Expected to cook Christmas dinner

[Whitste]

Advice please.

I cook Christmas dinner every single year and usually do the whole lot including the clearing away.

Rewind to last year and I finally made a stance, so we ordered a takeaway which was bliss. Fast forward to 2024 and my partner and agreed a few weeks ago to do the same and have it on our own again, which I was looking forward to.

Further to this agreement, my MIL has since invited herself (her usual arrangements have told her they don't have room for her) and now there is this expectation that I'll cook. This has caused a huge argument between my partner as he doesn't want to disappoint his mum and that I'm deliberately causing conflict.

I have told him MIL is more than welcome to come and enjoy a Christmas themed buffet in the afternoon and we will grab a takeaway later in the evening on our own after she has left.

He has offered to cook but he's not very good and has never made a roast in his life. She too doesn't even know how to turn on and oven and has had the privilege of always having Christmas cooked for her.

I don't think I'm being unreasonable but I can't seem to get him to see it from my perspective.

M&s does a Christmas ready meal for one. I’d get that x 3. Done.

If there's just the 3 of you then get him to buy pre-prepared everything in trays from M&S including a turkey crown. All he has to do is turn the oven on and work out what time the different trays need to go in the oven, then microwave some gravy.

Have your takeaway in the evening or on Boxing Day as you probably won't have leftovers.

Tell him to buy it all frozen and chuck it in the oven. Get your takeaway.

Exactly what I was going to say. Tell him to do a trial run this weekend. If it's a success you'll accept him changing the plans you both happily agreed together, otherwise you'd like to stick with your original plans but his mum is welcome to join for a takeaway.

Roasts aren't technically difficult, but it's a lot of work and effort to get everything ready at once.

This!! and you still have your takeaway with DH and the day that you want - not spent in the kitchen.
People who invite themselves to your home should accept the hospitality given and not dictate what they want for their meals!! How rude?!

I think this is a really unreasonable expectation on you from your DH/his mum. The conversation should have gone

partner’s mum: my usual Xmas plans aren’t happening-would it be at all possible for me to come to you for the day?

partner: that’s fine, but we are getting a takeaway, are you ok with that?!

partner’s mum:

1.yes, of course-that sounds lovely (great!) or 2.no, I need to have a roast dinner (oh dear, well, good luck with your search for someone to cook one for you!)

Surely if you go to someone’s house you just eat what they give you?

Let him cook!!!

Do not interfere. Drink lots of wine in the morning. When it starts going all wrong just say, "oh dear," without looking up from whatever you are enjoying (watching kittens on instagram / etc). When he asks "how do I do this/that" tell him to look it up on Youtube. His monkeys. His circus. Let him clear up too, just like you've always done.

Better still, do a full-on man thing, go to the pub before lunch and get drunk, then come back and fall asleep in front of the telly.

Jeez it’s been 2000 years since the birth of Christ and men are still too ‘useless’ to cook a bit of turkey, Aunt Bessie’s roasts and boil up some sprouts? Or clean and tidy up afterwards?

This is all an excuse. The bottom line is that he’s lazy and selfish and I suspect you’re happier ordering takeaway because then you don’t have to confront the reality of that.

tell him to order from cook (don’t you do it) it comes all
frozen with a document clearly setting out the timings for when each goes in

if he manages to leave the house in the morning he can do this

If its just mil I would steer him to the frozen section to buy everything he needs.
He can cook the turkey the day before and throw the frozen veg, sausages, stuffing in on Xmas day.
He can reheat the carved turkey and make some gravy.
He can have a practice run beforehand.

You shouldn't, but that is what you're looking at all the same.

So since he won't tell his mum to bugger off, he does the cooking. Or you tell her to either bugger off or fall in with your plans, and let the chips fall where they may.

His stress or yours? Which are you less willing to put up with?

They're both very entitled and rude, assuming you would be up for a day's work so they don't have to face their dysfunction or behave like competent grown ups.

OP here. Something has gone wrong with my account and can't seem to get on using my conventional login so had to take to FB to access the thread.

Anyways, thanks all for the advice! 😀

A bit of an update from where I left off earlier: I've called him to say it's a really good idea that he cooks and it was wrong of me to hold him back! As expected, there was a long pause and a lot of backheeling, but he's basically made his bed and the option of an easy takeaway has since become a pipe dream For those asking about easy access to takeaways - I live in London.

Ahoy Christmas Day to see whether my newly extended kitchen will be engulfed by flames. Luckily, for me, we have good insurance.

I'll post again after Christmas to let you know if he flew like an Eagle or collapsed in a heap!

I'm actually looking forward to the show, and I also get to eat lots of sample roast dinners in the runup!

All of this.

Just make sure he knows you are not bailing him out if it goes wrong except to order the takeaway as planned.

Its Christmas and I think it's good to try and be kind and accommodating. But hosting is enough. She joins in with your Christmas traditions.

😂 good on you @Whitste and good luck

I suggest you let him cook

This from lidl

https://www.lidl.co.uk/p/deluxe-duck-breast-fillets/p10018780

Turkey is too much for 3. You can buy decent roast spuds tell him to look for ones in either goose or duck fat and a couple of veg.

Good luck OP.