Expected to cook Christmas dinner

[Whitste]

Advice please.

I cook Christmas dinner every single year and usually do the whole lot including the clearing away.

Rewind to last year and I finally made a stance, so we ordered a takeaway which was bliss. Fast forward to 2024 and my partner and agreed a few weeks ago to do the same and have it on our own again, which I was looking forward to.

Further to this agreement, my MIL has since invited herself (her usual arrangements have told her they don't have room for her) and now there is this expectation that I'll cook. This has caused a huge argument between my partner as he doesn't want to disappoint his mum and that I'm deliberately causing conflict.

I have told him MIL is more than welcome to come and enjoy a Christmas themed buffet in the afternoon and we will grab a takeaway later in the evening on our own after she has left.

He has offered to cook but he's not very good and has never made a roast in his life. She too doesn't even know how to turn on and oven and has had the privilege of always having Christmas cooked for her.

I don't think I'm being unreasonable but I can't seem to get him to see it from my perspective.

Of course your boyfriend sees it from your perspective. He's just trying to bully you into serving him and his mother, because he's entitled and lazy.
Just laugh and decline. Nothing to discuss.
Does he often try to pressure you into performing labour for him?

Here's an idea. He can cook (and pay for it all) ON CONDITION THAT he cooks everything on Christmas Eve, and it only has to be plated and heated through on the big day itself.

Then when if he makes a complete Horlicks of it all, you can all get a takeaway on Christmas Day.

This is cooking a roast dinner for three people.
How difficult can that possibly be?
Sorry OP but I feel this is a fuss about nothing and if your DH wants to do it, but you think he's rubbish, then it would take you no more than five minutes to provide instructions for him.

@IWFH why should OP provide instructions? The boyfriend can use the internet.

My partner and I naturally help each other, rather than saying 'sod off - the Internet is over there'

That's nice, but this man is bullying his girlfriend into something she does not want or need to do. So he is not helping her at all.

At which point, you order the takeaway. And, after cocking things up this year, any future nonsense about cooking at Christmas can be put to bed by ‘remember what happened in Christmas 2024?!’

It’ll become the stuff of family myth and legend.

Have you actually spoken to him mum?
Tell her clearly that you aren't cooking a traditional Christmas dinner and her son doesn't know how.
Then it's her choice as whether she decides which is more important to her - spending time with you both or eating some turkey.

🤣🤣🤣
Agreed and most definitely a fuss about nothing when the plan was always to get a takeaway. What wrong with that? He was more than happy with this prior to MIL inviting herself.
Btw, he won't cook. And by him saying he'll do it is just his way to make a start, let it turn into a disaster zone and leave it for me to finish the job, which I don't want to do. I want a chilled Christmas and if you too had witnessed his culinary skills, you wouldn't leave it to chance either!

Brilliant 🤣

Sainsbury do a ready made Christmas dinner that you just warm up in the oven, I have ordered one, cannot be arsed with all the faff anymore due to arthritis and now I am suffering from bad vertigo
1. Christmas Dinner in a Box | Food to Order by Sainsbury's

He can do tge buying, prepping abd clearing up .... you can do the table and the cooking .... seems reasonable.
Why on earth you ever did everything is beyond me.

Christmas dinner is such an easy dinner to cook. I can’t understand how anyone cannot put a turkey and some potatoes in the oven.

I don’t understand why it will be your problem when he fucks up.

”Wow, you’re going to be busy clearing up for a while. Shall I ring the Chinese now or would you rather I wait an hour to give you more time to sort the kitchen out?”

Pour yourself a tumbler of something nice as he goes into the kitchen, stick your film of preference on telly, relax and unwind.

He can fulfil his fantasy of cooking a perfect Christmas dinner or he can reheat something Cook or M&S made. None of this is your problem.

Him cooking is clearly a non starter as it will just result in more work for @Whitste and be super annoying.

if you’re kind enough to provide a Christmas buffet and a takeaway then I’d just stop discussing it with her, and him, and it will be fine on the day.

Message your MIL:

'Hi MIL, I'm pleased to hear you are joining us for Xmas day. We are ordering a takeaway this year. I will send you the menu nearer the time and take your order.
We have a Christmas film/game/whatever lined up.
Really looking forward to it.
Love OP'

Just cut out the super annoying middleman!

Don't some bakers sell a festive bake?.

Luckily he's got several weeks to practise cooking a roast! He'd better get stuck in.

Absolutely with you on this op. Don’t do it.
If necessary get the M&S turkey dinner for 1 ready meal and MIL can shove it in the oven while you wait for your takeaway to arrive.

What I am wondering though is do you all who are saying get a takeaway live in cities?
There isn’t a takeaway anywhere near where I live in the West Country that is open on Christmas Day. I can’t find a pub or restaurant that will do a Christmas dinner to go either.

This is really starting to sound more like a DH problem than a Christmas dinner conundrum. 🙁

If he wants to cook let him cook. It's no disaster if it's not very good. You stay stuck to the sofa, including for clearing up. Have some kind of lasagne or similar ready-meal in the freezer to be a backup if what he makes is actually inedible and everyone is hungry. You have every right to stick to your position that you will not be cooking and your DH and MIL can make any plans they like if that doesn't require you to lift a finger.

And by him saying he'll do it is just his way to make a start, let it turn into a disaster zone and leave it for me to finish the job

Have a plan in place for this. If there is a disaster zone, do not finish the job. Leave it. Revert to takeaway plan. Any salvageable food from disaster zone can be turned into curry next day.

I don't get why your MIL can invite herself over and control the menu. That is not how polite guests behave. I've been invited to dinner and eaten things I wouldn't normally touch with a bargepole because I'm a guest and I don't get to tell the host what to cook. I can see how telling your DP that his mother is a presumptuous baggage wouldn't exactly de-escalate the situation though.

@Whitste I just cant get over the cheek of mil inviting herself over for christmas dinner!!!!! at that point you should have jumped in and said you two were eating out this year and the restaurant was a sell out!