Is this a mean thing to do on Christmas Day?

[AFewScrewsLucy]

Imagine you are the parent here.

You have a 9 yo, who turned 9 in early October.
They still believe in father Christmas (yes, really)
They have asked for an iPad.
You've told 9yo you can't afford it, so can't have it.
9yo says "it's OK, Santa will get it for me" and then proceeds to tell everyone they know since November that they're getting an iPad for Christmas.
You are actually buying the iPad for them.
But, you have decided that to teach them to be more humble, you're going to pretend that Santa hasn't brought the iPAD when you all open presents in the morning. And you're going to "find" the iPad at the back of the tree at some point in the evening,.and give it to them then.

Full context, you also have a just turned 6yo and 7yo who will be receiving their Santa present in the morning. (Barbie Dream House and Switch)

What do you think? Mean? Or fine?

So weird and mean. You can only teach behaviour you want by modelling it, Vanir playing weird mind games.

• not by!

Awful. Please don’t do that.

If it truly isn’t your idea, and your friend is planning this, I hope you have the guts to simply forward this thread.

If you/they can't afford an ipad then there were a number of ways to explain to your DC that 'santa' does not bring gifts of high value, or does not bring ipads. Preparing a child to learn the meaning of expense and learning to prepare to not always get exactly what we want is a lesson of value and one that could have been employed here.

What is being opted for instead isn't going to teach anything, and I can't really see who the 'winner' is in this scenario. Someone still paid for an ipad that stretched a budget and is far too much to spend on a 9 year old for Xmas, and the DC will feel embarrassed, ashamed and upset for christmas day and wonder why they are being singled out.

Not exactly a genius plan, and so odd when grown adults seek to control childrens emotions in these ways for their own satifaction rather then helping them learn how to deal with an issue.

Absolutely and completely mean. Even if it wasn't potentially the last year in believing its just an awful thing to do. What is even the point? What lesson are you trying to teach? How bloody awful you are to even consider this?

He's telling everyone because he believes in Santa not because he's bragging. He thinks Santa brings the gifts and doesn't (presumably) understand that his mum had to save/work hard to buy it. If she's trying to teach humility she's got it all wrong and its a really shitty hurtful thing to do I don't know how but I'd be doing everything to try and stop this

Your friend is the one who taught her child Santa is real. If she shames him for that belief instead of just explaining to him, I'd have to wonder if she's a closet sadist.

Very odd. Why would anyone do that? Perhaps say to the child, well you can ask Santa, but you might not get what you really want-if you can’t afford it. This seem very strange and mean.

No, no, no. Don't do this!

Mean. This is why in my house Santa only brings stockings, and one smallish (under £30) present for under the tree.

I would NEVER give such a big gift from am imaginary man - I would give it from me .

Horrible

Additionally a 9 YO does not need an IPad - an amazon fire would do the same - the parents 'idea' of hiding it behind a tree awful - I would be revaluating the way I had brought my children up .

This is why Santa should only bring small stocking presents!!! I don't understand why people buy expensive gifts then say they are from Santa, it's ridiculous. Then when you can't afford the gifts you have to be mean and deceitful. I was always hurt as a child when Santa bought expensive gifts for my friends but not for me! Stop spoiling children and be honest about where expensive gifts come from.

Why can't the 9yo have an iPad? I wouldn't waste my time with a fire tablet it's a poor imitation.

Humility is something gained in adulthood. You are expecting too much of a 9yo child.

Jeez, are you always this aggressive and unable to comprehend families do it different ways, neither are right or wrong, they choose what is right for them.

We always said all the gifts under the tree came from Santa, never had to mean or deceitful. And being honest about where any expensive gifts came from would not have changed whether he was "spoiled" or not. Never heard of anyone in RL who did stockings only from Santa, maybe it is less popular around here, but if that's how you prefer to do it, fair enough I am not going to insist you are wrong.

so the three children are to wake up and two young children get their presents, whilst the old child doesn't get his main present and so is left feeling worthless and upset. All whilst watching his siblings playing with their presents or perhaps even this upsetting the younger children as their older sibling has been left out. So tears all round is a possibility on Christmas morning

what a place not to be on xmas day ffs

Hate to tell you this, but there will be children up and down the country, and throughout the world, getting presents on Christmas day they don't "need" 🤷‍♀️

It's vile, downright abusive. A few more instances of this and the child will learn one lesson: that his mother does not love him.

Mean

Mean and don’t really understand what point would be made by doing that? Either give them iPad or don’t but don’t faff around.

But, you have decided that to teach them to be more humble,

JFC

Humility isn't taught via pass-agg, goady mind games.
You want your child to understand & conduct herself with appropriate humility - try modelling it yourself.

I sincerely hope this thread is a wind-up.

Ooops, apologies OP.
Humble apologies, even! - as I see it's not you planning this ghastly little scene.

Your 'friend' is a pass-agg mindfucker.