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Original poster

Will DD be heartbroken if Santa doesn’t bring requested gift?

171 replies

underthewestway · 17/12/2023 09:15

My DD5 has asked for a huge plastic Disney princess dollhouse from Santa. She is not going to get one, partly because I had already got most of her presents and this is a reasonably last minute swerve, partly because I baulk at paying so much money for a huge pile of plastic that doesn’t do anything and experience suggests won’t get played with, but mostly because we just don’t have the space for it atm.

but I feel awful and am worried she is going to be upset at not getting what she wants. I can still remember being that age and wanting things grown ups viewed as rubbish! I have got her a load of Disney animator dolls and am hoping that will be enough distraction. But does anyone with more experience of this have any words of wisdom?

OP posts:
caringcarer · 17/12/2023 10:00

Tinkeytonkoldfruit · 17/12/2023 09:30

This is why father Christmas only brings presents for the stocking - he can't afford big presents for all the children in the world. You as her parents buy the big presents and then you can have age appropriate conversations about money/what they can ask for, what is too much.

This. Can you find a second hand one and give it to her for her next birthday?

FestiveFrederica · 17/12/2023 10:01

We did try the whole "Santa doesn't bring big ticket items" thing, but it didn't work as dd noticed her friends getting really expensive things from Santa. It was the beginning of the end of her believing in Santa tbh when she noticed that! I tried to say something about us having to pay for the toys etc, but it didn't ring true!

Anyway, I don't think there's any huge issue with children not getting everything they ask for. If she wants the things you've already got as much as the doll's house, I'd say it's fine not to get it. If this is the dream item though, I'd return the other things and get it

IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 17/12/2023 10:03

TheGirlWhoLived · 17/12/2023 09:29

But it’s Christmas!! She will be so happy, buy it 🥰

Yes she will. But where the fuck is it going to spend the rest of the year if there’s no room for it to begin with?

AppleKatie · 17/12/2023 10:05

This is mad. It’s Christmas not little dictators day.

kids make wish lists and they get SOME of it.

usually not the overly expensive or massive crap.

If your DD looks at a pile of presents and unwraps lovely new toys she wants and then is upset because the dolls house isn’t there as well you have bigger problems than where to put a dolls house.

EarringsandLipstick · 17/12/2023 10:08

@FestiveFrederica

I'm surprised this was an issue. I live in a pretty affluent area - and I am not! My DC saw kids getting multiple significant gifts from Santa, and going to see him in Lapland but never had similar expectations.

Everyone does Santa differently - they could ask for something they really wanted, but if it was too expensive, I said early on that Santa had to make gifts for the whole world so we couldn't ask for too much. But it was rarely an issue.

Definitely didn't interfere with them believing.

PandyMoanyMum · 17/12/2023 10:09

Disney “ fold n go” celebration castle.

tell her now Santa can’t bring huge gifts as then not all the children will get a present but he will do his best

grass67 · 17/12/2023 10:11

@AppleKatie that's a bit mean, she's 5! She's exposed to advertising and you know it LOOKS great to her. Do you not remember wanting something aged 5?

I wanted the Sindy house...desperately. Unfortunately it only came with the bath set. I was happy with the house, but it didn't have all the things from the advert.
Thanks to Blue Peter I made everything else. A few room sets were added next birthday.

Daffyyellow · 17/12/2023 10:13

Maybe it’s time to adjust what Santa brings? For us he only fills their stocking, and that’s filled with smaller cost gifts.

When 1 of mine was younger she asked for a hamster. “Father Christmas can’t bring real animals, they’d upset the reindeer.’ In the same way you could say that there isn’t enough room on the sleigh. But she’s peak believing age, is it worth the potential heartbreak and tears on the 25th? Is there a compromise of dolls house or something smaller that would work?

MaryWhitehouseisCOOL · 17/12/2023 10:16

Blue Peter the hours spent creating Sindy house , it was loved and upgraded.

I thought those colour in houses at Hobby Craft are great or a fabric tipi all those inspire play and imagination.

I asked for a fairy when I was 5.

AppleKatie · 17/12/2023 10:17

@EarringsandLipstick yes I do! I wanted the slyvanian mansion. Didn’t get it! Presumably because it was over £100, I’m not scarred and wasn’t then!

I was very lucky (as it sounds like OP’s DD is!) and I got lots of other presents which distracted me and the day way exciting enough not to worry about one gift not gotten.

FestiveFrederica · 17/12/2023 10:18

EarringsandLipstick · 17/12/2023 10:08

@FestiveFrederica

I'm surprised this was an issue. I live in a pretty affluent area - and I am not! My DC saw kids getting multiple significant gifts from Santa, and going to see him in Lapland but never had similar expectations.

Everyone does Santa differently - they could ask for something they really wanted, but if it was too expensive, I said early on that Santa had to make gifts for the whole world so we couldn't ask for too much. But it was rarely an issue.

Definitely didn't interfere with them believing.

Oh sorry, i didn't mean to be downer about it! Reading it back it does look like it!

DD was 8 at the time, so most likely wouldn't have believed much longer anyway.

We live in a fancy area too and until recently didn't have a lot of spare cash. Her closest friend at the time was honestly pretty spoilt.in terms of material goods, and a bit of a show off. Anyway, I think she showed off a lot about all the things she got and made fun of dd for not getting as much. Not a nice kid and they aren't friends now thankfully as she was really not being very kind to dd according to teachers.

