Is this a mean thing to do on Christmas Day?

[AFewScrewsLucy]

Imagine you are the parent here.

You have a 9 yo, who turned 9 in early October.
They still believe in father Christmas (yes, really)
They have asked for an iPad.
You've told 9yo you can't afford it, so can't have it.
9yo says "it's OK, Santa will get it for me" and then proceeds to tell everyone they know since November that they're getting an iPad for Christmas.
You are actually buying the iPad for them.
But, you have decided that to teach them to be more humble, you're going to pretend that Santa hasn't brought the iPAD when you all open presents in the morning. And you're going to "find" the iPad at the back of the tree at some point in the evening,.and give it to them then.

Full context, you also have a just turned 6yo and 7yo who will be receiving their Santa present in the morning. (Barbie Dream House and Switch)

What do you think? Mean? Or fine?

Sounds like your friend favors her two younger children and doesn’t like her eldest and wants to “teach him a lesson” i.e. Santa isn’t real, Mother doesn’t like you.

Usually I don’t believe in interfering but I think in this case you should tell her how she is coming across because it will be deeply hurtful to her son if she does this. He’s nine, his certainty that Santa is bringing him his wish is not based on smug entitlement but enchanted faith in good things coming to good boys and girls. Shame on her.

Mean and nasty

There are better ways to teach the lesson. Like not buying them an iPad.

It is like some awful film/book/sitcom where everyone pretends all day that they’ve forgotten it is someone’s birthday and throws a big surprise party as. Never mind that the birthday-person has felt utterly unloved and crap for the vast majority of the day. On their birthday. 😕

Absolutely uncalled for
Your child has done nothing wrong. It's not their fault they think that santa brings big presents. It's yours. You should be pissed of at yourself not your child.
How could you sit there on Xmas day ans let them believe santa didn't give them a present, when their siblings have what they asked for. Sorry but this is emotionally abusive and you should be ashamed of yourself for considering this !

It's definitely mean, and will leave a lasting distrust when they stop believing.

When mine were younger and still believed, I always reminded them that what they asked for - their list, was just suggestions and that they wouldn't get everything they'd asked for.
I still do this now actually, except they know what they do get isn't coming from santa.

Your friend would be better trying to manage their child's expectations rather than trying to teach a 9 year old a cruel lesson in humility.

They could have smaller presents from santa and then do the expensive ones from themselves, and then if they still want to teach the lesson but perhaps a bit nicer, they could just have the children open the santa presents first and no ipad, so there will be disappointment but still a glimmer of hope due to unopened presents. And then the poor kid does get the ipad after all, plus knows its from her parent/s so they get the gratitude and "credit"

Mean, and pointless

Mean

Mean

Mean.

I don't get what you're trying to teach. If the child has over-asked and you want to teach them a lesson about it, you don't get the thing you feel is too much for ask for. You don't then taunt them with 'no you don't get it.... oh, actually you do'.

Get them the iPad because the magic of Santa means that much to you, or don't get the iPad, but don't do some manipulative stuff that means nothing.

Mean. Really mean and twisted. How does that teach her humility? She totally believes Santa exists, you did a good job . So what's the point in punishing her?

Mean and cruel. Please don't do it.

Yeah, if you fancy some trust issues for new year?! What the hell is that about?. These are little human beings, you teach those characteristics by example. Not by a decent dose of engineered disappointment!

How about " We love you, and knew Santa doesnt do ipads....so we worked hard, saved and got you one... Please remember there maybe times in the future we cant"

And that's it!

Mean AF

Perhaps it would be better to have a serious chat with the oldest child before the day and explain the situation fully and with kindness. You can give lots of praise and tell him you know you can rely on him keeping the secret for the other younger children. If you’ve spent the money and got him what he wants, ensure you get some credit for that instead of ruining a special day.

Santa used to bring small gifts and we got the expensive ones so a child learns the value. We used to say we saved up and gave Santa the money for the items that were expensive.

Weird

Wow.
how would this even enter your mind?
kids don’t realise how much things cost. If you can’t afford it fair enough but to do this it’s really mean!!

Mean.

I think it's a bit mean and a bit pointless, given that you're going to give it to them later in the day anyhow. It would be understandable if you didn't give it to them because you aren't giving it full stop. But I don't really see what you gain by causing disappointment before giving them what they wants. 🤷🏼‍♀️
I have a 9 year old who still believes. If she'd asked for something and I was able to get it, I'd be giving it in the morning and be happy to see that last remnant of her innocence. Let's face it, it's likely the last year they'll believe 😪

That’s awful.

All this will do is make them think “why did Santa leave me out” they’ll be upset throughout the day, and despite eventually getting it, they’ll remember what you did as they grow up.

Give the iPad as normal and don’t be a div. (:

Why would anyone do that, that’s just cruel.

Mean
Why would it even cross your mind to upset your young son like that? Do you not like/love him? It is hardly the behaviour of a nurturing, caring parent.

It's for reasons like this that we went with the story of we have to pay for the gifts that Santa brings. So my daughter writes a letter and sends, Santa then contacts me for our spend limit, and goes from there.
It means we can then pick and choose off their list what to buy from us and from Santa, and if there are too many expensive items they know they might not get them all.
Your friend is going to seriously kill her kids Christmas spirit if she does this. As others have said, it may be his last year believing.