How do I tell my 11-year-old about Father Christmas

[PollySays]

Genuinely don't know what to do for the best - Our daughter is 11-year-old and in Year 7 at school.

She is a lovely natured kid, full of fun and magic, so since last Christmas rather than just blurt out about the big FC, we've just avoided saying things like "What would you like from Father Christmas" and replaced it by saying things like "If there is anything you would particularly like, let us know and we can get you it, otherwise we'll just buy some surprises"...that kind of thing. She's not mentioned that she doesn't believe, and I suppose I've just assumed (hoped!) that at school they'll have been chatting about it and she now knows the truth. I was happy with this, because it wouldn't be me breaking her heart!

But this week she has asked on at least two occasions, if I think the Elf on the Shelf will visit this year or if he'll think she's too old 😩My husband has said I need to tell her that it's us and her older brother who do the Elf but that we can still do it as part of a family and just take it turns getting him into mischief and that it will need to be said sooner rather than later, before she says something at school and is ridiculed (he works away, so it's not really fair to ask him to be a part of the conversation over the phone), so it's definitely just me.

Question is, what do I say??

I dont think any 11 year old without a severe learning delay is too stupid to know... thats doesnt mean they can't 'believe' though.

I mean for what its worth I do have a learning disability and I have known since 5 that hes not real, I still went along with it all though because its more fun.

Same with religeon, the whimsy, community and routine make people happy and its just cruel to shit on that but someone taking comfort in something that makes them happy doesnt mean they are too stupid to have critical thinking skill and have worked out logically lots of the things said don't add up.

And for people that say it wont change by being forced to give up the 'child' parts, it does change adult xmas was bloody miserable for me and no where near 'the same' (if others enjoy it fine but don't force the lifetime movie style hikes and quite hot chocolate with a book on those who want the whole wild magical Santa sherbang).

Theres plenty of adults who still love the whole lights everywhere, santa themed, getting stocking and loud xmas magic and do it for themselves its not that they 'don't understand there isn't a magic man' it just makes them happy.

Why in this world do people take pleasure in not letting others just be happy when it's not hurting anyone?

This was my plan as well. I think he'd love taking charge of the elf. Alas it looks like I'm stuck with the little bastard (the elf, not my son!) for the next 24 days

@PollySays DD worked it out years ago and we still put the mince pie and carrot out, and in fact when she was at her dad's and I was home alone one year I still did it because it felt weird not to - admittedly I ate the whole mince pie but did leave the carrot for rudolph 😁

I told my Dd last year and she was nearly 12. I know many people will say that she knew and was just pretending but I know she didn't. She has always been magical and loved elves especially. When she was younger she made some elves that she wanted me to move all year, when I couldn't be bothered I hid them and enlisted a Facebook group of wonderful people who sent her postcards from all over the country and world from the elves and their adventures. When I sat down and told her (we were having a really rough year of no money and she was worrying that she wouldn't get presents) I watched her heartbreak and she cried her eyes out. Once her tears had dried she said 'but the elves are real though are nt they?' I had to say sorry that no they weren't. Cue lots more tears and again when she asked about fairies. I destroyed her whole belief system in an afternoon because I was worried about not being able to give her a good Christmas because of money worries. It was awful. I really regret telling her

Jesus she was 12 though. 12! In secondary school believing that fairies and elves were real. Imagine her going into school and saying that in front of the other girls. You did her a favour by telling her. Honestly, kids can be so cruel and this is such fodder for kids to tear her apart. Her afternoon of "heartbreak" was small fry compared to kids in secondary school finding out she believes in fairies.

Aw she sounds like me as a child. I was 11 when my mum told me. I just wanted to really believe in all the magic so any thoughts of he might not be real I just ignored. Don't do what my mum did and blurt out "aw u don't still believe he's real do u" 🙈

@Theydoyaknow she was lucky to have 2 best friends who were also magical and believes in it all. I think Christmas is so much sadder now we have no believers in the house. But we all still put the mince pie out last year and will continue to do that always

She's eleven and hasn't worked it out yet?

