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Original poster

Expected to cook Christmas dinner

117 replies

Whitste · 04/12/2024 12:08

Advice please.

I cook Christmas dinner every single year and usually do the whole lot including the clearing away.

Rewind to last year and I finally made a stance, so we ordered a takeaway which was bliss. Fast forward to 2024 and my partner and agreed a few weeks ago to do the same and have it on our own again, which I was looking forward to.

Further to this agreement, my MIL has since invited herself (her usual arrangements have told her they don't have room for her) and now there is this expectation that I'll cook. This has caused a huge argument between my partner as he doesn't want to disappoint his mum and that I'm deliberately causing conflict.

I have told him MIL is more than welcome to come and enjoy a Christmas themed buffet in the afternoon and we will grab a takeaway later in the evening on our own after she has left.

He has offered to cook but he's not very good and has never made a roast in his life. She too doesn't even know how to turn on and oven and has had the privilege of always having Christmas cooked for her.

I don't think I'm being unreasonable but I can't seem to get him to see it from my perspective.

OP posts:
Skyrainlight · 04/12/2024 15:14

I would let him cook with the knowledge that I would not be helping at all since he has changed the plans and I'd sit and chat to MIL and have a peaceful day as planned, with a backup of takeaways in case the food goes wrong. Maybe doing all the cooking will make him realise why you don't want to do it.

arethereanyleftatall · 04/12/2024 15:22

There are so so many threads like this where a female posts about her useless selfish male partner in such a passive style.
I imagine a few years down the line, when the oestrogen's dropped and their bar finally starts to raise off the floor, they wonder what on Earth took them so long.

Here we have a husband having a go at his wife because she's reluctant to spend hours doing chores for his mother, on her one day off a year. Chores which he could do but doesn't want to.

It's literally batshit.

livingafulllife · 04/12/2024 15:23

My xmas dinner will most likely be a noddle.
I wont be out of bed till around 1.30 pm.

Kisskiss · 04/12/2024 15:31

What’s their problem with your plan of a Christmas themed buffet?
you’re not a cook to order restaurant…

thiswaypleasethankyou · 04/12/2024 15:34

Tbh I'm stuck at "MIL invited herself"...that's the bit I would have wanted a proper discussion about before we got anywhere near what might or might not be on offer food-wise!

hashbrowned · 04/12/2024 15:47

He goes to his mums and they do whatever they like.

You stay home and have your take away without stress.

Roastbeefandyorkshires · 04/12/2024 16:08

A Christmas buffet and takeaway sounds like the best plan all round. How likely is it he'd even buy all the food for the day and do the necessary prep?!

TyneTeas · 04/12/2024 16:11

If he is determined that he wants to cook, let him. Perhaps he could have a trial run at a roast chicken dinner this weekend to see how he feels about it after

But don't let it become your issue to resolve

Iliketulips · 04/12/2024 16:13

You've planned to have a takeaway and as far as you're concerned that's what you planned and still want. She's welcome to join you with that. If she wants a roast, she one for herself Xmas Eve or Boxing Day.

Do not engage in any conversation re xmas meal, other than if you do most of the food shopping and he wants to tell you what's needed.

AgaNewbie · 04/12/2024 16:15

Let him cook for him and his mum and order the takeaway you want for you.

Coconutter24 · 04/12/2024 17:22

Notenoughcoffe · 04/12/2024 12:22

Why dont you Wang his mother to come? Is she not nice, since you rather want her to spend the night alone?
Let him cook, get a tale away if He fuck it up?

OP said MIL is welcome to go to theirs for a Christmas Day themed buffet so it’s not like she’s saying she doesn’t want her there, she just doesn’t want to cook and clean

StormingNorman · 04/12/2024 17:34

Let him cook. Help him set out a list of timings and then he can shop for a cook a practice roast in the next couple of weeks.

