Traditions we avoided

[ImALargeAbsentMindedSpirit]

Can’t do anything about it now but just wondering how others view what we did as parents. Are we the only ones that didn’t do these things? Purely selfish reasons as they all seemed like more effort than was necessary at an already manic time. We never did elf on the shelf, Christmas Eve boxes, stockings, visiting Santa or leaving anything for him or his reindeer, footprints etc. Gifts are from the people that bought them, no gifts from Father Christmas he is just the delivery guy, Christmas Eve church service, buying teachers gifts.

From your list we did leaving something for Santa and stockings with a few small gifts but none of the others.

The leaving something out I don't remember from before I was old enough to be just playing along, we always left a mars bar 😁 - it certainly was never a key component.

I loved Christmas and I still love Christmas. Half the things we got excited about at Christmas aren't even things anymore e.g Buying the Christmas editions of the Radio Times and TV times and planning a viewing schedule with my Grandma.

This isn’t true. Father Christmas was the delivery guy for me, still very exciting to wake up and see if he’d “been”. There was still a naughty or nice list, he could redistribute your presents if you were naughty - and it is a bit exciting when the Evri/amazon delivery comes if it is for something you really want!

I should add that my dc did love staying up for midnight mass, when little they went in their new pj’s

My children are 33 and 31. Elf on the shelf wasn't a thing then. They hated the santa visits and never wanted to do them so we didn't. Christmas eve boxes weren't a thing either and my family are atheists so church didn't figure in any of it . We did stockings and big pillow cases stuffed with gifts. We had trees and lunch and all of that. We put out a carrot and a mince pie. That takes seconds.

We never did elves although they became a thing when my kids were still smallish.

Always wrote letters to Santa and he would magically bring at least some of the stuff they asked for, having made secret arrangements with grandparents who would buy other things. I don't understand why you would write to Santa saying what you really want,only for him to just bring you a stocking full of bits,and bobs. The magic is, he can bring anything you want (no live animals though!). I still remember the magic of waking up on xmas as a kid, checking the stocking and waking my brother up 'He's been!!'

Always left sherry and mince pie for Santa, carrots for reindeer, and also for several years threw 'reindeer food' on the lawn on Xmas eve.

We did one Santa visit a year to a very convincing Santa (with his own beard) and they knew all the others at xmas fairs etc were 'helpers'.

Our other traditions include reading 'The night before Christmas' last thing on Xmas Eve. My kids (now 15, 17 and 19) still wanted it read last year.

My 4 are aged 12-24. We never did Elf on the shelf, Xmas Eve boxes, matching pj’s etc. As someone else said that’s more for social media than the kids benefit.
Santa always came and the presents were from him. The kids had(still have!) stockings for little bits.
We leave out a carrot & a glass of milk for Santa & Rudolf. We have lovely Christmas memories here, no one has to go over the top. Are your adult kids giving you a hard time about their childhood op?

We love Christmas and have always gone above and beyond to make it fun for both dcs.
Yes it seemed like a faff at times (especially thinking of new things to do with the elf!!) but I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.
We did all of those things that you mentioned and have fond memories of them. Dcs are 20 and 13 and obviously don't believe in Santa anymore but we still make it as fun as possible. We (and hopefully they) will always think of Christmas as fun and chaotic. I think dcs will carry on a lot of our traditions and create their own.

My younger daughter, 4 at the time, was incredibly excited to hear that there was going to be a Santa's grotto at her sister's school Xmas fair. She was SO happy going round the fair, then it was her turn to go to see Santa. She came out very quiet and had a huge tantrum on the way home. Only later did I work it out- she wanted a Baby Annabel that year and assumed that "Santa" would be handing it over at the fair!!

Children get such a short time to enjoy Christmas magic and it does sound like yours have missed out on some of the fun. Though it does sound like you do have some nice traditions that you still do now.

I completely get that cost is a barrier for many families and pressure for things like Christmas Eve boxes is unnecessary. But lots of the things you mentioned are free/ cheap and take minutes. I think not being arsed is a pretty poor excuse tbh.

Your list sounds normal for the 90s. You can’t just repeat what your parents did, you do adapt to what’s done and what’s available around you at the time so I wouldn’t read too much into changing practices between generations. My own parents had a single present and a satsuma so the change between that generation and the next was far greater.

