Can’t say it to those close to you? Come say it here. Judgement free zone.

[OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow]

I’ve 4 grown kids. They are all here for Christmas. Ds1 is going home today. I can’t wait. (Of all of them hardest to get on with, hates his brother-it’s mutual. He’s a lazy git.) I’ll be able to relax when he’s gone.
I am also looking forward to dh being in work tomorrow so me and Dd can sprawl on sofa watching shite.
I also hate Christmas cooking.

Thanks for the judgement-free space.

It's just me and my 20 year old DS who is undoubtedly ASD. He's ungrateful and entitled (I don't actually think he is but that's how he makes me feel).

Lost my darling Dad a few weeks ago so we 3 kids wiyh our partners and 3 grandkids are going round to cook dinner together and spend time as a family. You may moan about it all being a pain but believe me, if you don't make this effort once a bloody year you will look back and regret it. Step up, family really IS important! X

Have chronic recurrent UTI, been on 4-6 antibiotics a day since Feb, but “did”
Christmas and now totally knackered. DD not speaking to me because I dared to mention new partner (of three years, divorced for 4), as in said his name.
That DP happy in own house and hasn’t offered to come up to stay with me at mine. Fed up of taking trains up and down to him.
Fed up really of everyone!
God thanks. Think that made little sense but who cares.

I know you think of me as some inherited obligation since I decided to have my own life and mind but Im fucking done. Christmas, Easter or fucking starwars day be damned, im done im not exposing myself or my DCs to your passive aggressive toxic bullshit any more I am not obligated to be exposed to your deep-seated issues at mine and my childrens detriment. Get to fuck.

MIL: Keep playing the victim, you chose alcohol over family, which is par for the course with you, and if you died tomorrow I dont think anyone would regret putting distance between you and us, as you are frankly poisonous.

Still reeling from the shock/astonishment/gobsmackery of the behaviour of one of my visitors in my house Christmas Eve/Christmas Day! And annoyed with myself for my pathetic trying to pacify DH who was near explosion and running around trying to keep everything "nice" because I am scared of the potential consequences of doing my usual assertive straight talking when there is a problem! Bleugh bleugh bleugh.

I keep thinking of the saying I have seen (don't know the author) "Don't tolerate bad behaviour and rudeness. You are teaching people how to treat you!" Yup that was me this time!! And what happens next time - well I need a plan!

Wonderful thread!

Dear Uncle X,

I’m sorry your masculinity was apparently SO compromised by me deciding to have a slice of bread that you sat there for the whole meal on Christmas Eve like a sulking man child. I’m even more sorry that when I asked your 14 year old to sit down and be sensible as he’d inexplicably decided not to wear a top to the table that you felt the need to be aggressive and decide to ask me why I was “having a go” so you could feel reassured everyone knew you were the most important person ever!

On the bright side your behaviour reminded me very nicely why I grey rock you and why I’ve negotiated with your mother I will see you two days a year and that is it.

Do FTFO dear.

I can't stand DH working from home anymore. Once or twice a week is lovely. But this is too much contact. I miss being alone at home

My DCs dad saw them for a few hours on Boxing Day. He gave them £10 each for their Christmas present, despite being able to afford much more. I'm sure his other two children will have got all sorts.
My eldest didn't even realise that she was her dads child because of how infrequently he sees them. She said to me that I have two children and her dad has two children. I had to remind her that her dad has four children, but only lives with two. The look of realisation on her face broke my heart.
Fuck you exH. You are nothing but a scourge on our lives. I hate to wish ill on anybody, but I seriously wish ill on you. You don't know how amazing our children are, and it's all down to me and DP. You should be thanking us for raising your children to be kind and thoughtful and clever and wonderful and funny.

I seperated earlier this year so has first Christmas alone with my kids. Then my eldest couldn't make Christmas day as two of his roomates tested positive so he had to isolate at uni then my youngest son went back to newcastle for a job interview yesterday so I am completely alone again .....but after reading all these posts feeling waves of gratitude of not been stuck with people I cant stand! . I'm off downstairs to look for a remaining bottle of mulled wine to celebrate my amazing solitude!!!

My in-laws invited us to their house for dinner on yesterday as we didn't see them for Christmas. ILs know that it takes us at least 2 hours to drive there on a good day, so I made sure that DH tells them we need a meal as we'll be driving back in the evening, and it will be too late to eat when we get home. ILs say of course we'll have enough food for you.

We only eat a light lunch as we were looking forward to a meal when we get there. One hour after arriving, no sign of food, so I start to eat my leftover lunch (had no breakfast as I was making cupcakes to take with us). MIL says "why are you eating? I've got loads of food".

SIL and her husband and hungry kids arrive. SIL's family have also eaten a light lunch as MIL has promised loads of food.

Another hour later and food appears. A few rolls stuffed with ham but MIL has covered outside of rolls with butter and sugar so that they are caramelized and sweet. None of us like really sweet food that is supposed to be savoury. There are also a few crackers and some weird cheese. Luckily SIL has brought some raw veg and a dip, but I can't eat raw veg and it's not very filling. All the kids are teenagers with huge appetites, and they are all miserable. A few of us eat cupcakes afterwards but I bring most of them home with me as ILs apparently don't like sweet food.

In-laws also bought us a new chopping board. They do this every few years as they seem incapable of remembering that we already have loads of chopping boards that they have given us since we've been married (14 years). They also think that our house is too dark (it's not) and gave us two lights that are bright enough to light up a runway.

