Traditions we avoided

[ImALargeAbsentMindedSpirit]

Can’t do anything about it now but just wondering how others view what we did as parents. Are we the only ones that didn’t do these things? Purely selfish reasons as they all seemed like more effort than was necessary at an already manic time. We never did elf on the shelf, Christmas Eve boxes, stockings, visiting Santa or leaving anything for him or his reindeer, footprints etc. Gifts are from the people that bought them, no gifts from Father Christmas he is just the delivery guy, Christmas Eve church service, buying teachers gifts.

I've avoided Christmas eve boxes and elf.

Leaving things out for Santa stopped when ds was 5 because he told me not to be silly 😁
Midnight Carol service is something I've continued from my childhood. Afterwards we sit at the kitchen table, drink wine, prep veg and gossip. Crawl off to bed at 1.30. Thankfully fewer to feed than when I was a kid.

Really? Christmas isn’t manic for you?

Why are you having second thoughts about your Christmases? Have the children said anything? If everyone is happy and has great memories, what’s the problem?

You say they have happy memories and it was busy. I think it sounds fine.

I think you would have known if something was missing - it's not that you didn't have traditions, just they were different.

FWIW when I was a child I thought it was really special and magical, the way my mum got us decorating the tree on Christmas Eve, just before we went to the carol service at Church. It was lovely.

She fessed up when we were adults that she was manically busy and chronically disorganised and never managed to get it together to do it any earlier!

I think this is illustrative of the way tradition really ought to work.

FWIW I absolutely cannot stand elf on the shelf and most of that guff.

@ImALargeAbsentMindedSpirit probably not what you want to hear, but I’m in my 50s and still feel a bit sad about how restricted our childhood Christmases were. My parents were very keen to not spoil us or be wasteful.
Things we didn’t do or have included stockings, selection boxes, chocolate advent calendars, visit to pantomime, being told about Santa as if real. We did get some sensible presents but never the daft thing that I had my heart set on. I’ve done things very differently for my own kids, not over the top but things that made them happy. It’s all a balance at the end of the day but I look back with some sadness on how deliberately muted our family Christmases were.

Oh, but leaving something out for Santa is one of the best parts!! I thoroughly enjoy my glass of bucks fizz, and cake in the early hours 🤣, as after all Santa gets sick of all of the mince Pies and sherry!

Did you do advent calendars?

My 2 are in their early 20s now.

We didn’t do Elf on a Shelf like it is now, I don’t remember it being quite such a big thing back then. We did have a little stuffed Pixie that brought advent calendars on 1st December and then lounged around the house until Father Christmas picked her up on Christmas Eve. She just kind of sat on various shelves/curtain poles/etc and the kids would love coming down and spotting her in the mornings.

No to Christmas Eve boxes but they did have new pyjamas on Christmas Eve (just generic new pyjamas). We would tell them that Father Christmas sent a scouting party of elves ahead to check children were getting ready for bed. The new pyjamas that magically appeared on their beds while they were in the bath would mean that Father Christmas was on his way.

We left out a beer and a mince pie, DD1 insisted on leaving out a whole bag of carrots so all the reindeer got one, not just Rudolph.

We visited Father Christmas, usually a local one but a few times we went to London to Selfridges and then took them to see the lights.

We did baking, gingerbread house decorating, and all that kind of stuff.

Didn’t go together to pick out a tree, I’d love a real tree but I’m allergic to them but we did (still do) go and buy a new tree decoration every year and decorate together. We’ve got a kind of mismatched tree of random decorations now but they love seeing all the once’s they’ve picked over the years.

Yes to stockings - we still do - Father Christmas brings stuff like new pants, chocolate, a couple of toys, colouring pens and bits and bobs like that (now it’s vodka and skin care products) and then main presents are under the free from the person who buys them.

I made advent calendars that we reused every year. Mostly had stuff like chocolate coins in, but we’d add cinema tickets for a Christmas film, ice skating, visit to Father Christmas and stuff like that as well.

We still do a lot of it now, DD1 moved out with her boyfriend and DD2 is at uni this year so some stuff has come to an end (although DD1 is carrying a lot of our traditions into her own home)

My parents never did any of the stuff you named (apart from Mass on Christmas Eve) - and my mother got pissy when I was about 5 and my grandmother said something like 'hasn't Father Christmas been generous this year?'...and that was the end of me believing in him.

I started school in the January (this was in Oz) and immediately got myself in trouble by telling my classmates that Father Christmas didn't exist.

My parents were shit at Christmas, tbh. When I was still living at home, I tried to 'make up' for it by using my pocket money from my early teens to buy decorations. I remember when I was 12 my mother got angry because my paternal grandmother made a big fuss of us that Christmas - our first in the UK - and bought us things like stockings and advent calendars. That was the one and only Christmas that happened.

Certainly for me I've wanted to create the magic I felt at Christmas for my own children. They probably have what I would consider quite a 90s style Christmas.

Father Christmas brings the stockings in our house but not the presents under the tree and we leave out the mince pie, carrot etc. I think that was the most exciting bit for me as a child seeing my full stocking hanging on the mantle piece and the carrot with a bite taken out of it.

We visit Father Christmas at a local garden centre which is cheap and cheerful although this will possibly be the last year as DD1 is nearly 9 and already expressing doubts about how real he is 🤣.