I find that incomprehensible to be absolutely honest. Poor kid

I am thinking I may have to tell my DS this year. He is 9.

His Christmas list are getting more and more expensive and I simply cannot afford to buy an:

Xbox
Tv
Laptop
Phone
Hover board

And so on. He told me on presenting his list when I said a tentative "ooh those are all expensive choices!" "it's alright mummy you don't have to worry about it being expensive because santa will make them for me"
So if he gets upset at having only the cheaper items I found on the list I'm going to have to tell him as I'm not having him think santa thinks he's naughty.

Can't wait. 😟

NOTHING as sad as the feeling of having no more believers, I was distraught!!

Some complete dickheads here. My 9 year old still believes and so do all her friends.

I would tell her just so I could stop doing that bloody Elf thing!

My 9 year old still believes and I hope she does for a little longer.

We have gone down the route of Santa delivers the stockings (from him) and we send him money to go towards the presents. They write a list and we explained that Santa will pick bits off it to buy (they get one or two presents from Santa) but so will we and grandparents etc.

I refused to confirm regarding FC. Mine are 23 & 19. I have always said St Nicholas was a 11th century Saint who comes to children. When you have your own you no longer receive to allow for others. Any nonsense I tell them they will get nowt as the elves are listening!

My sister was a cow and told me he wasn't real but I had already researched him in the school library. Hence the historical knowledge.

maybe wait until early next year so it gives her time to get over the shock before next Christmas. I agree that telling her now might be a bit rough on her ! Otherwise make it obvious you are Santa, or something, so she indirectly ‘finds out’. I remember hearing my parents car or something on Xmas eve when I was small and then the penny dropped !

My Dsis genuinely still believed at 12. We all assumed she didn’t and DM made a comment and Dsis was distraught. She still mentions it now ( in a jokey way!).

My DS (10) this year suddenly blurted out one evening he knew it was me and then immediately said ‘no don’t tell me that’s true, then I can still believe’. So I do think kids can blur the boundary between knowledge and belief more easily than adults.

Say whaaaaat??? Father Christmas is... not a real person..? Am I understanding this right?
Just off to google something...

What I find incomprehensible is people like you who come on threads like this and put peoples children down for being innocent, while insinuating that they're stupid or something is wrong with them.

While it does surprise me that my own and other older children still believe, there's nothing wrong with a child that still has some innocence and believes or wants to believe that things like Father Christmas are still real.

I'm sorry but that's ridiculous!

I absolutely get money being tight (same for me) but I've always managed my DC expectations. I've never had to give any real reasons but I've been clear what the limits are - usually 1 main present + a surprise (we don't do stockings in the same way in Ireland).

It would be awful to tell him at 9.

You can simply say - Santa will bring you one thing from your list (or whatever is appropriate for you). You don't need to elaborate.

Telling him is truly the wrong thing here.

I'd be pretty concerned if a NT 11yr old hasn't figured it out yet, tbh. How are her critical thinking skills in general?

Oh stop it. These kind of nasty posts have been dealt with earlier, no need for you to repeat them.

OP's DD is perfectly normal, though it's unlikely she really believes.

Not another one. Did someone leave the gate open at the cunt farm?

Why can't you just tell him that FC doesn't fulfil every wish? My kids are older, and I'd never in a million years get them all the things on your son's list just for one Christmas.

This is what I mean, if she doesn't really believe but is playing along, that's one thing. My sister did that for years with fairies and Father Christmas etc, she enjoyed the magic but knew it wasn't real.

Genuinely believing that an elf comes to life, aged 11? I'd be concerned by that level of naïvety in a secondary aged child, it could make her very vulnerable.

I am not putting the child down. I just can't envision what sort of educational input they are receiving, nor how confused and isolated they must be in their peer group, to continue to believe in Father Christmas at the age of eleven.