How do I tell my 11-year-old about Father Christmas

[PollySays]

Genuinely don't know what to do for the best - Our daughter is 11-year-old and in Year 7 at school.

She is a lovely natured kid, full of fun and magic, so since last Christmas rather than just blurt out about the big FC, we've just avoided saying things like "What would you like from Father Christmas" and replaced it by saying things like "If there is anything you would particularly like, let us know and we can get you it, otherwise we'll just buy some surprises"...that kind of thing. She's not mentioned that she doesn't believe, and I suppose I've just assumed (hoped!) that at school they'll have been chatting about it and she now knows the truth. I was happy with this, because it wouldn't be me breaking her heart!

But this week she has asked on at least two occasions, if I think the Elf on the Shelf will visit this year or if he'll think she's too old 😩My husband has said I need to tell her that it's us and her older brother who do the Elf but that we can still do it as part of a family and just take it turns getting him into mischief and that it will need to be said sooner rather than later, before she says something at school and is ridiculed (he works away, so it's not really fair to ask him to be a part of the conversation over the phone), so it's definitely just me.

Question is, what do I say??

I told my twins in the summer before secondary that Santa wasn't real. One was very blasé, he'd figured it out all by himself, the other kind of knew but still got upset when I confirmed he wasn't real. I felt bad but really didn't want them going to secondary school with a reason to be bullied. I think confirming this so close to Christmas would be more difficult.
There really is no right or wrong answer OP so good luck with whatever you decide!

I have a friend who insists her 15 and 13 year old still believe and I'm not allowed to talk about anything in front of them that might give the game away. Utterly bonkers. Of course they know!

Just act 'as if'. Be matter of fact. Ask her to help you put stockings together and what position she's going to put the elf in tomorrow.

You cannot leave a Y7 child to be laughed at and humiliated about believing in Father Christmas. Kids are incredibly cruel. Please don't leave her as a sitting duck!

She’s 11 years old. Barring special needs, there is no way she believes an elf doll magically runs around in the night time doing tricks around the house, or that a magic man flies round the world in a few hours visiting every single house in the world.

She simply can not believe that at age 11. She likely just enjoys playing along with it.

I mean does she believe in Toy Story? Does she watch that and think ‘gosh that must be real because I know toys really can run around when I’m not in the room?’

Of course she doesn’t. Because at age 11 she knows what is real and what is pretend. If you genuinely think she believes a doll can move around when she isn’t there then I’d be concerned about that.

I mean, I guess you could say the same thing about religion really. Do people really think that a half man half elephant has magical powers that they will base their life decisions on? Do people really believe that there's a magical man in the sky that has the power to do anything he pleases so they beg for his mercy, etc.

Billions of fully grown adults do. I am an atheist and choose not to believe based on my own critical thinking. Do you judge anyone else that chooses to believe in a higher power, that admittedly I cannot understand how they would believe in it in this day and age with modern science and archeological discoveries.

So for an innocent 11yr at old to still have faith and want to believe in something so magical for them and believe what their parents and a large part of society have told them during their short lives shouldn't be so hard for you to accept and understand.

“You cannot leave a Y7 child to be laughed at and humiliated about believing in Father Christmas. Kids are incredibly cruel. Please don't leave her as a sitting duck!”

I’ve worked in secondary schools and this just does not happen.🙄

You don’t have to say anything. Our children are young professional adults and we still talk about Santa with a knowing wink. It’s all part of the magic of Xmas. I never know why adults have to suck the fun out of everything.

There's a thread from last year with adults sharing the experience of being told FC wasn't real as kids who still believed. Many of them were testing their parents expecting to be reassured. I'd take more notice of that thread than a lot of the replies here that come from an adult perspective.

It’s extremely unlikely she doesn’t know. Asking about the elf doesn’t mean she believe the elf is magic or she believes in Santa. The elf can just be something funny to wake up to.

Well personally I don’t believe in any religion, and don’t see why anyone really does. I don’t judge them, since I understand those people are acting on faith built by years of tradition, but I couldn’t believe myself.

A child over the age of about 5 believing that a toy comes to life and Santa flies round people’s houses (despite obviously seeing the shops full of toys marketed for Christmas and depictions on film and TV of people buying gifts for children etc) isn’t likely. It’s overwhelmingly more likely that she’s just enjoying the pretending aspect.

Kids are not kinder now, and when her peers find out she will be ridiculed on social media as well as at school.

Though I very much she still believes.

I told my dd age 9. I do feel bad but she kept asking.

If she made them herself and asked you to move them I doubt very much she believed they were real.

She knows.

Ask her brother.

