How can I politely ask the in laws to tone it down a bit next year?

[TinyLittlePandaSneeze]

They insist on buying way more than we have room for or need. We try giving a couple of options from a list but then they add to it.

They buy advent calendars every year and I feel like this is a bit off as we might be buying them for our child? But they never ask. Should I speak to them in October?

They kick up a fuss if we don't film the grand opening of the presents but we like to just relax and not have the pressure. Especially when DSC2 hates what's she's given each time as they ignore her list.

They are lovely people and they want to spoil their grandchildren but sometimes it just feels all a bit too much. I don't want to be rude to them but need ideas of how DH or I should approach it.

@Mumteedum

I'm going to go against the grain here and be shouted down as a killjoy.

Consumerism is killing the planet. Kids do not need 2 or 3 advent calendars. It's not good for them or the planet. A special once a year treat is nice. They also don't need a pile of crap that gets binned or regifted.

We all need to buy less stuff all year round. Sorry.

I would just accept the calendar but say nothing and if you want to choose a different one, then you do it. I've been straight and just said my child doesn't need grandparents buying them too. He's left half of the chocolates. My grandparents didn't do this. My parents did. It's your treat to enjoy with them imo. Won't be a popular opinion though. (Hard hat on)

I agree with this.

I don't want my children to grow up thinking that Christmas is all about the presents. I don't want them to have multiple advent calendars so that they just flit from one to the next. I don't want them to think that piles of "stuff" is normal or good.

I want them to appreciate gifts that are given thoughtfully, and to enjoy what they have, rather than wanting more all the time.

I have the same issue with my ILs, and it's so frustrating! Combined with DH being completely unwilling to say anything to them (despite agreeing that there's a problem). I'm tired of mountains of cheap plastic tat that breaks after a few minutes, leaving an over-excited child devastated.

And I've said an absolute no to filming them opening presents, because they both hate it! They'll do a quick photo once things have calmed down, but I'm not making them endure something they hate just to keep ILs happy. SIL films the entire present opening process (Christmas, birthdays and all the other occasions when she gives them mountains of tat) and uploads it to Facebook, and even watching that makes me uncomfortable, to be honest. She films them receiving their advent calendars (always fancy ones like Playmobil or Toot-toot etc) and then opening them every day; it makes me wonder when she actually has time to enjoy watching them without a camera in her hand!

@TinyLittlePandaSneeze

They insist on buying way more than we have room for or need. We try giving a couple of options from a list but then they add to it.

They buy advent calendars every year and I feel like this is a bit off as we might be buying them for our child? But they never ask. Should I speak to them in October?

They kick up a fuss if we don't film the grand opening of the presents but we like to just relax and not have the pressure. Especially when DSC2 hates what's she's given each time as they ignore her list.

They are lovely people and they want to spoil their grandchildren but sometimes it just feels all a bit too much. I don't want to be rude to them but need ideas of how DH or I should approach it.

Can you tell them that you are trying to teach them respect to environment and therefore you want to give just one present for each child from parents and one from grandparents? And I do love the bond / investment idea, it would work well combined, if they feel one present dosas not cut it!

We had a similar problem, but only with our youngest DC (who was their only granddaughter after 2 grandsons). One Christmas they bought her a massive baby doll changing unit, separate cot, travel system and knee-high wardrobe full of clothes. Despite the fact she never played with the other baby dolls they’d bought her for the previous 3 years’ of Christmas and birthdays and me repeatedly reminding them of this and asking them to please buy something connected to one of her (many) interests.

Sometime around March I’d gather all the unwanted and un-played-with presents and take them to live at their house when we next visited. “It’s such a shame to keep them at ours as they take up half of DD’s bedroom and she doesn’t play with them as she’s into XYZ at the moment. I thought they might get better use when she’s here”

Eventually DD got older and another granddaughter came along and the problem was passed to BIL and SIL!

I have found that no matter what has been said over the years, or when it was said, hasnt made the slightest bit of difference to my DM. It has only ever served to cause more upset in my own house. These days I let it was over me and let her get on with it.

*wash

In-laws gave my husband a choc advent calendar for our young son and I found it in a cupboard before December. I put it on the local recycling group but then had to come clean to them when I realised they’d potentially mention it and break his heart! She still referred to it in front of him but we nipped it in the bud. Personally, I think for a little boy he eats plenty of chocolate and doesn’t need to get into choc advent calendars already. Similar to you OP I have fond memories of opening traditional ones until I was at least in junior school. MIL is obsessed with filling him up with sweets and choc but, at the end of the day, I’m the boss!

I can’t stand choc advent calendars, not because of the choc content which is always tiny, but because it is just such an obscene waste of plastic and card.

I could have written this very post.
DC have refillable calendars that we fill with small toys or puzzles which DM knows but she still buys one of those vile Kinnerton chocolate calendars. MIL also bought the same ones.
I think I might donate to food bank if it happens again next year.
And she (DM) went totally crazy this year with gifts for DD(4). It's been building up over the years but was obscene this year with her buying at least double what we bought.
DS(12) got less, fair enough, his stuff is more expensive but she definitely didn't spend as much on him. And as much as he understands the value of the stuff he got, there was a point when his sister still had 3 more bags of gifts and he had nothing left to open that I was so sad for him.
Next year she'll be told to reign it in.
She has form as she brought up my niece so bought Xmas presents like a parent not a grandparent and has carried on with my kids, including getting them a stocking!!! No questions from youngest about why Santa leaves 2 stockings but she's an observant wee cookie so it'll come. DS wasn't quite so bothered about the why, more what was in it.
I've got two Santa sacks/bags and she'll be getting them next visit and told if it doesn't all fit inside then return excess to the shop she bought it from.
I feel a bit awful and ungrateful and this years stuff will be played with and worn/used unlike most of last years but it's too much especially since she also puts money away for them both every month.
It won't be an easy convo, she doesnt like being told what to do, but an important one nonetheless. Good luck, do the conversation sooner rather than later.

See I know I'm a cumudgeonly oldish git, but why do so many grandparents overstep these days? I don't like that many tread on the toes of the parents. They've done it once. Let parents enjoy these moments and create their own traditions. My exMIL even demanded my son's first lock of hair. Urgh.