessarily match the rest of the menu but people feel obliged to eat anyway
• On a similar note, people asking what they should bring about 3 days before the big day - this is a BIL special - no thanks my big shop has already arrived and we’re all sorted now.
• People who clear up in the kitchen but put things away in the wrong places rather than just leaving them dry, neatly, on the side.

What else?

Taking DC out on a pre lunch walk and filling them with sweets.

I think I’d have served it to her as is.

Being always in the way in the kitchen, putting drinks in and out of the fridge and batteries in the charger.

Would be less annoying if it resulted in any cold drinks or charged batteries being available when wanted.

Definitely bringing something which needs cooking once they arrive.
Every year mum offers to bring trifle. She never brings trifle, just all the ingredients. Then proceeds to use every single bowl to make it all as well as cooking custard in the slowest way possible, taking up half the hob surface.
Then ‘washes up’ everything she’s used in a bowl full of creamy washing up liquid so everything comes out greasy.
I’m taking a stand this year!

Arrrrgh the first time drives me insane! My MIL has form for this - not just at Christmas, any event we host she will turn up with masses of additional, very expensive food (think loads of premium steaks, a whole salmon, entire cheese board and multiple loaves of bread and a birthday cake for my kid when I've already baked one etc). I find it absolutely infuriating because I've obviously planned the menu for my own event, often doing special trips to farm shops or whatever, and now either the food I've planned and bought and cooked is redundant, or we just have insane amounts of excess and no space to cook it or store it. It makes me feel like she thinks we won't feed people properly?

I think it's actually kind of a control thing. But it's very hard to complain about it without looking like an ungrateful arsehole.

That's actually a Portuguese traditional Christmas dish - usually made with 50 egg yolks.

It's not my favourite thing, but it will have been meant kindly and it probably is a bit rude to not want to have some. I was at a meal where a French host turned their nose up at apple crumble someone had contributed (which I guess looks similarly untidy and formless) and I did kind of think get over yourself.

This made me lol 😂

Not exactly the point of the thread, but my own brother 'provided' the Turkey when I hosted (got it free from his works as a Xmas gift) and I provided everything else for the whole day.

Small family, we hardly made a dent in the Turkey itself but as a single parent, I looked forward to being inventive in the following days.

Not a chance! He muttered something about it being too much for me and a young child..and carried it home with him at midnight! After 14 hours of my slaving over everyone on my own coin.

No need to say that this Sibling was well-off.

I never did get my roasting tin back either. 🤨

I know, and I'm sure that well made it's very nice but this was a bad synthetic version! Even my DF who is normally gung ho about eating anything abandoned his portion after a few mouthfuls.

My in laws, who I think the world of, had an awful habit of arriving really early, like over an hour early on Christmas day - I was still in the shower 😅

My mum is also one of those people that's stands in the kitchen in the way telling me a long story that cant possibly wait, even though she'll be here all day. I have hearing loss and lip read so I have to stop what Im doing and listen the full story. She also always drinks my drinks - never really understood that one.

I don’t think I could get worked up if a guest brought a dish that didn’t “match my menu”. That sounds a bit hyper-controlling to be honest. It always wouldn’t bother me being asked “Can I bring anything?” after I’d done the shopping - I might have forgotten something. I would hope most people would have the sense to bring a bottle anyway.

I do agree on the hovering in the kitchen “trying to help” though. Most of the time you end up getting in the way. We always used to have a big family party on Boxing Day and my aunt would insist on following my mother into the kitchen and talking to/at her while she was trying to finish everything off. It drove my mother crazy (even though it was her own fault in a way for never saying anything).

I'm less polite than she was, and just tell people to let me get on with it if I’m hosting. I recognise it comes from a good place, so I don’t get annoyed when people start the whole “Stop stressing, sit down, have a drink!” routine - I just tell them it won’t be a minute and as soon as it’s done, I’ll join everyone.

Turning up with loads of random surprise foodstuffs that all need to go in the fridge (we only have 1 fridge and it's generally very full at Christmas) and all need to be eaten within 24 hours.

MIL, I'm looking at you here!

Not quite the same, but the present from a SiL who came with BiL for 🎄dinner, brought a Christmas hamper, when the house was already stuffed with food and I already had plenty of 🎄pudding, mince pies, etc.

