Can’t say it to those close to you? Come say it here. Judgement free zone.

[OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow]

I’ve 4 grown kids. They are all here for Christmas. Ds1 is going home today. I can’t wait. (Of all of them hardest to get on with, hates his brother-it’s mutual. He’s a lazy git.) I’ll be able to relax when he’s gone.
I am also looking forward to dh being in work tomorrow so me and Dd can sprawl on sofa watching shite.
I also hate Christmas cooking.

@Gindrinker43 I’m so sorry. Take care of yourself x

@Bitconfused75 and @lollipoprainbow

You have my sympathy and understanding. My Mum passed away on the Sat before Christmas after 2 years of wanting to die, and sending all her many friends & us as family away, not coping with speaking to us on the phone, and the one of 2 times I managed to see her this year was a week before she died when she lasted about 10 seconds before telling me to leave. Not dementia, just very depressed after my DSD died a few years back.

Her life has been one of adventures, laughter, so many interests and so many friends. Me & DB both single have spent every Christmas we've been on this planet with her, and then DSD from when I was about 10. They were my world and Mum especially was my bedrock.

She was generous to everyone, mischievous, so kind to animals we had gaggles of waifs & strays all the time at her house, we went to weird museums in London, learned languages and spoke random phrases and funny quotes as a sort of standard banter, took up arts, music, choir, taught me to play guitar when I was 7 & more importantly she taught me to look at life through eyes with childlike wonder and not concentrate on the bad stuff (of which there was plenty but she took no crap, escaping DV from 1st marriage & being a role model for me in that).

At the end the panic attacks stopped her sleeping more than a few hrs for months and then a terminal diagnosis saw her make the very rational decision to just exit on her own terms... and she didn't want us or her friends to see her in the emaciated state she become, hence turning us away. Her love remained but she had honestly had enough, and if this country was decent enough to have well-circumscribed assisted dying laws it wouldn't have taken her 2 years to decline enough in health to achieve her goal.

But she's no longer suffering and as much as I want my funny larger than life Mum back, that wasn't ever going to be an option, and so in no way would I want her to still be here at 5 stone nothing & not wanting her loved ones to see her.

Sometimes there's no good option, just the least bad one.
Merry Christmas my dearest Mum, thank you for so many wonderful memories.

Staying with family. BIL is a misogynistic bore. Sister (an intelligent professional who has worked in STEM forever) doesn't understand feminism and problems with misogynistic gits and the patriarchy, often minimises my concerns.

Extended family started opening stockings and presents on Christmas without noticing I wasn't in the room or calling me.

Feeling very sorry for self and tired of people although I appreciate the hospitality of sister letting me stay in the spare room with my own bathroom, etc. Also fed up to the eyebrows with Covid shite.

@psuedocream3

I fell out with a toxic family member not long before Christmas so decided not to go to their family festivities this year - and secretly it was the best decision I have ever made. I didn't have to put up with pretentious self righteous behaviour and being the subject of passive agressive comments, or have to deal wih that one family member that gets absolutely wasted, has ruined every family event including my wedding day, and becomes vile and abusive to anyone trying to help them whilst trying to keep the children shielded from it. I had a lovely day with my husband and children, completely relaxed and not a worry in the world or a sniff of drama. Truth be told, I wish we had decided this years ago!

Your post could have been written word for word by my BIL... He hates our family and how we are. Always has. But the other side... Always been looking for a reason to escape 3 hours once a year spent with the family he doesn't like. He's wound a total non issue into an "argument" despite extensive efforts to resolve by the "other side". To the point he's happy for my sister to forego her seeing her family at what might be our last family Xmas. Our DF has stage 4 cancer which doesn't seem to register with Mr self involved. So, yes, we are happy that he's staying away. And it's nothing to do with him but everything to do with Dad.

Sorry I realise this is unrelated to this post but worth mentioning!

Every Christmas, the same people come for dinner. Me, DH our 3 DD's and 3 single adult family members.

We must have spent in excess of £500 on food, wine and dressing the table for Christmas dinner this year. DH buys the booze and 3 DD's help with shopping and food prep etc but the 3 people who have most benefitted from our kind hospitality over the years are my FIL, my DB and DH's sister. Zero contribution. Not even a bottle of wine or a box of after eights.

A couple of times we have all gone to the pub for Christmas Dinner but guess which 3 are the most vocal about how expensive it is?

Well yes - having to fork out £90 a head plus drinks they would think it is expensive. But it's a hell of a lot cheaper for us. Even when we paid for the 5 of us when the kids were little it worked out less than the £500 we've just spent. They really have no clue how much keeping them fed and watered costs....
Get's my goat every year

Me and DH are off on a Caribbean cruise next year - the sponging bastards can sort themselves out.

Bah humbug and a very Merry Christmas to all hic

I've been tidying up for hours and the house is still a bloody mess.

Family staying since Xmas eve. Haven't decided whether they will leave on Thursday or Friday yet. Will see how they feel on the day

I noticed how old my parents are now and it made me sad. My Dad’s memory is going a bit. My mother remains a bag of anxiety. She wants us there but also not as it upsets her control. Exhausting. I love her but she’s hard work,

DS1, you have turned out to be as arrogant, self-centred and obnoxious as your eldest Uncle. I am ashamed that somehow I have brought up a young man who thinks it's worth praise if he doesn't get angry when he's upset someone, that it's acceptable of him to tell me he thinks of me as his equal and therefore can be rude to me indiscriminately, and fine for him to tell me that basically I know nothing about his 'issues' and should not offer advice but instead sit in silence. Happy to take my money and borrow my car though.