As a child of the 90s, wasn't the norm circling things in the Argos catalogue?

We have a 1 December box this year because I happen to have bought dd2 a Christmas puzzle book, and I had bought both of them new pyjamas. So now they are stuffed in a cardboard Sephora box which I have written on with Sharpie. Could not be less magical 😅

Some years I do a Christmas eve box but it tends to be because I have come across fluffy socks and hot chocolate on offer and they would just get disregarded on Christmas morning.

But no elf (although we have one, he just hangs out on the tree) nothing that requires huge effort from me. And the odd random 1 Dec / Christmas eve box generates a bit more excitement if it is not every year.

Lots of things didn’t exist when my DC was a child (and I probably don’t know half of what has now become traditional), so it was quite simple. We didn’t buy into Father Christmas/Santa being real either without expressly saying so, but we played on the magic of FC/Santa. That however didn’t last long as they knew by 5 that there was not a strange man creeping around the house and delivering presents in the dead of night.

Christmas was still magical without buying into massive consumerism as it was more to do with a feeling around the dark nights, warmth, buying the tree, decorating it, the lights, an advent candle/calendar, seeing friends and family, the food, watching Christmas films/programmes, circling the TV guide and gift guides, parties and get togethers, town light switch on, looking at others decorations as darkness fell (very few outside lights back then).

Most of it was pretty normal back in the 80’s/90’s and I agree that there are differences in each era. We take what was normal in our childhood and add to the traditions as well as drop some. What is tradition is constantly evolving and we can pick and choose what works for us in terms of finance and our preferences.

DC still loves Christmas and is now very much an adult entering middle age.

I ducked out of so much when the dc were young, visits to Santa, North Pole breakfast, ice skating, light trails, Christmas Eve boxes, December 1st boxes, elf on the shelf, Lapland, snowy footprints on my living room floor, Christmas markets, hot chocolate stations… probably a lot more that we just never bothered with.

We do stockings, mince pie left out, a bit of Christmas baking, probably a few more things that are still quite routine for us. In-laws used to take them to panto which spared us the absolute horror.

Essentially we just did the bits that suited us and ignored everything else. Happy with my decisions, they have the chance to do Christmas how they like when they move out/have their own families! Will be interesting to see how it differs.

What does one put into one's horse's advent calendar?

As a child of the 80’s, for me it was highlighter pen in the Radio Times to plan everything we were going to record on the brand new VHS, so we could have tapes of all the best films etc to last us all year. I remember scheduling them so we’d be able to fit the most onto the cassettes.

Elf on the shelf isn’t a tradition. It’s a marketing ploy, and tbh I’m amazed so many people have fallen for it, to the extent we already have people saying how kids shouldn’t spoil the magic yada yada.

Fortunately that shite wasn’t around when mine were little.

My parents didn't celebrate Christmas so I've kind of made my own version of Christmas. I've told the kids Santa drops off a small present e.g. book and sweets and the rest are from family and friends. This seems the most logical way to stop kids comparing presents and thinking Santa has favourites because Robbie got a playstation. We make a gingerbread house on Christmas eve and eat it for tea and breakfast the next day. We play a game on Christmas day at tea time. Tea time is a mini buffet of snacks and sandwiches. I don't do anything else e.g. elf. Christmas eve box, Santa's footprints etc. Because it's all too much extra work, and once started it has to continue for years!

We did start off taking our children to see Santa, but I explained that it wasn't really him, just for fun! The prices shot up and the experience seemed rushed and expensive. So we stopped doing that! The kids didn't mind. We swapped it for going to the panto! Which was surprisingly cheaper at the time! We've stopped now as the children are teens who said they no longer wished to go! I like our basic Christmas it's not expensive and stressfree. The teens asked the other day if I'd got the gingerbread house with a request for extra icing pens! And if we have a new game to play? They helped me choose a new game and said they're looking forward to it!

I do think that it all depends on how much spare money parents have, as everything extra surrounding Christmas can be expensive.

In those days, the TV listings for BBC and ITV were in separate magazines. We always bought the Radio Times (BBC) but at Christmas, as a special treat, we got a copy of the TV Times as well!

I remember going through the Argos catalogue too, trying to assess what would be deemed 'a waste of money' and what I might actually be allowed to have.

