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Christmas

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Thing people do at Christmas that seem helpful to the Christmas Host but actually really aren’t?

428 replies

Talkingtomyhouseplants · 01/12/2025 08:47

I’ll start

  • Bringing something to contribute to the day without checking with the host what is wanted/needed first. Results in additional unnecessary work for the host who has had to cover that item because they didn’t know it was going to be brought and food that doesn’t necessarily match the rest of the menu but people feel obliged to eat anyway
  • On a similar note, people asking what they should bring about 3 days before the big day - this is a BIL special - no thanks my big shop has already arrived and we’re all sorted now.
  • People who clear up in the kitchen but put things away in the wrong places rather than just leaving them dry, neatly, on the side.

What else?

OP posts:
moreteensthansense · 02/12/2025 12:58

MogsChristmasBoiledEgg · 02/12/2025 12:01

My in-laws constantly clear away the buffet, drives me crackers. No, the cheeseboard can stay out for more than 17 minutes, thank you, yes, I would like more than one crisp…

Ha. You have reminded me of the year we had my in-laws (MIL, FIL, SIL, aunt-IL) for Christmas and my children were small. The kids left out a plate with a mince pie for Father Christmas, obviously, and after FC had obliged we left the plate on the table with crumbs on (because of course he is far too busy to wash up). The four in-laws each, in turn, washed the plate and put it away! I kept getting it out, re-crumbing it, putting it back on the table. Turned my back and it was away again! I was busy and didn't say LEAVE IT ALONE IT IS SANTA'S CRUMBS until the fourth time 😂 I'm grateful for people trying to help but that was really above and beyond.

spideysmumma · 02/12/2025 13:02

Coming to stand in the kitchen to ‘keep me company’

EFF OFF

BumpyWinds · 02/12/2025 13:10

LadyHexham · 01/12/2025 13:49

I use my breakfast bar as a barrier.

No, please pour your drink from the other side

Yes, the biscuits are just over there, you don't need to come in this bit

No, stay there, you can reach the kettle from the other side

This is exactly my plan for my post renovation kitchen! Line it up with drinks and snacks so there should be no need to encroach on my space!

FestiveFruitloop · 02/12/2025 13:18

spideysmumma · 02/12/2025 13:02

Coming to stand in the kitchen to ‘keep me company’

EFF OFF

This 100%! My brain can't handle coordinating a meal and making small talk at the same time.

deplorabelle · 02/12/2025 13:26

Hello my fellow control freaks 🙂. All your stories are giving me hives. Especially people insisting on bringing things and then bringing frozen cheesecakes or something requiring them to faff on in my kitchen.

I always refuse all offers and say I can't cope with help. Anyone who insists is asked to bring wine, soft drinks or chocolate (and I have discreet backups hidden in the garage in case they forget)

My family are actually pretty good (although there's not a hygienic or carefully set surface in the land that my SIL can't fill with bags for life full of crap and chaos and dog bowls 🤮). One thing that helped a lot last year was I did a giant grazing board starter to help corral everyone while I did the final bits. I know they are completely naff, but everyone really enjoyed it. Crucially, they had to sit at the table to eat it because it was not portable, they had to arrive on time or little brothers would have scoffed all the good bits, it required very little crockery or clearing up and I made a point of it being food they all love but I don't eat so that they didn't try to make me sit down and join in. We have an open plan kitchen diner so I could still chat to people but their focus was on getting their fair share of smoked salmon not what I was doing in the kitchen.

I always, always have the food cooking on a timer which people don't interfere with because they don't know how the timer works.

LadyDanburysHat · 02/12/2025 14:23

Ah this thread is my people.

MIL when the DC were little, was one of the Santa came to my house too people. No MIL those gifts are from you.

Current one DM who brings a shit load of home baking that there is not time to eat while we actually have visitors. And is all stuff that needs eating quickly or it tastes crap. Luckily this year she asked what I want her to bake. So I am tasking her with a trifle and some of her nice shortbread and brownies that will at least keep for a few days. And begging her to bring only those.

