What would you do in this gifting situation?

[TennesseeDreams]

I have 1 child. Godparent to my child has 2 children- I am godparent to one.

Every year Godparent sends list of suggested gifts for her children. Children are 10 and 13. Gifts range in price from £40-£100 or so. Last few years I have ignored the list and have sent something of my own choosing that is usually circa £20 each.

Godparent has never a single time sent a gift to my child for Christmas. Not once. Mine is older than their oldest.

This year I am thinking of just ignoring it. But I worry if that's just petty of me. These things should not be transactional but I confess over the past 13 years it has felt a bit one-sided. It's not the cost so much but the principle.

For context we see each other in person around about once a year or less nowadays as she moved to a different parts of the country. We don't have alot of other sorts of contact like phone contact / facebook etc. If she comes this way to visit her parents we might meet up, but like I said once a year at most.

(ETA- yes we were once a great deal closer as she was my chosen godparent. By the time her oldest was born though our friendship had drifted and I think I was made godparent to even it up, if that makes sense).

'I don't do money'

sounds like she doesn't do friendship or civility either

We stopped gifts for friends children / god children at 18 but I still sent advent calendars with chocs in. Those are turning into scratch cards this year as the posting cost for an advent calendar rose so much. And if they win £100,000 then I will be their favourite Godparent.

Absolute CF she is. She's been taking the pee because you're too kind. I can believe you let it go on for so long. Does she think you owe her or something?! You should have stopped this a long time ago.

I have decided to go with a card for the family. I do understand PP's belief that my relationship as a GP should be separate from my disappointment in my friend, but i really just feel I have gone over and above on that score and am being taken advantage of. She certainly does not care about her relationship with my child- her godchild. I don't have a relationship with the child at all now really.

Anyway- there it is. It helped to talk about it and i appreciate all responses.

Good move Op.
Spend the extra on your own child.

Have a good Christmas

Thank you - You too!!

Is there a charity that does gifts - like the 'give a goat' ones - whereby they will deliver a lorry load of valuable fertiliser (i.e. a literal mountain of poo) to a poor farmer in Africa as 'your' present?!

That would get the message across perfectly!

I don't know why people are asking why should her kids miss out, when OP's child has missed out since birth. For all we know, as she's such a big CF, she could even be not buying her own kids anything at all and just getting OP to buy presents - before she removes the gift tags and tells her kids that they're from her.

I would message her and ask why she is sending her wish list when she never reciprocates.

I stopped mine by sending a message to all the childrens parents saying, Hi all, we're no longer doing Christmas presents as we're donating to Myton Hospice instead." It was perfect as it nipped it all in the bud. I'm glad I've done it now, because it wasn't fair that I was buying presents for all the children in the family but my children didn't get anything!

Let me get this right, your childs Godmother has never sent a Christmas gift for them ever & yet expects you to send both her children a present, even sending a gift list to chose a present from?

It's time you spoke up & stop buying presents for her two. Send her a message saying ' As the kids are older now & are harder to buy for, & I know you're not in to money gifts, I wont be doing presents going forward'

If someone sent me a list I would ignore it on principle... CFs.

If I want to buy a gift for someone I am perfectly capable of choosing something in my budget. That said I have never really bought gifts for friends kids or vice versa if I did it would be a token gift.

So, you’re getting a demand from someone who is basically a stranger wanting gifts and you’re meekly sending them. This one’s on you OP. Don’t send this year, it’s as easy as that.

I didn't.

It will be interesting to see if they bring it up.

And actually I can't send them a card either because I have lost my address book. (No, really. I have). I'll text a Christmas greeting at some point most likely.

Did they send the list this year?