I just hope that the therapy that I'm paying for (even though you keep telling me about the 15k car you're looking at buying) will help you deal with your troubles and lead you back to the decent lad you used to be.

Me and DH are off on a Caribbean cruise next year - the sponging bastards can sort themselves out.

Bloody brilliant!

I haven't been able to see any of my family over Christmas. My sister I'm not that fussed about tbh but my mum, I miss her so much and just want to spend time with her. Her next time she has booked off is in Feb so, hopefully there will be no lockdown then cause its hurting my heart not seeing her.
My sister, well, my son got covid, I let her know and she didn't even contact me once to ask after him.
She wasn't too busy, saw her online loads. When her son is ill I message every day asking after him. I know it probably shouldn't, and I know it wouldn't most people, but it really upset me and made me feel she doesn't care about my son, her only nephew.

Thanks for letting me rant x

Mam, I am not lazy just because I rarely do housework. I rarely do housework as I'm pretty ill and exhausted. I'm just about functioning to hold down my job and keeping the DC alive. I downplay my illness because I can't be putting up with your fake sympathy followed by passive aggressive comments always made towards me. The fact I'm having chemotherapy treatment should tell you how ill I am, and joking about donating a kidney just pisses me off, it's not funny.

@YuleiamsaidI - don't give up.

Please reach out, if only to the Samaritans.

Mine is nothing compared to others but the person I thought was my best friend (we’ve been inseparable for the last few years) bought me lush bath bombs for a present. I’d honestly rather she just hadn’t bothered, I don’t know that last time I had a bath.

I feel so hurt that she put absolutely no thought into my gift and just confirms my suspicion that she’s not really bothered about our friendship anymore. Desperately sad for myself.

@SmellieShellie

I wish DP had bought me a gift that he'd chosen instead of things he got me to buy then give to him to give me on xmas day. It actually made me sad more this year than it has before, he does this every year. I feel a bit like a spoiled bratt but seeing all the lovely thoughtfull gifts (not expensive either) friends on facebook got off their DPs made me feel extra sad, don't know why.

I’ve got into this rut too - he’s very generous, I got a nice leather jacket, channel body lotion and a cashmere sweater but I had to choose and buy it for him. I even bought the scarf for him to give my youngest up give me. I don’t know how I let this start. I want a lovely thoughtful surprise under the tree - but on the other hand, I probably wouldn’t like it!

Son you haven't slept for almost 9 years mummy has covid give it a go please close your eyes?

@Shodan

DS1, you have turned out to be as arrogant, self-centred and obnoxious as your eldest Uncle. I am ashamed that somehow I have brought up a young man who thinks it's worth praise if he doesn't get angry when he's upset someone, that it's acceptable of him to tell me he thinks of me as his equal and therefore can be rude to me indiscriminately, and fine for him to tell me that basically I know nothing about his 'issues' and should not offer advice but instead sit in silence. Happy to take my money and borrow my car though.

I just hope that the therapy that I'm paying for (even though you keep telling me about the 15k car you're looking at buying) will help you deal with your troubles and lead you back to the decent lad you used to be.

That sounds really tough. I hope it all works out.

To dh, please don’t invite guests to our house over Christmas if you are not prepared to do anything to get the house ready, food ready, meals cooked, beds ready etc, and if you know you are going to be so busy with work the week before that you can’t possibly help with anything else either. You don’t really like people or being sociable/chatting as you spend most evenings in silence so why did you invite friends over on Xmas eve and your parents on Xmas day and Boxing Day? After a 3 day cooking, cleaning and hosting marathon I am exhausted. And why, when I’ve done everything in my capability to make sure everything is nice, are you so grumpy with me and huffing and puffing like a teenager if i ask you to help with something? Why do you not show ANY interest in what to buy the dcs for Christmas, despite me trying to discuss it, but then moan about what I’ve bought and how much I’ve spent (even though it’s my bloody money I’m spending).

In awe of those of you that have guests to stay for days. You all deserve some peace and quiet when they go. I only had mil for Christmas Day and when there can was cancelled briefly, I nearly had a breakdown!

Just got home from a lovely family Christmas to a card from DH’s bio father, who he hasn’t seen for 20 years. He sends a passive aggressive card every Christmas and birthday and it’s just awful. So fucked off with the relative who ever passed on our address. He’s a waste of skin who doesn’t deserve to be a father and every year he gets to briefly invade MY home like this, and it makes me wild with rage on behalf of DH and his lovely siblings.

(My DH is very unbothered by this at this stage as this is just the kind of man he is. He is lovely and calm and at peace. But I’m full of rage.)

In laws, just fuck off with the judgement. You may not approve of private schools but we are incredibly proud of our autistic DS and his music scholarship offer. If you can't say anything nice just STFU. He will be privately educated thanks to the scholarship and you will both wind your necks in or be removed from our lives.

@AbaloneShell I am so sorry for your loss. Take care.

@Gindrinker43 Sorry for your loss
X

@SmellieShellie people who post their gifts on Facebook, over the age of 16, need to have a long hard look at themselves.

I love my parents dearly - but why do they need to provide a running commentary on everything that’s happening? ‘Right, I’m going to wipe down the worktops now, and then I’ll put the dishwasher on; and maybe after that I’ll do some ironing’. Don’t tell me about every step - just do it!

My mother, bless her, also listens to one word in five and then answers on that basis. Me: ‘If I put a white wine and a rosé in the fridge now, we can decide what we want later’. Her: ‘I don’t know why you don’t just put the white AND the rosé in’.

🤬🤬🤬🤬