Washuuuup · 02/12/2025 14:25

Insisting on helping wash up and then breaking an antique glass dish that was a wedding present even though you told them to leave it alone.

ToadRage · 02/12/2025 14:39

When i invited my Mum for Christmas she offered to bring dessert, I thought she would bring a Christmas pudding and some small alternative for the odd one out, cos three out of the four people there like Christmas pudding. She didn't, she brought a massive sherry trifle that her bf likes, knowing full well that my husband and I both hate trifle, he ate it alone and they took most of it home. I haven't invited her back since.

ViciousCurrentBun · 02/12/2025 15:16

My MIL has tried to help, she has always been really slow and I knew her when she was only 50 and younger than I am now but she has always had the pace of a snail. She just gets in the way.

DH attempting to stir the gravy , actually fuck off you never ever try to interfere with my gravy on any other day ever but for some reason at Christmas you think you should. Uggh my blood pressure is actually rising just thinking of that. He will say shit like I helped making the gravy if he just touches it, wanker.

longtompot · 02/12/2025 15:16

OttersMayHaveShifted · 01/12/2025 08:57

Being an extra body standing around in the kitchen trying to chat with the cooks and always being in the way of the cupboard or fridge that need to be opened and never offering to help!

I agree! Feel like I am constantly saying excuse me...

Missingducks · 02/12/2025 18:32

Oh god now I have another one - you already know I am a control freak with a short fuse but catering for 12 and DH had two jobs which are keeping people in drink and heat up the gravy. He seemed to think the call to the table was the time to ask people what they wanted to drink (I had been in kitchen not pantry so was unaware). But he did eventually heat the gravy whilst I was popping the food in serving dishes. Very many meats and stuffings and vegs ... Proper smart spread. And my StepFather said (not as a joke) lovely gravy Tim.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 02/12/2025 19:05

I hope Tim put him straight!

CarefulN0w · 02/12/2025 21:30

MagpiePi · 02/12/2025 06:38

Insisting on being gluten free, (which means me jumping through hoops to serve themselves first a nice meal) and then just having a bite of the ordinary mince pies ‘as they look so much nicer’ than the gf ones I bought.

Or the opposite where meat eating non-gf guests will ‘just try a little bit’ of the vegetarian/vegan/gf dish so that there is none left.

One year I made my usual delicious nut roast to take to the firmly carnivorous ILs to save them the bother of cooking for me. I had one slice for dinner then left it there to collect the next day thinking, mm, lots of lovely leftovers for the next few days.
I was presented with the washed serving dish as the CFs had eaten the whole bastard thing.

If I’m honest I think that it’s cheeky fuckery to take something for a meal and expect to take the leftovers home afterwards.

RessicaJabbit · 02/12/2025 22:07

CarefulN0w · 02/12/2025 21:30

If I’m honest I think that it’s cheeky fuckery to take something for a meal and expect to take the leftovers home afterwards.

Agreed... nobody expects to take the food they bring home, surely?

Shodan · 02/12/2025 22:30

ViciousCurrentBun · 02/12/2025 15:16

My MIL has tried to help, she has always been really slow and I knew her when she was only 50 and younger than I am now but she has always had the pace of a snail. She just gets in the way.

DH attempting to stir the gravy , actually fuck off you never ever try to interfere with my gravy on any other day ever but for some reason at Christmas you think you should. Uggh my blood pressure is actually rising just thinking of that. He will say shit like I helped making the gravy if he just touches it, wanker.

XH insisted on carving the turkey one year. I asked him why, when he'd never carved any of the joints we'd had over the years. He said it was because his dad had always done it so he thought he should too, as the Man Of The House.

I thought ok, he can be getting on with that while I do literally everything else. After he'd finished asking where the electric carving knife was (never owned one), was the carving knife sharp enough (yes, I sharpened it myself), should he use a dinner fork to hold the bird (no, use the carving fork, over there, no not there, look it's right there, the big fork-looking thing, yes that's it) he slowwwlllly started carving, in exactly the manner you'd imagine a person who's never carved a turkey in his life would do. I had everything out and in serving dishes before he'd carved enough meat for even half the people we had there.