We don't do expensive light trails, Christmas Eve boxes, elf on the shelf, North Pole breakfasts, matching pyjamas or anything else from your list and feel no worse off for it.

But not doing a teacher present does seem quite miserable! Surely most people would at least give a box of biscuits or a token gift?

As a child, what you get is pretty much all you know, though. Whilst there weren't anywhere near as many such 'acitivities' related to Christmas when I was a child, my parents didn't do most of the ones that did exist. I never felt there was less "magic" (and I knew there was no Father Christmas from a very early age as my brother told me), than others had - because it was magic enough for me.

Comparison is the thief of joy and media, social media plus pressure from advertisements, etc have somewhat forced many parents to believe they aren't giving their children a good enough Christmas if they don't do shedloads of things and spend shedloads of money.

I think your Christmas sounds lovely and if you all enjoy it then think no more about it!

I think our Christmas is fairly simple and I like it.

We do:
Letters to santa (very basic, they just love posting them)
Paper advent calendars (all my friends think this is very cruel 😂)
Decorating the tree
Stockings
Presents from us
Always pastries on Christmas morning

I love Christmas!

Yessss! A 90s Christmas with a few modern additions is how I would describe ours and I LOVE it.

The only things we did for Christmas were cards, presents, Christmas lunch, and going to parties, such as at school and guides. We did church every week, so didn't go specially for Christmas.

We didn't even have a Christmas tree!

Our main celebrations over the season were focussed on New Year - that's would visit relatives or receive visitors. We'd also go to Panto at some point.

If your children say they have happy memories of xmas then i dont see a problem. As PPs have said a lot of those things are fairly new such as the elf and xmad eve boxes etc. When you listed what you did do i think it sounds lovely and quite spirited.

@ImALargeAbsentMindedSpirit have you talked to your children about their memories? You might be surprised.

I had a fairly dysfunctional childhood, with very little money around. No Christmas decorations (mum didn't like mess!), no advent calendar, no stocking, don't think I ever believed in Father Christmas (maybe as a very little child and I can't remember) BUT I still loved Christmas. All the school activities, making homemade sausage rolls with my Gran on Christmas Eve, all the family at my Gran's for Christmas Day. It was still a very special time, marred only by the wait for my Dad to get drunk and start a fight!

I have been much more traditional with my own children and they have all of the above - apart from the Dad starting a fight, my DH is lovely.

I suppose I'm trying to say don't worry about what you can't change now.

My parents did what you did except we had a couple of garden centre Santa visits in our whole childhoods and we left a Mince pie out for Santa. Elf of a Shelf and Christmas Eve boxes weren't a thing but I noticed my friends and kids on TV got stocking and gifts from Santa. I still loved our Christmases though.

With my own kids I do most of the stuff on your list (no Christmas Eve service, no footprints). I love doing the stocking and Christmas Eve box; the elf drives us nuts.

We don't do elf on the shelf, Christmas Eve boxes, visiting Santa or footprints etc. Gifts are from the people that bought them, no gifts from Father Christmas - we don't make much comment about Santa really, he's not even the delivery guy. I'm not sure what dc thinks about him - school told them all that if they weren't good at school Santa wouldn't bring them any presents which made me feel uncomfortable.

We do do stockings and Christmas Eve church service.

It's up to you.

Yes, they’re both coming to us for Christmas Day with DSs girlfriend my BIL and niece so 7 for Christmas Day at ours.

Yes I bought a wooden one years ago and I would fill each date with sweets they liked rather than buying a chocolate one for a couple of pounds. One would have first pick of the odd numbers and the other evens.

I'm guessing your DC are in their 30s? I think their experiences were probably typical of the time...I'm in my late 30s ans AFAIK the elf or Christmas eve boxes weren't a thing then. We got taken to see Santa but just at the local garden centre. DM reused the same advent calender every year (fabric with little pockets to put in chocolate coins). I think i went to a pantomine once or twice but with school not my parents? We are Catholic so we did usually go to midnight Mass though.

So there we go

In this family (3 generations now!) stockings from FC contain relatively little/inexpensive things only. Other presents under the tree are from family, who need to be thanked.

We only ever bought one big present for dds, but they always had quite a few things from other family members. We never provided the ‘piles’ that seem to be the norm now. And there was no set amount to spend - especially not hundreds of £££ - it’d depend so much on what they wanted, which might or might not cost a lot.

With my older two (now 27 and 25) we just did advent calendars, leave our milk and mince pie on Xmas eve and stockings (they still ask for a stocking lol).

The younger ones (now 16 and 19) I did add in feeding reindeer outside in the garden and Xmas eve box (mainly so they had nice new PJs for the photos and winter rather the straggly summer ones) but it wasn’t elaborate, just the pjs and some simple bits like colouring books. I did elf on the shelf for a few years but they were already getting to the upper end of the age range so didn’t do it long. We went out for a Xmas eve drive or walk to see the lights and did go to a couple of children’s carols events in the church.

This year I will probably only get the 16yo a stocking as she’s likely the only one who will have Xmas morning at home, although I will see them all in the afternoon.

Edited to add - I read ‘The night before Christmas’ poem every year for them all. I think I was the most upset when the youngest no longer wanted me to lol.

No, I always find Christmas very relaxing. I don't do 'manic'.