Traditions we avoided

[ImALargeAbsentMindedSpirit]

Can’t do anything about it now but just wondering how others view what we did as parents. Are we the only ones that didn’t do these things? Purely selfish reasons as they all seemed like more effort than was necessary at an already manic time. We never did elf on the shelf, Christmas Eve boxes, stockings, visiting Santa or leaving anything for him or his reindeer, footprints etc. Gifts are from the people that bought them, no gifts from Father Christmas he is just the delivery guy, Christmas Eve church service, buying teachers gifts.

Wow. They need to get you a tv show so you can show everyone else how it’s done.

Or are you a man? Cos that would make sense …

Me neither
I’m a single parent of teens
and bloody love Christmas

Take us through why your Christmas is so “manic” @Daintydino ?

I suppose everyone has their own traditions and as long as you made Christmas joyful, the way you did it doesn't matter.

There was a similar thread on holidays the other day.

I just really wanted all of those experiences and it was something which I felt the lack of when going through infertility, and when my husband's ex was limiting access to his daughter.

I love planning the birthday parties, the family holidays, the Christmas Eve boxes, setting out the mince pie and the sherry, the visits to Santa and making as much magic as possible. It's not as if it lasts long. It's probably a maximum of 10 carrots that you're putting out for Rudolph, maybe only 8 times that they are going to be excited to go and see Santa, 13 birthday parties before they want to organise their own thing.

Why would you want to miss out on it?

No thanks! I don’t need to prove myself to anyone but I am so pleased for you guys that you aren’t ‘manic’.

Mumsnet is a crazy place.

Do you enjoy it?

Busy? Yes
Manic, no

Love it!

You said you found it manic
i asked what made it manic for you
and you jumped to the assumption I was asking you to “prove” yourself to me?

bizarre

No I questioned you questioning someone else saying it was manic actually if you read properly.

DS is in his teens now, but we've always done tree up on 1st December (we used to put it up while he was in bed so he woke up to it on 1st December, now he helps). 1st December box instead of a stocking- used to be Christmas crafts, books, pjs etc that could be used throughout the period, now it is just sweets really (and some Christmas beer this year!). Advent house (wooden refillable job). An outdoor light display. A trip to the festive market in our town. A trip to the amazing Christmas display at our garden centre. Panto on Christmas Eve (in coastal town so it includes a walk on the beach in the afternoon). For a few years we went to Centre Parcs between Christmas and New Year, but he's outgrown it now and it's extortionate.

I'd say, be careful what you start. DS still wants to do all these things every year because they have always happened, despite being to cool for school in many other ways. Don't start anything you are not willing to do for 15-20 years!

so you don’t think it’s manic? I’m confused!

I don't find Christmas manic either. I've already done all the shopping, the tree is being delivered mid December, I love baking and cooking, and I enjoy entertaining. My husband has time off so it feels easier in general spliting the chores and childcare. If you find it awful then look into changing things because it really doesnt have to be that way.

We didn't do a lot of that either, either when I was a child or with my own. A lot of additional stuff is a lot of money and/or effort on top of a lot of money and effort as it is. It's not necessary and nobody should feel bad for not doing it. I have refused Elf on the Shelf because I've got enough to be doing without thinking up convoluted ideas about what a toy elf could be getting up to. Would my daughter have enjoyed it? Undoubtedly. Has she missed out on something fundamental? No. We don't do stockings either, not even as a thing we don't do, stockings have just never been a part of Christmas for my family. Grottos are normally expensive and pointless, we went to one once when I judged my daughter was the right age and that was plenty. We done Christmas Eve boxes a couple of times as I liked the idea of pyjamas, chocolate and a book, but it's not a tradition. We always left whisky or a can of lager for Santa and a carrot for the reindeer and I do that with my daughter too but it's not etched in my mind as a must-do.

Our focus is very much on relaxing, eating, being cosy, and just enjoying time out, and my daughter is old enough at 10 to convey that's what she likes too (along with presents!). She's a homebody during Christmas - we'll do the odd specific event like a panto or something but it's not necessary. Everyone can make their own Christmas traditions and they don't need to be tied to any capitalist ventures.

Elf on the Shelf is recent and commercial; no problem if a family WANT to do it and find it fun, but no need.

Christmas Eve boxes I think have older roots - growing up abroad, my family used to open any presents from family overseas and whoever couldn't be with us on the day on Christmas Eve, and some families with small children have always done the "open one present on Christmas Eve" to manage overexcitement. But buying extra stuff and putting it in a special "Christmas Eve box" is recent and commercialised; many people don't do it.

Stockings, I think, are pretty standard but may not be missed if stocking-type items are mixed in with the regular Christmas gifts (that is, not just one big gift per person). A lot of parents find it HELPFUL to do stockings as it keeps the children occupied so they're not up wanting to open main presents at 5 AM.

Visiting Santa can be fun for little kids, and there can be sentimentality around pictures of the visits, but a lot of people live places where this would be tough.

Leaving anything for him or his reindeer, footprints etc. Totally optional, and a step too far for some people who are uncomfortable with the whole Santa/Father Christmas deception.

Gifts are from the people that bought them, no gifts from Father Christmas he is just the delivery guy. As above, but I'd just ignore FC/SC in this case.

Christmas Eve church service - many families skip this especially if not religious (or observing Christmas as a cultural holiday but no Christian background).

Buying teachers gifts may depend on what's normal/expected where you live. It's always optional. I can see a child being uncomfortable feeling like the only one not to give a gift, but this seems unlikely.

We avoided the elf for years till someone gave my youngest one as a gift. We then had to deal with that wee bastard for a few years.

also avoided Xmas Eve boxes.

happy with most other things including Santa.

