The 2023 Poncetastic Christmas Thread

[VivaJen]

Welcome to the 2023 Poncetastic thread. With a nod to Fellatio (wherever she may be) at the stroke of midnight, let the poncing commence.

"OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobs worth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapés and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessie’s' on the packet, this is not the thread for you".

Marking my spot, I bought my hyacinth and paperwhite narcissi bulbs last week and it made me think of these threads, I must get them planted.

I am a natural born poncer, but sadly am stifled by circumstances, we have a small house and small family and in the extended family we only buy for children (not my choice). Some of my family prefer to celebrate Christmas without the rest of us and we travel to see DH's family, who are very non-poncetastic and wouldn't appreciate home made gifts. I also don't share gifts with friends as my friends are in big groups rather than individuals and it would get out of hand. So I only give to my DC, DH and my Dparents who have food allergies. It's a shame, but Christmas cake doesn't really get eaten, we only really need one jar of mincemeat, fancy gins etc don't really get drunk (DH prefers beer, Dparents don't drink and I only drink occasionally). It is all very frustrating. So I am on the lookout for ideas that actually do work for me. I love these threads.

Oh noes! Poncing fail.
I drove the ten miles to the nearest Waitrose and then FORGOT the bloody all-butter puff pastry to make the sausage rolls.

So I have two packs of sausagemeat from the butcher sitting in the fridge. I'll just have to use half of it to make the stuffing. Any other suggestions?

Also, love those mini jumpers. That's me this evening...

@EdithStourton

If you have butter and flour then I highly recommend Delia's rough puff pastry. I think if you look up her christmas sausage rolls recipe you'll find it. It's delicious!

I'm absolutely loving this! I've already started my Christmas gerbil nativity, in celebration of our gerbil pets we got for my 11 year old's birthday and against my better judgement I quite like and go and talk to when I'm working from home... I've also started a paper Christmas village to go on my stair garland this year to change it up from white pom poms, had a bit of a pom pom theme going on a few years ago! I'm also midway through a beaded embroidery for my Grandma's gift and need to start thinking about chutney and jams which I did last year.
I'd never read the Nigel Slater book so that's now on my Kindle!

We don't really eat a formal Christmas dinner, we have roast pork sandwiches for lunch and then a buffet in the evening but I'm really thinking out of the box this year and as we now have an Ooni - Christmas pizza?! Of course it's going to be a lovely crisp dry winter's day and the garden lights will be on and it'll be lovely - not wet and windy and awful....

I'd like to do a garland for the fireplace this year. I have zero poncing skills! Do you make them from scratch or add on bits to an artificial one? Not too sure where to start

We've done Ooni pizza for NYE before so why not? Can be a bit hard getting the temp up though.

Thank you - I don't have a copy of Delia but I can see a couple of her pastry recipes online. DM used to make amazing homemade pastry but it always looked a right faff...

That's tomorrow afternoon... making my own pastry and upping the poncing a notch or two.

So I'm going to make my own Christmas chocolates box I'm not buying anymore rubbish quality st or roses. Give me some ideas of a nice tub to store them in ? Pleaseeee

@EdithStourton
That's the thing about Delia's recipe is that it's very quick and you grate the frozen butter into the flour.

Here's the whole recipe. You can just nick the pastry bit

www.deliaonline.com/recipes/occasions/christmas/christmas-100-recipes-to-freeze/ettys-sausage-rolls?amp

Could you go to Hobby craft and get one of those plain wood chests and decorate it yourself?

Or buy a vintage biscuit tin from eBay or somewhere? I've got my grandmothers biscuit tin from the late Queen's coronation. I keep photos in it but it would also be marvellous lined with some fancy tissue and stuffed with homemade chocolates.

And now I want a gerbil nativity!!

I've been furtively awaiting the return of this thread for the past few weeks!

This is the year of two trees I think (DH keeps rolling his eyes but I don't care). I just love trees indoors and decorations.

I am feeling a bit overwhelmed about the prospect of decorating everywhere even though I also love it. Work, toddler, there's just not enough time for adequate poncing, unless I give up sleep, or work (now there's a thought!)

I am also hosting over the three main Christmas days this year for the first time ever. I finally get to plan a Christmas menu!

Loving the gerbils 😍

I love the gerbils.

Thanks for the jumper pattern. The quality is fine.

I have a tree in every room (not a full size one though)-and my house is already crammed full of stuff and kids so it is a bit ridiculous but the kids love it( and that’s my excuse)

thanks to all the people who helped on the chilli jam- something for the weekend!

Thank you for the pattern it’s great.

@EquallyDetermined How about making cordials and shrubs for lovely soft drinks?

Gerbil nativity is too cute. The little felted guys are way less disturbing than the real-gerbil tableau I’d initially pictured.

@EquallyDetermined my SIL made my mum and me Christmas wreaths as early Xmas presents once which were lovely and greatly appreciated, would any of your family like those?

Does anyone who forces narcissus/paper whites keep their bulbs year to year? I keep my amaryllis but last year was first time for Paperwhites and I've kept the bulbs but not sure if it's worth trying them or if I should buy new ones and chuck the old ones in the garden just in case.

One tradition I have is that I have taken a photo of my DDs stirring the Christmas cake mixture every year since they were babies. Heaven help them when they're old enough to move out.... I'll be calling them back home for the obligatory cake stirring photograph 🤣🙈

Hello everyone, indo love the annual Chrismas poncing thread. I'm in France so have to make a few things myself (no Xmas pudding or mince pies here). I've still got one pudding left from last year so that's ok, I have run out of mincemeat though, so that's going to be first in my list of poncing this year. I'm hoping to make a load of Nigella's sweet chili Jam, and some mixed citrus marmalade as we have lots of chillis and circus fruits to use up from the garden.

Ooh, thank you.
I'd better freeze the butter!

Ooo salut! I'm in France too.
Last year I saw mince pies in Intermarché but they were almost €6 for 6! 😵‍💫
I also randomly saw Christmas puddings on the British aisle in July! 😂

Hello! A little bit late to the thread, but so excited to see it here. We're away at family this year, so poncing is going to be mostly gift related. So far I'm making a crochet Paddington Bear for DM, and some cricut Christmas cards for older relatives.

Its also the first year I'm doing a proper advent calendar for DS as he's nearly 3 now so old enough to start to get it. It's Christmas activities rather than presents, with the exception of books to unwrap once a week. I'm going to be more excited than he is!

Oh this is a lush idea, thank you

I could think about making one for my parents, not sure if they already have one as they come to us for Christmas rather than us going to them. I have thwarted myself by buying a beautiful re-usable one many years ago 🤦‍♀️.