Thing people do at Christmas that seem helpful to the Christmas Host but actually really aren’t?

[Talkingtomyhouseplants]

I’ll start

• Bringing something to contribute to the day without checking with the host what is wanted/needed first. Results in additional unnecessary work for the host who has had to cover that item because they didn’t know it was going to be brought and food that doesn’t necessarily match the rest of the menu but people feel obliged to eat anyway
• On a similar note, people asking what they should bring about 3 days before the big day - this is a BIL special - no thanks my big shop has already arrived and we’re all sorted now.
• People who clear up in the kitchen but put things away in the wrong places rather than just leaving them dry, neatly, on the side.

What else?

I can totally see my MIL doing this too… might have to put it to the test next time she visits. evil grin 😄

My adult DD & her boyfriend do this 😄

Not so much at Christmas but houseguests who won’t sort themselves out a bit are infuriating. I had one person come to stay and, once I’d come downstairs, she informed me that she’d been up since 6am. When I asked if she’d made herself a cup of tea, she said no because “she didn’t like to go through my drawers”. I cannot wait on everyone from 6am until midnight … and I don’t keep porn or important financial documents in my kitchen.

I remember one christmas when a friend fetched a load of mouldy vegetables. She told me that i don't eat enough vegetables when i refused to cook the mouldy vegetables. I do eat enough vegetables. I just don't want to eat mouldy food.

It's the telling you that is irritating. It is basically a complaint.

It's just a merry sort of thing to say: Look what Santa brought!

The thing is, this confuses my kids. Santa just fills the stocking with small presents. Tree presents are from people.

So when kindly adults ask after Christmas "and what did Santa bring you? " DC will just say "A pencil."

They get the odd head tilt, no doubt thinking we've fallen on hard times but are too proud to say

Yamahahaha

but you’re asking for nearly everything if you’re properly helping- so where does this dish go? Where do you keep the tea cloths etc!! Then they’ll say it’s ok, you sit down and then you’re not helping!!!

Talkingtomyhouseplants

The options aren’t “don’t help” or “put things in the wrong cupboard”. You dry things up/empty the dishwasher and then if you don’t know where they go because it isn’t obvious, you stack them clean and dry on the side out of the way.

But you don’t empty the dishwasher onto the sideboard, if you’re going to help of course it’s expected they’ll be put away. It’s ok op, I don’t think you’d like me at your Christmas, I am hard work (but I try to help!!) Merry fourth of December!!!

This thread is why I don't have anyone except very select people over at Christmas. I do not tolerate people in my kitchen which is my domain. Everyone knows this about me, though, and I am the best cook among my friends which everyone knows.

When people ask what they can do to help and you say you don’t need any help in the kitchen but if they can keep the toddler from underfoot and occupied that would be amazing, and then you end up with toddler underfoot and extra bodies in the kitchen, or they’re just sat in the Living room half heartedly calling the toddler’s name.

Agreed. Santa delivers the gifts, like a superior postman. Stocking only comes from Santa (small/ cheap things that are opened first thing).

And the question in the thread- flowers as a gift for host. Normally I love to be given them but on Christmas Day they're a pain to sort out. If you normally take flowers a pot plant is a better idea that day.

That’s my pet hate, ugh! We have an open plan kitchen diner area & instead of my guests staying in the living room with the fizz & nibbles I’ve served, chatting to each other, they always swarm around the kitchen/diner area getting in my way. Jeez it annoys me, my mother is the worst culprit even though I’ve told her on many occasions not to do it.

Mine did this too. Took question literally and a totally different answer depending on whether asked "what did you get for Christmas" or "what did Santa bring you"

My elderly DM always insists on washing up. Unfortunately she is registered blind and whatever she washes up is never clean. I just put it all to one side and re do it all when she’s gone. One year she dunked my velvertiser in the washing up water to wash it before I had a chance to say that’s electrical.
Luckily it dried out and still worked.

Not entirely on topic, but talk of washing-up reminded me that the first Christmas I was living with my now DH, we invited his ex and family for Christmas dinner so that DSD, who was quite little at the time, could have all her 'people' together so to speak. Unfortunately DSD's mum was in a phase of being a bit of an arse to me at the time (I wasn't the OW, she and DH had split amicably years before, and I can genuinely say I'd done nothing to provoke her attitude), and after the meal was over she engaged in passive-aggressive washing-up, i.e. standing at the sink doing it and literally pretending not to hear me say that there was no need to do it and to go and sit down and relax and I'd bring her a drink.