If it had come a few days earlier I’d have donated it somewhere, like the one I once won in a raffle so soon before Christmas. I phoned the local Sally Army, and someone came within 20 minutes to fetch it.

Conversely, being asked to bring something without specifying precisely what is required. I’ll happily hit Waitrose with a list of what you want, but please don’t expect me to choose.

DD (own home, partner and child) would message to say, could I pick up “something for Sunday and a nice red”? Or, please bring salad?

No. Compile your online basket and send it to me, I’ll shop from your list. Salad? What, the works? Assembled and dressed, or component parts, a head of lettuce or a bag of leaves? Which tomatoes? What dressing? What’s in your fridge?

I don’t entertain and hate fumbling around even DD’s kitchen, some people are natural hosts and don’t understand those that just aren’t!

The critics will either stand in the kitchen, going 'Do you really make/cook/serve it like that? I always blah blah or worse do it during the meal. 'It really would be better if you made it this way, etc'
The moaners about the kids, putting things away as soon as they open it so it won't make the room messy, sweeping up wrapping paper, usually taking a vital part or instructions with it gone forever, totally ruining Christmas for the kids

Ex BIL worked away a lot, & he & ex SIL had a running joke that he would always bring back the most lurid, disgusting, sickly local 'liqueur' he could find. Usually traditionally distilled by monks out of hedge clippings & durian fruit, or something.

Fine, it kept them both amused. But every Xmas they'd fill their boot with sticky bottles of 80% proof horror, bring it to PILs & start making 'cocktails' about 5 minutes after breakfast.

At least one person, usually ex MIL, would have thrown up well before lunch, THEN there'd be a fight/the tree would get KO'd/space hopper jousting with mops in the garden...then everyone over roughly 14 would be passed out cold by early afternoon.

Tbf they were probably my favourite ILs! But Boxing Day recovery was grim...

Standing around in the kitchen talking to me while I'm trying to cook. Appreciate they're trying to be considerate but I need to be able to concentrate when I'm cooking, especially anything complicated like a Christmas dinner.

This . The number one reason I am at risk of committing murder over the Xmas period

But hopefully cathartic.

Husband and I have had in laws for Christmas dinner for the past 16 years and no one has ever brought anything food or drink wise or offered to help. My fil and mil are very effusive with thanks for the meal, my mum has never said thank you!

But perhaps that’s a good thing reading these answers!

I have a child gate on the kitchen door a remanant from when grandson was a toddler. I hate people in my kitchen when I am cooking so now I close the stairgate and have trained them all that if it's closed they don't come in. I make liberal use of it when I want five minutes to myself.
Ds text midweek to say not to buy chocolates he had bought them. We aren't big chocolate eaters so I buy one tub and send the leftovers to exh as what isn't eaten by visitors won't get eaten. Ds came with four tubs on Saturday! Looks like exh will have a massive haul then.

Just wanted to say that I find your 3rd bullet point very mean spirited.

I am facing my first ever Christmas alone and I honestly would not mind if someone attempted to help me with the dishwasher. These gestures are done out of love and it is sad when you cannot even appreciate this.

Of course they won’t know where to put things - how would they?

I think - respectfully - some of the people like you who are super organised / hyper planners / all is in hand people - can be absolutely unkind and exhibit some really asshole, controlling and judgemental behaviour.

You have your own flaws and create irritations that you may not be aware of.

No one is perfect.

🤣 That's shocking

This is 20 + years ago, but still worth telling.
Hippy BIL turned up to (small, bursting at the seams house) as a Big Surprise on Christmas Eve. Flights booked back to his home 1 week later. So as not to be a nuisance, God love him, he arrived with a tent and a firepit.

@Carandache18 that made me smile

This reminds me of the first year we hosted Christmas, both my parents and PIL turned up on the morning of the 24th with a massive bag of veg, Christmas crackers, cheese, napkins etc etc. I'd already done the shop the day before and ended up with about 8kg of potatoes.

My parents are always at least an hour early and DH's are always at least an hour late. We now pick them up so everyone has to be ready at the time we agree.

Luckily they're all happy enough to be entertained by our kids when they do get here so I get to cook and drink a glass of wine in peace in the kitchen.