I remember having a conversation with my brother when I was about 6 or 7 and we we were opening presents, neither of us believed but decided not to tell our parents because that would spoil it for them.

If you really can't do it then make the elf do the work.

Elf turns up this morning with a note for DD saying this is her last year as she is growing up and the magic she had as a child is changing into adult magic.

Most children don't have child magic as long as she has, this is because her older brother donated some of his child magic to her.

So Elf will be sitting on the shelf but not doing naughty things and playing tricks, but might bring more notes and some Xmas films.

Link below to Xmas films that reveal the truth.

screenrant.com/family-christmas-movies-lowkey-reveal-truth-about-santa-claus/#:~:text=Miracle%20On%2034th%20Street%20(1947,is%20the%20real%20Saint%20Nick.

Or at least pretend to have a faith. Just as many children pretend to believe in Santa Claus.

Agree so much with this!

Update

Spoke to DD last night and we had a wonderful and very natural flowing conversation, while she was sat having cereal and I was pottering around, which went something like this…

Me: Can you believe its December tomorrow? Did you say your friends are doing the Elf this year?

DD: I know, I’m so excited! I don’t know tbh…

Me: praying inside Did you still want us to do the Elf?

DD: YEAH, definitely!

Me: heaves a cautious sigh of relief OK, well I think you might have to help me find him because the last time I saw him, he was hid away in the back of dads wardrobe.

DD: 😂Haha, yeah can we go look?

So, we start rummaging around in DH’s wardrobe – genuinely can’t find the bloody Elf!

Me: Erm I’m not sure how to say this, I think I might have thrown him out after last Christmas, as I thought you might be too old, I’m sorry.

DD: Oh no way, I loved our Elf as he was a cute one – some of my friends have shown me pictures and theirs looked evil! 😂Do you remember though when I was younger and I was scared of him? I really thought there was this random elf creeping around in my bedroom while I was asleep and going through my drawers and in my knickers!

Me: Yeah, but it was very cute, and we did say you shouldn’t worry as he was just having mischief.

DD: Yeah, I think last year I kinda realised but I didn’t want him to go.

Me: Oh, hang on, I can see two little legs sticking out!! thinks this Elf really might be magic!!

We proceeded to take him downstairs, and I asked her what prank he should get up to tonight and we were thinking of some good ones to try out, when I mentioned that her DB (15, who openly “hates” her) has been the one making the Elf do pranks for her for the past few years and she said, “Please let's just keep it that way then and let him think he’s pranking me, as I love it when he thinks he’s tricked me. BUT, don’t let him know that I know because then nothing has changed, and Elf can stay part of our Christmas family!”

So, without actually having the conversation, we had the conversation and I’m happy with where we are.

It will not be spoken about again, because as we all know...Father Christmas and his elves are real!!!

Fab update!

Now deny, deny, deny from now on. Be as surprised as anyone else when the elf does something. Maybe one day have an ostentatious argument with your DP or DS as to who moved the elf, with everyone denying it and getting very surprised and confused. Maybe the elf is real after all! Never admit anything again. Enjoy!!!

Fantastic update. And can't believe the amount of horrible individuals on here. Can only imagine that they were bullies, and probably still are. I question their critical thinking.

Aw that's lovely! My mum had to tell me about FC.... and the Easter bunny.... and the tooth fairy.... I was older than your DD too 🙈🙈

I was thinking this too, I'm an Atheist but there is adults who belive in a god which is unable to he proven I'm wondering if all the rude people on here talking about lack of critical thinking or beliving in Mythical creature, have ever applied it to religion 🤔

When my daughter was 11 and still believing, Santa sent her a letter in the top of her stocking explaining that because there are so many children in the world (and more being born each year) he is not able to deliver to children over 11. So next year her parents will take over as the present deliverers

Are you sure she stills believes? My two were pretty naive but still realised that it was make believe at about 10. I haven't ever actually said he doesn't actually exist.

The only people being cruel are adult like you (who breed children like you) who think its ok to shit on other peoples belief systems.

The kind of people who grow up to be hateful adults who can't accept anything other than their own view point even when its just a child wanting to keep the magic alive.

No everyone has to be a miserable old git as soon as they it 10.

Also there was a girl called Fae in my school who was utterly fairy obsessed (guessing she got if from her parents being named after fairies), she was easily one of the most popular girl in school, no one bullied her for her fairie obsession.

adults with views like you are terrifying.

@Liorae they were magic.Santa gave them power. She was about 7/8 at the time. Her letters to Santa were all year. She had fairy doors and wrote to them etc. she was really happy in that world. She is now a really troubled pre teen who is constantly in trouble at school but last night she started getting the elf decorations out and her face changed. That period in time was really important to her