Traditions we avoided

[ImALargeAbsentMindedSpirit]

Can’t do anything about it now but just wondering how others view what we did as parents. Are we the only ones that didn’t do these things? Purely selfish reasons as they all seemed like more effort than was necessary at an already manic time. We never did elf on the shelf, Christmas Eve boxes, stockings, visiting Santa or leaving anything for him or his reindeer, footprints etc. Gifts are from the people that bought them, no gifts from Father Christmas he is just the delivery guy, Christmas Eve church service, buying teachers gifts.

The pressure of “magical Christmas” really puts me off Christmas all together and don’t start me on kids who apparently believe in FC I secondary school 😵‍💫

We skip a lot of it- no elf, no xmas eve box, visiting Santa we’ve done when we were at a fair and the kids wanted to queue up for it but I’ve never purposefully booked it, we don’t do stockings instead the kids leave out a shoe which is a tradition from DH’s family (not British). They get advent calendars, presents on the day, a ski trip and all the extended family so I think they’re fine and not deprived!

Will you be spending Christmas with your adult children? Do they come back to your for Christmas?

The only tradition we have ever had is reading ‘Twas the night before Christmas’ before they went to bed on Christmas Eve! No elf, no Christmas Eve boxes. Our son had one massive (5ft x 3ft) stocking that my mum made for him before he was born and he would put that out with a glass of milk and a carrot, all presents went in there. FC brought all presents too. When family brought there’s it would always be ‘look what Father Christmas left for you at our house’.

Well a bit more than “one tradition” 😆

Nothing wrong with that!

So long as you not locking your kids in a cold room or telling them they do not deserve anything then it does not need to be any more

What makes you think you have not done enough? Who is pressuring you? Let it go!

Elf on the shelf - no. It is an American commercial thing.
Christmas Eve boxes - no. Don't know what they are.
Stockings - yes. Father Christmas leaves stocking fillers.

Visiting Santa - yes, but only in our village as part of the annual carol singing evening.
Leaving anything for him or his reindeer, footprints etc - yes.

We also always make our Christmas pudding and Christmas cake, which we decorate ourselves. We make biscuits to hang from the tree and mince pies.

Depends why you didn’t do some of those things. If you were too time or cash poor then absolutely fair enough. If you just couldn’t be arsed…

A lot of stuff you’ve listed is very much family specific.

Not leaving out a drink and mince pie for Santa is unusual and no stockings is too. In my experience Santa bought a stocking of small bis. Main presents were under the tree from Father Christmas.

I’m not sure how you avoided a visit to Santa, even if just the school Christmas fayre.

The main thing is are you close to your children and do they have happy memories of their childhood?

This is awful. Were you depressed? If not why bother having children. My mother has a similar attitude, everything was a chore. Me and my brother were very jealous of other children. I don't speak to her and he isnt close to her at all.

I would say the key question is whether your adult kids return to you for Christmas and always choose to go elsewhere OP?

Ah, see now that sounds much better. I think it's easier to say what we do rather than what we don't do.

We did one visit to Santa. Usually a nice place / event to kill two birds with one stone.

Stockings left out.

Milk and mince pie or Christmas cake for Santa.

Water and carrot out for reindeers (lots of photos of their little pyjamaed backs at the front door setting it out over the years).

Santa gives and delivers presents.

Elf wasn't a big thing then so we didn't do it.

I did adopt the Christmas Eve bags though. Every year they get to open a present under the tree, carefully orchestrated to include their Christmas jammies . The Christmas bags worked in my favour as it made them identifiable and could put other nice things in the we did anyway on Christmas Eve. Books, snacks, hot chocolate. It might be a modern American thing but it works for us. We love Christmas Eve. They still love their Christmas Eve bags at 18 and 20.

Elf on the Shelf is an absolute no here!
I've never done Christmas Eve boxes but sometimes I've given them new pjs on Christmas Eve and Christmas hot chocolate sets or something.
I don't know what a Dec 1st box is tbh.

They did Santa visits when they were younger and always have a stocking. Our stockings just have chocolate, socks, hand cream small stuff like that.
Some MNers spend as much on stockings as I do on my kid's main presents!

We don't do lots of trips out to pantos and shows and Christmas markets because I've simply never been able to afford it. I'd love to be able to do that though.

Oh we always put something out for Santa and Rudolph as well when they were younger but they're teenagers now.

Ah interesting! Thinking about it the Christmases when we did a lot of recording stuff were the ones when we stayed at home for Xmas, when I was more younger teen, early 90s - that coincides with itv etc being included in RT.
But I do kind of remember the TV times being around as well, or maybe the newspapers did it too.