The performative washing-up wasn't intended to help at all, it was supposed to put me in my 'place' - I'd just moved into the house she'd formerly shared with DH, which is never ideal, but she seemed to think she had some sort of indefinable superiority over me as a result. Territorial washing-up, if you will. 😂(Thankfully for everyone concerned, things improved over time.)

@FestiveFruitloop thats hilarious - territorial washing up 🤣 I suppose it must have been a difficult Christmas for her to be fair - not sure I am a big enough person to accept that invitation so props to her I guess.

I have just this evening received a perfunctory text from the partner of a family member asking what they can bring. Except honestly I don’t want them to bring anything - every single year she makes a big song and dance about what she is going to make and then phones it in at the last minute and buys something shit.

Aaah, I am those people. It's because I don't have a lot of counter space and I HATE the look of dirty things sitting on the side. So if I need to load up the sink, I'll do that, then, when I come to do the washing up, I'll happily move it all out if I need to in order to then get things moving. I can see that this would be annoying if you had a proper sink with a space arond it for dirty stuff AND if it was out of the way. In our case, the sink is the first thing you see as you walk into the kitchen and it's right next to where I do the bulk of our food preparation.

When DS was born we decided to do the one year at my folks, one year at PIL one year at home thing. PIL live in same town as us so they came to us the first year we were at home. MIL is very good cook and clearly struggled with someone else in charge of the food. They had been told to bring booze and nibbles but turned up with 2 different puddings as well. So there were three puddings each. There was no room for these (already plated) unnecessary puddings anywhere in our tiny kitchen. So they were balanced on the side while we tried to work around them.
DS was three so peak cute age and aware. Did PIL engage with him or play with him with new toys or otherwise keep him happy while me and DH cooked?
Nope.
FIL put the telly on and ignored him.
MIL marched into the kitchen and told me to get out, she would take over.
Yup told me to get out of my own kitchen.
My brother’s wife had just left him and he was understandably very upset as was having Christmas at my parents without his young children til later in the day. After speaking to him on the phone I was upset too as felt terrible for him.
After relaying this upsetting conversation MIL starting crying basically saying the problem she had with her sister (they weren’t speaking) was much worse. FIL comforting her and glaring at me in a ‘why did you make her cry’ kind of way.
During the meal FIL complained he didn’t like turkey and especially if it was dry.
Reader we never hosted them again.

I’ve just advanced searched apple crumble French because this little vignette has been living rent free in my head. Tell me more! Parisienne? Stick thin and waspish? Beautiful children and affairs?

I bloody love a crumble at Christmas - it feels like a Christmassy dessert to me. Honestly I think it’s front watching Friday Night Dinner where they say Crimble Crumble and I hear Crimbo Crumble - et voila!

Actually I wish I could say yes, because I love that image!

But no, single male at a "bring a plate" style supper he hosted for his co-recruits at first city job in London. Immaculately suited and booted, but very large, crow-like nose, deep-set eyes and slightly oily-looking black hair that he wore just long enough to keep flicking the fringe. That rather slight build that French men often are that makes them look tall until they stand beside an Englishman!

Remembered one from last year. Guests that arrive four hours early. Because they are bored.
they live next on the street so traffic is not a problem.
i ended up just sitting talking to them most of the time instead of watching a Netflix or doom scrolling!

Remembered one from last year. Guests that arrive four hours early. Because they are bored.
they live next on the street so traffic is not a problem.
i ended up just sitting talking to them most of the time instead of watching a Netflix or doom scrolling!

Oh even better! I love the French (I’m 1/2 but grew up here) but they don’t travel well. And yes that very fastidious and incredibly unattractive type 👌😂

Yes he was!

And the nose came in very useful when conveying his distaste regarding the crumble!

And actually the girl who had taken it had that slightly Bridget Jonesy "not quite well turned out" look, so that she looked a bit like the human embodiment of the crumble! Tasty but not tidy...