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Original poster

Expected to cook Christmas dinner

117 replies

Whitste · 04/12/2024 12:08

Advice please.

I cook Christmas dinner every single year and usually do the whole lot including the clearing away.

Rewind to last year and I finally made a stance, so we ordered a takeaway which was bliss. Fast forward to 2024 and my partner and agreed a few weeks ago to do the same and have it on our own again, which I was looking forward to.

Further to this agreement, my MIL has since invited herself (her usual arrangements have told her they don't have room for her) and now there is this expectation that I'll cook. This has caused a huge argument between my partner as he doesn't want to disappoint his mum and that I'm deliberately causing conflict.

I have told him MIL is more than welcome to come and enjoy a Christmas themed buffet in the afternoon and we will grab a takeaway later in the evening on our own after she has left.

He has offered to cook but he's not very good and has never made a roast in his life. She too doesn't even know how to turn on and oven and has had the privilege of always having Christmas cooked for her.

I don't think I'm being unreasonable but I can't seem to get him to see it from my perspective.

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 04/12/2024 12:08

Let him cook.

Buy in a load of snacks for you.

Knittedfairies2 · 04/12/2024 12:09

Let him cook; stay out of the kitchen.

Tapthisscreen · 04/12/2024 12:09

Let him cook.

username299 · 04/12/2024 12:10

OP how difficult is it to cook a roast? There are plenty of websites with recipes he can follow and he can practice before the event.

MrsSkylerWhite · 04/12/2024 12:12

So let him cook. Don’t see the problem.

ShinyPrettyThings87 · 04/12/2024 12:12

Agree with others. He's keen for it, let him to do it. Maybe it's what he needs to understand the effort that goes into it AND he gets to clean up afterwards. His mum will be pleased with his efforts! If he complains, he's causing conflict 🤷

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 04/12/2024 12:13

He can cook. He can buy it all from M&S and just follow the instructions.

Igmum · 04/12/2024 12:13

YADNBU. But for future purposes he needs to learn to cook otherwise you will be the permanent skivvy for the duration of your marriage.

LilacLilyBird · 04/12/2024 12:14

Let him cook

cheddercherry · 04/12/2024 12:15

He’s offered, let him. You agreed one thing and he’s changed plans. He invited the monkey to the circus, he can round it up.

arethereanyleftatall · 04/12/2024 12:15

He has offered to cook

Sorted then

And actually it's imperative that you don't help at all. If neither he nor his parents have taught him to cook, that's on them. Any anyway, what does 'he can't cook' actually mean? Do you mean he has no arms? Or that he's never done it before and would thus have to follow instructions? Can he not read?

Original poster
Whitste · 04/12/2024 12:16

username299 · 04/12/2024 12:10

OP how difficult is it to cook a roast? There are plenty of websites with recipes he can follow and he can practice before the event.

He's not that great and he does become stressed when cooking. I guess my point is, why should we be expected to change our plans because someone has decided to invite themselves along and does not want to coincide with our existing plans.

OP posts:
Dearg · 04/12/2024 12:17

Op, as one who had similar ‘demands’ made by MIL and DH’s family over the years, you just have to hold firm.

You agreed a plan with your partner, he wants to change it. There is still time, but he has to cook. My own DH realised he didn’t like doing it for his family either, and that is when things changed.

And if it’s awful, there’s still takeaway.

arethereanyleftatall · 04/12/2024 12:17

And. Where's your anger op? How dare he cause a conflict with you when it is entirely his fault he's unable to cook. Is he not embarrassed?

TriangleLight · 04/12/2024 12:17

I’d just say you’re not changing plans. You’re hosting, you choose and provide the food.

People are so rude and entitled. I can’t be arsed pandering to this sort of demand.

cheddercherry · 04/12/2024 12:17

Whitste · 04/12/2024 12:16

He's not that great and he does become stressed when cooking. I guess my point is, why should we be expected to change our plans because someone has decided to invite themselves along and does not want to coincide with our existing plans.

Show quote history

You shouldn’t, but your husband is the issue. He COULD be firm with the plans and his mother but instead he’s chosen to make you the problem.

LilacLilyBird · 04/12/2024 12:18

Bit weird that she can't cook

CocoapuffPuff · 04/12/2024 12:19

Take him up on his offer. Let him. He wants to! But the deal is he does it ALL. Everything you've done previously, so that includes clearing up.
He may soar like an Eagle or land in a heap of undercooked turkey and slimy sprouts.
You could always order a takeaway if it's the latter.

arethereanyleftatall · 04/12/2024 12:20

Yet another problem caused entirely by a male with a female not realising where the problem lies, and searching out another female to blame instead (who is also culpable!)
Unable to say no to his mum = coward/no back bone
Unable to cook = lazy
Gets stressed by it = lazy

Original poster
Whitste · 04/12/2024 12:20

cheddercherry · 04/12/2024 12:17

You shouldn’t, but your husband is the issue. He COULD be firm with the plans and his mother but instead he’s chosen to make you the problem.

Show quote history

This is exactly what I told him too. I'm not a pushover by any stretch but he has twisted this so I have become the problem because he can't stand up to his mother!

OP posts:
LoveBluey · 04/12/2024 12:21

If they are so keen on a roast and you don't want to make it then the only option is one of them does it. Get him to do a couple of trial runs doing Sunday lunch and have plenty of nibbles on standby in case it all goes horribly wrong so you at least have something to eat.

You can get a lot pre-prepared so the main challenge is getting the timings to match up.

OriginalUsername2 · 04/12/2024 12:21

Three adults and two are sulking because they can’t cook 🙄

This is tougher than it looks because you could end up with your DP and his mum playing the struggling victims in the kitchen on Christmas Day while you're the bad guy on the sofa. Being so incompetent that you have to take over the situation!

Notenoughcoffe · 04/12/2024 12:22

Why dont you Wang his mother to come? Is she not nice, since you rather want her to spend the night alone?
Let him cook, get a tale away if He fuck it up?

arethereanyleftatall · 04/12/2024 12:22

LilacLilyBird · 04/12/2024 12:18

Bit weird that she can't cook

And that he can't?!?

CocoapuffPuff · 04/12/2024 12:23

Seeing as he's handling the catering, you're going to go to church followed by a long walk on Christmas day before lunch, aren't you OP?
Make yourself VERY scarce so you're not forced to step in.