I don't like my family

We moved away just over 2 years ago for my career on the proviso that we'd move home as soon as I'd finished my degree. My husband is still desperate to go home, but I really don't want to. My mental health has improved so much over the past 2 years now I've got some distance from them all.

Feels good to get that out.

I’m looking at desk top fridges and a huge frost free freezer for it plan a doesn’t work out, also beds as well. I won’t mind a studio flat as long as I can read watch stuff no one going about stuff I’ve heard billions of times before.

This Xmas, without my wider family, worked really well for me and my DC. We had spaghetti bolognaise for lunch and rice bubbles and milk for dinner as I were so weary from the challenges of last year and the late nights in the week preceding Xmas. And that was ok. DC in fact had a wonderful day playing with their toys. And I was relieved not to have to do any Xmas day cooking, or suffering any discomfort from any interaction with my BIL.

I feel hurt that my DM and DF turned down my invitation to come to us on Christmas Day, preferring to go to a restaurant for a meal with us before Christmas. DM said she thought it would be too much work for me, I pointed out that I would be doing it anyway for my DH and DS's and actually it has been good when they have come other years because she has helped with veg prep.
I also feel cross because they broke a long running tradition of buying my autistic DS the latest FIFA Playstation game for Christmas but didn't tell me, so I had a desperately disappointed DS on Christmas Day. I have ordered it for him now but wish I had known before Christmas so I or my other DS could have got it for him then.

I'm stuck not knowing what to do about my BIL and family. They have signalled pretty hard that they don't want any contact with us from now onwards, but I'm not entirely sure. They sent nothing for ds at Christmas- admittedly I made minimal effort for their children, just cash because I didn't want to overdo it. If they send nothing for ds's birthday in 2 weeks I guess I have my answer. I feel very sad.

I spent Christmas day with Mum, second year of being without Dad who died of Covid April 2020. My two brothers didn't come home,, she hasn't seen one for 7
Years..he lives in Ireland.
She told me all about her goddaughter
Who has a thriving business, 4 children and an adoring husband.
By contrast I'm divorced, no kids, sort of 2 DSSs who didn't even send me a card, work full time and just make ends meet
I sat in her overcrowded overheated house praising the ( shop bought) food and feeling 85 myself. Missing my Dad, miss feeling loved and knowing its not likely to happen again.
Ate too much chocolate and got a migraine
Gave lovely gifts and got makeup remover pads and about two million cheap shower gels.

I am loving the fact that due to C-19 we didn’t travel to see the in-laws or my own family. It’s just been our little family unit and we’re not hosting anyone. I highly recommend it !
I planned the menu and cooked, I decorated the house, and my DH and child helped out.

On the negative side:

• my in-laws didn’t send a card or present for our child which I find unbelievable (he’s only 3 years old…!)
• my brother and his wife haven’t sent a card or a present for our child (and we did send them a card and presents)
• I wish my husband was more proactive in terms of planning and managing some of the tasks that need doing. He didn’t even buy present or cards for his own godchildren and I had to sort it out…!

I think I’m going to have to have a chat with him. I’m feeling he is taking me for granted in his actions (though not in his words).

They’re nice people really but I hate them

God I know that feeling. I think it comes from not being allowed to criticise the little things that are annoying about them, so it builds up into one massive ball of resentment. I could have an argument with my own parents if I didn't like something they said or did, but with the in-laws there was an unwritten rule that they just didn't do conflict.

You have a new girlfriend your trying to impress good for you but don't pretend to be dad of the year when you spent the first year of the pandemic avoiding your children "due to covid" and the second year restricting contact "due to covid" your not paying your child support obligation no ten pounds a week is not the right amount you don't live with children you have a full time job earning more than minimum wage and see ONE child ONE hour occasionally offering to "pick stuff up if we need it" because we have covid again is two years too late we have coped and we have managed without you for two years

Your surplus to requirements and its your own fault

@ChefWifeLife 💕

@FootieMama, I second this. Not much to add but I am so over it. I love him dearly but I do not want to be with him every hour of every day.

Dear little niece and nephew, I’m sorry we didn’t see you or send presents. It’s not because we aren’t interested in you, it’s because your parent has gone non-contact with us, and now we don’t know where you live.
He wanted to ‘borrow’ our savings although he earns more than us and the family are all sick of baling him out. When we said we couldn’t, he went away and blocked us.
You must think we don’t care about you, but we do.

@Anoooshka you must live i some kind of opposite universe to me! My MIL insists on stuffing us with food at every opportunity, no matter how many times she's asked not to. DH will never stand up to her so we always end up eating it even when we've had a meal on the way down.
And I asked for one thing and only one thing this Christmas- a new chopping board. Did I get one though? Of course I bloody didn't.

Dear other secret Santa,
I actually hate you.

I'm 6 months away from finishing my degree and becoming qualified and I want to quit. Its been too hard throughout the pandemic, having another baby who we've found out has additional needs and I'm primary carer for as well as taking care of our other DD and DH and trying to stay on top of housework. I have 2 essays due in 2 weeks and I havent started them, I'm weeks behind in other coursework and I just don't want to do it anymore, the thought of going back to work and still having to take on these responsibilities terrifies me but I have to do it as our income relies on it. I know I'm just whining but it all feels like too much.