Thing people do at Christmas that seem helpful to the Christmas Host but actually really aren’t?

[Talkingtomyhouseplants]

I’ll start

• Bringing something to contribute to the day without checking with the host what is wanted/needed first. Results in additional unnecessary work for the host who has had to cover that item because they didn’t know it was going to be brought and food that doesn’t necessarily match the rest of the menu but people feel obliged to eat anyway
• On a similar note, people asking what they should bring about 3 days before the big day - this is a BIL special - no thanks my big shop has already arrived and we’re all sorted now.
• People who clear up in the kitchen but put things away in the wrong places rather than just leaving them dry, neatly, on the side.

What else?

This is why I'll never have a open plan kitchen it invites the idiots in! I hate people standing around when I'm trying to cook 🙁

Did it get made? If so, by whom?

I got her to do a few little jobs last year but she failed to put things back in the correct place.

My pet hate used to be people who would come in the kitchen and ask if I needed any help. One Christmas four people asked 8 times between them if I needed any help. I started off politely tinkling "Oh no, thank you, I'm fine, all under control!" and gradually descended into an incredulous stare and a flat "No!"

The following Christmas I worked out a solution- prior to the day I asked XMIL to keep my Mother talking, confiding in her that I preferred to work alone and Mum, although well-meaning, was a distraction. I then asked my Mum to do the same thing with XMIL. I also asked XH to keep his sister out of the kitchen using the same method. They were all so busy doing as I asked that no-one came into the kitchen and the whole thing ran smoothly. Added bonus was none of them believed it was they who were the distraction so no feelings were hurt. 😁

Genius!

She said they were fake ice cubes, so yes

You have a calling as a UN negotiator or something because this is genius

-"Keeping me company" in the kitchen [shudder]

-Offering to bring something and then taking over the whole kitchen for two hours to prepare their small side dish

-Contributing something eg a box of chocolates then acting all day like they've given you a kidney.

-Just generally being a people-pleasing twat who can't express a view-
"Would you like a cup of tea?"
"I don't mind."
"Well, I'm making one- shall I make one for you?"
"Don't go to any trouble"
Aaaargh we could have made and drunk the tea in the time it takes to get a straight answer.

Also my mum endlessly saying "You shouldn't have spent so much money" every time someone opens a present or a bottle of wine.

Not only at Christmas, but if I'm pressed or time and I ask DH to do a job- e.g. peel the potatoes- it's probably because that task is time critical for getting everything on the table and hot at the same time and I'm doing three other tasks that are all equally urgent.

But he just adds it to his list of things to do, so if he was planning on feeding the cat/ sweeping the floor/ plumping the cushions he will first go off to do that task, so I then have to chase him to say that I appreciate cats need feeding and floor needs sweeping but can you just get the potatoes done first so I can then chop and get them on the boil, whilst I'm busy whisking the cheese sauce and basting the goose and wrapping the pigs in blankets all at once.

Then he will then think that he is project management for potato peeling and start delegating to me as his assistant.

"Of course. Can you get the potato peeler out? Which potatoes should I use? Where are the potatoes? Could you get me a chopping board? Please can you clear me some worktop space to do it?"

No my love, I want you to peel the potatoes and do all the associated work, including gathering the equipment and the ingredients and finding a space to do it in, I have asked you to do this not because I cannot peel a potato but because I need potatoes peeled right now and do not have any spare hands to participate.

Inevitably, I usually end up peeling the bloody potatoes. At least he actually is sweeping the floor and feeding the cats and not sat doom scrolling on his phone, but he doesn't understand the concept of prioritisation.

If any guests of mine insisted on washing up while I just wanted to chill,TBH I’d just let them get on with it!

Promising to help, then getting shit faced on white wine in the conservatory instead

Similar to the cauliflower cheese. One guest was asked to bring coleslaw. They brought cabbage, carrot, onion and mayonnaise and left it on the side.
Also a guest volunteered to bring sausage rolls. They brought massive ones in a raw, frozen state. They hadn't cooked them and I had to fit them into my tiny oven and took ages to cook.
A family member offered to bring fruit platter. They messaged ahead to make sure I left a 60 x 40 cm space free on the sideboard. They arrived with a board. The fruit needed preparing.

Hahha this reminds me of a time we were having people round for dinner and we had had some sort of mini crisis in the day meaning I hadn't had time to do any of the cooking or tidy all the toys away etc, so I asked DH if he'd be able to help getting the house straight before people arrived. He went off and busied himself for an hour then came into the kitchen and proudly announced "I've bled all the radiators!"

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER fair enough. I just like to sit in peace and quiet for a few minutes lol....my dad does the washing up very loudly!! 🤣

My brother will bring something to cook - like an entire tray of sausages. But he won't bring a tray or anything to have with them. So is just using my oven, oven tray, kitchen and treating my fridge like the master chef larder. No one wants an extra sausage course on Christmas Day!

