The Christmas I’m going to have Versus one I really want

[Toomanysleepycats]

Another thread made me start thinking how much compromise so many people (but especially wives and mothers) make to have the perfect family Christmas for everyone else.

I just wondered about having a thread where people posted what they are actually doing, but also what they wished they were doing, to see how far apart they are. I’d like to know if any mumsnetter will be getting her perfect Christmas.

I’ll go first. I’m in the middle of a divorce. My Dd is diplomatically having a quiet Xmas at home with her partner. I’m going to ignore Xmas this year, not in a bah humbug way, just that I’ve always been in charge of everything before (not through choice), so a Not Christmas will be a lovely lazy treat.

My perfect Xmas would either be with my Dd and her DP, but just for a visit, not to stay all day and night. Otherwise it’s sitting on a beach in the sun.

Going to FILs is the reality, although I have put my foot down about staying overnight. And eldest DD will be away with the other parent.

Ideally it would be the four of us in our own home all day with chicken for lunch rather than turkey which I hate!

My perfect one would be me, dp and kids and my parents in an expensive hotel being looked after and pampered, dressing up for dinner etc.

But Mum died last December. The aim is to just get through this Christmas. We are going out for lunch so no one has to cook.

For the first ever time I’m not seeing any family except to be with my son.
I usually juggle between seeing everyone and making sure my son does - really excited to have it just us, we’ve said we might even stay in our pjs all day and just get in loads of delicious snacky food as other than roasts and yorkies neither of us like a roast dinner anyway 😂

@Itsbeenashortyear sorry to hear that. I hope it becomes less painful in time.

@cavily1806 If it’s FILs this year, does it mean it won’t be next year?

Going to my mums and step dad is the plan. They are lovely but DH just can’t/won’t converse with them. The reality of it is usually very tense for me while I try to smooth everything over between everyone! It’s like the DH I know just disappears and he stops talking. Exhausting.

my ideal would be a magical alternative universe where DH and DM/SD all get on and I can relax.

@Newusernameaug That sounds lovely. Reminds me that one year when it was just the three of us, I accidentally bought a much bigger beef joint than I needed. It cooked up beautifully. We just kept eating, and even after thirds, it looked as if we’d hardly made a dent in it.

Even thought of making the TOO BIG Joint of Beef a family tradition (nothing gets wasted in this house).

ExH lost both his parents this year. His brother lived abroad. So he’s coming to my house, Christmas Eve to the 27th, to spend it with me and our teen DDs.

We’re both single so there’s no DPs to piss off with this arrangement, we’ve always got along well, I have a guest room, it’s my year to have DDs with me and ExH is still a tad discombobulated from what’s happened this year so even if I offered to swap, I’m not sure he’d be able to “do” Christmas with them.

I would prefer to be going abroad with DDs, somewhere very snowy. But I am skint having just bought a new house!

@Toomanysleepycats I’m going to be having my perfect Christmas. We booked it on Boxing Day last year after yet another disappointing few days where we spent a fortune, cooked for everyone, cleared up, drove miles…
this year I’m going with just dh and my children to a farm cottage in rural Pembrokeshire. We will drink red wine by the fire, drive to the sea on Christmas Eve, go for a nice walk in the wilderness. I haven’t even planned my Christmas dinner other than that we will go to a supermarket and get what we need when we get there. It’s glorious. I feel so much less stressed this year already.

@MrsTopaz Do you have any idea why your Dh is like that with your DM/SD?

I know when we first met my future Son in law, talk seemed very awkward between us all. I know he had a difficult childhood. I spoke with my DD and said I was going to lovebomb him. I kept telling her what I liked about him and complimenting him directly. Things are very easy now between us both.

@MrsTopaz my partner is like that. He comes across as rude and it's commented on all the time. I live on my last nerve most the time In social situations.

I'd like to spend Christmas Day with my grandchildren. I have to compromise though. One son and his wife like to spend Christmas just with their children, in their own home. My other son will be spending Christmas with his wife's family. I will see my grandchildren, everyone is coming here before Christmas and I will make that my Christmas Day.

In laws in the morning, my parents for lunch and the afternoon, usual roast dinner, hectic present opening, having to be the designated driver.

Really I'd like just me, DH and DS having a nice chilled day with a big walk, loads of tv, pizza, nibbles, huge chocolate cake and a bottle or two of red (not for DS, he's only 2).

We were supposed to be having just the 4 of us, party food and Christmas pjs all day at the request of Dts. Now we have seven of h's family over through no design of mine.

I'm taking the kids away before Christmas, he can sort the food. Me and the kids are sticking to our pj plan. I am stepping right back.

@Toomanysleepycats Your Christmas is my ideal Christmas. I would love to spend the day ignoring it and just doing as I pleased instead. Instead, I will be joined by exh, adult dc and dgs and will be run ragged doing all the catering until they all go home, hopefully early evening.

ILs are coming over first thing and staying until Boxing Day which I'm really looking forward to.

We always end up eating later than I'd like and DP and FIL sometimes drink too much and I'd like my parents to come over too (they don't because GM won't come and they don't want her to be alone) but other than that it'll be great.

Will be a strained day at home with me doing everything for the dc and exh swanning around doing nothing.

id prefer to be with dp in a lovely cosy cottage by the sea, just the two of us. Hey ho.

Myself, Dp and our two DCs spending the day together.
What I wish I was doing is spending the day with my parents and DH and DCs. My parents died in a car crash and it is my first Christmas without them. Just as well I have teenagers who will happily spend lots of time online as it may be a difficult day for me.

Everyone on here so far seems to want it to be just the nuclear family. I'm the opposite. It is usually just me, DH and DS celebrating the holidays because we don't have family nearby. I would absolutely love to travel home and spend it with my sister, her partner and her 4 kids. I love getting stuck into all the chaos of cooking and presents and games. In reality she is spending Christmas with her partner's family because it's her ExH's turn with the kids so we're all having quiet ones.

@antelopevalley I'm so sorry for your loss. It's the first year without my mum and even though we don't usually spend it together (she lived in Canada) It won't be the same without her. Can you do non-traditional things that don't remind you of them as much?

@FoofOfTheWalkingDead I am sorry for your loss too.
If I had no children I think I would pretend the day did not exist. I think though instead, we will just keep it very low-key. I will go to the cemetery on the day, that will help a bit.
Thank you.

Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry

When I was a kid, we used to have big boxing day parties with our wider family (my dad was one of 10 siblings). They were so much fun.
We spend ours now with our immediate families, and it’s nice, but I miss the chaos!

I will not be working this Christmas, which means, for the first time in three years, I'll be able to spend it with my family. And as my husband is a much better cook than I am he'll be in the kitchen. I'll settle for that.

Sod that for a game of soldiers!

Sod that for a game of soldiers!