The 2023 Poncetastic Christmas Thread

[VivaJen]

Welcome to the 2023 Poncetastic thread. With a nod to Fellatio (wherever she may be) at the stroke of midnight, let the poncing commence.

"OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobs worth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapés and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessie’s' on the packet, this is not the thread for you".

I have blackberry gin steeping, hyacinths in pots in the shed, and have eyed up the ivy at the end of the garden as well as the holly in the local woods.

Plans include:
Making a couple of felt tree decorations
Obtaining some pheasant feathers to trim my wreath
Crocheting a shawl for a friend

How long do you all soak the fruit prior to cake making?

Yesss. Happy ponce day everyone

I bought chillies for making chilli jam at the local food fare last week.
I made Nigella’s Chilli 🌶️ Jam last year…it was very fierce so I kept some for DS and melted the rest down with apricot jam and re-potted. It was fabulous. So I will make that this week.

When I'm organised like this year, I like to soak my fruit for the Christmas cake for 5-7 days. I'll be soaking it today and baking the cake this weekend. But I've done it just overnight in the past which has been fine and I've also completely forgotten in the past and just warmed up the fruit with the alcohol in the microwave to plump up with no issues.

Another here who's not very good at the actual ponce but loves to see what everyone else is up to. I've got major building work for going on in the run up to Christmas so I'm going to try not to be too depressed about the state of my house and focus on how nice it will be next year!

Probate is a nightmare for some right now. I hope they'd at least applied for it before marketing the house!

Good luck!

My solicitor has been really on the ball, but I didn't have a reply when I raised this specific issue, so I chased yesterday (with a photo I went to take which proves their plan is wrong). Hopefully I'll get clarity on it this week or next.

@thenewaveragebear1983 can you tell me a little more about colouring lights? I attempted this one year but then scared myself that I could be creating either a fire hazard or poisonous fumes with my choice of paint and gave up, despite those two features being absolutely eighties authentic.

I love this thread! 🎄

This year we will be traveling abroad for Christmas and will be putting up the fake tree instead of the beautiful real one we get every year.

But I've got some ongoing Christmas coaster decoupaging and I want to knit some mini Christmas sweater gift tags.

What do you do with your teasels?

I noticed loads by the side of a field here in France and they were massive.

Thank you @VivaJen that looks just the thing. Need to find some freeze dried cranberry halves as they look so lovely

This year I have passion fruit gin on the go, blackberry vodka, apricot brandy and sloe gin (hangovers all round I think) Im going to have a go at drying my own orange slices and I need to do my pickled onions.

Present shopping done, boy am I smug?
Son in law makes cake and pudding, dd makes crackers so Im pretty good to go.

Hi joining in this thread! I am very new to this... am I too late to start soaking fruit for Christmas cake?

Oh I forgot about the poncetastic thread. I was looking up recipes for various meringue cakes last night. Thinking about maybe something mont blanc style with chestnut puree. Any suggestions welcome!

Very interested in the decoupage coasters - would love to see them.

I think there is a massive amount of leeway in cake-fruit-soaking.

I always used to make my cake at October half term and feed it regularly up to Christmas. I think if you're going to feed it the soaking matters less.

A few years ago I decided to try a different recipe and got going only to realise that it was less optimistic about keeping time (seems weird but I went with it), so I ended up putting the fruit to soak in October half term, and making the actual cake with it on stir up Sunday, so about a month soaking. It was delicious so that is my new routine.

(And I feed it booze obviously)

That sounds like a good plan, cake-wise. I have 3 immediate family birthdays in October, so never get round to making a cake, but soaking then and baking later sounds good.

I've started using dark rum for mincemeat and Christmas cake, and this has made me go from meh about festive dried fruit to licking the bowl.

Having said that, I went slightly OTT about baking last year, and still have some mince pies in the freezer.

Use them in my wreath, fireplace swag and general greenery decorations. We’ve got lights in this house which are practically begging to have little bunches hung from them, so some will definitely go on those.

How?!?! You can eat them outside of Christmas if they're left over! Or are we Christmas food tiggies?! 🐷

Sorry if I missed this, but what did you use to colour the bulbs.

My last old school colour set gave up the ghost last year.

Doves Farm is good for most GF bakes. You can get a free one here: (I don't work for them!)

https://hashting.promo/dovesfarmlanding/DOVES-ISG?fbclid=PAAaaEQIS7LiA77NwOtPyXDvBhUwlXlXrj7xJe6gDsT39H4-xxCl8BIWEscYYaemAU-myCn51oGUbf0aRGh5M2ARQtIPhyYdJEtDdp3oj3nk6FzvFFsGKsVJ2e1fl6DkcyDsH-BePwnmWrTTJRIPMZun

I’m in the mood for some Christmas poncing please - if I survive moving today and tomorrow! Removals are coming in 2 hours for round 1 and I am sat on my backside.

We’re having a house warming party at the start of December and I have visions of fresh greenery up the staircase though it will probably look a bit rough by Christmas and it is likely to stay in my head rather than reality .

Not at all, I'm often earlier with making my cake than most (mid to late September) but that's because we eat it throughout December rather than saving it til Christmas. That way it actually gets eaten rather than hanging around and having to be thrown out in the new year 🤣.

Whereas I finally iced mine at epiphany last year ...

It's all good I reckon!

@friggingnora

I've attached a pic of some all year round ones I've completed.

Second pic is my box of in-process Christmas ones. I was heavily pregnant last Christmas and didn't get round to finishing.

I found some terracotta tiles in the barn and painted them cream. I then pasted on Emma Bridgewater napkins.
To make them heatproof I used Polyvine heavy duty wood varnish in dead flat. They are completely scratch proof too.

@friggingnora

Pics would help 😂