Is this a mean thing to do on Christmas Day?

[AFewScrewsLucy]

Imagine you are the parent here.

You have a 9 yo, who turned 9 in early October.
They still believe in father Christmas (yes, really)
They have asked for an iPad.
You've told 9yo you can't afford it, so can't have it.
9yo says "it's OK, Santa will get it for me" and then proceeds to tell everyone they know since November that they're getting an iPad for Christmas.
You are actually buying the iPad for them.
But, you have decided that to teach them to be more humble, you're going to pretend that Santa hasn't brought the iPAD when you all open presents in the morning. And you're going to "find" the iPad at the back of the tree at some point in the evening,.and give it to them then.

Full context, you also have a just turned 6yo and 7yo who will be receiving their Santa present in the morning. (Barbie Dream House and Switch)

What do you think? Mean? Or fine?

Mean.

I'm not sure Christmas Day is the day I'd chose to teach a child a lesson. It wont go the way the parents think it will. The child will be upset and confused with no gift, when his siblings are getting expensive presents.

The parents are setting themselves up for an unpleasant Christmas Day with bad feeling and upset, which will then have a negative affect on the whole family all day. Why would anyone choose to do that?

Just tell him up front. Santa won't be bringing you an iPad. He doesn't bring expensive electronic gifts. Then give him the iPad from the parents, with no reference to Santa.

I just don't think it will achieve what she wants. Instead she should tell DC something like Santa has to get for all the children in world so not unlimited budget and to ask for something more modest. I don't understand if she's buying the ipad anyways what's the issue?

Why lie to your kids
from the beginning
about the stupid Santa thing

Surely you know that people do Christmas in very different ways across the country/world?

We have never had stockings - no now, not when dd was small and not when me or dh were small either.

That could really upset him and if he's left with that feeling all day it's not right

Very mean. And what you should have done from the outset is ensure children know santa doesn't bring everything you ask for. Here we do small stocking fillers from Santa. Your other dd is getting a barbie house and a switch from santa? How are her school friends going to feel when they get a 2nd hand puzzle and a satsuma as that's all their parents can afford. They'll think Santa doesn't care or they've been bad.

If one child get a switch (!) the other gets an iPad

So unfair otherwise

or give them their big things from you

Downright horrible....

Very mean. Let your kid enjoy Christmas.

Firstly, a nine year old believing in Santa isn't odd. Id only say something if they got to Y7. Tell your friend that either Switch etc comes from parents or iPad comes from Santa. I would look in CEX for a second-hand one. Her idea is horrible.

So ‘they’ve’ had since November to correct the child’s thinking and manage they’re expectations - but ‘they’ve’ decided Christmas Day’s the day for action.

Ok then 🙄

The fact you have to ask that is slightly worrying, what makes you think it's normal to make your child believe that Santa doesn't care just to "Make them humble" if anything it's more likely to make them not believe and make them hate you once they do realise the truth in years to come.

That's so fucking mean and I don't see the point. To wait until the evening is even more mean. Bad enough waiting until everything is open and then "finding" it. I couldn't deal with the little disappointed face especially when the other kids getting big gifts they asked for.

Why not try and tell the child that Santa isn't free and they need to send the money to Santa to make the gifts. Which is why some people get lots and others don't. Not everyone can afford to pay Santa for the expensive gifts.

Mean and controlling, what is wrong with you! 😳😳😡😡

Thankfully I don't remember it, but apparently when I was little, it snowed one day and I assumed it was Christmas and wondered why Santa hadn't been. My mum and SD told me I must have been bad and told me to go and see what kids next door got.

Even though I don't remember it, as a parent now, I think that's awful.

Please talk your friend out of doing this to her kid.

Yet another 'my kid has asked for something really expensive because they believe Santa buys expensive gifts' issue.

Santa puts small gifts in a stocking.

Parents/family buy the big presents.

Problem solved. Do this and you won't need to teach any nasty lessons and or make a big fuss.

It's a really arsey thing to do.

For a 9 yr old to believe in fairy stories like Father Christmas bringing presents is surely quite an old age , usually kids know that it's mum and dad or grandparents that bring the presents.

Emotional abuse, 100%

One year my husband decided to do this kind of trick with me. I didn’t really get any gifts at all whilst everyone had a big pile of presents. I hosted family and just sucked it up. At about midnight he pointed to the tree and there was a lovely jewellery box. I loved that gift and treasure it every day. But I just feel sad for how neglected I felt through the whole of that Christmas Day. This was about five years ago and it’s still with me. I never told him how I felt as I didn’t want to be unkind.

Why did he do it?

Exactly..I always seem to remember ''Father Christmas'' as not being real, due to so many being in London Toy shops.
I got to see him one year, and asked for a rocking horse and a pony.

He said he couldn't manage that.

I lost the faith then.

I wouldn't even say its from santa. Imagine your child going to school telling another child that he got an ipad and the other child living in different circumstances not understanding why santa couldn't bring them one? Many of our presents are from santa but not large expensive items. It will make him humble knowing you saved hard for that gift

Spiteful you sound a horrible person .

Not just mean.

Deeply shitty and depending on the kid, liable to ruin Christmas for the kid and possibly everyone else too.

Absolutely setting the kid up for a 'failure to manage feelings' situation.

Entirely the adults fault for priming kid to believe the Christmas Lie, then telling them they won't be getting something due to the cost, then getting them the gift anyway.

Simple solution is to just give two lots of gifts.

'Hey kids, heres the gifts family have got us under the tree, how lovely. Santa will come and bring your Santa gifts in the night, how exciting'.

Wrap the gifts from 'santa' in one lot of paper, the family gifts in another lot of paper. The little kids won't really figure it out, the older kid can be gently told again if necessary, that santa got x, parents got y'.

It's shit parenting. You lied to your DS, you didn't stop him from boasting about a potential gift.

And you know what, he'll remember this Christmas for a loooong time - not because he actually received an iPad but because his siblings received lovely presents, and he did not.

I can't believe you're covering up lazy parenting by playing such a mean trick on a 9 year old.