Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Original poster

Expected to cook Christmas dinner

117 replies

Whitste · 04/12/2024 12:08

Advice please.

I cook Christmas dinner every single year and usually do the whole lot including the clearing away.

Rewind to last year and I finally made a stance, so we ordered a takeaway which was bliss. Fast forward to 2024 and my partner and agreed a few weeks ago to do the same and have it on our own again, which I was looking forward to.

Further to this agreement, my MIL has since invited herself (her usual arrangements have told her they don't have room for her) and now there is this expectation that I'll cook. This has caused a huge argument between my partner as he doesn't want to disappoint his mum and that I'm deliberately causing conflict.

I have told him MIL is more than welcome to come and enjoy a Christmas themed buffet in the afternoon and we will grab a takeaway later in the evening on our own after she has left.

He has offered to cook but he's not very good and has never made a roast in his life. She too doesn't even know how to turn on and oven and has had the privilege of always having Christmas cooked for her.

I don't think I'm being unreasonable but I can't seem to get him to see it from my perspective.

OP posts:
Wendysfriend · 04/12/2024 12:23

I'd stick with the takeaway for yourselves and get a couple of the ready meal dinners that have turkey, veg all cooked and just need heating and give that to her.

wheretoyougonow · 04/12/2024 12:25

You need to look him in the eye and tell him straight that if he wants to cook, that's fine, but you won't be helping at all.

Also let slip to your MIL that DH is cooking it all and you have everything crossed as he can't really cook. She may well decide a buffet is better.

Also agree that you just sit back and get a take away if it all fails.

Don't get out nibbles as predictably it will be later than he thought to serve and they can all wait.

If you end up getting a take away - my advice is not to be smug (although tempting). Kill this idea for next year with kindness!

Original poster
Whitste · 04/12/2024 12:26

Notenoughcoffe · 04/12/2024 12:22

Why dont you Wang his mother to come? Is she not nice, since you rather want her to spend the night alone?
Let him cook, get a tale away if He fuck it up?

I used to cook and have his family over all the time but they spent their whole time arguing so in the end I gave up inviting them because it became too stressful.

OP posts:
KnigCnut · 04/12/2024 12:27

He can get one of these. Dead simple. No fuss needed. And wash up himself afterwards. Or she can.

If her plans have fallen through for whatever reason, it would be churlish to leave her on her own.

Expected to cook Christmas dinner
cheddercherry · 04/12/2024 12:28

Is there no where else you could go and leave them to it?

Original poster
Whitste · 04/12/2024 12:29

Dearg · 04/12/2024 12:17

Op, as one who had similar ‘demands’ made by MIL and DH’s family over the years, you just have to hold firm.

You agreed a plan with your partner, he wants to change it. There is still time, but he has to cook. My own DH realised he didn’t like doing it for his family either, and that is when things changed.

And if it’s awful, there’s still takeaway.

Great advice - thanks.
I'm a great cook but I have one day off this year and don't want to waste it in the kitchen when there are so many other eating options

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 04/12/2024 12:29

Why do you think it's your responsibility to keep everyone else happy op when no one does the same for you?

allthatfalafel · 04/12/2024 12:32

I'd just get a roast delivered, plenty of carveries and pubs offering it. Or tell him to collect it.

Goldbar · 04/12/2024 12:33

The one who wants a home-cooked meal, cooks.

MounjaroUser · 04/12/2024 12:35

I'd get them to pay, then I'd go to M&S and buy absolutely everything so that it could just be bunged in the oven.

Original poster
Whitste · 04/12/2024 12:37

arethereanyleftatall · 04/12/2024 12:29

Why do you think it's your responsibility to keep everyone else happy op when no one does the same for you?

I don't think it's my responsibility hence why we were having it on our own.

OP posts:
LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 04/12/2024 12:40

I’d treat him like the child he is and give him forced choice.

he can cook for his mother OR you get take away

he can pick
every time he complains say you chose this and walk off. Do the same with his mum “Dave decided on a takeaway this year”

fuck em

crumblingschools · 04/12/2024 12:48

What was your partner doing when you were cooking and clearing away in previous Christmases?

pizzaHeart · 04/12/2024 12:50

OriginalUsername2 · 04/12/2024 12:21

Three adults and two are sulking because they can’t cook 🙄

This is tougher than it looks because you could end up with your DP and his mum playing the struggling victims in the kitchen on Christmas Day while you're the bad guy on the sofa. Being so incompetent that you have to take over the situation!

Edited

I actually suspect it goes towards this ^

Fraaahnces · 04/12/2024 12:52

Fuck that! Ask her if she wants Chinese or Indian!

coxesorangepippin · 04/12/2024 12:54

Stand your ground

He cooks

Or

Takeaway

I was watching reruns of Delia Smith last night and she had to get up at fucking 7.45am to cook the damn turkey, and it took all day.

Total waste of time and effort

Original poster
Whitste · 04/12/2024 12:54

pizzaHeart · 04/12/2024 12:50

I actually suspect it goes towards this ^

Show quote history

Hence why I'm so reluctant to let him do it because it's going to fall to me when it all goes Pete Tong, which given his previous cooking skills, I suspect it will!

OP posts:
coxesorangepippin · 04/12/2024 12:55

Dave decided on a takeaway this year”

^

🤣

Stellar

SheilaFentiman · 04/12/2024 12:55

I hardly ever do roasts either, cos there are so many nicer options. But Turkey is nice at Xmas.

So I buy the ready prepped turkey for 4, potatoes, veg, pigs in blankets etc from m and s, then it’s just a question of oven maths to get it all in.

Let him cook - he can read a packet.

SheilaFentiman · 04/12/2024 12:56

It would be mad and wasteful to get a full Turkey for 3 anyway!

Nothatgingerpirate · 04/12/2024 13:03

username299 · 04/12/2024 12:10

OP how difficult is it to cook a roast? There are plenty of websites with recipes he can follow and he can practice before the event.

Yes.
It's just me and husband, who is 75.
Although I don't particularly enjoy it, I wouldn't let him go without a roast.
Bit of tidying - how difficult is that, nowadays?

pizzaHeart · 04/12/2024 13:04

Whitste · 04/12/2024 12:54

Hence why I'm so reluctant to let him do it because it's going to fall to me when it all goes Pete Tong, which given his previous cooking skills, I suspect it will!

Show quote history

Yes, it will be a disaster with lots of comments and guilt tripping and still no food and the main thing it will be no peace and quiet or joy for you. So I wouldn’t let him cook and go with the stance: It’s our plan for this Christmas so we’ll stick to that. FFS your mum might enjoy something different for once!

Anotherworrier · 04/12/2024 13:05

Whitste · 04/12/2024 12:16

He's not that great and he does become stressed when cooking. I guess my point is, why should we be expected to change our plans because someone has decided to invite themselves along and does not want to coincide with our existing plans.

Show quote history

It doesn’t sound like that’s the case though? It sounds like you dp is insisting not your guest.

MyOneAndOnlyPostForTheChristmasTreeThread · 04/12/2024 13:05

Let him cook. If it's not the best so what.? Maybe he can practice a roast prior

HelloCheekyCat · 04/12/2024 13:06

Roast chicken ready meal for one for MIL & usual takeaway for you & DH 😆