Okay.
So you're saying that certain Christmas/holiday related traditions you engaged in and others you didn't,
by your own admission, " For purely selfish reasons because they seemed like more effort than they were worth at the time during already busy times".

And you say that it's too late to do anything about it now cuz your kids are grown up, so why are you asking? Do you feel guilty? Are you trying to defend your actions of so many years ago? Are you trying to provide guidance to other parents who are feeling the same way, the time crunch, too much effort, and you're trying to give them some support so they don't have to feel like bad parents If they don't engage in these traditions?

Or are you asking because you have young nieces and nephews now and you're wondering whether or not you should try some of these traditions now and you're wondering if you're grown adult children might be a little bit bitter because you didn't do these things with them?

I don't consider a few of your examples traditions yet as they are pretty recent social media trends ie elf, boxes, and to be honest i don't think any kid would miss out by not having these things.
But Christmas can be made magical whilst still remaining simple for children and i remember as a child leaving a carrot and a drink out so we did it for our children and it was special ,i also took mine to see Santa at museum/ steam train settings where they had a more old fashioned traditional feel .
Shopping mall type settings always had too much of a commercialised feel to me.

This whole conversation has come about from another poster questioning someone else saying Christmas is manic for them and all I did was ask if it wasn’t manic for them.

I’ve genuinely never really heard of another adult female with kids not feeling like Christmas is a busy time of year. We can split hairs over the difference between manic and busy. Manic isn’t a word I’d actually personally use, I was only quoting someone. So manic and busy might mean the same thing to one person and not to others or maybe there’s hyperbole at play.

I’ve certainly not said anywhere that Christmas is awful for me. It’s busy yes - is it manic? Who knows!! But I do know that I’m done with this conversation now because it’s getting silly.

“Busy time of year” yes

“manic” no

i know you have flounced left but im curious as to whether you enjoy

We never did Christmas Eve boxes or the Elf on the Shelf bollocks.

We did do stockings for quite a few years but haven't since they were teenagers and had lost interest in those. All presents now just gather under the tree in the run-up to Christmas and are opened on Christmas morning just after breakfast and coffee ("children" are now aged between 30 and 23).

We did take a long weekend in Lapland when the DDs were pretty young and still in primary school. They visited Santa there, as we all did.

Santa tended to visit preschool, nursery and primary school parties so I didn't make a habit of taking them otherwise.

I also reject Elf on the Shelf and Christmas boxes (don’t know anyone who does the latter anyway). But I had a stocking every year till I was about 24 and loved it, and obviously Father Christmas brings the presents for little children too. I have 2 young adult kids I still do stockings for, and a young one, and enjoy seeing them all open their presents. I hope I’ve given them the same happy memories of Christmas that I have of my childhood Christmases.

Thankfully there was no elf on the shelf or Christmas boxes when my dc were small. I did buy them Christmas pajamas but not matching and they were worn thru the year until outgrown and often all day on Christmas Day. Special little dress for dd and colored corduroys or jeans with plaid shirt for my DS from Ralph Lauren. a favorite memory of mine choosing these very special outfits from a major store “at the mall” Beautiful trees and many years more than one and stockings.

our holidays as Italian Americans has always centered on homemade traditional food and this continues. Many of the elders have died..my dad has outlived most at 91 but those remain vivid memories we all revisit and recipes we repeat year after year

the funny thing is just this weekend my ds stepped into the Christmas storage closet under the stairs a long irregularly shaped area and said ….I LOVE THIS CLOSET IT SMELLS LIKE CHRISTMAS IN HERE. 😂
so you never know what memories stick

Lots of my neighbours don’t “do” Santa at all. Apparently Santa is made up but Jesus is real (I quote). Some of them do presents and most do a tree, meal, crackers etc. There’s no rules. You can do Christmas however you choose. No one else is bothered and you don’t need permission or validation. You are entirely free to celebrate as you choose.

Not sure if anybody has mentioned it on this thread but wtf thought of the Santa cam?? Poor kids feeling like they're being watched all December.
We don't do the elf, as he is creepy and they have never asked; they have one at school as well. I do the Christmas box, but they get it on the 1st dec. It has the same things in it they would get anyway (some things the same (a santa key that comes out every year that has specific instructions), homemade reindeer food, hot choc, pjs in a size too big that they wear two years running and all winter), and a choc Santa. We reuse the box every year too, and lt has become a fun little tradition.

I also do get the teachers biscuits or a token gift/card from dcs; they work bloody hard and deserve it!

My son was born in 1977, so an 80's child. There was no such thing as Elf on the bloody shelf thank god or Christmas Eve boxes. We aren't religious so didn't go to church. I can't honestly remember whether advent calendars were much of a thing back then. We always had a tree and decorations and all the usual traditional Christmas food. He always had a stocking (pillowcase) but I didn't put out mince pies for Father Christmas, or go out of my way to perpetuate the story. I think kids usually discovered the truth earlier back then. Teachers weren't generally bought presents unless something really special was happening or your child was leaving the school but you would give them a Christmas card. In fact this whole "magic" of Christmas and trying to recreate a Hallmark movie hadn't yet happened. Things were simpler and kids knew how to entertain themselves to some extent.

I don’t think it is sad, honestly. Sounds like a simpler Christmas from a while back. Might take a youngster to visit F Christmas, once or twice. Hate that bloody elf. Don’t know what a CE box is, never went to Panto as a child and it’s too scary for very small children anyway, often.
No stockings for us as children, we got a pillowcase stuffed with nice things. Never missed stockings.
We did do a mince pie for F Christmas but it all gets lost in the present giving anyway.
Many schools do carol services and parties and card making.
OP your kids will be fine. Play games, read stories, every family is different.
Social media just puts so much pressure on to be perfect.