My Christmas dinner is normally

3hrs: Turkey
1hr: Roast potatoes (boiled the day before)
45m: Stuffing and parsnips
30m: turkey out
30m: Cauliflower cheese (prepped the day before)
30m: pigs in blankets
30m: red cabbage (M&S)
15m: steamed vegetables on the hob
10m: carve turkey
5m: OH does the Bisto gravy and gets everything out the oven while I finish carving.

Golden rule: everything in disposable foil baking trays so they can go straight in the bin!

femfemlicious · 04/12/2024 17:40

An idea is to buy pre prepped and seasoned stuff and just put in the oven. I Mostly do that .

Hayley1256 · 04/12/2024 17:46

Let it turn in to a disaster zone, you'll be having takeaway later anyway. Make it clear you aren't cooking or cleaning up the mess. You and MIL have chat, have drinks ans snacks and assure her if its terrible you'll order food. There's so much pre prepared stuff he can get that it might just work out. Either way, let him try

cestlavielife · 04/12/2024 17:48

If he wants to feed his mother he has three weekends to practice.
He can watch YouTube and start this weekend practice on a chicken

THisbackwithavengeance · 04/12/2024 18:17

You clearly despise your DH and his MIL.

Would it really be too much to cook a Sunday dinner for 3 people.

Frozen Turkey crown, frozen roasties, frozen veg, cooked in oven, bistro gravy Job done.

Good God.

Needmorelego · 04/12/2024 18:31

@THisbackwithavengeance that's a bit extreme 😂
She doesn't want to cook.
I love my family - I have no desire to cook a roast for them either.

Hoppinggreen · 04/12/2024 18:41

Whitste · 04/12/2024 12:20

This is exactly what I told him too. I'm not a pushover by any stretch but he has twisted this so I have become the problem because he can't stand up to his mother!

Show quote history

You will always be the problem when he can't stand up to his mother, think about if thats what you want the rest of your life to look like

arethereanyleftatall · 04/12/2024 18:46

THisbackwithavengeance · 04/12/2024 18:17

You clearly despise your DH and his MIL.

Would it really be too much to cook a Sunday dinner for 3 people.

Frozen Turkey crown, frozen roasties, frozen veg, cooked in oven, bistro gravy Job done.

Good God.

Genuinely - is this a joke? Why do you imagine the dh couldn't do this then?

Brefugee · 04/12/2024 18:49

do you have somewhere else you can go, OP?

I would be presenting options:
a) mil comes and gets what she's given
b) mil comes and she and he cook dinner, and you do the washing up
c) mil comes but you are elsewhere and you don't give a stuff what he and she eat

Georgyporky · 04/12/2024 18:49

I wish I lived somewhere I could get a T/A on Xmas day !

rookiemere · 04/12/2024 19:05

femfemlicious · 04/12/2024 17:40

An idea is to buy pre prepped and seasoned stuff and just put in the oven. I Mostly do that .

This is what I do, it's a bit of a faff with the microwave timings, but if it's just for 3 people would be a doddle.

Shinyandnew1 · 04/12/2024 19:06

And by him saying he'll do it is just his way to make a start, let it turn into a disaster zone and leave it for me to finish the job, which I don't want to do. I want a chilled Christmas

Say that.

  1. It is all very well you saying you’ll cook, but it’ll turn into a disaster zone which you’ll expect me to finish and sort out. I don’t want to do that because I want a chilled Christmas.
  2. your mum can join us, but we are getting a takeaway or eating out.
Kisskiss · 04/12/2024 19:09

Brefugee · 04/12/2024 18:49

do you have somewhere else you can go, OP?

I would be presenting options:
a) mil comes and gets what she's given
b) mil comes and she and he cook dinner, and you do the washing up
c) mil comes but you are elsewhere and you don't give a stuff what he and she eat

Yes, going to someone’s house for a free meal is a privilege, wouldn’t dream of demanding that they make me a specific thing…

femfemlicious · 04/12/2024 19:13

It's just me and 2 kids. The only thing I do is season the chicken and put garlic butter under the skin of the breast. Takes 10 mins to prep and tastes juicy and 😋