Also, when someone decides to make tea just before a meal. Annoying.

Saying every year, as my DGM did to my mum (the host) over a 20 year period, "Nice turkey. I think it's a little drier this year don't you?"

That's absolutely shocking and if I was the host I'd have told them they could enjoy THEIR wine but weren't to have any of MY turkey and trimmings! Or maybe gone down the Mrs Frazzle route,

"Ah ah, catch a bubble, now you remember how we talked about how when we visit friends, we only take wine that we're willing to share? Oh oh, it is NOT ok to bring wine and not share it. You can choose to take that wine back to your car and bring back something you do want to share or share the wine, no, drinking your own wine and eating other people's food is a sad choice."

Since they clearly have preschool level social skills!

This is a terrific thread, but I have to disagree on this one. I would absolutely love flowers, on any occasion. I don't have a theme for Christmas, though, and we do very little in the way of decorations, so there would be plenty of space for them.

I love reading these. I am so glad our family don't go in for big gatherings.

Why are they like this?

Once I got back from an exhausting work trip at 9pm, and DH proudly told me he'd organised and carpeted the airing cupboard. Then asked what was for dinner.

The Christmas Lamprey, @FraterculaArctica!!! What could be more festive than a bloodsucking fish made out of egg yolks? 😂

TBF, the neon colour is entirely natural from the egg yolks. It’s a traditional Portuguese holiday pudding. It’s actually delicious but it’s not the most attractive of dishes.

It’s one of the many traditional convent sweets made by nuns from leftover egg yolks. They used the egg whites as starch. The lamprey hasn’t reached the same global popularity as the more famous convent sweet, the custard tart 😂 It’s a lamprey because lampreys are quite “meaty” but it’s a fish so could be eaten on religious fasting days when meat is forbidden.

Ahh @CreativeGreen has reminded me of when the ILs came to stay over Christmas.
I wanted to spoil them so had stuffed the fridge full of goodies and luxuries. They live 6hr drive away and MIL arrived with a carrier bag with:

• an open plastic box of fruit salad (warm)
• half a red pepper
• some wrinkled tomatoes
• half a bottle of (warm) orange juice
• a carton of (warm) yogurt

Her reasons: 'She didn't want to waste them' -- so foisted them off onto stressed-out me over Christmas.
I had absolutely no room left in the fridge without having to re-Jenga the shelf space, so I left the plastic bag on the floor while I was cooking ... when MIL came back into the kitchen and saw it there, she went mad.
I mean spitting mad. How ungrateful we were. How insulting. She started crying. Shouted at DH. Threatened to get back in the car and go home ....!

Horrible for my young children to see and hear it all. FIL didn't say a word. He cried in a corner.
DH told her she could go if she wanted, but she would never see the GCs again if she did.
In the end I apologised to her to keep the peace and begged her to stay.

MORAL:
Don't bring your mouldy leftovers to Christmas folks!

I’m going to confess: I hate flowers! Not outside in the wild—I hate them in my kitchen. One more mental load job for me to do—dealing with the flower heads if they fall off, running the dead stalks out to the compost bin, disposing of the sludgy water, and carefully washing my crystal wedding vase. It really just creates more work/chores for me.

Yes @TurraeaFloribunda exactly like that! Except the one we were presented with was curiously tasteless, and had not travelled 100 miles across the country well.

These have reminded me of some more.

My lovely MiL insisting on washing up even though we have a dishwasher, she even used to bring her own rubber gloves with her - its taken 15 years but she's finally stopped.

She also used to accept a glass of wine even though she didnt want one (no one ever pressured her and I always got in the soft drink I know she likes) the second time I caught her pouring some away to make it look like shed drank some I told her to stop being so stupid and drink what she actually liked - no ones cares.

DH putting four baking dishes full of oil and food in the dishwasher on eco mode that took over 2 hours and still came out dirty, while all the other dishes sat on the side getting in the way.

My Mum literally as Im putting food on the table decides it a good time to help DD set up the foaming volcano set she brought her for Christmas and was really upset when I said no.

And @KittyFinlay YES. This is DH to a tee. there's a fantastic couple who make instagram content and she posts a few bits like this every year around Thanksgiving/Christmas. Hes outside pressure washing the driveway or cleaning the garage whiel she's doing her bit.

In DH's case, it;s the music. He'll spend HOURS curating a perfect Chrsitmas play list. He's stopped now as he's learnt it's likely to result in a fork in his eye!

And yes yes to no sense of prioritisation. if I"m in the kitchen and there are 4 pots ont he stove, both ovens are going and the air fryer is doing somethign else, and I call him tod o something in the kitchen, it's a fair bet that whatever it is, is urgent. He'll wander in, agree to whatever it is then wander off again to finish laying the table or clean the wine glasses first! Again, he's got better about this too. apparently 20 years of christmasses HAS taught him a few things!