The following year was the one I detailed him to ensure his sister didn't keep coming in the kitchen to ask if I needed help.

MinnieMountain · 03/12/2025 06:39

DH and BIL have already laid down the law about not being in the kitchen when they’re cooking this year. I can see why now.

HonestGoldAnt · 03/12/2025 07:57

Bringing an oversized bowl of not well made trifle.

They brought the trifle in a bowl literally 30cm high which meant it wont fit in the fridge without taking a shelf out . So over half the contents of my fridge were left out on the side at room temperature whilst MILs mediocre trifle took up all the space .

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 03/12/2025 11:09

HonestGoldAnt · 03/12/2025 07:57

Bringing an oversized bowl of not well made trifle.

They brought the trifle in a bowl literally 30cm high which meant it wont fit in the fridge without taking a shelf out . So over half the contents of my fridge were left out on the side at room temperature whilst MILs mediocre trifle took up all the space .

Bringing an oversized and incredibly boozy trifle and forcing a bowl on all the drivers without warning them!

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 03/12/2025 11:11

RessicaJabbit · 02/12/2025 22:07

Agreed... nobody expects to take the food they bring home, surely?

Hmm, depends on context.

I'm cohosting Christmas with a friend. We are going to her house, but at the same time I want some bloody leftovers! We'll be sharing all the cooking and splitting the costs, so I think getting all the leftovers from a very expensive meal is not worth more than a bit of washing up (which we'll help with anyway).

Shambles123 · 03/12/2025 13:19

My MIL has done most of these. Have enlisted DH this year to help me keep my sanity. She can bring 23rd dinner and some crackers (but I doubt I will use hers for Xmas dinner as mine match my theme) and pudding stuff. Anything else I will move into DH's home office.

The Santa thing used to boil my piss. I corrected her from the beginning on that one (politely seethe on others) and gently took the Mickey out of her until she eventually stopped. She used to tell DH and brother that everything, including presents from friends and relatives were from Santa!

Shambles123 · 03/12/2025 13:21

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 03/12/2025 11:11

Hmm, depends on context.

I'm cohosting Christmas with a friend. We are going to her house, but at the same time I want some bloody leftovers! We'll be sharing all the cooking and splitting the costs, so I think getting all the leftovers from a very expensive meal is not worth more than a bit of washing up (which we'll help with anyway).

Dh's brother came with two 12 packs of cans of beer for Xmas once. Drank all our expensive wine not beer during the two days. Only one of the 12 packs of beer got consumed, so pre departure he went into the fridge, collected the other one and took it home with him!

Calliopespa · 03/12/2025 13:29

I just cannot grasp this angst over attributing or not attributing gifts to Santa.

Do people honestly think children sit and keep a kind of stocktake of who spent more: Mum and Dad vs Father Christmas?

I did see one mum correcting her dc who was excitedly rattling on about what Santa had brought him and the mum was frantically and intensely interrupting him and saying: No! NO! That was from MUMMY! That gift ... it's NOT from Santa." I couldn't help but think why didn't you stick the receipt and a highlighted copy of your bank statement together with a profile pic on the front of it?

Children just like getting gifts: they don't care! And it's way more fun to think that it was brought down the chimney after being transported in a sleigh than that Granny paid for parking at the local parking building and dragged it back from Smyths Toys, the branch beside the smelly takeaway chicken.

And the adults know it wasn't from Santa.

It's just a merry sort of thing to say: Look what Santa brought!

Shambles123 · 03/12/2025 13:36

I think relatives sending christmas presents to my kids deserve a thank you note. That doesnt work if everything is from blinking 'santa'.

MinnieMountain · 03/12/2025 14:06

@Calliopespa I remember passionately discussing this with a friend when we were 5. It matters.

CruCru · 03/12/2025 14:54

Shambles123 · 03/12/2025 13:36

I think relatives sending christmas presents to my kids deserve a thank you note. That doesnt work if everything is from blinking 'santa'.

I was going to say something like this.

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