Dd is quite an astute little thing and unfortunately noticed the smaller present pile! We couldn't afford more, so that wasn't really avoidable. This year one of the things she wants is out of stock, so even having more money hasn't helped 🙄😂. I do have a sense of humour about it tbh, as we are lucky compared to many people

AppleKatie · 17/12/2023 10:18

There’s a serious point underneath all this about the extent to which we protect our children from disappointment of any kind. I’m not sure it’s entirely healthy.

baileybrosbuildingandloan · 17/12/2023 10:19

Whilst you're right not to buy a present that you can't afford or know absolutely she won't play with, it's really not 'tat'.

My DD had a Princess house (not the biggest/ most expense) and played with it for hours. It then went through 3 DGDs who played with it in different ways, and then was sold on at a Car Boot to an overjoyed little girl. I can't accept something that supported hundreds of hours of creative play being referred to as tat.

1994r · 17/12/2023 10:19

Iskpugkk · 17/12/2023 09:21

I’ve told my DC that Father Christmas doesn’t bring big presents like that; he brings medium ones so if she wants big ones they come from us and there can be a discussion

I love this! I'll be using this here on out

EarringsandLipstick · 17/12/2023 10:19

AppleKatie · 17/12/2023 10:17

@EarringsandLipstick yes I do! I wanted the slyvanian mansion. Didn’t get it! Presumably because it was over £100, I’m not scarred and wasn’t then!

I was very lucky (as it sounds like OP’s DD is!) and I got lots of other presents which distracted me and the day way exciting enough not to worry about one gift not gotten.

You've tagged the wrong poster but I think this was really poorly handled by your parents - no child should be in a position of asking for something & having an expectation that they would get it. Different if it's a list & Santa will make a choice.

DamsonDress · 17/12/2023 10:20

Don't worry. If it was something she'd been after for ages and talked of nothing else then I'd agree it might be an issue but it's only just been mentioned.

I work with 5 year olds. They can want a whole clatter of things but will be so delighted and distracted with what they do get on Christmas day that it'll be a non- issue.

I always casually mentioned to mine Santa will try his best to get things he thinks you'll like but he might not get all the things you want this time.

I personally wouldn't feel the need to go returning presents to get it.

If she still wants it for her birthday get it then or in the sales (but I suspect it will be long forgotten by then).

AppleKatie · 17/12/2023 10:21

Apologies @EarringsandLipstick I meant @grass67

I agree that parents shouldn’t build the expectation that you get whatever is on your list regardless. Fortunately my parents didn’t do this.

caringcarer · 17/12/2023 10:23

I can remember when I was a teenager I had to queue up for almost 4 hours to get a Castle Greyskull for my nephew not knowing if there would be any left when I got to the front of the queue. My sister lives in Jersey and there were none left on the island so I got one and took it over on the ferry. His parents had been telling him the Elves couldn't get the parts to make the castles because they didn't think it was possible for him to have one. They knew I was coming for Xmas but didn't know I'd managed to get one to bring with me. My sister did a little dance when I told her I had got him one and to put the kids back in the car and to open the boot. When it arrived my nephew 6 looked up and said I knew the Elves would just make the parts they needed.

EarringsandLipstick · 17/12/2023 10:25

@FestiveFrederica

Ah, I get it!

And on a side-note, my teens are at the stage of wanting expensive gifts, clothes mainly, and while they are completely fine with whatever budget I set, and there's no Santa issue now!, I've really struggled with the fact that even spending a decent amount gets them so little.

But this year I spoke to them about that, and the boys in particular, made it clear that's what made them happy & so I'm at peace with it!

They get a stocking too of small items which are picked from a list they put together.

OMGitsnotgood · 17/12/2023 10:26

Children do need to learn that Santa can't bring everything they ask for (IMO, I know others will disagree).
I would have agreed with trying to return gifts to fund the dollhouse (so instead of rather than in addition to), but you say you don't have the space anyway , I wouldn't put yourself through it. But I wouldn't let DD get to Christmas Day thinking she might get it. Tell her Santa got in touch to say all those dolls houses have already gone and no time to make more this year., but he will make sure she has plenty of other presents to make up for it

BabyYoshke · 17/12/2023 10:26

I always told the kids to write a very long list and they wouldn’t get everything on it.

and Santa doesn’t bring mobile phones!!
it’s ok to be a bit disappointed. It’s a great lesson in managing your expectations.

grass67 · 17/12/2023 10:26

@AppleKatie

But you were mean and nasty, calling the 5 year old a dictator and OP has bigger problems...

Honestly, she's 5, she's dreaming of the house, yes OP could manage her expectations, or find a compromise.

You are still mean though, maybe that sylvannian house did scar you!

EarringsandLipstick · 17/12/2023 10:27

AppleKatie · 17/12/2023 10:18

There’s a serious point underneath all this about the extent to which we protect our children from disappointment of any kind. I’m not sure it’s entirely healthy.

Absolutely. But the disappointment comes early in the process - not on Christmas Day.

I've no problem making it clear to DC they can't have something for a valid reason - like cost, or suitability. But I'd never let them think they might get it on Christmas Day if they definitely weren't.