Ha! Reading back yeah I suppose! 🤣 I guess what I meant is, nothing we did we need to ‘arrange’ for if you get me? Other than getting the book and stocking out on Christmas Eve that was really it! I wasn’t about to start arseing about with elves, or taking him to see FC at a garden centre!

We wrote letters to Father Christmas. They had to express gratitude for the previous year’s presents before asking for the thing we most wanted (not a list- that’s rude!). Letters would go into the fire (then up through the ether to the North Pole 😁).

We always went to a carol/ christingle service, despite not being particularly religious- I found them magical as a child.

When they were a bit older, we’d go to our local independent cinema on Christmas Eve and watch It’s a Wonderful Life, then go for pasta at a nice place nearby. We still do that now, if they’re home. It’s nice being in town with all the twinkly lights!

We left a carrot, a piece of DD’s birthday cake, and a drink for FC. We’d track him on the computer before bed.

No elf; no boxes; no new pyjamas. Stockings were put at the ends of beds.

On Christmas Day, stockings would be opened on our bed. Breakfast, big dog walk with friends, then another couple of presents for the children on our return. Big present opening, where we all joined in, was after lunch.

We managed to swerve elf on the shelf and Christmas Eve boxes as they weren't so much of a thing when mine were little, thank God.
The thought of Christmas without stockings and leaving a mince pie and carrots out for father Christmas and Rudolph makes me a bit sad though.
Still, everyone makes their own choices.

We never went overboard. DS wasn't a fan of visiting Father Christmas. We did do teacher gifts and left a bitten carrot, mince pie crumbs and footprints. Like fuck were we getting caught up in the Elf on the Shelf nonsense though.
I like Father Christmas as the delivery guy - it helps to explain to your child why they didn't get a (insert expensive-present-of-the-moment here), but their classmate did. We never did the whole 'have you been naughty or nice?' thing either.

seemed like more effort than was necessary at an already manic time

In what way was it a manic time if you weren't even bothering with a few odds & ends in a stocking?

That fucking elf!!

My kids are early teens so we were already a few Christmases in by the time he was a thing so it would have been strange for him to all of a sudden appear. Also so many people sold it as some way to make ‘naughty’ children behave which we didn’t need really and also for me the magic of Christmas is so much about the unseen and the imagined - imagining Santa’s elves busy at the North Pole, not throwing toilet roll on your Christmas tree. We did have beautiful letters from the North Pole a couple of years which was absolutely lovely! There’s only so many ideas you can do and people are suggesting it breaks its leg etc to have a few days off. What’s the point then? I was very keen to keep the magic alive and think some things create confusion and cause questions to be asked! Even going to see Santa sometimes.

Also I’m just not sure how impressed my kids would have been at its antics and I have enough on my plate without waking up at 1am every night and realising I’ve not done anything with it.

I did feel bad at times when their friends had elves and they didn’t but also feel very very sure of my stance on it!

Didnt do Christmas Eve boxes either but some years did my own sort of advent calendar where I gave them a small gift every day. We are a pretty Christmassy family so certainly no Grinch but just quite sure of how I like Christmas to be.

That’s quite sad. I don’t mean Elf on the shelf or Christmas Eve boxes. But going to see Santa, leaving food for him and the reindeer and gifts from Santa are all part of the magic of Christmas. How do your children feel?

I'd be questioning why you felt Christmas was a 'manic' time. If that was due to work/caring/volunteering responsibilities then it's entirely understandable you couldn't devote time to other activities.

My youngest is 18.
We didn't do:

elf on the shelf,
Christmas Eve church service
Santa footprints

Did:
give them an annual on Christmas Eve
Santa stocking
buying teachers gifts.
visiting Santa
leaving food for santa and reindeer,

We do a adults send money/gifts to Santa for children (some made in workshop if unavailable), and he brings them, but if "you're extra good you might get a special gift from Santa himself" type scenario. We find that this is a good balance, while also stopping them asking too many questions.
Dcs know you can still get others gifts, like when we buy for their grandparents, and those go under the tree, and that gifts can be exchanged outside of Santa. We tell them Santa doesn't come to grown ups, but we exchange gifts that we've gotten each other instead, (also under the tree). Last year we had Santa bring us a gift, and dcs were so excited that he had left something for Mummy & Daddy and shouted, "It isn't coal, you must have been so good!!" We had to encourage them to look at their gifts!