Sounds like my childhood OP as we didn’t do any of those things either (in now in my 30s) - although from your update I’m going to assume you’re not my mum because mine out the tree up on Xmas eve and took it down on Boxing Day and would never have sat down to watch a movie with me 🤣
I hated not taking a gift for my teacher though - my Nana used to help me make a card and buy me chocolates to take in because she knew it made me sad.

To be honest - I think it’s the little things that make Christmas magical. Not all the big things that cost a fortune.

I choose to do things very differently with my kids. We have a lovely little afternoon making and decorating letters to Santa then we go on a nice family walk to post them. It costs me nothing but my time. We visit Santa once with some friends and their kids and have a lovely lunch out - that’s our only paid activity really! We bake cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve then watch a movie in our PJs before leaving carrot/milk/cookie and going to bed for an early night.
Santa brings one present and the stocking in our house. Stocking is small, usually low cost items - chocolate, socks, hot wheels cars, bath bomb, mini games etc. The one present is always a toy off the list - Santa doesn’t bring electronics. Everything else is from whoever bought it.

We don’t do Elf on the shelf, Christmas Eve boxes etc.

My parents tell me every year that I’m spoiling my DC.

No elf on the shelf, Christmas Eve boxes etc here. We do advent calendars and used to go and see Santa every year without fail though.

We have a special put the tree up day and watch a Christmas movie with special snacks. We did Christmas church events. They have advent calendars. But all the expensive and exhausting trips we just avoided. My kids are much happier in their PJs with unstressed/not totally broke parents. Of course my kids might grow up and say they feel they missed out. But I can only make sensible choices now. Going into debt over £150 days out seems silly, especially when friends tell me they often end up upset or annoyed that their children don't seem "grateful". By being happy with the choices we have made, I don't have that pressure and that pressure isn't on the kids.

I think as long as it feels magical and fun, then the details don't really matter.

When my children were little, we were on a very tight budget with no family nearby, so I went all-out on magic and whimsy and crafts, and making cheap or practical things fun. So we didn't do theatre trips or skating or winter wonderland or trips to Lapland or Santa's Grotto.

But we had a letter-writing elf, and did lots of baking and foraging to make decorations, and going on walks to see free things, and making a big deal out of things like new pyjamas and a reusable advent calendar.

But a family who were more money-rich and time poor would probably have wonderful traditions that were the opposite of mine,, and people who enjoy different things will do things differently.

I don't think that there is one right way of doing Christmas.

How old are your kids? Some of those things have only been a thing in the last decade or so (Xmas Eve boxes and elf and a shelf I’m thinking). People have being doing Father Christmas differently since the whole started so I wouldn’t get too bogged down about that.

You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.

But I’m not sure why you would call it a manic time especially if you aren’t running about doing all the stuff you’ve opted out of.

We participate in our Christmas lights switch on which is a massive deal and takes at least 8-10 weeks to organise in the build up with lots of meetings and evening events in the build up to take the kids to. Then the actual event.

We have decorations day where we go get the tree and decorate the house and garden. We watch a Christmas film that night.

We go to see Santa and we go to the school Christmas fair, the school Christmas play, the school Christmas disco. We go to the town Christmas craft market and the church Christmas fair. We have a trip to the pantomime or theatre (locally, cheaply).

We buy a new tree decoration on some fun day out during the year so get a new tree memory. We do advent calendars and reverse advent calendars. We go Christmas shopping in town a few times in December.

Santa comes and we track Santa and we leave out carrot and mince pie, hang stockings, read a night before Christmas.

Santa brings gifts and a stocking and is just another person who brings presents, we also give presents and so do friends and family.

We always host so do a lot of cooking, baking and preparing in the build up and calculating where everyone will sleep - so their primary memory will probably be sleeping on the floor in large groups every Christmas to fit all the relatives in. Last year we had 14 to stay, we have a small house so it does get very squeezed.

We host a New Year’s games party each year so that will be a memory I’m sure.

We don’t do elves, or church services, midnight mass or Christmas jumpers. We make all our Christmas cards and wrapping so we don’t buy new things every Christmas. It means we all wrap gifts together which is nice. We have very few hot chocolates, I’m not a fan! We do walk the local Christmas lights advent trail which is in house windows but we don’t participate in it as one of the decorated houses on the map so we swerve that. We do have Christmas Eve PJs but not in a box and they are just nice PJs not Christmas themed.